After I Died, My Husband Went Mad [EN]: Chapter 72

I began dreaming of Dihart more frequently, causing Sebelia to wake up each morning pale, needing to reassure herself that she was in reality.

“Again….”

Today’s dream involved him insisting on entering the greenhouse. She refused, claiming a prior engagement, but he unusually persisted.

[Why am I always second?]

Dihart, growling, grabbed her wrist, and she….

“Did I hit him?”

Even if it was just a dream, she had resorted to violence. Sebelia shook her head, trying to shake off the lingering images.

‘No need to overthink it. It’s just a nightmare.’

However, Dihart had been consistently appearing lately. His persistent appearances, as if urging her not to forget him, made Sebelia press her lips tightly together.

“Not even a single word. What an egoistic man, even in my dreams.”

Even without the dreams, Sebelia couldn’t help but think about him while studying illusion magic.

More precisely, she wondered what she wanted from him.

* * *

Watz’s words played a significant role in prompting these thoughts. While clearing the debris of the collapsed herb storage, Watz suddenly began confessing his inner turmoil.

“I’m sorry, Miss Bella.”

Sebelia stopped clearing the charred materials and looked at him, bewildered. However, Watz was already overwhelmed by guilt, unable to bear it any longer without confessing.

“I almost gave up on your treatment at one point.”

“Pardon?”

“I forgot my duty as a physician and thought that the material things I had accumulated were proof of myself. I subconsciously believed that without them, I wouldn’t be able to provide proper treatment.”

Watz drooped his shoulders with a bitter smile. He sadly blinked, saying Sebelia could blame him if she wanted.

“I see. But, well, you didn’t give up on me in the end, did you?”

Sebelia managed to answer, trying to gather her composure. It was a forced response amidst the confusion, but it wasn’t entirely wrong. After all, Watz was still making medicine in the lab every night to treat her.

“I knew Miss Bella would say that. Ah, I’m really… a weak person.”

Despite Sebelia’s warm words, he shook his head and spoke self-deprecatingly.

“Even treating the culprit might have been for my own sake. Since I’ve lost everything anyway, letting him live and sending him away would satisfy my petty hypocrisy.”

Only then did Sebelia learn that the knight Henkit had returned alive. She couldn’t hide her surprise, as she had naturally assumed Dihart had killed him.

“He was alive?”

“Yes, I heard he was detained and would be punished. Unfortunately, he took the opportunity to escape.”

Watz said that and told Sebelia that he would not accept any payment for future treatments. Sebelia hesitated for a moment but, instead of refusing his kindness, asked if she could repay him in another way.

“Another way? I’m not sure what you mean.”

“You are well-versed in the language of the Lakewoods, enough to read their medical texts. I want to borrow that ability.”

“That sounds like you’re planning to do something related to Lakewood.”

Watz stared at her with a surprised expression. Sebelia, undaunted, organized her thoughts and spoke.

“You mentioned last time that Lakewood is becoming more open. Remembering that, I bought a newspaper related to trade when I went down to Supredi [likely a nearby town] last time.”

Sebelia handed him the newspaper, which she had read several times.

“It’s as I thought. There was an article saying that Lakewood timber is gradually being released into the market, causing strong opposition from those who handle Belkram timber. That means….”

“You think medicines will gradually be released as well?”

“Yes, but I can’t wait until then.”

Sebelia’s eyes were shining with a more determined will than ever before. Watz silently bowed his head before her beautifully shining eyes, like a solid crystal.

“If things go well, we’ll be able to obtain glass snowdrops [a rare medicinal ingredient] more easily. Yes, that’s a forward-thinking idea.”

There was a hint of admiration in his words. To Watz, who was excellent as a physician but clumsy in other areas, Sebelia’s plan seemed very impressive.

However, Sebelia knew that her plan was merely ambitious and not very likely to succeed. She couldn’t skillfully accept Watz’s praise and shook her head.

“It’s not a plan I came up with to get ahead of anyone. I need to live, I need that medicine. So, as I worried, I ended up here.”

*Because I haven’t heard from him in a week,* Sebelia added, averting her gaze.

“I understand. I’ll look into it.”

Watz promised Sebelia to act as an interpreter instead of receiving treatment fees. This was also an act to alleviate his guilt towards her, but Sebelia didn’t feel bad about it.

More than that, Sebelia gained an insight from his actions. An insight into the relationship between Dihart and herself.

* * *

[Since I’ve lost everything anyway, letting him live and sending him away would satisfy my petty hypocrisy.]

Watz’s words made Sebelia realize something she hadn’t known before. When she left Hillend Hall, she thought she would lose everything, just like Watz.

She would lose everything she had through death, so she could leave without any regrets and with a light heart. She didn’t even feel like taking revenge on anyone, including Gren and Flora.

But the situation had changed.

Returning to her room, Sebelia sat at the table and pondered. Watz said he didn’t take revenge on Henkit to satisfy his hypocrisy. Then what about herself?

‘Now that I have nothing to lose, do I want to take revenge on him?’

Sebelia recalled the strange thrill she used to feel when she was with him. Thinking about the joy that rose when she saw him collapsing and the resentment that boiled in her heart, she might want revenge.

‘If so, what kind of revenge do I want?’

Sebelia had never even mentioned revenge in her life. Even while suffering humiliation at the Weden Duchy and Hillend Hall, she couldn’t even bring herself to think about revenge.

Before leaving, she had played tricks on Nathan and Flora with illusions, but that couldn’t be called revenge. She had simply returned what she had received. Then why couldn’t she think of returning more than that? Why didn’t she completely overturn Hillend Hall and try to return as much as she had suffered?

The answer was simple.

“Because that’s how I was raised.”

A cold smile formed on her lips and disappeared.

Sebelia had been educated from a young age to kneel before violence, obey even in unfair situations, and deeply root resignation in her heart. If she dropped a utensil, her meal would be taken away immediately, and if she ever threw a tantrum, she would be locked in the closet.

Having grown up like that, she couldn’t possibly harbor the thought of taking revenge on someone beyond self-defense.

‘Why does the misery only grow as I realize more about myself?’

Sebelia turned her gaze out the window, fiddling with the cross in her hand. Even the eminent philosopher said, ‘People don’t know about themselves until they die,’ but she was even worse.

So, the past self didn’t *not* want revenge, but simply couldn’t dare to dream of it.

‘I was no different from a well-trained dog.’

Sebelia, who had been staring at herself reflected in the window, lowered her gaze. The blue jewel reflected in the window was shining beautifully, like a fruit fallen on a snowfield.

“Come to think of it, this was also an item purchased from a merchant sent by my father.”

It felt ironic. Sebelia shook her head, swallowing the burst of hollow laughter. She couldn’t even speak when she thought about how much power his punishment and education towards her had exerted.

In the end, she couldn’t even think of taking revenge when she was betrayed by her father.

“Looking back, it was a foolish life.”

A low voice echoed in the room. It was an ordinary voice that didn’t tremble with sadness or struggle with pain.

“It was also a pitiful life….”

Sebelia left Hillend Hall and encountered the world late in life. She had meaningful experiences, though not many, and as a result, she realized how weak and obedient she had lived.

So now it was time to take a step forward through what she had realized. And for that, she had to end the current confusion.

“Since it’s impossible to completely cut off the past, a new plan is needed.”

Even if she held a funeral and was officially declared dead, she couldn’t kill Sebelia Inverness, who was vividly alive inside her. Having realized that, Sebelia could no longer treat Dihart as if she was seeing him for the first time.

The problem was what came next. Then how should she treat Dihart? As someone to pour out resentment on, as a target of revenge?

“Hoo….”

The answer to the question was still not clear. Sebelia was frustrated because she didn’t know what her true feelings were hidden in the confusion.

While Sebelia was deep in thought, Claude finished preparing for the lesson and knocked on her door.

Knock knock.

“May I come in?”

“Ah, Mr. Claude.”

Time has already passed like this. Sebelia got up from her seat and greeted him. Now she had to erase Dihart from her mind. Even the thought of how he was doing in the deep canyon should no longer be entertained.