A Child Who Resembles Me [EN]: Chapter 87

87. Really, Really, Really, Really

I always regret the same thing. Every moment with my child is precious, yet why do I overlook it all in those precious moments? Why do I only realize its importance when I’m desperate?

The day my child was in danger of being kidnapped, I only realized its importance after it happened.

Jeong-oh heard a brief explanation from Jin-seo as she was leaving the hospital about why Yena had collapsed. Apparently, other children her age had taunted her for not having a father.

What did I do to my child? What did I do to a seven-year-old?

Jeong-oh also regretted looking back on the past.

She taught her child that there was no need to be ashamed of not having a father. She thought that she had lived that way herself, so her child would be able to overcome it well.

But then, out of the blue, she revealed the existence of her father. She even corrected her confused child to call Ji-heon “Dad.” And today…

“Yena’s been crying too often lately. Let’s not cry today, okay?”

Crying is natural for a child; she’s allowed to cry. Even adults cry when they’re hurting. Just because her child has been tearful lately, she gave her a difficult task. She told her child to overcome her childishness.

How hard must it have been? How much pain must she have felt?

Ki-hoon, having glanced at Jeong-oh’s tearful face, sped up.

A desperate time for both Jeong-oh and Ki-hoon. In the midst of all this, her phone vibrated again. This time it was Ji-heon.

Jeong-oh hesitated before answering the phone.

“Yes, Director.”

[I’m at the hospital. I called because I thought you’d be worried.]

Jeong-oh closed her eyes tightly at Ji-heon’s calm voice. Tears welled up in her eyelids and trickled down.

[You’re on your way to Seoul now, right?]

“……”

[Lee Jeong-oh.]

“……”

[Jeong-oh.]

A voice that calmed her heart was heard repeatedly. The sound stirred her emotions, and Jeong-oh’s voice became hoarse. Jeong-oh barely managed to answer.

“……Yes, Director.”

[Don’t worry. Yena’s okay.]

“……”

[Drive carefully. See you later.]

Jeong-oh, who was holding the disconnected phone tightly, finally shed tears. Ki-hoon, startled by the tears, asked in a fluster.

“Did the director say something again? Don’t tell me he’s making you work overtime even in this serious situation?”

“No, it’s not that……”

She needed to find an excuse, but her head felt like it had a stone in it, and she couldn’t speak properly.

“The director probably doesn’t know. If he knew and still made you work, he’d be trash.”

Ki-hoon was agitated, interpreting Jeong-oh’s heavy reaction in his own way. Ki-hoon’s heart ached for Jeong-oh.

Ki-hoon made a resolution. He had to protect Deputy Lee Jeong-oh from that heartless boss, Jung Ji-heon, with his life.

.*. *. *. *. *. *.

Eun-yeop learned that Ji-heon had urgently headed to the hospital after canceling all of today’s schedule.

‘Why? Why the hospital?’

After contacting various people and persistently digging, Eun-yeop also rushed to the hospital upon learning that Yena had collapsed at the academy and been taken to the hospital.

Now, Jung Ji-heon and Lee Jeong-oh share the existence of the child. Eun-yeop could easily deduce that.

So, what’s the next step? He will definitely try to redo the paternity test soon. Maybe it will be done at the hospital where the child is currently admitted.

Ten out of ten, a hundred out of a hundred, he would ruin all of the guy’s paternity tests. Then someday, Jung Ji-heon would also give up and suspect Lee Jeong-oh.

Fortunately, he knew someone at the hospital where Lee Yena was admitted. Someone quite close. Eun-yeop firmly told them to let him know if anyone requested a paternity test, and then left the hospital.

.*. *. *. *. *. *.

Yena’s hospital room.

Ji-heon stared at his phone screen for a long time. He received a message from the counselor he had hired. It said that Eun-yeop had suddenly visited the hospital. The name of the hospital where Ji-heon was staying was embedded in the text message.

It was such a serious situation with the child collapsed, and he was only worried, but after checking the message, he was so dumbfounded that he burst out laughing.

Are we spying on each other?

The guy who was chasing me, I was also chasing him.

Before he knew about Yena, he vaguely thought that Chae Eun-bi was the problem, but now he thought that Chae Eun-yeop was more vicious than Chae Eun-bi.

Even as he was looking at his phone, one of Ji-heon’s hands was holding onto Yena’s. He put the phone face down on the bedside table and focused on Yena again.

He could see that the IV drip the child was receiving was running low. The nurse had told him to tell her when about half of the medicine was left.

“Yena, I’ll go tell the nurse.”

Ji-heon said quietly to the child who was not yet awake. But the moment Ji-heon tried to pull out the fingers that were being held, he felt the child grip them even tighter.

It was a weak grip that could have easily released his fingers with just a little strength, but Ji-heon couldn’t let go easily. It felt like the child was desperate.

“Yena. Dad will be right back.”

The child’s hand tightened again. Ji-heon couldn’t move, amazed that the child was responding to his voice.

Is she hearing my voice in her dream? What kind of dream is the child having right now?

.*. *. *. *. *. *.

There were times when things I desperately wanted didn’t come true. There were also times when I gave up first to avoid disappointment.

“I wish I had a dad too.”

“Then shall I ask? Ask my dad to be your dad too.”

“Maybe it won’t work.”

One day, her friend Do-bin offered to share his dad. Yena’s heart fluttered at her friend Do-bin’s cheerful suggestion, but as always, Yena hid her excited feelings and said nonchalantly.

She had to. Yena was always confident and nonchalant. She wasn’t ashamed of not having a dad. Because her mom always protected her.

“Not having a dad isn’t something to be ashamed of. The heart that makes fun of that is more shameful. If anyone teases Yena, tell Mom and the teacher. Then Mom or the teacher will scold that friend. Got it?”

Thanks to her mom, Yena could talk about her dad without any worries.

Even when the stranger asked about her dad, even when the director of the baduk [Go or Weiqi] academy, who didn’t know anything at first, asked about her dad, the words ‘I don’t have a dad’ came out of Yena’s mouth without hesitation.

Those unhesitating words spread widely throughout the academy without Yena knowing.

Added to the fame of being a baduk prodigy was the story of being the daughter of a single mother. Some of the mothers who sent their children to the baduk academy envied Yena, while others comforted themselves with Yena’s pitiful situation.

I shouldn’t have done that back then. I shouldn’t have said ‘I don’t have a dad’ so loudly.

No, the day the stranger came to the house, I shouldn’t have shouted at him to leave.

I should have told the stranger this morning that I got a cell phone. I should have asked for the stranger’s phone number.

The moments she regretted kept coming to mind. The weight of life that a seven-year-old child realized pressed down on her eyelids. Even in her dreams, her eyes kept closing.

In her dream, Yena was sitting alone with her dad across a baduk board in an aurora that enveloped the whole world.

“Yena. You can’t take back a bad move. But you can do better next time.”

Yena’s dad in her dream said to her.

The face of her dad in her dream changes every time. Today, it was a face similar to the baduk academy teacher. There was a time when she wished the baduk academy teacher was her dad, and it seemed like that dream had come true in her dream.

But even this disappears when she wakes up. It was as if her dad in her dream knew that she would miss him if she remembered him.

It disappears. Always.

Thinking that it would disappear, Yena’s heart beat even faster. Before she knew it, Yena’s face was distorted. She said, sobbing.

“It’s okay if I don’t have a dad. But it’s not okay if you disappear after being here.”

Don’t disappear after being here. That’s too scary.

“You said you can’t take back a bad move. Don’t do that, Dad.”

If you’ve come all the way to my side, stay by my side. Don’t leave.

At the child’s words, her dad in her dream only smiled and fumbled in the baduk container. There was only one baduk stone in her dad’s baduk container.

No.

If she picked up and put down that baduk stone, this baduk game would end, and her dad would disappear. Yena hurriedly got up and grabbed her dad’s hand.

At that moment, the baduk stone fell with a thud.

.*. *. *. *. *. *.

“Yena.”

She opened her eyes, but her vision was still blurry.

Only the stranger’s voice she had heard this morning was quietly heard.

Yena blinked slowly. In one hand that she was holding tightly, she was holding two of the stranger’s fingers.

“Are you okay? Can you see Dad?”

She could see the stranger.

The stranger who called himself her dad, whom she met for the first time at the age of seven.

Was it because the scary siblings she met at the academy had disappeared, or because she had no energy at all?

She opened her eyes in an unfamiliar space where neither her mom nor her grandma was, and all she could see was the stranger she hated so much, but surprisingly, she felt comfortable. The confession she had kept locked in her heart flowed out.

“I didn’t know the phone number……”

“……”

“I couldn’t call.”

Her mom told her not to cry, but as soon as she made a sound, tears flowed down without her being able to stop them.

Ji-heon, surprised by the tears, reached into the bed and pulled Yena into his arms. Yena didn’t stop crying even as she leaned against Ji-heon’s chest. Her face kept distorting, just like in her dream.

“I wanted to call, but I didn’t know the number……”

“You wanted to call me…… Dad?”

“I bought a cell phone……”

“……”

“The kids told me to call Dad……”

“Call Dad every day. You can do that.”

Ji-heon said, stroking Yena’s back calmly. Yena’s tears subsided for a moment at Ji-heon’s low, heavy voice.

“Really?”

“Of course. Of course. Call anytime. I’ll answer anytime.”

“No.”

Yena shook her head at Ji-heon’s answer. That wasn’t what she wanted to ask.

“Are you really Dad?”

The phone wasn’t the important thing.

In the end, it wasn’t the phone.

The most important thing.

“Really, really, really? Are you Dad?”

“I’m Dad.”

A real dad who will never disappear again.

Ji-heon nodded firmly.

“Really, really, really, really.”

“……”

“It’s real. I’m really Dad.”

“……”

“I’m Yena’s dad. Dad is, really Yena’s dad.”

Hngghh.

Waaaaaaaah.

She wasn’t sad anymore. But an even bigger cry burst out. That cry, like a tantrum to her mom, filled the hospital room.

Yena hit her dad’s face and complained resentfully.

“Why did you come now?”

Just a seven-year-old’s childishness.

Ji-heon, who was smiling softly even as Yena was hitting him, hugged Yena and comforted her.

“Why did you come now? I missed you so much.”

She missed a dad she didn’t even know. The face of her dad in her dream didn’t come to mind after she woke up.

Do I not have to change Dad’s face anymore?

Can I say I have a dad?

Can I call Dad whenever I want?

Can I do it all? Is it okay to do it all?

“I’m sorry. Dad’s sorry.”

“……”

“I’m sorry for coming late.”

Ji-heon hugged Yena tightly and stroked her back gently.

The solid warmth she felt again. Within that broad chest, her dad’s voice rang out as loud as the whole world. Her dad was smiling. No, it seemed like he was crying too.

“Dadddd.”

Yena also reached out and hugged her dad.