A Surgeon Who Uses Martial Arts [EN]: Chapter 176

Chapter 33 Parabola (1)

In pianist Myung-han’s private room.

Jun-hoo, arms crossed, stared at Myung-han with a serious expression.

Myung-han was lying on the bed, his eyes closed.

His mother, his guardian, was by his side, her face as pale as paper.

Her son, about to undergo a high-risk surgery tomorrow, had suddenly complained of chest pain and difficulty breathing.

Surely, all sorts of thoughts must have been running through her mind.

Her heart must have sunk.

“Doctor, why is this happening to me?” Myung-han asked, opening his eyes with difficulty.

“I’m still trying to figure it out. The tests came back normal,” Jun-hoo answered, his voice subdued.

Rushing to the room, Jun-hoo had ordered various tests.

Electrocardiogram, blood tests, chest X-rays, and so on.

The results, received 30 minutes later, were normal.

But just because they were normal didn’t mean he could relax.

If the patient was normal, he shouldn’t be experiencing chest pain and difficulty breathing.

Moreover, chest pain and difficulty breathing were not typically symptoms associated with brain tumors.

They were usually related to problems with the circulatory system, like the lungs or heart.

*Should I do a detailed heart exam?*

It would be a headache if he also had heart disease.

“The tests showed nothing wrong?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

“Then it’s okay. It must be nothing serious,” Myung-han said, showing an unexpectedly calm demeanor.

Myung-han was usually as sensitive as a glass cannon [easily broken]. He should have been anxious in this situation.

Jun-hoo felt a sense of unease at Myung-han’s composure.

And he formed a hypothesis.

Perhaps Myung-han already knew the cause of his chest pain and difficulty breathing.

The moment he took that hypothesis one step further, Jun-hoo had a sudden realization.

“Are you hiding something from me?”

“Me…? Why would I?” Myung-han’s eyes widened at Jun-hoo’s questioning.

His piano skills might be world-class, but his acting skills were terrible.

Not even fit to be an extra.

“Should I say it myself? Or would you like to tell me?”

“You’re saying strange things. I really have nothing to hide.”

“Then can you swear on your piano? If you swear on your piano, I’ll believe you.”

“Why would I bet my piano on such a silly thing?”

“Of course, you can’t. You’re not the type to lie in front of a piano.”

“I haven’t lied.”

“Hiding important facts is also a kind of lie.”

“Come on. You’re a doctor, not a psychologist.”

“This isn’t a problem you can just brush off. You’ve made a big mistake with our medical team,” Jun-hoo said, staring straight into Myung-han’s eyes.

“You have panic disorder, don’t you?”

At the mention of panic disorder, Myung-han’s expression stiffened.

The guardian also looked caught off guard.

“You complained of severe chest pain and difficulty breathing. And after complaining, you seemed surprisingly relieved, as if what was coming had finally arrived.”

“…….”

“Coincidentally, it was from the moment you heard the tests were normal.”

“…….”

“Perhaps you thought something like this at that time: ‘The chest pain and difficulty breathing aren’t from the brain tumor. It’s because of the panic disorder.'”

“…….”

“Isn’t that why you were so detached?”

If there was nothing wrong with Myung-han’s body, there must be something wrong with his mind.

And if there was something wrong with his mind, and the symptoms were chest pain and difficulty breathing…

The diagnosis for Myung-han would be panic disorder.

Jun-hoo deduced the diagnosis using the process of elimination and reasoning, like Sherlock Holmes.

A heavy silence fell in the room at Jun-hoo’s pointed remark.

Myung-han let out a groan.

The guardian avoided Jun-hoo’s gaze.

“Sigh. You’re right. I have panic disorder. I’ve had it for about three years,” Myung-han answered, avoiding Jun-hoo’s gaze.

“Why didn’t you say anything until now?”

“I thought they wouldn’t do the awake surgery if I had panic disorder.”

“…….”

“And recently, it’s gotten a bit better. I’ve been able to manage without medication for the past year.”

The pressure of having to give the best performance every time while touring the world must have weighed heavily on Myung-han.

In a way, it seemed natural that Myung-han had panic disorder.

“Still, you should have told us. We need to know so we can prepare.”

“I guess I took it too lightly.”

“What do you mean?”

“I thought if I panicked during the awake surgery, you would just put me back to sleep.”

“Probably.”

“Succeed if possible, and if not, oh well. I guess I was thinking something like that.”

“You underestimated the awake surgery too much. It could cause trauma for you.”

Jun-hoo sighed and continued.

Around the middle of the awake surgery, the patient had to fully endure the current transmitted from the nerve stimulator while fully conscious with their head open.

So the extreme fear at this time was hard to put into words.

It could become a lifelong emotional scar.

Due to this, the panic disorder could develop.

Every time he played the piano, the surgery could haunt him like a nightmare, Jun-hoo explained.

“I’m sorry. I was short-sighted.”

“Doctor, don’t scold our Myung-han too much. He just wants to play the piano well for a long time,” the guardian, who had been silent, said, taking Myung-han’s side.

*If he wanted to play the piano well for a long time, shouldn’t he have listened to the medical staff? Shouldn’t he have told the truth?*

Jun-hoo stopped himself from lashing out.

The water had already been spilled [the situation cannot be undone].

Getting angry at the patient, blaming the patient, would only further damage the relationship of trust.

“First, Mom, please find out what diagnosis and medication your son received from the psychiatrist he used to see. Right now.”

“Yes, I understand.”

“You… just rest for now.”

“I’m really sorry, Doctor.”

Jun-hoo nodded instead of answering and left the room.

He picked up his phone to inform the surgeon, Dong-hoon, of this terrible news.

Awake surgery for Myung-han, a delicate pianist with panic disorder…

*Is it really right to proceed like this?*

Doubts were growing.

Jun-hoo was also struggling to find his way.

* * *

“What? Panic disorder? Is that true?” After listening to Jun-hoo’s notification over the phone, Dong-hoon asked back, his voice jumping.

“Yes, Professor. I heard it directly from the patient.”

“This is out of the blue… No, why are you telling me this now?”

“He was worried that they wouldn’t do the awake surgery if he revealed his panic disorder. And recently, he’s been managing well without medication.”

Jun-hoo smiled bitterly.

Jun-hoo was on the window side at the end of the ward during the call, and the autumn sunlight flowing through the window was dazzling.

It was the opposite of Jun-hoo’s feelings.

“World-class pianist my ass. He’s a world-class liar.”

“I was also very embarrassed. Still, I think it’s fortunate that I found out even the day before the surgery.”

“Well, that’s true…” Dong-hoon hesitated before continuing.

“Anyway, you have a good eye, Jun-hoo. I didn’t even think about panic disorder,” Dong-hoon praised Jun-hoo.

When a patient complains of chest pain and difficulty breathing, it is common to suspect lung or heart disease…

Jun-hoo realized that there was a problem with the patient’s mind.

His eye was extraordinary.

“I think it’s because I see the patient more often and for longer than you, Professor. But Professor…”

“Yes. Tell me.”

“Is it right to do awake surgery on a famous patient? I don’t think he’ll be able to handle the awake state if he has panic disorder,” Jun-hoo expressed his concern.

“Let’s try it first. If it doesn’t work, we’ll have to sedate him with psychiatric medication.”

“I know that psychiatric medication reduces the effectiveness of awake surgery.”

“…….”

“Even if you stimulate the nerves, the reaction will be dull. In the worst case, I heard that he may misreport the nerve to the medical staff.”

“That can’t be helped. That’s our share to bear,” Dong-hoon began to explain in a complicated voice.

The dice had already been cast [a decision has been made and cannot be changed] when the director spread Myung-han’s awake surgery data to the media.

There was no way to undo the awake surgery now.

If he did, he would be out of the director’s favor and would definitely suffer disadvantages.

“And you don’t have to think only about the worst case. The surgery may go well unexpectedly.”

“…….”

“I understand your heart enough, but let’s not buy worries in advance [borrow trouble].”

“Yes. Professor,” Jun-hoo answered as calmly as possible.

*Perhaps the professor was right. Because of his experience in the Murim [martial arts world], Jun-hoo was always worried about the worst-case scenario. That was the only way to save his life and the lives of his colleagues.*

“Fortunately, there’s not only bad news.”

“Is there good news too?”

“Yes. Your teacher, Professor Park Jae-hyun, has decided to attend our awake surgery tomorrow. If a problem arises, we may be able to get advice.”

“I haven’t heard that you’re coming to observe…”

“I didn’t tell you because I thought you’d be burdened,” Dong-hoon continued.

“Proceed with the surgery schedule as is and pay more attention to patient monitoring.”

“Yes. Professor. I’ll notify you immediately if there are any special circumstances.”

After hanging up, Jun-hoo returned to the on-call room.

Kyung-soo was about to enter the surgery scrub, and Jun-hoo was soon alone.

The order and chart input were finished.

There were no emergency room calls.

In a rare moment of leisure, Jun-hoo quietly closed his eyes.

Using the darkness in front of his eyes as a black canvas, he drew the awake surgery that would take place tomorrow on it.

He reproduced the various emergency situations in his teacher Park Jae-hyun’s secret book as meticulously and diversely as possible.

It was called mental training in Murim [martial arts world].

*If you experience various situations in advance with your mind, when the actual situation comes, it was easier to control the mind and easier to cope with.*

That Myung-han has panic disorder, although a sudden variable had burst, Jun-hoo was no longer embarrassed or anxious about the fact.

Weren’t crises the stepping stones to growth?

After succeeding in this surgery, Jun-hoo had no doubt that he would grow even further.

* * *

The morning of the long-awaited awake surgery dawned.

After the conference and rounds, while processing the daily routine, Jun-hoo didn’t even realize what was going on.

His mind was full of awake surgery.

Jun-hoo’s soul was already in the operating room.

When it was 11 a.m., Jun-hoo visited Myung-han’s private room.

Originally, an intern would move the patient to the operating room, but today Jun-hoo decided to move the patient himself.

“Are you very nervous and tense?”

“Yes. My heart is already pounding,” Myung-han said, his expression anxious as he leaned against the back of the bed.

The guardian next to him was the same. The guardian’s hands couldn’t stay still. He was busy adjusting his collar.

“That’s why I came myself. Relax your body and stay still,” Jun-hoo said, making Myung-han hold out his palm.

And he rubbed the blood point [acupressure point] below Myung-han’s middle finger in a circle with his thumb, using appropriate internal energy [qi or vital energy].

The Simjung blood point existed at that location.

Stimulating the Simjung blood point when you are nervous, anxious, or restless can help you control your emotions.

Jun-hoo also stimulated Myung-han’s earlobes with permission.

He performed Chugunggwa bloodletting [a type of acupuncture] on the Cheongun blood point, which clears the mind.

Like catching a chicken instead of a pheasant [settling for second best]. Since Jungan [another acupuncture technique] was still incomplete, Jun-hoo actively attempted Chugunggwa bloodletting.

But Chugunggwa bloodletting also had clear limitations…

It was that it could not be performed in the operating room where infection was a concern.

It was also less effective than Jungan.

“It’s amazing. I feel like my mind has calmed down,” Myung-han’s voice softened.

“I’m originally famous as a healing hand in the ward.”

“But… Doctor.”

“Yes.”

“I’m really sorry about yesterday. I shouldn’t have… I shouldn’t have hidden my panic disorder…”

“I’ve forgotten about it. So please forget about it comfortably.”

“Still, I can’t do that well. I feel guilty…”

“Your mind is like Allegro [fast tempo] right now? You need to change the tempo to Andante [slower tempo].”

“Did you study music?”

“I did it shallowly. I wanted to understand you.”

Allegro was one of the tempo markers in music. It meant to speed up.

On the other hand, Andante meant to slow down.

“Changing my mind to Andante. Saying it like that makes it feel so real.”

“I’m glad. It’s worth studying.”

“I haven’t been to the hospital much, but you’re the most delicate person I’ve ever met.”

“Of course, I have to be delicate. Everyone in this world is a precious being that has never existed in the past and will never exist in the future,” Jun-hoo revealed his beliefs.

Whenever empathy for patients becomes faint and dull, Jun-hoo used to remind himself of the uniqueness of human beings on Earth.

Then he wouldn’t forget the preciousness of the person in front of him. He wouldn’t lose it.

“Shall we go now?”

Jun-hoo pushed the fixture that was fixing the bed wheels with his foot.

He pulled the bed himself and left the room.

The die has already been cast [a decision has been made and cannot be changed].

The result will be Mo or Do [success or failure; all or nothing].