A Child Who Resembles Me [EN]: Chapter 2

2. I Saved the Words ‘I Love You’

I have to say it. I need to say it.

Unable to bring herself to say the words, Jeong-o bit her lip.

“You said you had something to say. Say it.”

Ji-heon urged her on, seeing her hesitation. His eyes still held an intense, unyielding gaze.

A look of a man’s desire, wanting her so badly he could hardly stand it.

She could clearly sense his determination to fulfill his desires after hearing her ‘something to say’.

Like the Little Mermaid who had lost her voice, she opened and closed her mouth several times before finally blurting out something completely irrelevant.

“…I’m hungry.”

“…”

It was an absurd statement, but it was certainly effective.

The gaze that had seemed to pin her down loosened.

*You said you weren’t going to eat. Did you change your mind already? Especially now?*

As if rebelling against the accusing look, Jeong-o added a few more words.

“I’m hungry. I’m hungry. I’m hungry.”

“…Hoo. I wondered why you were skipping a meal for once.”

In the end, Ji-heon surrendered to her nagging and got up.

“Okay. Let’s eat. What should I make for you?”

Ji-heon asked, opening the refrigerator.

Jeong-o also scurried over to Ji-heon’s side and looked inside the refrigerator. She felt like she could withstand the smell now. Kimchi pancake with *dongchimi* [radish water kimchi] broth would be perfect.

“Kimchi pancake.”

“Okay. Sit tight.”

Ji-heon rolled up his sleeves without hesitation. It was her house, but he frequented it often enough to know where everything was. In fact, this small kitchen in the studio apartment was practically Ji-heon’s personal domain.

Kimchi pancake wasn’t a difficult dish for him. He quickly made the batter and poured a ladleful onto the oiled frying pan.

The sizzling sound of the batter meeting the hot oil already made her mouth water. It was as if the nausea she had felt earlier was a lie, and Jeong-o felt genuinely hungry.

After confirming that the bottom of the batter was evenly cooked, Ji-heon grabbed the handle of the frying pan and lifted it. Then, with a flick of his wrist, he flipped the pancake. In the blink of an eye, the golden-brown bottom side was now on top.

“Wow. It’s amazing no matter how many times I see it.”

Jeong-o exclaimed in admiration at his magical skill. As if responding to her praise, he flipped it once more. Another exclamation followed.

Everyday life is happier than fulfilling lust. Not that lust disappears, though.

The two sat facing each other at a small table, eating kimchi pancake with *dongchimi*. It tasted as good as it looked.

Ji-heon, who had been quietly watching Jeong-o happily munching away, touched her forehead again.

“How do you feel now?”

“Yeah… I’m okay. I was fine from the start.”

With her appetite back, Jeong-o changed her mind.

Perhaps because she wasn’t feeling nauseous, she felt a little stronger. She felt like she could go to the hospital alone.

*Let’s talk when it’s confirmed. It’s okay, right?*

“I should get going now.”

Not long after finishing their meal, Ji-heon got up from his seat.

“Already?”

“Yeah. I have things to do.”

The words ‘I have things to do’ weren’t an excuse.

Whether the meeting was short or long, it was always a shame to part with a lover. But she couldn’t keep him for long.

Jeong-o, who had followed him up, picked up his coat. And without him noticing, she secretly put a tangerine in his coat pocket.

And as she was about to hand it to him.

“Here’s your coat. Thank…”

“What’s this?”

Her words of gratitude were cut short. The pregnancy test was in his hand.

She thought she had carefully placed it in the desk drawer, but she had failed to hide one of the four properly.

Jeong-o snatched the test from Ji-heon’s hand and hurriedly put it in the desk drawer.

But alas. That was an even bigger mistake.

Ji-heon reopened the drawer.

And found three more tests similar to the one he had discovered.

She was going to talk to him after going to the hospital, but he had found out first.

His expression revealed no emotion. His sharp eyes, almost fierce, made her dizzy.

“What is this?”

Ji-heon asked again. But there was no need to urge her to answer.

The four pregnancy tests, and her pale face. Her reaction was the clearest answer of all.

Ji-heon’s eyebrows furrowed.

At that moment, his phone vibrated. Ji-heon, after checking the name on the phone screen, let out a short sigh and looked back at Jeong-o.

As he took a step closer, Jeong-o flinched and took a half-step back. He moved even closer and embraced her.

“Don’t worry. Just rest.”

“…”

“Let’s talk tomorrow. Okay?”

The soft words, spoken as he patted her back, felt like a blanket covering her shoulders. Yet, she couldn’t help but feel anxious. As if she would have to take off the blanket once he left.

The time of parting was not long. Ji-heon, after receiving his coat from Jeong-o, left immediately. Even his words telling her not to come out somehow sounded disappointing to Jeong-o.

After he left, all sorts of worries followed one after another.

Could he be doubting her?

What will happen to us? What will happen to me?

What if he wants to break up?

Even though sleep was coming, she couldn’t fall asleep. The day, which had already set, was too long.

It was around 11 PM when she heard from him again.

Startled by the vibration while curled up in bed, Jeong-o jumped up and immediately answered the phone after confirming it was Ji-heon.

“Hello.”

[Were you sleeping? Sorry.]

“Hmm. No. It’s okay.”

Jeong-o replied, clearing her throat. But her lips quickly dried up.

[I found a tangerine in my pocket.]

He brought up the tangerine first.

Before parting, Jeong-o had put a tangerine in Ji-heon’s coat pocket. It was a prank she occasionally played. Sometimes she would put in chocolates, and sometimes candies.

“Yeah. To eat on your way.”

[I ate it well. It was delicious.]

“Yeah…”

It was the usual trivial conversation, but it wasn’t the topic she had been waiting for, so Jeong-o replied weakly.

Ji-heon’s voice was added to her worries.

[Jeong-o, let’s go to the hospital together.]

“…Huh?”

Her heart sank. Why does he want to go to the hospital together? What is he going to do there?

[We need to get a maternity record book, right? Or not?]

“…”

[I looked it up and that’s what they do. They check and give you that, right?]

The tension eased, and tears welled up in her eyes.

She quickly covered her mouth, swallowing the groan that was about to burst out.

*I definitely used contraception, so how did this happen? Was there another man besides me?*

*If a child is born, wouldn’t it be better to give up?*

She had been so scared, thinking that such words might come out.

[I’m sorry.]

But he apologized softly.

[You must have a lot of things you want to do, and I’m holding you back.]

“I thought you would hate it.”

To her sorrowful complaint, he said soothingly.

[How could I hate it? I’m just sorry to you.]

Their bodies were close, but she thought their hearts were far apart. She was often upset because he was a man who was stingy with expressing his feelings.

But when he spoke so kindly, it felt like her heart, which had been wandering through rough storms, was being led into a warm home.

I’m still very scared, but it’s still a relief. Because this man is a good person.

[Do you have time tomorrow? Let’s meet tomorrow and talk. Let’s go to the hospital together too.]

“Yeah.”

[Is three o’clock okay?]

“Yeah. It’s okay.”

[Okay. See you then.]

Wiping the tears from her eyes, Jeong-o nodded her head vigorously as if he could see her.

Perhaps he heard her sniffles, he added one more thing.

[You must have been very scared alone.]

This time, she shook her head.

*No. I’m not scared anymore if I’m with you.*

[Don’t worry about anything today and sleep comfortably. Okay?]

“Yeah. I understand.”

She was able to smile at the end.

For the first time, she thought about the baby.

Although it was something she hadn’t expected.

*If a baby has come to me, I will accept it as a blessing. I will be grateful.*

*I think I can do well. Because I have you.*

As she was about to say her last goodbyes and hang up, he called her again.

[Jeong-o.]

Her name, heard in a round voice.

It was clear and gentle, like the sound of mountain streams spreading through the night breeze.

.*. *. *. *. *. *.

Jeong-o.

A name as warm as the midday sun, as if putting another layer of clothing on her in the rather chilly weather.

A name that brightly illuminates any night.

[Yeah?]

She answered, wrapping that clear name in a round embrace.

“No, it’s nothing. Sleep well.”

He was about to say ‘I love you,’ but he saved it.

For tomorrow.

Ji-heon took a deep breath after hanging up the phone.

He wanted to soothe her calmly, but did his heart fully reach her?

He had never not used contraception. So there must have been a mistake.

There was only one vaguely troubling incident. He didn’t say it on purpose because he thought she would worry more, but it seems to have caused her even more confusion.

He was also surprised, but he quickly composed himself.

The conception of life can be a very difficult journey for some. His mother said that she wanted to have him and then his younger sibling, so she went to the hospital for a long time before giving up.

So the child was a blessing. Ji-heon also thought that Jeong-o should be blessed in every process.

As his heart hardened [became resolute], he began to wish for a healthy pregnancy without any problems. He also imagined the face of a beautiful child who resembled Jeong-o.

If so, at the moment of holding hands and going to the hospital together, they must be a married couple.

He thought that even if the marriage registration was a little late, even if the wedding was late, their hearts must be as husband and wife. He hoped that she could rely on him completely.

On the way home, Ji-heon stopped by a jewelry store and bought an engagement ring. He couldn’t order it to fit her hand perfectly, but the store clerk said that they could adjust the size later if they came together.

Tomorrow. Yes. Tomorrow.

His lips dried up as he thought about tomorrow’s event.

She might reject the proposal.

She was still a junior in college.

She said she wanted to get a job quickly to ease her mother’s burden. She said she wanted to become the best copywriter in Korea by joining an advertising company.

She was a woman with a clear dream and many things she wanted to do.

Ji-heon’s heart ached at the thought that he had become an obstacle to the lover he loved.

But, let’s find a way together.

*We can do it well. Jeong-o.*

*I won’t ruin your dreams. I’ll protect you.*

*I’ll become a better person.*

He never thought he would ever cook for himself, but his life changed when he met Jeong-o.

He learned a few dishes because he loved how her heart softened with delicious food like a child.

She ate his food deliciously, so he wanted to be loved more and tried more, and when she said that the man cooking on TV was cool, he became jealous and tried harder, and eventually cooking became completely Ji-heon’s responsibility.

He was amazed that his life was changing because of her, but before he knew it, he couldn’t live without her.

Perhaps marriage was something he had been wanting for a long time.

Ji-heon looked at the tangerine that Jeong-o had put in his pocket with affectionate eyes. He ate one and brought the other one home because he somehow felt it was too precious to eat.

*The feeling of wanting to hold on to something even tighter when you’re already holding it. Do you know?*

Ji-heon smiled, holding the tangerine, which was the size of a baby’s fist.

Hoping that someday, our worries today will become precious memories.

.*. *. *. *. *. *.

The next day.

Ji-heon contacted Jeong-o as usual.

– Are you in class? Listen to the class well and make sure to eat lunch. See you later. I’ll pick you up.

It was his long-standing habit to contact her at 12 PM.

– Yeah. See you lta!

The hastily typed reply left a typo. Ji-heon chuckled at her text.

*I’m so crazy about her.*

He didn’t have the luxury of exchanging text messages with her for a long time. She had to focus on her class, and he had to prepare for the proposal.

The ring was ready, and he had to stop by the flower shop to pick up the ordered flowers. He was going to fill the car trunk with flowers, so he had to empty the trunk neatly.

He also had to dress nicely.

His phone vibrated while he was choosing a suit. It was his mother.

Ji-heon sighed deeply and answered the phone.

“Hello.”

[Are you busy?]

“Yes. A bit.”

At Ji-heon’s short answer, he heard his mother sighing on the other end of the line.

[How could you just show your face and leave yesterday? Without even having time to talk to Mom.]

Yesterday, he had to leave Jeong-o’s house in a hurry because of family matters. He had to escort his mother, Jang Young-mi, to a charity event.

He has to play the role of a sweet son about once a year. If he doesn’t match his mother’s mood well, he runs the risk of suffering all year round.

But yesterday, Ji-heon was also busy, so he couldn’t properly escort his mother. He only showed his face as a formality and left the venue.

“I’m sorry. I had something urgent to do.”

[Are you okay today? Your father is coming home early today, so come over and play a game of Go [a strategic board game] with your father and have dinner.]

“Ah… I’m a bit busy today.”

[Are you busy today too? What are you so busy with?]

“I’ll tell you later.”

[Is it something you can’t talk about now?]

“Are you okay? How’s your health?”

Ji-heon changed the subject because he couldn’t talk about Jeong-o in detail.

[I’m fine, but your brother was attacked the day before yesterday. Someone threw eggs at his car.]

As if the eggs were grenades, his mother’s voice was exaggerated.

“It wasn’t my brother who was attacked, it was his car.”

[Anyway, it’s terrible. Do you know how anxious I am?]

“My brother is going to be the group’s CEO. Tell him to be more careful.”

[Would he listen to me? Honestly, where do I have the energy to worry about Ji-tae? I don’t even have time to take care of my own son.]

Jeong Ji-tae, the strategic planning director of Seryun Foods. Ji-heon’s half-brother. A talent who will one day succeed his father as the head of the group.

Thanks to his brother, Ji-heon was able to live relatively free from his father’s interference. His mother dislikes it, but Ji-heon is grateful to his brother.

“Don’t worry about me and rest. I’ll visit you soon. I have a friend to introduce you to.”

“What? Who?”

“I’ll call you again.”

Ji-heon threw a topic that would make his mother very curious and quickly hung up the phone.

If the proposal is successful, he must tell his parents as well. His mother will be a little sad for a while, but he is confident that she will soon like her.

His mother, who was his father’s secretary, had many twists and turns until she got married. So she will understand her situation.

Ji-heon looked at himself in the mirror, put the ring case in his pocket, and left the house.

*I hope today will be a perfect day.*

He felt nervous and excited as he imagined a few hours later.

Jeong-o. Our child will be really pretty.

The new life, which he hadn’t even confirmed yet, made him feel strange.

He had a lot of things he wanted to do.

To the baby who will be born someday.

*I’ll let you be the first to step on the snow that fell overnight.*

*I’ll let you see the stars rising.*

*I’ll teach you how to ride a bike.*

*I’ll hold your hand.*

*I’ll protect you.*

*I’ll make eye contact and tell you I love you.*

He felt as if he had fingers for the first time in his life, and his heart kept tickling.

Ji-heon went down to the underground parking lot and moved towards the car he had parked.

Step by step, his steps were heavy yet light.

The appointment time is 3 PM. He has plenty of time, but he doesn’t know why his pace keeps quickening.

But suddenly, a parked car blocked his path. The car turned on its headlights brightly.

As Ji-heon, blinded by the light, raised his hand to his face to block the light, the car rushed towards him.

*Gasp.*

He quickly moved his body to the side, but it was not enough to avoid it.

The car, which ran like a madman, hit Ji-heon as it was.

*Crash!*

*Screech!*

Due to the lightning-like blow, Ji-heon’s body, which had climbed onto the bumper, hit the car’s windshield and fell straight out.

It was a momentary event.

In front of his eyes, a flash of light burst out, and in an instant, the world became blurry. He could feel the hot liquid flowing from his body soaking the floor.

*No.*

*Jeong-o. I have to go to you.*

Contrary to his will, he couldn’t move his body. An excruciating pain, as if his body was being torn apart, washed over him.

As his consciousness faded, he heard the sound of a car door opening and the sound of someone’s footsteps.

*Thud, thud.* The footsteps stopped in front of him. Ji-heon couldn’t even lift his head.

*Save me. Please save me.*

He shouted dozens of times in his heart, but he couldn’t make any sound.

But the perpetrator, without even thinking of saving Ji-heon, asked a strange question.

“…Have you ever heard of the name ______?”

*What?*

As if he had lost his hearing, the man’s voice was also blurry.

The man, who asked a pointless question, abandoned Ji-heon and got back in the car.

With the sound of the car leaving, the breath of this world also became faint. His body was cold, as if the messenger of death had come.

He struggled to move his body. He felt the edge of the ring case catching on his fingertips.

He thought of his beautiful lover, whom he had wanted to love more in the many days to come.

Long hair swaying neatly like cosmos. Fair face. Big eyes that turn into crescents when she smiles.

*You are a person who laughs so well.*

‘Jeong-o.’

His heart also felt like it was being torn apart because she would cry a lot.

*I wanted to treat you well. More, more, I wanted to treat you well.*

*I wanted to live happily for a long, long time.*

*Will you give up the child because of me?*

*Yeah. Because it’s hard to raise it alone.*

*I still understand.*

*I love you. Jeong-o.*

*Why did I save those words?*

*Why couldn’t I express myself more?*

At the end of a life filled with thick black fog, Ji-heon sobbed desperately.

*I’m sorry. Jeong-o.*

*I love you…*