Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 52

52.

In the end, Rhythm Pawnshop is heading towards its finale, leaving me with this awful image of ‘Cruel AI, yet someone you want to root for, but still feels morally wrong, Ji Dong-hwa.’ And in the midst of all that, I even had a study method consultation, revealing my study habits from my school days to the world.

“That’s true too. Eden is the leader of Blossence, right?”

“Yes!”

“Wow, the Blossence team has both a cold brain and a passionate leadership.”

…Why does Gyeon-hwon say such cheesy things so nonchalantly?

“Yes, we have now stored all the stories of our guests in the pawnshop. Now it’s time to repay our guests with rhythm. What kind of rhythm has Blossence prepared?”

Ryu Eden takes a calm deep breath and opens his mouth.

“We have prepared a total of two songs. First, please welcome our cute fourth member, Seok-jun, to introduce them!”

“First— our ti—tle track— ‘Cloudy Blue,’ I! Personally! With the he—lp of Dong-hwa hyung [older brother or male friend]! Acou—stically! Arranged it!”

…He must be very proud. His voice is excited, and his speech is faster than usual.

“Yes, and the next song is from my proud hyung! Blossence’s official treasure! Cruel Cat!”

…What is he saying, that crazy bastard. How like Ryu Eden to spout nonsense, woof woof.

“It’s Dong-hwa’s unreleased self-composed song, ‘Cliff and Boy’! Please introduce the song, Dong-hwa!”

“…It’s a song I made as a gift for Eden. It contains respect for everyone who has endured or is enduring difficult situations.”

“Yes! I wrote the lyrics myself this time! I hope many people will like it.”

* * *

Ryu Eden’s hand holding the microphone trembled slightly.

‘…Ha, damn it, I’m as nervous as I was for my debut stage.’

He’s nervous because he thinks he has to properly perform the song Ji Dong-hwa wrote for him, just this once.

If it gets a good response, there will be a chance for ‘Cliff and Boy’ to be sung on the next stage or the next album.

For over a week, Ryu Eden focused solely on writing lyrics, except for his scheduled activities.

Ji Dong-hwa also helped revise the song in the studio with Ryu Eden.

‘…Even though I told him it’s okay to leave him alone, he’s a serious workaholic.’

He looks at Ji Dong-hwa, who is checking the sound of the microphone next to him.

When their eyes meet, Ji Dong-hwa looks at him for a moment and says with his lips.

(What are you looking at, our team’s official puppy.)

‘…Am I being respected as a hyung?’

Ryu Eden, feeling gloomy, checks the sound one last time.

* * *

A high school sophomore, a male student, returned from an all-night work session and lay down in his boarding room.

…Thinking that Sartre’s saying that the entire life of a human being is nothing but dissatisfaction might suit him well.

From a humble family, he is now living alone in Seoul thanks to being accepted into an arts high school, which was his fervent dream. Today, he lies alone in his place, puts on his earphones, and listens to the radio.

Perhaps only in this moment, when he organizes his thoughts and listens to the radio in his cramped boarding room, is he closest to happiness.

‘…Ji Dong-hwa, this person thinks a lot like me.’

Even though he consistently says ‘If I may presumptuously say a word’ for every concern that comes up on the pawnshop, the content is cold, yet he spits out solutions in a way that minimizes the pain for the person who gave the concern.

‘…Ah, now all I have to do is listen to music and it’s over.’

After falling asleep like that, another day will begin.

Sitting alone in a school where he has no close friends, feeling hopeless as he wonders if he really has talent in art, yet clinging to the desire to go to a good university, he is only committed to his work. If he makes a mistake, he feels guilty towards his parents, and this daily life will be repeated.

‘…Should I die?’

An familiar end to the day, habitually thinking about death, knowing that he doesn’t have the courage to die.

Then, music begins to flow into his ears.

A gentle guitar sound resonates, about four guitars playing together in a slightly gloomy way.

Yet, it feels strangely like it’s enveloping him. He instantly erases the thoughts in his head and focuses on the music.

The whisper of the waves, the scents of blue

We met in the gaps of the azure clouds

‘…It feels like the two of us are sitting on a star.’

Scientifically, they would melt away in the heat, but somehow, if it were ‘us’ in this music, it feels like even that end would be okay together.

But somehow the lyrics are familiar, and he tries to think about where he heard them.

‘…Ah, this is what the Korean language teacher played as an example of synesthetic imagery.’

He just cursed at him for pretending to be young instead of just moving on with the lesson, but he should have listened to it.

As he enjoys the feeling of floating in space, the song soon ends.

—Wow, I know the original song, but it felt like a completely different song. Jun said he arranged it himself, right?

—Yes, the A&R [Artists and Repertoire] team said they would help, but our proud cat Ji Dong-hwa hyung refused. To torment me!

This person must have been quite upset, his words are so fast. He quietly laughed so that the laughter wouldn’t leak through the thin wall.

—Now, the last song from Blossence is ‘Cliff and Boy’. Rhythm addicts, please lend your ears! A whopping unreleased new song!

The second song that started like that. The piano sound moves in an unfamiliar scale.

…It’s like climbing stairs.

The violin is placed very carefully, and then it resonates magnificently, reminding me of a huge wall in my head.

The violin disappears for a moment, leaving only a faint piano sound. A cliff and a small boy in front of it.

If you put your hand between the cracks in the cliff,

It feels like I’m the only one in this world

When the flowing wind brushes against my cheeks,

Sometimes I just want to give up

The notes go up little by little. As if the boy is putting his hand in the crack of the cliff and climbing up one step at a time.

The fear of falling, the obsession with climbing

When will I ever climb to the top of the cliff

When self-loathing seeps in and I cry

Will I end up being nothing

…Ryu Eden, was it? His voice is a bit low and rough. For a moment, the sound of the wind is mixed with the sound of the piano, creating a strange harmony.

I am reminded of a hand trembling on the cliff. I have to climb this cliff. Otherwise, I will become nothing. The boy is hurt and trembling with that fear.

It was my intention to climb the cliff

Why has it become so scary

‘That’s right… I really wanted to do art, but why like this…….’

Perhaps because of difficult family circumstances and mediocre talent, the dream has turned into obsession, and hope has turned into fear.

And then, the song starts to rise again. The staccato of the violin creates an energetic atmosphere.

If I fall off the cliff in the end,

How will the scars engraved on my fingertips be remembered

And the song that was going up is cut off, and there is silence for a while. The boy’s fall comes to mind.

At that moment, the male high school student buried his head in his pillow with a slightly choked feeling. If the sound of crying leaks out, there will be complaints.

As he holds back his tears for a while, the song rises again. The boy is climbing the cliff again.

‘…Why?’

Before the scars on my fingertips disappear, one more time

Even if I don’t know the meaning of the cliff, again,

If I fall off the cliff in the end,

How will the scars engraved on my fingertips be remembered

The music is cut off again and soon rises again. A unique and unfamiliar progression, but it’s not uncomfortable. The song moves on to the hook.

In the distant future, an old man still standing at the foot of the cliff

In the distant past, the scars still left on his fingertips

In the distant future, the moment that will still be remembered

In the distant past, I will still not regret it

The song repeats falling and rising. The boy thinks of himself in the distant future and vows not to regret it even if he cannot climb the cliff. In the end, the scars on his fingertips will be proof that he poured everything into it in the distant past.

The male high school student quietly sheds tears and suppresses the sound from leaking out, lest he miss the lyrics.

As the song flows and reaches its climax, the boy begins to place meaning on the cliff itself, not the top of the cliff.

And when the song is cut off for the last time, Ryu Eden’s voice flows out amidst the swirling wind.

In the distant future, the moment I am climbing now

In the distant past, so that I can be proud

‘…Ha, damn it, what is this song like.’

The male high school student, that is, another boy, gets up from his seat, seized by a strange passion, and begins to search for Blossence on his cell phone.

* * *

‘…Ryu Eden, his singing skills have suddenly improved.’

While adding harmony from the side, I suddenly ended up appreciating it too. Hmm, what is it, did he inject some kind of drug?

Ryu Eden, who had finished singing all the songs, put down the microphone and bowed his head for a while, then started to fidget.

Could it be that the rabies-prone dog is so caught up in his emotions while singing that he cried? No matter what, he wouldn’t do something that’s no different from what Seok-jun does.

“…Dong-hwa, I sang well, right?”

Take the moisture out of your voice, you bastard. We haven’t even finished the radio ending yet.

“I did my best to make sure your song wasn’t scratched!”

Then he raises his head and smiles with teary eyes.

“Everyone! How was it! I was thinking about the old days while listening to the song. Um, everyone is just crying overall!”

Gyeon-hwon induces reactions from rhythm addicts with movements that show he’s about to die from happiness.

“hhh3345 has sent a response saying, ‘I’m a current arts high school student! I was comforted!’ It seems like Blossence is harvesting some fans today, right?”

Gyeon-hwon enters interview mode as soon as he confirms that Ryu Eden has calmed down.

“I heard that Eden wrote the lyrics, but what was the motif?”

“Um, first of all, it was my trainee life! Dong-hwa also listened to my trainee life and composed this song for me.”

“Wow… you said you were a trainee for almost 10 years. What else?”

“Dong-hwa wrote a novel for me while giving me the song. I wrote the lyrics after reading that novel.”

…Hmm, it seems like an atmosphere is forming where I have to reveal it.

“The fans are exploding with requests to see the novel! Do you have any plans to release it?”

“…Of course, I’ll upload it to the cafe.”

While he’s saying that, Mr. Y is sitting across from him with a look of ruin, and Yoon Seong-ho is smiling helplessly and looking at us.

Hmm, why is it a funeral home?

“Now! It’s time to listen to God A’s rhythm, what kind of song have you prepared?”

“Yes… we have arranged our title song ‘Young’ so that the two of us can sing it.”

* * *

Surprisingly, God A’s song wasn’t bad. It was clear that Yoon Seong-ho wasn’t that good, but he must have improved in the meantime, because it was good to listen to.

…However, since the title song is in the hip-hop genre, the noise was suppressed by the arrangement, but it was noisy due to its inherent limitations.

“Yes, I listened well. I hope that today’s Rhythm of Gyeon-hwon’s Evening will be a time when everyone can fall asleep feeling moist.”

As the cast members’ impressions continued and Gyeon-hwon’s closing remarks came out, a sigh of relief flowed out at the thought of finally going home.

“Hey, Blossence, I knew you were good, but you also picked a really good song.”

“It’s because the seniors created a comfortable atmosphere that we were able to have a good performance!”

I can’t help but admire Ryu Eden’s non-stop social life.

‘…A case that Aristotle would like. A social animal.’

I packed my bags while having useless conversations with Seok-jun sitting next to me.

Then Yoon Seong-ho came over and carefully held out his cell phone.

“Please give me your number! Dong-hwa!”

…Ha, he hasn’t changed at all.