An Actor Who Has Lived For 10,000 Years [EN]: Chapter 237

237. #42 – The One Who Remains (3)

*Pop-!*

The moment I opened my eyes, I wiped away the tears soaking my cheeks.

Then, I grabbed the towel beside me and wiped the sweat from my face.

“Haa… I’m so tired, really.”

A dream I have without fail, every single day.

Now, it has gone beyond heart-wrenching pain.

It’s suffocating, to the point where I’m afraid to fall asleep.

“Haa….”

But I couldn’t just avoid sleep.

There was a day when I tried to stay awake.

If I didn’t sleep, I wouldn’t have to endure the painful dream.

I spent that time staring into the pitch-black darkness, eyes wide open.

But I realized that humans can’t live without sleep.

Whether it was in the conference room or the practice room, I kept dozing off.

And in every one of those moments, I dreamed.

Even greater pain unfolded.

Thirty minutes, an hour. Even in short naps, the nightmare continued without fail.

I tried not to sleep several times like that.

But all I got from it was insomnia with similar pain.

Now, I even struggled to avoid sleep to escape the pain.

But on the other hand, even though I wanted to sleep, I couldn’t easily close my eyes.

Of course, if I fell asleep from exhaustion, I would have the same nightmare again.

To make matters worse, my condition was terrible every day.

When I slept, I felt so exhausted when I woke up.

Even if I didn’t sleep, my physical condition wasn’t good.

So, since my condition was going to be ruined anyway, I decided to just sleep and have the nightmare.

I couldn’t deny the pain and suffering I felt after the nightmare.

However, it was just for that one thing: to at least have the physical strength of a normal person.

“Damn it, it’s Song Yuna again….”

But the problem was Song Yuna.

The dreams I have always follow the same pattern.

My own self disappearing from this world, and the pain of my absence that those left behind have to bear.

I was watching that sadness.

So, every time, my dreams included my parents, Manager Kim, the fans who loved me, the actors I worked with like Choi Seobin, and my acquaintances.

Among the many people, the person I loved the most in my 10,000 years of life.

Song Yuna also appeared in my dreams from time to time.

But these days, only Song Yuna appeared in my dreams.

I repeatedly dreamed of Song Yuna, and now I could even draw Song Yuna’s face if I were asked to.

It felt like I was seeing Song Yuna more in my dreams these days than when I saw her as Jin Hee-sung.

Just now, I had a dream about Song Yuna again.

“Was it because Song Yuna was the person I loved the most? Is that why I keep dreaming about Song Yuna…?”

As I thought of her,

“Agh….”

Suddenly, I had a severe headache.

I quickly grabbed the headache medicine I had placed on the bedside table.

I couldn’t even count how many times I had repeated this process.

Now, I was really exhausted, both physically and mentally.

“…Song Yuna.”

I murmured her name.

And hurriedly shook my head.

“I shouldn’t get close to Song Yuna anymore in this life. That would be better for both of us….”

***

Before leaving for Hollywood, I now had only one month left.

I had become accustomed to having nightmares.

Just in case, and also for the sake of the character in the work, I left home and stayed in a cramped studio apartment.

And I was even confined to a mental hospital to study in order to immerse myself in the character.

But even though I was immersed in the character, there wasn’t a day when I didn’t dream.

So, it became natural for me to have nightmares now.

Like a daily routine.

However, there wasn’t a day when I was happy to have that dream or when it didn’t bother me.

Feeling pain and suffering became my daily life.

I couldn’t let go of everything because of those dreams.

I had to start filming a movie in Hollywood in a month.

And to do that, there were so many things I had to prepare for now.

“Hello.”

Now, a person who greets me with joy.

It was the director of the action school.

“Hee-sung, you’re here?”

“Yes.”

“We have to do wire action today, so warm up first.”

“Okay.”

At the director’s words, I quickly changed into my gym clothes.

I repeated the stretching and basic movements I had learned.

Several tens of minutes later.

“Oh, good, good. You have to stretch your legs a little more there.”

The martial arts director watched me moving while hanging on the wire and shouted with a focused face.

“Yes, I’ll try again.”

I shook off my fatigue and focused on the present.

If I want to run towards my dream, I can’t hesitate for even a moment.

At that moment when the wire was pulled taut.

The figure of Manager Kim visible in the distance.

Even though Manager Kim didn’t have to come to the action school.

He always came as if to protect me.

He came to my practice time every day without fail and watched me for several hours.

Today, too, he took a seat on the bench where he always sat and watched me immersed in practice.

*Taat-*!

I stretched my legs to the fullest.

The martial arts director clapped his hands as if satisfied with the sight.

*Clap clap-*.

“Oh, good. Let’s practice that one more time, take a break, and then move on to the next movement.”

“Yes.”

At that time.

Manager Kim started recording my *moseup* [appearance/form] with his cell phone.

And before I moved my body, he shouted.

“Hee-sung, I’m going to take a video of this and upload it to SNS [Social Networking Service].”

I raised my hand above my head and made a circle [a gesture indicating ‘okay’].

I quickly unfolded the movement.

Manager Kim had a pleased smile on his face as he held his cell phone.

As I slowly came down from the wire, Manager Kim quickly approached me with a water bottle.

“Good job.”

“No, what good job.”

He patted me on the shoulder and pulled me to the bench together.

Then, he showed me the video he had taken a little while ago.

“This is amazing, right?”

Manager Kim stretched out his legs as if reenacting my *moseup*.

I twitched my lips at the sight.

“Are you going to upload this to the company’s SNS?”

“Yeah, you don’t do your personal SNS well these days. So I’m going to upload your recent news to the company’s SNS account.”

“Okay.”

I leaned my tired body against the chair.

Manager Kim opened the SNS on his cell phone and wrote down a comment along with the video of me he had taken.

Then, he raised the corners of his mouth while watching my video.

“The fans are going to faint when they see this. Haha.”

After pressing the upload button, Manager Kim checked the comments that were quickly running in real time.

***

Sitting on the sofa, blankly looking out the window.

Song Yuna shrugged her shoulders and let out a long sigh.

“Haa….”

Then, she picked up her cell phone and clicked on SNS.

“Now Jin Hee-sung is going to Hollywood soon and won’t be in Korea for a few months?”

Her hand kept typing Jin Hee-sung.

Soon, Jin Hee-sung’s SNS account page appeared.

“What, why hasn’t there been an upload for a few months?”

She sighed with a pouty face, as if the worry she had was gone.

“No, how can an entertainer who has to communicate for the fans not post for months? I really don’t understand that person?”

Song Yuna shook her head and stared at Jin Hee-sung’s account.

Soon, she snapped her fingers and raised the corners of her mouth.

“That’s right, there was a WG Entertainment account?”

She quickly went to the company account.

There were countless photos and videos of Choi Seobin, Song Yuna herself, including Jin Hee-sung, on that account.

Song Yuna smiled as she clicked on her photo.

“This came out pretty? I have to save it.”

She was busy saving her photos.

In the meantime, the recent post caught her eye.

“What, this was Jin Hee-sung?”

Song Yuna, who didn’t know it was Jin Hee-sung because the person was *jjikhin jageu* [filmed small/tiny], recited [replayed] the video several times.

“*헐* [Heol/OMG], is he hanging on a wire?”

After confirming that it was Jin Hee-sung, she shook her head while sticking out her tongue.

“That’s really hard… Jin Hee-sung was having a hard time.”

After replaying the video for a long time, Song Yuna called Jin Hee-sung.

“I did that too because of the last work, so I should call and see if he’s doing well.”

The ringing tone rang around Song Yuna.

Soon, a familiar voice came out.

-The customer is unable to answer the phone….

“Is he still practicing?”

Song Yuna tilted her head and checked the time the video was uploaded.

“It’s been over 4 hours since it was uploaded on SNS. Then the practice would have ended a long time ago…. Is he busy?”

She stared blankly at her cell phone, waiting for Jin Hee-sung’s callback.

Soon, she picked up the phone and started texting Jin Hee-sung.

-Hee-sung, I’m sending you a text because you’re not answering the phone.

I accidentally saw Hee-sung *ssi* [Mr./Ms.] 액션 스쿨에서 와이어 타는 거 [riding the wire at action school] on the company SNS….

……

So, that’s a lot of physical exhaustion.

You can hurt your body if you’re not careful, so you really have to eat well.

I’m not saying this because I’m worried about Hee-sung, but we’re the same WG Entertainment people.

Since we’re the same WG Entertainment, Hee-sung has to go to Hollywood and film healthy so our company can do well.

Then I’ll naturally do better too….

She raised the corners of her mouth while leaving a long text.

After sending the text.

Song Yuna started cleaning the house.

Two hours passed like that, and darkness fell outside the window.

Song Yuna glanced at her cell phone, but there were no new notifications.

She frowned and pouted her lips.

“What, Jin Hee-sung. Is he really that busy?”

Song Yuna crossed her arms and bit her lips.

“He’s not *mildang* [playing hard to get], and why is he ignoring me. It’s ridiculous…!”

***

After finishing all the schedules, I arrived home.

The wide house was quiet.

Now, even when I came home, I didn’t feel happy.

Even if I worked hard outside and came home to rest, I couldn’t feel like resting.

If I rested comfortably and fell asleep, the same dream was repeated.

Because Song Yuna’s *moseup* [image/figure] appeared.

I shook my head and shook off Song Yuna’s *moseup* that kept *tteooreuneun* [coming to mind/surfacing].

At that time.

*Beep beep*.

[Sender: Song Yuna]

The moment I thought of Song Yuna, a call came from her.

I hurriedly covered the cell phone with the letters [turned the phone face down].

I couldn’t bring myself to answer the phone.

It would be a lie if there was no dream influence, but there were many reasons to avoid Song Yuna along with that.

I’ve seen her too often recently.

Whether it’s because of dreams, the past, everything is added together.

I felt like I was developing a liking for Song Yuna without knowing it.

So, when I thought of Song Yuna, the laughter I had recently lost sometimes bloomed.

It was clear.

The feeling I have for Song Yuna now is a good feeling.

I loved her in the past, but I don’t love her now.

But it was true that I had a crush on her, and the degree of that crush was *jeomjeom keojyeoganeun* [gradually growing/increasing].

So I had to stay away from her even more.

I may have to end my life in about a year.

And because I had repeatedly seen in my dreams how *himdeulge* [with difficulty/struggle] she cried and *jichyeoganeun* [becoming exhausted/worn out] after I disappeared.

I judged that it was selfish of me to be close to her.

For Song Yuna’s sake.

And for my sake, we shouldn’t get closer.

We shouldn’t become *aeteuthan* [affectionate/tender] relationship with each other.

I didn’t answer her phone because I decided to keep my distance from her.

And I didn’t intend to call her again after that.

But my heart was not comfortable.

I also had to deny my feelings and push her away.

At that moment when I was *jamsi saenggage jamgyeo itdeon* [briefly lost in thought].

*Beep beep*.

The vibration rang again, and this time it was a text from her, not a phone call.

I opened the text and checked the contents she sent.

“송유나가 [Song Yuna] sent it this long?”

Her usual attitude was different.

A long text sent as if she was worried about me.

The content was not for me, but for WG Entertainment and Song Yuna herself.

But it contained a nuance that seemed to worry about me, who was about to leave for Hollywood and *himdeulge* [laboriously/strenuously] practiced at the action school.

I was grateful, but I pressed down on that heart.

Even to that long text, I said nothing and said in my heart.

‘Let’s just do nothing and focus on the work now. That would be better for each other….’