Fifth Vital [EN]: Chapter 303

303. The Greatest Revenge

“You said Chaeryeong wrote this letter?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

The grandmother knew the letter the man handed her was Chaeryeong’s suicide note.

“I was so out of it that I found this later. I’m sorry.”

“No, I’m just grateful that you came.”

The motel owner handed the letter to the grandmother and left the funeral home.

After that, a few more employees came to pay their respects, and it was late at night when the grandmother was left alone in the funeral home.

The grandmother, sitting quietly on the floor, glanced at her granddaughter’s portrait on the altar and then shifted her gaze to the envelope.

Looking closely at the envelope, which she hadn’t really noticed earlier, she saw a bird drawn in one corner.

Once, the grandmother was watching TV and casually said she wanted to live like a bird, and Go Chaeryeong remembered that.

So, she went around to several convenience stores [marts] near the motel to prepare stationery and envelopes with bird pictures.

The hand opening the envelope paused for a moment. For a moment, the grandmother thought about going home to open it, but she decided to read the letter there.

-Grandmother, this is Chaeryeong.

The grandmother, who naturally thought it would be a letter left for her grandfather, was quite taken aback by the title ‘Grandmother’ written from the first line.

“She wrote it to me…”

-If you’re reading this letter, it means you’ve heard the news about me, right? I’m sorry first. I’m really sorry for letting you hear this news.

Grandfather will probably shed tears silently, and I think you, Grandmother, will be calm. You’ve always been like that, so I think you’ll be like that this time too.

Grandmother? Do you remember what you said to me when you were urgently contacted in the winter and came to the emergency room?

At that time, you said to me.

‘How hard must life be for you to keep hurting yourself? I understand you.’

That word was a great comfort to me for a while. The reason I’m leaving this letter is because I wanted to say thank you.

When my homeroom teacher in middle school, who liked me, asked if I was eating properly, you said you would take care of it.

She said you were a good person. She also said that making food is an act of caring.

Looking back, I think there were a lot of my favorite side dishes whenever I went home to eat. I was grateful because I thought you deliberately prepared side dishes that the two of you didn’t usually eat.

It must have been hard for you to think of my maternal grandmother and mother whenever you saw me, but it wasn’t hard for me to see you.

Rather, I used to wonder, ‘Why is Grandmother so blunt with me?’ But after knowing all the facts later, I felt sorry every time I saw you. My heart ached when I thought about how you had been hurt your whole life because of Grandfather and my maternal grandmother.

But Grandmother, do you know what?

I heard somewhere that the greatest revenge is forgiveness.

Grandmother, it will be hard and painful, but please forgive Grandfather. I’m not saying forgive him because he’s lovely. I’m saying it because I want your heart to be at peace.

You’ve been hurt and had a hard time until now, but I hope you can live with a little peace of mind now.

I hope you can let go of all the grudges in your heart and be as free as a bird.

I hope you don’t struggle alone like me, unable to forgive.

I had that thought just once. I wondered how nice it would have been if you and I had met as real granddaughter and grandmother, in a normal relationship.

I am so grateful that you gave me warm meals and attention when even my own mother didn’t care about me. Sometimes I really endured because of you.

It was comforting to know that there was someone who came to see me whenever I went to the emergency room.

Don’t hate Grandfather too much, and please both of you always be healthy.

And if, just maybe, in the future.

If there is another life in the future… If I could, I would like to meet you again as mother and daughter.

Then I will meet you as your mother and love you more than enough. So let’s live happily as real mother and daughter. Thank you.

Lastly, Grandmother, please don’t feel sorry for me. No one could have done what you did. So don’t feel sorry or cry for me.

Just think of me sometimes, very occasionally, whenever you think of me.

That’s all I need.

-Go Chaeryeong-

“……!”

The hand holding the letter trembled violently, like an aspen leaf.

The grandmother, who had not expected such content at all, seemed quite shocked.

Soon, her small shoulders heaved, and the sound of crying was heard.

“Hic!”

From the eyes of Kim Gil-ja, the grandmother who hadn’t shed a single tear even at the moment of Go Chaeryeong’s death, large tears began to flow.

“…I’m…sorry.”

The grandmother, who couldn’t bring anyone into her heart because the weight of her life was too heavy, felt sorry for Chaeryeong.

She didn’t even know that her granddaughter was thinking of her this way, so that feeling was even more intense.

She just thought it was best to live without interfering in each other’s lives. But the moment she read the letter, the past days rushed in like a wave of regret, covering her whole body.

She felt so guilty that she had never approached her warmly even once.

“Chaeryeong… I’m sorry. Hic!”

The desperate cry echoed endlessly in the empty funeral hall.

The crying was so sorrowful and loud that it was faintly heard among the medical staff passing through the waiting room on the first floor.

For a while, the grandmother sincerely thought of her young granddaughter and shed tears endlessly.

Until now, she thought that no one understood her. But her granddaughter, who had turned her back on the world, the granddaughter she thought was the loneliest and most pitiful, understood her.

The grandmother cried like a child, desperately and sadly, as if she were vomiting all the grudges in her heart.

After a long time, the grandmother stopped crying and calmed herself.

“Baby, I will remember you. I will remember you every day.”

The grandmother, staggering and struggling to get up, whispered as she held her granddaughter’s portrait in her arms.

“I will never forget you. Let’s meet again later. Please rest in peace there.”

For a while, the grandmother stood still, holding Go Chaeryeong’s portrait as if she were holding a baby.

* * *

A few days later-

“I’ll keep it short because it’s before we start work.”

Taekyung briefly called the staff together to talk about something he had been pondering recently.

“What is it? What’s wrong?”

“I know, right? Does the team leader know anything?”

“I don’t know either.”

The staff were puzzled by the sudden call, but no one knew.

“The reason I called you is to ask you to take a closer look at people who come to the hospital who are mentally and physically exhausted. Everyone remembers the late Go Chaeryeong, who was brought to our hospital a few days ago, right?”

The moment Taekyung mentioned Go Chaeryeong’s name, the staff could accurately understand the meaning he was trying to convey.

It wasn’t about patients who had already died or were in critical condition, but literally, if they saw patients who were mentally and physically exhausted and needed help, they should reach out to them.

“I know you are all working hard for the patients right now. I also know that it’s not easy to give another glance in the emergency room, which is always busy. But with that brief help, someone might gain strength and not let go of the string of life.”

He couldn’t guarantee it one hundred percent, but Taekyung thought that if Go Chaeryeong had someone’s help, if that had happened, her life might have been a little different.

“I can’t do anything about the other person rejecting the helping hand, but at least I hope that when such a person comes to the hospital where I work, we don’t turn a blind eye. All of us gathered here know how precious and valuable life is. So let’s not turn a blind eye when we see a dying life.”

Korea has the highest suicide rate among OECD countries [Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development].

It is the number one that is not welcome at all. In addition, according to a Statistics Korea survey, the suicide rate among young people in their teens, 20s, and 30s has increased.

Of course, even if Taekyung and the staff try, the number one suicide rate will not change. But at least if they saved one person’s life, he thought there was nothing more valuable than that.

“And if there is anyone among our staff who is like that, please tell me anytime. I will help as much as I can. Don’t forget that patients can only be cared for well if you enjoy working. That’s all.”

When Taekyung finished speaking, the staff all nodded and agreed with him.

“As expected, our director is different.”

“He’s such a wonderful and warm person.”

“That’s what a doctor should be, right? Just wearing a gown doesn’t make you a doctor. The mindset is different.”

Some of the staff and Oh Gye-soon, the head chef, left the medical office feeling even more proud.

“Team leader?”

Taekyung called out to Team Leader Choi, who was about to leave.

“Wow! Director, I really listened well to the heart-wrenching words. I was so touched that I almost cried.”

“You’re welcome. I was wondering if you could print out a few copies of this and put them up in the emergency room and waiting room?”

“What is this?”

Team Leader Choi, who was asking as he received the small memo, immediately understood the moment he saw the message written inside.

The memo contained the following text.

-If you are experiencing difficulties due to unspeakable worries or pain, you can receive counseling through the numbers below.

※ Mental Health Counseling Call 1577-0119, ※ 24-hour Suicide Prevention Counseling Call 1399, ※ Life Line 1588-09191 ※ Youth Counseling Call 1388.

If it is difficult to call and you need help right away, please inform the hospital staff.

You are a precious person who is worthy of living in this world. Thank you for living today.

“This is a really good idea? Why haven’t I thought of this until now?”

“I know, right? I only came up with the idea after this happened.”

“I will print it out nicely and put it in the most visible place.”

“Please.”

“Director, please go to the examination room quickly.”

As he was leaving the medical office with Team Leader Choi, Nurse Lim Jeong-sook approached Taekyung as if she had been waiting.

“Did a patient come?”

“No. Grandmother Kim Gil-ja came.”

“Okay.”

Click-

“Hello. Doctor.”

When Taekyung entered the examination room, the grandmother got up from her seat and greeted him.

“How have you been?”

The grandmother, who had finished her granddaughter Go Chaeryeong’s funeral, visited our hospital again.

“Yes, I’ve been well. How have you been, Grandmother?”

“I enshrined Chaeryeong in the charnel house [a building or vault where bones are stored] and sent her off well.”

“You’ve worked hard.”

“It’s nothing. I came to thank you, Doctor.”

The grandmother had many things to be grateful for, not only for paying for the funeral expenses but also for the hospital staff filling the empty funeral hall.

“Thanks to you, Doctor, I was able to send Chaeryeong off without loneliness. I sincerely thank you.”

The grandmother got up from her seat and bowed her head to express her gratitude.

“And this is what I prepared.”

“No. You don’t have to give me something like this.”

Taekyung waved his hand, trying to stop her from putting the shopping bag on the table.

“It’s nothing. Please think of it as my small token of appreciation. If you don’t accept this, Doctor, I won’t be able to go home because I’ll be uncomfortable.”

The grandmother showed what was in the shopping bag. Inside were acrylic scrubbers that the grandmother had made herself with knitting.

The colorful fruit-shaped scrubbers were all neatly packaged in transparent bags.

“It’s really nothing, right? Please share it with the hospital staff.”

The grandmother smiled slightly, as if embarrassed.

“No. I needed it at home anyway, so it’s a good thing. Thank you.”

It was purely a lie.

Since he hardly ever cooked at home, Taekyung had rarely used scrubbers. He told a kind lie so that the grandmother’s sincerity would not be embarrassing.

“You have good skills. The staff will like it.”

“Really? That’s a relief. Doctor, then I’ll be on my way. Please get to work quickly.”

The grandmother, who had delivered a small gift, got up from her seat.

“Don’t do that, have a cup of tea and go.”

“No. My grandfather is not feeling well, so I can’t leave the house for long.”

“Please go carefully. If you have any pain, don’t hold back and come to the hospital anytime.”

“Yes, I will. Please always be healthy, Doctor.”

Whether it was just his imagination or not, the grandmother’s expression seemed a little more relaxed than a few days ago.

To be exact, the expression ‘softer’ was more appropriate than ‘relaxed’.

Taekyung wished that Go Chaeryeong, who was now a star in the sky, would be comfortable there, and he wholeheartedly wished that the grandmother’s remaining life, who was leaving the examination room, would also be comfortable.

‘Be healthy, Grandmother. And be happy for the rest of your life, thinking of your granddaughter.’