After I Died, My Husband Went Mad [EN]: Chapter 67

When Sebelia opened the door, Dihart was packed and ready to leave.

“How did you get here?”

His face betrayed his embarrassment and guilt. Sebelia blocked the doorway, her golden eyes trembling slightly. He lowered his head, speaking hurriedly.

“Sebel, no… Bella. It’s difficult when you stand like that.”

“What’s so difficult?”

Sebelia prevented Claude from following her and locked the door. Dihart, seemingly surprised by her question, looked up, confusion evident.

Sebelia stepped closer.

“I heard everything from Claude about where you’re going and what you intend to do.”

A troubled expression flickered across Dihart’s face, a moment Sebelia didn’t miss.

“Stop it, Dihart. This was just an unfortunate accident. You don’t need to throw yourself into danger to take responsibility.”

“What?”

“I don’t want you to feel guilty or responsible for what happened to me. It’s done. As for the herbs already paid for… I’ll find another herbalist for the Glass Snowdrop [a rare and potent medicinal herb]. Please, stop here.”

Dihart stared at Sebelia, incredulous. His pale face looked as if he might collapse.

“Don’t feel guilty or responsible.”

Cracks appeared in his relentlessly shaking golden eyes. Sharp fragments, like cold, frozen, shattered metal, pierced his heart.

Dihart spoke, his voice filled with anguish.

“How can you say that? That bastard followed me all the way here, saying he would find me, and ruined everything. Because of me, you lost your chance to live.”

“…It would be a lie if I said I wasn’t angry. But it’s his fault. And if I’m right, he paid the price. Or am I wrong?”

“You know that can’t make up for it!”

Dihart’s voice rose before he caught himself, covering his mouth and stepping back. He leaned against the wall, staggering.

“This is something I have to do.”

“Dihart!”

“I can’t watch you die again!”

It was a terrible sound, like a wounded beast howling. Sebelia’s eyes widened, and she gasped. Dihart laughed, a sound that was more like crying.

“I can’t allow it, especially if it’s because of me.”

“You…”

Sebelia was speechless, standing there blankly. After a moment, Dihart, having regained some composure, grabbed her, pleading.

“Please, just don’t say it’s not my responsibility.”

“Dihart, wait, just listen to me for a moment.”

Sebelia grabbed his wrist as he tried to pass. Dihart tried to pull away, a sad look on his face. At that moment, Sebelia felt a surge of anger.

‘Why are you being so hasty?’

She knew that without the Glass Snowdrop, she couldn’t make the proper medicine. But that didn’t mean she would die immediately. It just meant that a complete cure would be difficult, and she could continue to slow the progression of the disease and live. Even if it took years, she could make the prescription when she got the Glass Snowdrop.

But this man was acting as if she would collapse and die tomorrow. Sebelia couldn’t understand his impatience at all.

“You said that even if I risked my life, I couldn’t go back to the past. That I could never call you Sebelia again.”

“……”

“I’m not going to die because of that. I can’t put that burden on you. I just… I can’t bear it if I don’t do this. So don’t worry about it anymore.”

As he said, Dihart wasn’t recklessly jumping into danger without any preparation. He had secretly recruited as many professional herbalists as possible and had properly prepared safety equipment.

But there was still danger. The terrain where the Glass Snowdrop grows is so rough and dark. Even if you manage to get there, the way back is dozens of times more difficult. That’s where Dihart was going.

‘It doesn’t matter.’

But for Dihart, it was a welcome thing. Because of him, Sebelia lost her last hope. She was so close to a full recovery. She could have dreamed of the future without any worries.

All of that was ruined because of him. Dihart felt a heavy sense of guilt, and even more terrible self-loathing.

“Just focus on taking care of your health.”

Sebelia felt a surge of anger at that moment. No, she didn’t even have time to feel it. She surrendered herself to the intense emotion that burst out of her chest. Thorny words burst from her clenched teeth along with hot breath.

“Right. What right do I have to stop you, since I’m not your wife? Go away, Dihart. Risk your life in a reckless challenge to ease your own guilt.”

“……”

“If you’ve accepted it as your duty, then there’s nothing more I can do. Do as you please. But I want you to remember one thing.”

Sebelia stared at Dihart’s somewhat dazed face and snapped in a stiff voice.

“I’m the one who should be the saddest and most in pain, not you. But look at this situation. I can’t even be depressed as I please, and I’ve come all the way here to stop your foolishness. Is this your way of worrying about me?”

Dihart’s eyes widened, and his mouth slowly opened. This was the first time he had seen this side of her. So she could get angry too. The golden eyes trembled greatly at the new realization.

“Think again. Are you worried about me, or are you worried about the future you who will suffer because of me!”

He bit his lip tightly, unable to say anything out of shame. Sebelia stared at him silently without any change in expression. Dihart couldn’t say anything for a while, and Sebelia felt that further conversation was useless.

“I don’t know anymore. Do as you please.”

It was the moment Sebelia was about to open the door. A very small and faint voice brushed past her ear. At the same time, a large hand covered her hand.

“Then what am I supposed to do?”

If I can’t even risk my life for you, what can I do? Dihart’s chest burned black.

“What else can I do besides that.”

When Sebelia turned her head, she saw his face, which looked like he was about to cry. Tears welled up in his trembling golden eyes. It looked like they would fall at any moment when he blinked.

“I was wrong. I was foolish and didn’t know anything. So don’t be so angry. I’ll do whatever you want.”

A wet voice poured down like rain. In his trembling eyes, regret, despair, desperation, and pleading were mixed up in a mess.

“Sebelia…”

A low voice dug into her ear. At the same time, tears flowing from his eyes fell onto Sebelia’s shoulder.

At that moment, goosebumps rose all over her body. It was a terribly intense and miserable thrill. Sebelia widened her eyes. Her eyes met his trembling golden eyes. She bit her lip and turned her gaze away.

A thrill bloomed from her fingertips.

She closed her eyes tightly at the intensely overwhelming sensation. No, it can’t be, it shouldn’t be. But she couldn’t ignore the sensation that dug into her nerves. This was the same thing she had felt when he knelt before her. It was that feeling she had barely tried to forget.

‘Am I finally…’

Did I want you to break down like this?

Her arrogant reason finally succumbed to emotion. She had to admit that she couldn’t escape the past. Even though she had held a funeral and fled to this faraway place, she couldn’t shake off the ghost of her past, Sebelia Inberness.

A deep sense of defeat rose from under her feet.

But at the same time, a chilling thrill enveloped her body. It was the sensation she felt whenever she saw the man groaning, longing for the dead Sebelia. And because of that, she felt the resentment that had long been festering in her heart slowly dissolving.

“Ah.”

A sigh filled with complex emotions burst out. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed. After all this, she had pretended to be noble and vowed that she could abandon the past!

Deep resentment and hatred that she never wanted to feel, or didn’t even know existed within her. And the joy and satisfaction she felt whenever she saw the man regretting washed over her like a wave.

Sebelia felt nauseous.

“Se…belia?”

Dihart called her hesitantly. Sebelia shook her head violently. As if doing so would prevent her from hearing his voice. As if his existence would disappear from before her.

“Just a moment.”

She raised her hand and pushed Dihart away. Dihart stepped back weakly. Seeing his changed appearance from the past, a hot emotion welled up from within once again.

‘You shouldn’t have been like this.’

You acted like you wouldn’t miss me even if I disappeared at any moment. That’s why I was able to leave you without worry. I thought you would never regret it or change, so I could disappear like that.

“Now that…”

Why are you doing this now? Why are you shaking me? Why are you awakening the emotions and resentments within me that I didn’t know existed?

Sebelia let out an empty laugh. Dihart looked at her with confused eyes. His hands hesitated as if he wanted to hug her right away. Sebelia raised her head and looked at him with teary eyes. Dihart froze in shock.

“Sebelia, you’re now.”

He bit his lip with a pale face as if he didn’t know what to do. He took out a handkerchief and put it back in, pacing around her anxiously. Every time he did that, Sebelia felt a deep sense of self-loathing.

She had made him that way. The man who was always contemptuous of her and eager to push her away had knelt down on his own and made him unable to do anything about her one tear. And that, she was happy.

“Ah ah…”

This was her ugly and miserable true nature. Sebelia had no choice but to accept it in the end. Whenever she saw him restless because of her, someone whispered in her ear in a low voice.

She wanted him to be in pain, just like she had been in the past. She wanted him to have bruises on his heart, shed tears of blood, and spend every night sighing.

‘No, in fact, I want him to struggle even more…’

Sebelia shrugged as the hidden resentment burst out and revealed her inner thoughts. This shouldn’t be happening, I know it shouldn’t. But it was already too late.

No matter how much she denied and tried to cut it off, she was Sebelia Inberness. The miserable duchess who was abandoned and hurt by her husband and despaired.