June 5th, 10 AM.
Our siblings’ morning unfolds as leisurely as any other holiday, yet with a touch more tranquility than usual.
Though there are always exceptions, it’s mostly the same every year.
-Clack!
“Got everything? Nothing left behind?”
“Yep.”
Hyung’s [older brother’s] beloved car, Morning, was the perfect vehicle for us siblings, especially for trips around Seoul that are within an hour from home. (We usually take the KTX [Korea Train eXpress, a high-speed rail system] when going down to Grandma’s).
I fastened my seatbelt in the passenger seat and looked back.
Eunseo, securely belted in, was pursing her lips while holding a small artificial flower.
I chuckled, suddenly thinking of the Gu-Gus [fire salamanders, the family’s pets] we left at home.
Today, I put on a documentary about coral reefs for them. I wonder if they’re enjoying it. I think they roughly memorized how to turn off the TV with the remote yesterday, right?
“Jeong, why are you drooling? Already excited about eating steak?”
“Oops. Caught me.”
“Haha.”
-Vroom······
Soon, the car smoothly turned and exited the underground parking lot.
In the meantime, Eunseo connected her phone via Bluetooth and played our favorite pop song.
-Unforgettable, that’s what you are♩······¹
“The song is good. The weather is nice today too.”
“Yeah. It’s been a while since we’ve driven along the Han River.”
The youngest hummed and said, rolling down the window.
I took out Hyung’s sunglasses from my bag and put on mine as well.
Soon, the familiar melody mixed with our siblings’ voices.
Last year, Eunseo couldn’t take a day off from school for Father’s memorial day because she was a senior in high school—Eunseo said it would be okay to miss a day, but Hyung and I dissuaded her because the mock exam was the day before—so only my brother and I went to see Dad separately.
The youngest visited the National Cemetery with her aunt and uncle the next day, Memorial Day.
Our father was a firefighter who died in a fire, so he was eligible for burial in the National Cemetery. According to Grandma, Grandpa, and Mom’s wishes, he was enshrined in the Seoul National Cemetery.
Every year around this time, Grandma and Grandpa would go to the temple where Dad’s memorial tablet was to offer prayers.
I was too young to remember well, but I heard from my uncle a few years ago that they initially considered burying Dad in the Daejeon National Cemetery, where the fire service section is located.
There was also the opinion that it would be less burdensome for both families since it was halfway between Seoul and Masan.
However, Grandma and Grandpa wanted us, their children, to be closer to Dad, and they considered that it would become difficult for them to travel as they got older.
So, as a result, Dad receives greetings from both Seoul and Changwon.
Hyung often joked that Dad must be incredibly busy every June.
“Wow, the Han River is so pretty today! Look outside!”
“Yeah. It’s rare to see the sky so blue.”
“Not a cloud in sight. Eunseo, let’s close the window now, the exhaust fumes are coming in.”
“Ah, okay.”
The Morning, now on the Olympic Expressway, gradually slowed down, and we spent time exchanging silly remarks as always.
Eunseo talked about her recent trip to the Akaraka festival [a popular university festival], her upcoming final exams (“No one’s playing around. Everyone’s just pretending to be lazy.” “How can the study liberation movement succeed if there’s no unity?”), and how annoyed she is with the guys in her department (“Gray hoodies, three-color tees, plaid shirts, I want to tear them all up.” “I feel like I’d be better off going to liberal arts classes.”), and how the content of the Toegye Gong 2nd part [likely referring to a difficult academic text or philosopher] is making her mood go up and down these days (“Oppa [term for older brother used by females], is Jibril really a sub-male lead? Why?” “It’s like you’re addicted to writing about sub-male leads.”)……
They were just trivial and minor topics, but to me, they were more precious than anything in the world.
We laughed, chatted, and sang for a long time, arriving at the National Cemetery in about forty minutes.
-Clack!
“Let’s go straight in.”
“Okay. Eunseo, you don’t need to stop by the restroom?”
“Nope.”
We parked the car and entered the First Memorial Hall, where Father rests.
Because it was the day before Memorial Day and a good season for picnics, the National Cemetery was crowded every year around this time.
It wasn’t so packed that there was no room to step—the grounds are very large—but since there was a joint enshrinement ceremony in the afternoon, it was more relaxing to visit in the morning.
We passed through the cool hallway and familiar stairs, heading to the room where Dad was.
-Tap, tap······
-Step, step, step······
Soon, beyond the small, transparent door······.
“We’re here, Dad. How have you been?”
“Hi, Dad.”
“Hello, Dad.”
Dad’s urn was visible. I smiled faintly and read the nameplate on the front.
‘Fire Captain Jeong Seong-hwi’.
Dad’s face, which I see about three times a year. He looked very young in his uniform.
I’ve never actually seen Dad wearing that uniform—or rather, I don’t remember it—so the portrait in the Memorial Hall always felt unfamiliar.
Perhaps it’s because all the photos I took with Dad when I was young are at Grandma’s house.
I’ve never kept Dad’s photos on my phone or in my personal album.
“Dad, I’m putting new flowers here for you. Purple tulips this year. The prettiest artificial flowers in our neighborhood! I carefully selected them!”
“On the top right, that’s right. Don’t block the other enshrined remains. Gently.”
“······.”
I just······. I never thought about wanting to have a photo.
Looking back, I think I just gritted my teeth and avoided it during my boyhood.
Because if I saw Dad’s face, ‘bad things’ would happen.
Mom would cry, Grandma would collapse, or Hyung would have a hard time.
So just look ahead.
Help Hyung, take care of your sister, and study hard. That’s all you need to do.
“······.”
Suddenly, the image of the young man I briefly met at the subway station came to mind.
‘Oh, I’m so sorry! I didn’t see you because I was in a hurry. Are you okay?’
‘Thank you. My wife is pregnant and loves strawberries so much······.’
Seoul dialect with a slight accent, brown hair. I couldn’t remember his distinct features because I was so flustered.
However, the fact that he was a very polite and kind person left a deep impression on my heart.
I was reluctant to open my mouth because I was so sorry that Dad’s voice was already fading from my memory.
Dad, who was a fire lieutenant, was promoted by one rank for his death in the line of duty and received a medal from the country.
But I have never tried to uncover any traces of Dad other than his official records.
······I just kept hiding. To be honest, I didn’t have the confidence to endure as strongly as Hyung.
Until I saw the photo of Mom and Dad huddled between his graduation albums.
“······Jeongye, you should say something too.”
“······Ah, yeah.”
When I came to my senses, it was already my turn.
Hyung and Eunseo seemed to have already greeted Dad.
Hyung casually added, perhaps because my complexion didn’t look good.
“You don’t have to if you can’t think of anything. Tell him later when you come back.”
“No, I have something to say too······. Ahem.”
I cleared my throat and smiled.
When I turned my head, I met Dad’s eyes in the small photo.
Is this what our dad looked like? The dad in my memory······.
“······Dad.”
I think he was always smiling.
We made dalgona [a Korean sugar candy] together and got scolded by Grandpa for burning the ladle.
“······I’ll come often.”
How many of those precious pieces had I buried?
“Next time······.”
‘Next time, let’s go together when you have time. With Gain-ssi, Yohan Kyung, and the troublemakers.’
‘I’ll keep my schedule open.’
I smiled brightly, thinking of those who were coloring my mind with iridescent colors.
“······I’ll come with my friends. Thank you.”
······If it’s not too late, I want to start filling the photo album little by little from now on.
With the precious people who support me, knowing everything about me.
*
After greeting Dad at the National Cemetery, we drove the car to the subway station and had lunch.
The steakhouse that made Eunseo happy two years ago made the little one happy again this year (“Tomahawk is my life! Life is like a tomahawk!”).
We excitedly patted our full stomachs and returned home.
We kept humming songs and harmonizing with each other.
-Clang!
“We’re home!”
“Gu-Gu, Hyung’s home! Did our Gu-Gus enjoy the ocean documentary?”
-Tap!
-Tap tap!
Then, the fire salamanders, sitting densely on the square cushion, looked up at us, wagging their tails with teary eyes.
I couldn’t resist the cuteness of the little ones and collapsed on the spot.
Oh my, you were so touched!
“Oh my gosh, did you cry? Did you like it that much? The sea is so pretty, right?”
-Kit!
“Haha. Let’s watch something else tomorrow. That’s right.”
I turned off the TV around that time and encouraged the lizards to rest and take a walk, as watching for too long could be bad for their eyes.
The Gu-Gus obediently nodded and set off on an adventure to every corner of our house.
Meanwhile, our siblings spent a few hours in their respective rooms······.
-Sizzle······!
“Hyung, are you cooking now? I’ll help too!”
“I’d appreciate that.”
I quickly ran back out at the sound of something sizzling in the kitchen.
The youngest, hearing her older brothers, came out from studying and helped with the work.
It wasn’t a memorial service meal—neither side of our family holds ancestral rites—it was time to prepare a home-cooked meal for the guests who would be visiting soon.
While the youngest trimmed the bean sprouts, Hyung and I prepared braised spicy anglerfish and made new side dishes.
Not long after that······.
-Ding-dong! Ding-dong!
“Oh! They’re here!”
“I’ll get it!”
Eunseo wiggled and dashed to the front door. Soon, the sound of the door opening came.
The guests exclaimed in admiration as soon as they saw the youngest and greeted her warmly.
“Aunts, hello! Uncles too, hello!”
“Wow, our Eunseo has grown up so much since going to college? You look quite grown-up now that you’re out of your school uniform!”
“Oh my! What grown-up? She still looks like a middle schooler! Eunseo, how have you been? Did you visit Dad with your brothers this morning?”
“Yes! I put up new artificial flowers too.”
“Good job. So admirable. So pretty.”
“Have you arrived?”
When I greeted them from beyond the island table in my apron, familiar faces greeted me with beaming smiles as if they had promised to do so.
A large box of fruit, drinks, and a thick set of meat were a bonus.
“Oh my, our Yeseo!”
“Yeseo seems to be getting more handsome, huh? You could be a talent as a side job. How’s Hyeonseo?”
“Haha. He’s cooking inside.”
“Welcome. Was the traffic bad?”
“Oh, Hyeonseo!”
When Hyung came out after washing his hands for the last time and greeted them, the voices of the adults grew even louder.
In the meantime, my uncle was already trying to hand out pocket money, and my aunts were stopping him, saying, ‘Give it to them later when they leave, don’t make the kids uncomfortable!’ Our house quickly became bustling and noisy.
I was counting the number of spoons on the large table set up in the living room again, just in case, when I accidentally made eye contact with Gu-Gu hanging in the corner of the living room cabinet.
I had given them a heads up in advance, but they seemed very surprised by the appearance of strangers.
I smiled and mouthed.
‘Our dad’s coworkers. And aunts and uncles.’
‘They’re good people.’
Each of them has their own schedule, so the members change a little every year, but they always come to see us around this time.
They’re the ones who still come to check if we’re doing well.
They’re the adults who have taken care of our siblings.
*
Two hours later.
Our living room became even more joyful and boisterous.
The food was all delicious, and the fruit that the adults brought was all sweet.
It all smelled familiar and comfortable.
“No way, Taehee sunbae’s [senior colleague’s] tteokbokki [spicy rice cakes] place is a hit? Isn’t that what Eunseo told him to start a few years ago?”
“Yeah. Back then, I used to come here every week and make tteokbokki, and she said it was so delicious, she wasn’t just saying it, she told Uncle to open a store no matter what······.”
“Wow, that’s great!”
‘I should retire from being a firefighter and open a Taehee’s tteokbokki franchise!’ A burst of laughter erupted at one of the aunts’ shouts.
The aunt and maternal aunt, who had also become close with Dad’s colleagues, burst out laughing while tilting their beer glasses.
While Hyung went to the kitchen to get more snacks······.
-♪♬♩······
“Huh? I have a video call······.”
I picked up his phone and blinked in surprise.
It was a call from Mom at the hospital.
—
1) Natalie Cole and Nat King Cole’s song, “Unforgettable”.
What Happens When the Sub-Male Lead Goes on Strike 915