Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 103

103.

I took a deep breath.

I was finally on my way down after finishing the proud new arrangement version stage of ‘The Last Beginning: the First Last.’

Perhaps the drug’s effect was wearing off, as my body refused to obey my reason’s commands. Seeing this, I wondered if Plato was wrong about reason controlling the body and all that.

I collapsed to one side of the stage, using the structure as a support. Damn body, this time I really need to start exercising properly with Ryu Iden.

“Oh, Do, Dong-hwa, no, Dong-hwa!”

Chae Hamin saw me like that and rushed over, checking if I was okay. I had a strong feeling that I was really going to collapse this time.

“You can sleep for a while. I can carry you on my back, and the award we’re nominated for will be presented in the second part.”

Ryu Iden patted my back from behind.

“Then, I’ll pass out for a moment.”

The moment I spoke each syllable clearly in a distinct voice, my eyes closed.

* * *

Ryu Iden was so dumbfounded by what he saw that he burst out laughing. He was the one who told him to sleep, but sleep isn’t something you can just will yourself to do.

“Is this even possible?”

Besides, who else would announce they were going to collapse in a clear voice before collapsing?

“Maybe, he was holding on with his mind, and as soon as he let go, he fell asleep like a string being cut?”

While Ryu Iden was carrying Ji Dong-hwa on his back, Lee Hyun-jae came up beside him and offered a plausible explanation. It was as if Ji Dong-hwa was using his body like a marionette doll and his mind like a string.

Of course, just because the sentence was linguistically understandable didn’t mean it was believable.

“Does that make sense?”

To Ryu Iden’s absurd question,

“Dong-hwa said something like that before, hyung [older brother/male friend]. He said he can endure as long as he has the mental strength, even if he feels like he’s going to collapse.”

Chae Hamin was able to answer because he had many opportunities to hear Ji Dong-hwa’s stories as his roommate.

“Is that why he can hold his liquor so well?”

Just what is this guy doing, using his mental strength for that much?

Ryu Iden sighed deeply, shook his head, and ran to the waiting room. He thought it would be better to take another dose of medicine or get another IV drip before the second part started.

* * *

The three most necessary virtues for an idol fan running around on site are stamina, vocal cords, and eyesight.

Luminous [Blossoms’ fandom name], with eyes like a hawk, captured Blossoms entering the singer’s waiting room and took videos and photos.

“…Oh, but Dong-hwa isn’t here?”

The voice that echoed in the seats where Luminous gathered gradually spread like wildfire.

“Maybe he’s injured?”

“But, he did so well on stage for someone who’s injured. I didn’t see the moment he got hurt either.”

Was this a collective monologue? They didn’t know each other well, and they were just muttering to themselves, but it was becoming a conversation.

“…What is it?”

Their voices were quickly conveyed to the Blossoms fan community. Roughly with the content ‘Dong-hwa disappeared after the stage.’

As always, there were no negative posts in such posts because it was a place where fans gathered, but countless speculative comments were posted. Among them, the most vocal was about injuries. It was rational and plausible.

And on the other hand, Lee Hyun-jae was briefly looking at all of that while looking at his phone. If he got caught on camera, he would be criticized as a singer who wasn’t focused on the awards ceremony, so he made an excuse to go to the bathroom for a while so that no one could see him.

“…Wow, how can there only be speculation about injuries?”

No one thought that Dong-hwa hyung had collapsed from exhaustion. That alone showed how hard Dong-hwa hyung was working to not show his current state to the fans.

‘…He’s really cool, but I wish he wasn’t. Our tutor.’

He’s cool, respectable, and I want to be like him. But at the same time, I also wish he wouldn’t. Lee Hyun-jae sighed, half in admiration and half in regret, thinking of Ji Dong-hwa, who was currently getting an IV drip in the hospital.

* * *

Suddenly, my eyes opened. I felt disgustingly refreshed.

“Are you awake?”

Manager Kang Seung-won must have been watching over me.

“…Yes, I’m sorry, Team Leader.”

“No, it’s okay. As I said in the morning, we should have taken the initiative to check your physical condition, but we neglected our duty because Dong-hwa-ssi is so smart.”

Unless I’m a fortune teller, how could I know if I would be sick or not? Just like there’s no way to know if a car accident will happen.

“Is the awards ceremony still going on? If so,”

“You can lie down a little longer. It would be more natural to enter at the start of the second part. And the Songwriter Award will be presented about 10 minutes after you enter. We’ll just redo your hair before you go in.”

At those words, I lay back on the bed and organized my thoughts.

Just because I didn’t know a car accident would happen doesn’t mean I can’t be held responsible for not being able to work because of the car accident. Similarly, just because I didn’t know that something would suddenly go wrong with my body doesn’t mean I’m free from that responsibility.

Even if it was an act that came from the desire for our team to do better, I have to take responsibility for whatever the result may be.

How can I atone for the sin I committed against the members?

I thought very hard.

* * *

…But that doesn’t mean I can always come up with an answer. I still arrived at the awards ceremony with a sense of guilt.

Before the second part started, I calmed my mind and held my whole body tight. I composed my expression and went to sit in the singer’s seat, and the members only shot me glances that showed they were worried without making it obvious.

“I’m okay.”

At my short answer, Chae Hamin tapped the chair next to him as if he was frustrated. It was similar to how my parents used to call me when I did something wrong when I was four years old.

“It’s okay to secretly act like it’s hard for you with us, Dong-hwa.”

I know that the hidden meaning in the words he said after sitting me down next to him is worry. I just smile back weakly.

The awards ceremony has started its second part, so you can call it the middle part now.

“Dong-hwa, the Best Songwriter award is in about ten minutes? Prepare yourself since they’ll film you.”

At Ryu Iden’s words, I straightened my clothes. There were many great people among the nominees, so I wouldn’t expect anything, but I had to be polite.

“Jun-sung-ssi, what award is it time to present this time?”

“It’s time to award the glory given to the person who composed the song that received the most love from many people this year, the Best Songwriter Award.”

While the MCs were talking for a while, I lifted my head, closed my eyes for a moment, and cleared my mind, and then a small cheer spread.

And immediately, Ryu Iden grabbed my thigh briefly. Um, is it the camera?

I looked down and looked at the screen. My face was looking blankly upwards.

I immediately looked at the camera that was filming me and smiled. One year of idol experience including the survival period, I’m used to this much.

…Why is my face still on?

Usually, this is about 2 seconds, right?

I’m flustered. It’s been a while since I’ve encountered an unexpected situation, so I need to calmly decide what to do.

“Ah! Here are the nominees for this year’s Best Songwriter Award. Please strike a pose!”

When Jun-sung shouted in an excited voice,

“Ah! Just one cute one!”

Lukache took over. The sound that the Luminous were making was getting louder and louder.

Ryu Iden and those guys… For reference, it means like a dog [teasing that they are egging him on].

I can’t say I can’t do it in this kind of expectation. I remembered the aegyo [acting cute] that Chae Hamin used to do.

Slowly raise your hand and take a bite.

Focus on the moment of biting and change your hand into a heart by clenching it.

I smiled with satisfaction that I had managed to complete that bizarre act without dying from shame.

However, the sound of Ryu Iden chuckling crept into my ear. Perhaps the other members were also enjoying it for various reasons, but they just couldn’t show it on the outside.

However, you beasts, do you think you can understand human social life?

However, I couldn’t bear the shame, so I immediately lowered my head, and the laughter next to me grew a little louder.

“Dong-hwa, you’re still being filmed.”

When I quickly raised my head, I was surprised, my ears were flushed, and my eyes were filled with embarrassment.

I smiled again and waved at the camera. And the screen switched. I almost sighed in relief and wiped my face. Damn makeup. Damn entertainment industry. Damn idol.

* * *

And then came the Best Songwriter Award time. I was only nominated here with the achievement of composing Jun-sung’s ‘Sorry’, so I didn’t win the award.

“Yes, congratulations to this year’s Best Songwriter Award winner!”

“Hotdog-ssi!”

His name is like that, but he’s a talented person. He made Blue Jack’s latest activity song, and he’s a great composer with about 6 years of experience. As far as I know—usually, if it’s something I remember, it’s not wrong—I know he won an award elsewhere two years ago.

I clapped and waited for the acceptance speech to follow.

“Oh, I really didn’t expect to receive an award today. There are so many other great nominees.”

I was wondering if I should draw attention because I heard him say something polite like that. I’m already mentally exhausted, so I don’t have the energy to pay attention to clichéd words.

“In particular, I was very stimulated by the young composer who composed ‘Sorry’, who was also nominated, and I even thought that I would like to work with him.”

Ah, that person is surprisingly a composer who is not interested in the idol scene and is famous for only listening to songs.

In the first place, I didn’t promote the fact that I was the composer of ‘Sorry’, so it’s not strange that he doesn’t know.

“…So, that person thinks that you’re a composer as your main job, Dong-hwa?”

Chae Hamin’s question-like mutter. I nodded without thinking in gratitude. He’s not looking at me, but gratitude is gratitude.

“Now, only the Rookie of the Year award is left, right?”

A voice that echoed like a whisper.

We lowered our heads and gathered together, and we massaged each other’s shoulders, saying that we shouldn’t be embarrassed even if we don’t win the Rookie of the Year award, and that we should bless the person who receives it.

Of course, Lee Hyun-jae, our Statistics Korea [nickname for someone good with statistics], said that the probability of winning the Rookie of the Year award is 97% based on BMW award criteria. For reference, 3% was the possibility of cancellation of the award due to natural disasters, rumors of discord between members, or other negative situations.

Personally, I have worked hard for a year to enjoy this glory with the members, so I sincerely hope that we can win it.

It’s hard for me to say this, but Lee Hyun-jae is really… like a fortune teller.

Ding—!

[Did you call?]

Please wait. I’ll find out your existence with a 97% probability.

After a short conversation with the fortune teller, the Rookie of the Year award presentation was approaching.

“The award we’re about to give is a very meaningful award, right?”

“An award that you can only receive once after your debut! It’s a meaningful award for all rookies!”

“A new challenge to the music industry this year…”

The sound that could be ignored continued, and finally.

“This year’s Rookie of the Year is, right!”

“Blossoms!”