Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 116

116.

“And Director Lee, let’s get the facts straight. It wasn’t thanks to my college buddy, but a decision made among all the Blossoms.”

“A decision? I got offers from other places too, you know? Still, aren’t you drawing the line too much after all this time? I’m hurt.”

Director Lee, quick on the uptake, clapped his hands and spoke, then feigned tears as if wounded. Jang Hae-jin sighed deeply and reluctantly responded in informal speech.

“Now calm down and get back to work mode, classmate.”

I checked to see if Jang Hae-jin’s mouth moved naturally at the word ‘classmate,’ but thankfully, it didn’t continue.

Then, Director Lee chuckled again, put on the glasses he had placed beside him, and sat upright in his chair.

“Yes, then shall we start by talking about the project? The specific contract details have already been discussed, but let’s do a reminder.”

He really seems like a different person, it’s almost mystical. I wonder what psychoanalysts would think if they saw that a persona could be that intense.

“…Hyung, is that like the first half persona that appears in Gwandong Byeolgok [a classic Korean poem]?”

Lee Hyun-jae whispered in my ear so only I could hear. You’ve learned well, Hyun-jae.

* * *

“Yes, I think this is good for now. What do you think? As I mentioned, the OST [original soundtrack] insertion part will be in a fairly important section, so it would be good for articles too.”

The meeting with Director Lee and the other production staff went smoothly. The fact that we were given the OST to be inserted in the part where the protagonist, born as a bastard of the Hwang family, vows revenge, shows that we are being treated well.

“Do you guys have any opinions?”

At Jang Hae-jin’s question, I raised my hand.

“Yes! Please speak! The composer of the OST’s number one song!”

Director Lee seemed to have half-released his work mode and returned to his grinning expression. Jang Hae-jin’s brow seemed to narrow slightly, but she managed to control it. It seems close to an instinctive rejection.

“Who is scheduled to appear in the cameo, by any chance?”

Please, Chae Ha-min.

“Ah, I didn’t tell you about that? Since you’re appearing anyway, we’re planning it so it doesn’t feel like you’re being forced to… For now, Ha-min is confirmed, and the rest are still being discussed with the writer!”

Okay. At least the possibility that this OST work will help Chae Ha-min has increased by about 2%.

“Then Dong-hwa, why don’t you go have a short meeting with the sound director again!”

I nodded once. I don’t know who she is, but after looking into it beforehand, I found out that she is a veteran with about 10 years of experience. Anyway, she’s an expert, so it should be easy to work with her.

* * *

Guided by the manager, I carefully opened the door and entered, where a woman was slamming her head on the desk, letting out a small scream.

Why though.

“I am, I am trash.”

Hearing those words, I nodded. Everyone has moments when they feel inferior. I waited quietly for a moment to respect her time to indulge in self-loathing.

Bang, a sound like an explosion, and she slumped down like a robot that had been turned off.

“Um, hello.”

The woman abruptly raised her head, sat upright in her chair, and quickly crossed her legs, holding a pen in one hand and sheet music in the other.

“Hello? You’re Dong-hwa, right? I’m Lee Ye-ji, the music director in charge this time.”

A silent signal not to notice anything. I bowed my head once and sat down calmly.

“…Did you see it?”

“See what?”

“……That’s enough.”

She gave a bitter smile and handed over the plan. The cover of the paper I received had the cover of Demian on it.

“That’s the concept.”

……I don’t think she’s joking.

“I’ve listened to all the songs Dong-hwa-ssi [term of endearment] has worked on. I also looked up a bit of the behind-the-scenes work. Because we have to work together. But looking at it, your work routine seems a bit similar to mine.”

The explanation that followed was simple. It seems that we both get inspiration from abstract images, so let’s work on a song that captures the atmosphere of the work Demian.

“However, this is a slightly trendy historical drama, right? So it would be best to have a Korean traditional music feel to it. In simple terms, it’s like Demian born in Joseon [ancient Korean kingdom]?”

How bizarre. Demian of Joseon. I stared blankly at the paper for a moment because of the unfamiliar combination of words that I had never thought of. Looking closely, a hanbok-like durumagi [traditional Korean overcoat] is synthesized on the Demian cover. Oh my god.

“Anyway, that’s it. I’ve been a bit restless lately because the background music work hasn’t been going well, so I hope we can refresh ourselves while working together!”

I nodded. I knew that she was a wonderful person who was so dedicated to her job that she compared herself to household waste.

“Then, shall we start by talking about what kind of song to make? I have some samples, so let’s listen to them together and choose what to work on!”

Her eyes were full of enthusiasm.

* * *

Lee Ye-ji felt a bit mystical.

“In my opinion, it seems problematic to refer to it for the main melody. When mixed with an oriental atmosphere, there may be room for heterogeneity.”

“Um, I think I can agree with that too?”

Ye-ji is a human who has been working for more than 10 years, excluding the period of studying composition, so when she listens to the sampling, she can predict what it will feel like in the finished version, but the person in front of her hasn’t been composing for very long, has he?

If this happened once or twice, she would have thought so, but she came to a similar conclusion to her for every sampling, so she felt a little strange.

‘I guess he’s been studying composition since he was young.’

Lee Ye-ji concludes that way. Because it’s the most reasonable interpretation.

“Oh, but Dong-hwa-ssi, how did you study composition?”

Then, Ji Dong-hwa, who had been answering immediately, stopped talking for a moment and seemed to be thinking about something. Is it a painful story? Everyone has one or two painful stories.

That’s how the silence continues.

‘Damn it! I guess it was a painful spot. What should I do? It’s ambiguous to apologize.’

Basically, she has lived as a person who works alone, so her social skills are excessively low. While she was worrying about what to do, the silence continued again, and Ji Dong-hwa opened his mouth.

“My mother taught me.”

Lee Ye-ji had also done a brief investigation because she was working with the other person, so she knew. The fact that both of Ji Dong-hwa’s parents had passed away.

‘Ah, I’m screwed.’

“Oh, I see.”

An atmosphere that makes me feel like I’m going crazy because it’s so awkward.

“Um, but my mother was a composer of classical music, so it’s a bit different from what I’m doing now, so I studied the rest on my own.”

“I see! I really wondered how you were so good, but you were different from the genes! Talent!”

Then Ji Dong-hwa thanked her without any change in expression and played the next sampling.

However, in Lee Ye-ji’s eyes, that expression looked too cold, so she couldn’t help but worry if she had done something sorry to a young child. Of course, as an aside, Ji Dong-hwa was not thinking much because he was worried about whether musical talent was really in the realm of genetics.

* * *

I never thought that the song work would be finished in one day anyway. It’s a great achievement just to have drawn up a rough draft.

Anyway, mother. It is a memory and a name that I have suppressed because it leads to questions that cannot be resolved when I think of it.

The first time I witnessed the existential situation of death, unlike now, I was not yet mentally fully mature, so I was busy avoiding it. And since then, suppressing it has become a habit.

When I lived alone, I didn’t have a chance to think about it, but since I started the social profession of an idol, I sometimes think about it.

When I think of my mother, I miss Mok-hwa, who resembled her. Sitting together on the sofa doing nothing and turning on meaningless TV.

Freud presented the famous concepts of mourning and depression, saying that a healthy mental state requires focusing on other objects after someone’s death to escape the sadness.

Hmm, then I’m living with a mental illness for the rest of my life. Unfortunately, I have a little better memory than others, so if I can remember it, my mind will be drawn to it.

The last memory is of seeing off my parents, who were considerate of us young children and went on a day trip for their wedding anniversary. Mok-hwa, who was hanging on my arm and smiling, and the two of them laughing and telling me safety rules. I can recall every single word exactly.

Of course, I can’t see what kind of expression I had at that time, so I can’t remember it. If possible, since I didn’t laugh much since I was young, I just hope that the last image of me that they saw was a smiling one.

“Dong-hwa, what are you thinking about?”

Ryu Iden sits quietly on the sofa and talks to me, who has been closing my eyes for about 20 minutes. It seems that he concluded that I was thinking because my posture was too upright to be sleeping.

“The atmosphere was so dangerous that I thought I should talk to you.”

When I opened my eyes and looked, Ryu Iden was hanging on the exercise equipment and continuing to speak. Hmm, he’s a dog with insight suitable as a leader of a group.

Emotions are usually well controlled, but sometimes they get out of control.

“Hyung, do you have a good relationship with your parents?”

Ryu Iden thought while doing a pull-up and then answered.

“Um, honestly, I don’t think it’s that good. They didn’t like me being a celebrity. Maybe it’s because he was a police officer, but he said that the water there was too dirty.”

Since he shares the same concerns as Chae Ha-min, it wouldn’t be bad to advise Chae Ha-min to go to Ryu Iden.

“Then…….”

Ryu Iden tried to ask something after that, but immediately closed his mouth. He probably realized the problem when he tried to ask about my parents as a matter of courtesy.

Well, there’s nothing I can’t satisfy his curiosity now. It’s a memory that’s hard to suppress right now anyway. It wouldn’t be bad to talk to someone and solve it. It was an option that I couldn’t choose in the last possibility.

“They were novelists and composers.”

Thud, Ryu Iden collapsed to the ground as if the hand holding the bar had lost strength.

“Don’t read my mind like that. It’s a little scary, Dong-hwa hyung [older brother/male friend].”

Isn’t your brain, which can be inferred from the context of the conversation, too transparent, dog?

“So that’s why you said you learned composition from your mother.”

Ryu Iden muttering while sitting down.

“…Then are you like your mother?”

“I don’t know. I look more like my father.”

The fact that I fell into writing novels was probably influenced by my father. Hmm, maybe my personality is a little more like my mother. On the other hand, Mok-hwa, who looks like my mother, has the same personality as my father, so it’s a theoretically interesting point.

“Oh, I’m so grateful that our Dong-hwa is telling me his inner thoughts again.”

“It’s a minor question, but what did you do when your parents opposed you, hyung?”

“I fought a lot, of course. Well, I’ll be getting paid soon, and I’ve been quite successful, so they don’t say anything. Thanks to me solving the case, he got a good promotion evaluation, so he’s been showing a lot of interest lately.”

Only then did I feel like I had grasped the reality of Ryu Iden’s weak mental state that he had shown during the survival show. Parents in the growing season must feel like the last fence, but it wouldn’t have been easy to continue living as a trainee for about 10 years in the opposition of such people. Lee Hyun-jae would have felt burdened because everything was allowed as long as he got good grades.

Well, I don’t know what to say.

I can analyze it psychologically, but I can’t understand it emotionally because I don’t have parents. From the parents’ point of view, and from the children’s point of view.