Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 132

132.

The filming started chaotically with an observation camera from the get-go. We were sitting on drum barrels of varying heights in an abandoned factory, and the MCs were squatting on the floor in maintenance uniforms. I have no idea what this concept is supposed to be.

“Alright, great. First, let’s all take our seats and take a closer look at each of the idols we’ll be working on today! Yeseong, bring the brief.”

A brief? They’re really using professional terminology.

Actually taking out a few sheets of paper from a document envelope, Ssangseong points out each of the members, highlighting their characteristics. Clearly, it wasn’t broadcasted for three years for nothing; the amount of research was considerable. They even mentioned anecdotes from our debut days.

“Oh, there’s an incident where Hamin was startled when he entered Donghwa’s studio?”

As Yeseong reads the brief and naturally leads the talk, Hyesung elicits reactions and exaggerated acting from the members. That’s the anecdote about me lying haphazardly on the sofa when I can’t solve a problem while working, a habit I haven’t been able to shake off until recently.

It felt like they were being considerate so that we, who aren’t used to variety shows, could adapt as much as possible. It was while they were reading the members’ profiles.

“Huh? Our Jun is a Wizney, ah, can I just say this? Aren’t we going to get sued for copyright infringement?”

“If we end the show like that after three years, that might be good in terms of variety shows.”

“Right? I think a lawsuit ending isn’t bad after milking it this much. Anyway, they say he’s a Wizney otaku [a person with obsessive interests, particularly in anime and manga]. Is that correct?”

“Yes! That’s right!”

The way he’s proud is truly… something.

“Oh, can’t have that. Start!”

As Hyesung shouts that, a single piano note, a drum beat, and a string instrument, probably a short note from a violin, resonate for exactly one second.

‘What is this?’

But unlike me, Seokjun jumps up from his seat.

“Elliot in Sad Land, Elliot’s solo track!”

…Wow.

“Correct! Next!”

This time, a ‘dong’ sound echoes.

“Ah, it’s ‘Personal Flaw’ from the middle to late part of the Fruits World Witch’s Monologue!”

With a face full of excitement and emotion, Seokjun puts his hands together in front of his chest and answers from his seat.

“You’re talking the fastest I’ve seen all day. Correct! Next!”

He did this about five more times, and Seokjun shouted out the correct answer without hesitation. It was almost awe-inspiring. Ryu Ideun clapped like crazy as if he knew it would happen, and Lee Hyunjae and Chae Hamin had expressions of awe like me, with their mouths slightly open.

“Wow… what do you have to do to get to this level? Yeseong, are you confident you could do it with the OSTs [original sound tracks] from the dramas you’ve been in?”

“Hyung, can you say the name of the segment if we play the background music for 1 second at the start of the segment you were in?”

Ssangseong argued among themselves for a while before turning their eyes to Seokjun.

“Jun, you have to tell the viewers this. Did we ever ask you to prepare anything in advance?”

“No! If you guys watch Wizney and work hard, you can be like this! Everyone, watch Wizney and be saved!”

That’s something a cult leader would say, Jun. I’m not sure if that’s promotion or a warning not to watch Wizney.

“Did Blossence get an ad from Wizney?”

That’s what I’m saying.

* * *

“Now, next is Donghwa’s turn… Good heavens! He’s a student at H University?”

“…That’s right.”

“No, how is this possible? How did you spend your trainee period?”

I don’t know either. I guess the AI worked hard.

“Donghwa has a really good memory.”

Ryu Ideun is clapping and bragging like a proud father.

“So, as we were researching, it seems like you know a lot. You seem to know a lot about philosophers and often answer logically.”

“So we’ve prepared! Ji Donghwa’s!”

“Nonsense Time!”

…What kind of nonsense is that?

“From now on, for 10 minutes, Donghwa must only say things that don’t make sense.”

“You just have to make bold statements that make you think, ‘Oh, that’s a bit much? Does that make sense?’ If you say things that make too much sense, you have to do aegyo [acting cute].”

…Okay, accept it.

“Ah, also, we want to see Donghwa do aegyo, so what should we talk about? Our members are also free to say anything.”

The members lick their lips as if they won’t miss the opportunity to officially tease me.

“Donghwa, isn’t Ideun cute?”

Ryu Ideun asks in a cute voice.

“No.”

An almost unconscious reaction came out. A habit of reacting immediately whenever Ryu Ideun says nonsense.

The moment I answered, everyone got up from their seats and went crazy. I never thought I’d see Plato’s enthusiasm like this.

“That makes sense! It’s not weird at all!”

“Aegyo! Aegyo! The ice prince is melting!”

You crazy people. I quickly got up from my seat and said,

“Ideun hyung is cute, so it was a nonsensical statement.”

Reasoning can be about logical form, but it can also be discussed in the realm of truth judgment, so it’s a reasonable statement. Not just a simple excuse.

“Hey, what’s so cute about him?”

Yeseong immediately retorted, and

“That’s right! Ideun hyung is disgusting when he does aegyo!”

Lee Hyunjae immediately took over.

“Right, right. He’s not cute. He’s handsome, but aegyo on that big body is a bit hard to accept!”

When Hyesung even refuted, the atmosphere turned strange.

“Cutness is said to be an extension of the feeling you get when you look at a baby. In my eyes, Ideun hyung looks enough like a baby.”

Because victory is sometimes more important than truth in an argument, I nonchalantly blurted out something that didn’t make sense.

“No! There’s no way that big guy looks like a baby!”

“Size is a relative concept. In my eyes, Ideun hyung looks small enough to fit in one hand, and he’s cute enough. Also, since ‘baby-like’ is not clearly defined, and sufficient discussion has not been conducted to confirm universal subjectivity, ‘Ryu Ideun is cute,’ ha, my subjective judgment has no grounds to be wrong.”

The members and MCs, except for Ideun, unanimously insisted on Ryu Ideun’s disgust and lack of cuteness, and I alone was lonely arguing that Ryu Ideun was cute.

In the midst of that, Ryu Ideun was standing still with a blank expression and muttered,

“…Oh, this feels a bit strange.”

But we completely ignored that reaction.

“Fans may think Ideun hyung is a cute person. Denying me will result in denying the discernment of Luminous [Blossence’s fan base], who support us. If the reward for the fans’ love is to dismiss them as people without discernment, that’s an ungrateful act.”

“We don’t know about such difficult things! Look at that! Is he cute? Put your hand on your conscience, Donghwa! Open your eyes and look! Is he cute?”

After such a fierce debate, it was eventually decided, according to the evils of democracy, by a majority opinion that ‘Ryu Ideun is a human being who has no cute side to him no matter where you look.’

When I inevitably conceded, the members and MCs ran to Ryu Ideun and thanked him for not being cute. Ryu Ideun tilted his head with an expression that he didn’t know whether he should be happy to win and receive thanks, or whether he should be upset with the content of the conclusion.

I approached Ryu Ideun, tapped his neck with my hand, and left a short word. Of course, before I opened my mouth, I heard the MC say, ‘The mantis tears the beetle [an idiom meaning a small or weak person defeats a larger or stronger one].’

“If hyung was just a little cuter, I would have won.”

I had no choice but to say this because of what I said earlier that he wasn’t cute.

Ryu Ideun looked at me with a very disappointed expression, but he can’t blame me because it’s all because of the variety show lectures he taught me.

The scene was cleaned up, and now it was my turn to receive the penalty. Everyone else is sitting on drum barrels or on the floor, but I’m the only one standing in the middle, and a sense of futility about life springs up.

“Our Donghwa gets searched a lot more for kind words than aegyo. Let’s make a mark in the history of Blossence today!”

The members cheer and respond. It’s beautiful how they unite when it comes to pushing someone into the abyss. Damn insects and plants.

“Donghwa, let’s do this, like this!”

Among them, Ryu Ideun, who is always serious about teasing me, writes a script on paper and hands it to me.

“…Hyung, should we have a personal conversation when we get home?”

“Woong, Ideun is a baby that Donghwa adores?”

Really, it’s hard to manage my expression. I was disillusioned with everything and carefully read the paper in my hand. Damn it, what is this? How hard is the job of an idol? Why do so many children risk their lives for this? But wouldn’t even these questions seem like a luxury to them? Countless questions flashed through my mind.

“Now, then! The history of Blossence is being rewritten today. Someone who even calls himself an ice prince!”

Not myself. It wasn’t a voluntary act even more so.

“The day Donghwa melts! The aegyo-master genius idol that the Idol Workshop has finally completed! Show us right now!”

I took a deep breath and put both fists to my cheeks.

“Donghwa wants to be with you, nyan [onomatopoeia for a cat’s meow].”

With the sound of nyan, I bend my right fist down and rub it against my cheek once.

Damn it, life.

“Ah! Aaaaaah!”

Ryu Ideun jumps up from his seat and cheers. Chae Hamin was screaming while smiling brightly as if her empathy meter was rising.

And the most unfortunate thing is that the script Ryu Ideun gave me is not over yet.

“When you go out… can you take me with you?”

And make a circle with your hand and pretend to bite it, then change it to a heart shape.

“Oh my god. Oh my god.”

I hear Lee Hyunjae’s death rattle-like voice. But there is still a final syllable left.

“Nyan.”

I spat that out and buried my face in my hands. I couldn’t hold my head up straight.

If I show this to Mokhwa and Simba, I might want to end my life that day, so I should tell them not to watch.

“Waaaaah, Donghwa is cute!”

As expected of a madman, Ryu Ideun runs over again and lifts me up in an instant. Ryu Ideun’s words that the basics of variety shows are repetition come to mind, so I quickly strike the guy’s neck with my hand.

“Put me down, you damn beetle.”

It’s just my imagination that there’s much more strength than before.

“Wow! The mantis tore up the workshop!”

Yeseong watched that far and clapped with an excited voice as if he was moved.

Standing tall next to the fallen Ryu Ideun, I sighed once, hid my face again, and went up on the drum barrel.

I don’t want to see anything anymore. As I am receiving countless gazes from others in a closed room, I am filled with the thought that this is hell.

“Wow, that was great. I’m glad everything seems to be going according to our script, Yeseong.”

“Actually, we were going to insist that whatever he said made sense, right?”

Ssangseong was clapping their hands together as if they were having fun. Yes, I expected that to some extent, so it’s okay, and it doesn’t matter.

But.

“From today, when you talk to Donghwa, add nyan to the end of everything.”

“Yeah, it’s unconditional, hyung.”

“I’m going to do it too. I’m going to add it when I tutor.”

“Nyan.”

The conversation that followed in the order of Ideun, Hamin, Hyunjae, and Jun was unbearable. It’s embarrassing. I feel like going to the studio and hiding.