George Bush’S Great America [EN]: Chapter 26

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Ariete! The proud steel ram of Italy! Raise the flag of the Crusade for Democracy and be the first to advance and annihilate the enemies of God!

“Our allied armored forces have been annihilated!!! What is the air force doing!”

Do you know the difference between a militia and a regular army? Equipment is one thing, but there is a significant difference in ‘training.’ What is training? It’s about how well your hands and feet follow when your head gives an order. This was a truth that hasn’t changed from ancient times to the present, and it’s also critical for determining victory or defeat. So, in short, an army must have ‘good coordination.’

Paradoxically, no matter how well-coordinated your hands and feet are, you cannot achieve victory if your head is messed up. The most specific example would be the old Imperial Japanese Army. Thanks to achieving the pinnacle of being a messed up group with a messed up head and hands and feet moving separately, they were able to make a mark in world history as the most dysfunctional group.

So, what happens if your hands and feet don’t match in war?

“Why the hell is everyone going in there! We risked our lives to scout that area, you morons!”

“Aaaagh! Don’t shoot! We’re on the same side, you bastards!!!”

“Don’t shoot missiles? What? There are no enemies there? The British are focusing their fire there right now?”

This is what happens when armies with completely different training and doctrines fight with a messed up command system.

Anyway, it seemed like more people were dying from friendly fire than from Al-Qaeda, or receiving a ‘gift’ to the head from a somewhat resentful officer, but the front line was steadily advancing in a war of attrition. The sight of it was reminiscent of the Soviet Union during World War II, but that was definitely just a feeling.

However, at some point, this ‘Free Liberation Front’ undergoes a very big upheaval.

“What? Aren’t those Russian bastards?”

“Охуел! [Okhuyel! – Roughly translates to ‘You’ve gone mad!’ or ‘Are you crazy!’] It’s the Germans!”

“Why is the Russian army here?”

The whole story is as follows. The EU, the European Union Crusade, thought as follows: Since they announced the declaration of war on the 18th, if we attack by surprise on the 17th, they won’t be fully prepared, right? In a normal war, this was a very rude act, but the opponent was a terrorist. Terrorists had no human rights. Besides, Al-Qaeda didn’t give a warning before carrying out their terror attacks, did they? Furthermore, Russia might intervene. This was a Free Liberation War, but at the same time, it was also a potential battleground for Middle Eastern interests. No matter what, Iraq had to be conquered.

Above all, America did it, so of course we can do it too! Let’s go! Deus Vult! [God wills it!]

Russia thought this way: Since Europe said they would declare war on the 18th, we need to advance into Iraq by at least the 17th to avoid Putin’s wrath, right? Is Russia a country that declares war on terrorists and confronts them? Furthermore, no matter what, they couldn’t lose to Europe. It was a slightly different story from Europe’s power struggle and prestige. Regardless of occupation, the current Putin regime could not tolerate being attacked by terrorists. Putin’s high popularity was due to his merciless crackdown on the Chechen rebels. Therefore, no matter what, it was necessary to capture or kill Zarkawi, the mastermind, and bring him back to their country.

Above all, America did it, so of course we can do it too! Let’s go! Ura! [Hurrah!/Charge!]

Of course, the higher-ups knew this fact from the time of the landing, but with the command system from the command structure to the reporting system being a mess, there was no way that the order not to engage with the Russian army would be properly conveyed to the lower ranks.

If there was any reason left, if anyone could calmly think for even a second! It was too easy to infer that Europe and Russia had invaded this place a day earlier for similar reasons.

“Was the Red Square your doing, you bastards!”

“As expected, behind every conspiracy theory, there are always Soviet KGB bastards!”

But can you really think rationally after seeing the bodies of your comrades? Can you make rational decisions after your friend, who had been through thick and thin with you for years and was just shouting for a magazine a moment ago, falls to the ground after being hit by their bullets?

“You goddamn German Nazi bastards!”

“Soviet, you bastards!”

“Uraaaaa(Ураaaaa)!!!”

* * *

“Al-Qaeda, stationed in Iraq, was instantly dismantled, and a local war broke out between Russia and the European Union.”

“What? Why?”

What is this again? It was a predetermined step that Al-Qaeda would be disarmed in an instant, but why are Russia and the European Union at war?

“Ah. Don’t tell me. I think I understand.”

I don’t need to be told. I guess they were just playing a game of cat and mouse and got caught? They wouldn’t have thought of occupying it so that the lessons learned during the Soviet era wouldn’t be in vain.

“What happened to Zarkawi?”

“His whereabouts are unknown.”

“Oh, that’s…”

They’re both stationed in Iraq. It’s not like East and West Germany during the Cold War.

“Is there a separate report?”

“It’s long and detailed, but to summarize, ‘We will send troops in accordance with the NATO treaty.’ Something like that.”

“Speaking out of both sides of your mouth, is that allowed? If you’re scared, then die.”

“We will refine it and send it.”

You thought it would end with just invading Iraq? It’s just the beginning. You morons. But

“We should start resolving that soon, too.”

The subprime mortgage crisis. The crisis that began to shake America’s hegemony completely. At the same time, it was the prelude to the 2008 global financial crisis that shook the entire world.

Bubble. I forgot who named it, but it was a really well-named name. There is no bubble in the world that doesn’t burst. But if there is a new growth engine, we can make a soft landing, or at least prevent it from bursting during my term. What about after me? I feel like I’m going to die right now, so if I think about the distant future, is that even human? That’s an omnipotent god.

It wasn’t quite ‘as long as it’s not me!’ level, but there were so many problems piled up right in front of me, how could I turn my eyes to a rosy future? And how do I distinguish whether it’s rosy or blood-red? Before I forget the information I know, I was writing it down in a paper called ‘Future Prediction Theory Based on Multifaceted Observation of the Humanities-Based World Economy and Political Situation.’ Of course, the title was just made up randomly, and I wrote it down really like a prediction, saying ‘~This is why it will be like this.’

Anyway, the new growth engine to make the bubble weaker was oil shale. It wasn’t for nothing that Cheney and Rumsfeld were so fixated on the Middle East. If they brought about an era of low oil prices, their belief was that America’s hegemony could be guaranteed for several years to come. Their beliefs were stupid, but they weren’t stupid in the head. If they were really stupid, they wouldn’t have made it to that position. Anyway, because of the bubble, America’s future was in oil shale.

At first, it would be a business that would never be profitable, but when high oil prices exceeded that profitability, they would have to lower the price while crying and eating mustard [being forced to do something against their will]. The thought of the faces of the oil tycoon bastards made me very satisfied. It’s not that the original George W. Bush had any regrets, but I had some regrets. One of the second-generation chaebol [conglomerate] bastards wrecked my car, so I lost my car.

Drunk driving story? Ah, of course I didn’t do it. I was a victim of drunk driving. Eat rice soup with the money to buy a car? That’s what happened the moment I took out a car on an installment plan. Damn, I only held the steering wheel for 5 minutes! If you exclude the driving practice time at the driving school, those 5 minutes are the beginning and end of my driving life.

I just quietly ate rice soup with the settlement money. Wait a minute. How old is that bastard now? Does he even exist? With the power of the President of the United States, I’m going to completely destroy him so he can never drive drunk again!

But if that guy exists, will Kim Kap-hwan [a character from the fighting game series Fatal Fury and The King of Fighters] also exist?

“Mr. President?”

“It’s nothing.”

“You had a very scary look on your face.”

I wasn’t ready to face that truth yet.

“Okay, let’s change our minds! We should have a war with Wall Street!”

“Wall Street? Why are you picking a fight with them?”

Well, what crazy person would dare to predict that America’s bubble would burst? Only a very small number of people in the world were aware of the bubble. And among those who were aware, the number of people who were properly predicting America’s bubble could be counted on one hand. That’s not a figurative meaning. You could really count them on your fingers. It will increase a little as time goes by, but that was the case at least in 2001.

“Bring Greenspan.”

“Greenspan?”

“I’m talking about bringing the chairman of the Federal Reserve Board.”

I saw the face of the chief of staff hardening as he realized that what I was saying was serious. Well, if I said I was going to have a war with Wall Street, I would stop it too, but at this point when America’s collapse is gradually approaching, war, agreement, or cooperation is essential. However, war is the fastest, most efficient, and most effective method.

“Mr. President. As you know, making enemies with those who handle money is not a very fun thing to do.”

“Then do you think I’m doing this for fun?”

“No, that is…”

“You seem to have forgotten who you are talking to right now? I am the President of the United States. I have a duty to lead America in the most correct way. Do you think I came to this position just to take care of myself and build up memories in my later years!”

“I understand!”

“I don’t intend to be the greatest president in history, but I will make America the most powerful country in history!”

The chief of staff has to do what he’s told. I don’t know why he keeps trying to figure things out.

‘Oh, shit. I need to either completely replace or disqualify the parliament.’

By the way, how come the neocons [neoconservatives] have no talent at all? If I ask them about the bubble right now, they’ll say that our America can’t do that and launch missiles at the Middle East to steal oil, and if I ask them to come up with measures against terrorism, they’ll say, ‘What is the root of terrorism? The Middle East! If we kill all the Middle Easterners, terrorism won’t happen!’ I can’t even ask them anything because they’re going to say something like that.

When I think about it, wasn’t Rumsfeld the minimum safety device left in the neocons? He did so many stupid things, but there was no one better than Rumsfeld to check others. Well, I wouldn’t have left him anyway. He was a friend who had more disadvantages than advantages.

However, what’s surprising is that even though the vice president is faltering and Rumsfeld, who can be said to be one of the pillars, was dismissed, the neocons are still going strong. I really wanted to do a Stalin-style purge. I wish they were just stupid, but politicians are the kind of people who can do anything when they feel like they’re screwed. Something must be going on without me knowing. And that was very unpleasant.

But now there’s nothing I don’t know.

“Okay, shall we reveal our cards now?”