An Actor Who Has Lived For 10,000 Years [EN]: Chapter 250

Early dawn.

The sky was just beginning to brighten.

It was much earlier than usual, but I woke up naturally.

The last day of a long, long 10,000 years.

I had waited and waited for this last day in this world, but now that it was here, I didn’t feel so good.

I felt a little regretful?

But that didn’t mean I wanted to stay in this life any longer.

There were many good things and many happy moments, but.

As this last day approached, my life only became more and more unhappy and painful.

I went out to the hotel terrace and looked at the sky,

and I couldn’t help but sigh at the high sky.

“Haa… the sky is so blue and clear.”

Looking at the clear sky, I exclaimed.

“The weather is disgustingly nice!”

In fact, I thought God might send rain on a day like today.

Not to show mourning or sadness for my ending the world, but.

I thought it might pour down rain to drive me to the extreme of depression, so I wouldn’t have any regrets about life.

So I thought I would wallow in the rain, quietly close my eyes, and face the end of my life.

But the clear, and even more bright and beautiful weather than usual, made me laugh instead.

I raised the corners of my lips and looked at the cumulus clouds.

My mood also became quite calm and peaceful, just like the sky right now.

As if today wasn’t the last day of my life.

Or maybe it’s the comfort that the word ‘last’ gives.

“The weather is nice… I won’t have any regrets about life….”

I stood there for a long time, looking at the sky.

Several hours later.

I came back into the room and started to organize the luggage that had been scattered around while I was staying here.

I didn’t want to leave any trace of me after I disappeared from the world.

So many clothes scattered in the closet.

“If I had known I was going to disappear like this, I wouldn’t have needed so many clothes.”

I sighed as I sorted through the clothes one by one.

Then I headed to the study, and saw the Hollywood script on the large desk.

I had read the script for the movie ‘The Villain’ several times even after the project was over.

A work that I had worked on with all my might and immersed myself in.

Maybe that’s why I had such superhuman strength at the end of my life.

So it was a work that I was even more attached to.

I was able to attend the Academy Awards with this work.

I stroked the script that I would never see again and took a long breath.

“Haa… I think I’ve done everything I wanted to do before I go.”

A thick notebook next to the script.

This is a diary where I wrote down my feelings countless times because of my restless and complicated mind.

There were entries about my confused feelings regarding the 10,000 years, that punishment.

All the happy and difficult moments in this life were recorded.

“No one should see the diary. Because all my 10,000 years of confusion are written down….”

I quickly grabbed the diary.

I also grabbed the scrap of paper next to it.

A person I loved so much in my previous life, in the past.

And a person I might have given my heart to in this life.

It was a paper on which I had scribbled my feelings for Song Yoona.

I didn’t know exactly whether my feelings for her were vague or affectionate.

I didn’t know if this feeling was love.

But one thing is for sure.

My feelings for her are good feelings.

And even the feeling of sadness that I won’t be able to see her again.

I put the scribbled paper with my complicated feelings for Song Yoona in the diary.

These things, when I disappear.

I had to make sure that no one could see them.

As I organized my luggage one by one, I felt more and more at ease.

“As the luggage disappears, it feels like life is being *jeongni* [정리, organized].”

For several hours, I emptied my mind, cleaned around, and spent a long time like that.

***

Because I woke up very early, I spent several hours *jeongni* [정리, organizing] this place and calming my mind, but.

The sun was still high in the sky.

And then I heard a sound.

Grumble-.

The sound from my stomach made me laugh.

“Geez… I guess I’m still hungry on the day I end my life.”

Then I got up and started to get ready to go out.

Whether I felt hungry or not, I was just going to spend time in the hotel, but.

I thought it wouldn’t be bad to eat the last food I wanted to eat on the way.

“After living in the world for 10,000 years, let’s enjoy the last supper. What should I eat?”

I bit my lip and *gomin* [고민, worried], and.

The food I could eat in LA was more limited than I thought.

If it were Korea, I would definitely eat *jipbap* [집밥, home-cooked meal] without *gomin* [고민, worry].

I would want to eat my mother’s *bap* [밥, rice/meal].

That would be the warmest and happiest meal.

But the happiest meal I could eat in LA was Korean-style *dwaeji-galbi* [돼지갈비, pork ribs].

The *dwaeji-galbi* [돼지갈비, pork ribs] restaurant that I often went to with Manager Kim on hard days while filming in Hollywood.

I had never been there alone, but.

It was a restaurant that I often thought of.

I didn’t go there alone because I was afraid that Manager Kim, who I used to go with, would *tteooreuda* [떠오르다, come to mind].

But I really wanted to go there today.

I thought it would be okay to *tteooreuda* [떠오르다, think of] Manager Kim today.

Today would be the last day to *tteooreuda* [떠오르다, think of] him….

And I wanted to *tteooreuda* [떠오르다, think of] Manager Kim at this moment on the last day.

He was the one with whom I had the most and longest memories.

Manager Kim was the one who *geokjeonghada* [걱정하다, worried] and *saenggakhada* [생각하다, thought] about me like his own family, maybe even like his own body.

I hurried to the *dwaeji-galbi* [돼지갈비, pork ribs] restaurant full of memories with him.

After driving for a long time, I arrived at the Korean-style *dwaeji-galbi* [돼지갈비, pork ribs] restaurant.

I arrived to fill my stomach, which was feeling the hunger until the last moment, and to relive the memories with Manager Kim.

But unlike my hungry stomach, my appetite didn’t come back.

Rather, I didn’t want to eat or chew anything.

The sweet smell of *dwaeji-galbi* [돼지갈비, pork ribs] was lingering in my nose, but.

My chopsticks weren’t as fast as usual.

“This is the last food in the world that I will ever eat, but I still have to eat it.”

I shrugged my shoulders and picked up a *dwaeji-galbi* [돼지갈비, pork ribs] on the grill.

I *ggueok ggueok* [꾸역꾸역, reluctantly], put the well-cooked meat in my mouth.

Nevertheless, there was a lot of food left.

I couldn’t *neomgida* [넘기다, swallow] any more, and I finally left the restaurant.

“Even if I’m hungry, I can’t *neomeogada* [넘어가다, swallow] the food.”

Before leaving the restaurant and heading to the hotel, I headed to Hollywood’s downtown area.

Even though I had stayed in LA for so long, I hadn’t visited this place even once since the day I first set foot in Hollywood.

I was going back to *mu* [무, nothingness], so I didn’t know what to *gugyeong* [구경, sightsee] for or what to put in my eyes, so I stayed in the hotel.

But when the last day came, the day I was going to disappear from the world, I just wanted to go outside.

I still wanted to take everything in.

The crowded Hollywood street.

So many people were smiling and traveling as if they were spreading their happiness.

Looking at that *moseup* [모습, appearance], I *seureureuk* [스르륵, softly] smiled.

“Haa… this *moseup* [모습, appearance] is really the end now.”

I’m raising the corners of my lips, but my heart is getting more and more *aryeooda* [아려오다, aching].

Even though I was waiting for the end, these moments didn’t feel welcome.

***

The sky is getting dark.

A deep darkness was *chajaoda* [찾아오다, coming] to LA.

That is, it meant that I didn’t have much time left.

“Now I can really see the end. The last moment of my life that I have been waiting for….”

I tried to smile, but that smile might not be a smile from the heart.

“I can’t face death outside, so I have to hurry back to the hotel.”

The noisy street.

People laughing and talking as if expressing their happiness.

People holding hands with their loved ones, hugging and whispering about love.

Looking at them, I nodded.

“I have to go back to *mu* [무, nothingness] and forget the pain. How long have I waited for this moment… to get out of *goeroum* [괴로움, suffering]….”

I left the downtown area because I wanted to feel this night a little more.

I *teodeolteodeol* [터덜터덜, trudged] to the hotel on foot instead of taking a taxi.

In my hand was a *bongji* [봉지, bag],

which contained a large amount of sleeping pills.

I didn’t want to go to the last moment painfully.

I just wanted to close my eyes… and not open them again, and quietly end my life.

After walking *himeopsi* [힘없이, weakly] for several hours, I arrived at the hotel.

The hotel was neatly *jeongni* [정리, organized] as if I had just checked in.

That’s because I *jeongni* [정리, organized] all my luggage in the morning so that no trace of people could be felt.

A clean hotel with nothing in it.

Tuck-.

I put the *bongji* [봉지, bag] containing a large amount of sleeping pills on the table.

Then I looked at the clock.

The time is 8:50.

“Haa… I can really see the end….”

I felt a little sad about leaving life while facing people, but.

I sat alone in the hotel, feeling the *jeongmakham* [적막함, silence], and waited for the last moment again.

“Should I take the sleeping pills now?”

I had less than 4 hours left.

If I take the sleeping pills now and fall asleep, my life will finally end.

I closed my eyes tightly and *jamgyeoitta* [잠겼다, immersed] in deep *saenggak* [생각, thought].

A 10,000-year life.

And this human being, ‘Jin Heeseong,’ in whom I last lived in that long life.

“Still, there were quite a few happy moments….”

The thoughts and feelings I felt while living as Jin Heeseong.

I wanted to fully feel that *gibun* [기분, feeling], and as I *tteoollida* [떠올리다, recalled] them one by one, I *jeollo* [절로, naturally] smiled.

“This life seems to have received a lot of love. From my parents who love me, to Manager Kim, and many fans.”

Suddenly, one person *tteooreuda* [떠오르다, came to mind].

“…Even Song Yoona.”

I *beoljjeok* [벌쩍, suddenly] opened my eyes to the sudden surge of Song Yoona’s *saenggak* [생각, thought].

My heart is *aryeooda* [아려오다, aching].

But I didn’t want to close my eyes with sadness and *aeteutham* [애틋함, affection] while *saenggakhada* [생각하다, thinking] about her.

At the last moment, I wanted to be a little *pyeonanhi* [편안히, comfortable].

And I wanted to face death without any *saenggak* [생각, thought].

“I need to calm my *maeum* [마음, heart] down a bit, and then take the sleeping pills.”

I filled the bathtub with warm water.

I *damgeuda* [담그다, soaked] my body in it and tried not to *saenggakhada* [생각하다, think] about anything.

“Let’s just *saenggakhada* [saenggakhada, think] that I received a long *beol* [벌, punishment] of 10,000 years, and now the *beol* [벌, punishment] is over.”

I nodded and bit my lip.

“There were small *haengbok* [행복, happiness] in the midst of great *goeroum* [괴로움, suffering]….”

***

After *jeongni* [정리, cleaning] my body and *maeum* [마음, heart] cleanly.

Looking at the time, it was getting close to 10 o’clock.

“I can go now. I don’t need to fill the last day.”

I filled a large cup with water.

I picked up the *bongji* [봉지, bag] full of sleeping pills next to the cup and headed to the bed.

“…I had a good time.”

I took a sip of water.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in and out.

“I can really go now….”

In an instant, my parents, fans, Manager Kim, Choi Seobin, and so many acquaintances *tteooreuda* [떠오르다, came to mind].

I couldn’t bring the sleeping pills in my hand to my mouth.

“Haa….”

My chest became *meokmeokhaejida* [먹먹해지다, stuffy] when I *saenggakhada* [생각하다, thought] of them.

Suddenly, the face of ‘Song Yoona’ *tteooreuda* [떠오르다, came to mind].

My vision became *heurithaejida* [흐릿해지다, blurry] when I *saenggakhada* [생각하다, thought] of her.

“In the end, I can’t see Song Yoona for the last time….”

I *jilkkeun* [질끈, tightly] closed my eyes to make the *heurithaejida* [흐릿해지다, blurry] vision disappear.

“…I shouldn’t get *yakhaejida* [약해지다, weak].”

Still, I couldn’t *geobuhada* [거부하다, refuse] to face the last moment.

I didn’t want to live again feeling the moments of hell.

Because living like that is not living.

It’s just prolonging life in hell.

I shook my head *sechage* [세차게, violently] and calmed my *maeum* [마음, heart].

I took another sip of water and was about to bring the sleeping pills to my mouth when.

Ding-dong-.

“What?”

When the hotel doorbell rang, I *jjipurida* [찌푸리다, frowned] at the sound.

Ding-dong.

Ding-dong, ding-dong-.

The doorbell rang continuously.

Surprised by the sound, I *ireokida* [일어키다, got up].

When I didn’t answer, the sound of fists pounding on the door began to *ulligi* [울리기, ring] throughout the hotel room.

Knock knock-.

Knock knock knock!

The sound of endless knocking on the door made my face *ilgeureojida* [일그러지다, distorted].

“Haa… who suddenly *chajaoda* [찾아오다, come to visit] at this time.”

I *tteoollida* [떠올리다, recalled] the person who was *honlanseureopge* [혼란스럽게, confused] my last moment and sighed deeply.

Then I went to the door and *sorichida* [소리치다, shouted].

“Who is it?”

Ta-ack-.

With a *jjipureojida* [찌푸려지다, frowned] face, I grabbed the doorknob and *hwik* [홱, quickly] opened it.

In front of me, I saw a person standing with a *jantteuk* [잔뜩, very] reddened face.

“…Yoona *ssi* [씨, Ms.]?”