Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 143

143.

The music video shoot for ‘Luminous.’ Since we had to squeeze it in during music show promotions, we were told we’d be finishing the shoot in a single day. Unlike previous music videos, the story wouldn’t be continued.

And at that scene, I am currently panicking.

“Could I ask what the concept for the outfits is?”

I asked the stylist who had been with us since our debut.

“Reminiscing about memories.”

Isn’t wearing rags a bit problematic to call it reminiscing? I had been embarrassed once before because of a see-through piece of fabric, but this feels like déjà vu all over again.

“We don’t have memories like this…”

What I held in my hand was a sweater that was torn in many places. If I had to compare, it looked similar to what I wore in the fourth survival competition.

“We do, but it’s closer to trauma that could trigger PTSD [Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder].”

Damn survival show. I still get annoyed thinking about it. I would have felt better if I had destroyed the stairs instead of just cleaning them during the performance.

“Dong-hwa, the fans voted! For the outfit they wanted to see the most. This stage is completely according to the fans’ wishes, you know?”

Why, of all things, our fans. I was enjoying my troubled feelings, then resigned myself and simply reached out my hand. Because there would definitely be more to give.

“Kuhaha, oh, as expected, Dong-hwa, you’re quick-witted, so it’s easy.”

The stylist quietly placed a dog collar in my hand. Wait a minute.

“A collar and… it feels very different in appearance…”

“There are many collars that come out like that these days.”

No matter what anyone says, this has all the requirements to be called a dog collar.

I quickly accept reality. Now I have no choice but to admit it. That as long as I’m working as an idol, something will continue to be put around my neck.

“When will I ever be able to get rid of this damn collar?”

The opportunity cost of not wearing a collar is too high, so I’m just giving up for now, but I vowed that I would escape someday.

“Oh, there’s a wild beast here. You look like you could kill everyone with just your expression, Dad!”

Ryu Iden says as he passes by, spouting nonsense. Everything from start to finish is full of things to pick on.

* * *

‘Luminous’ is a song with the concept of memories. It’s a warm and peaceful, easy-listening pop song. Although it wasn’t said exactly like this, the AR team also said that there was no need to expect good results from the song, so they should make it without putting in too much effort.

But how could that be possible? It’s also a song dedicated to the fans, and I’m Team Leader Jang Hae-jin’s certified ‘old man who makes poison,’ you know. Lee Hyun-jae once came to the studio early in the morning with a head full of questions, and waited nearly an hour for me to wake up while I was focused on work.

“…Hyun-jae came by?”

After an hour had passed, when I turned around, Lee Hyun-jae only said one thing.

“I think you’re crazy, hyung [older brother or male friend].”

“You use figurative expressions well, Hyun-jae.”

“Uh… it’s not a metaphor.”

Hyun-jae, I’m too ordinary of a human to be called crazy.

Finishing my short reminiscence, I look around. Is it because of the keyword ‘memories’? I changed outfits several times during the music video shoot, and they were all outfits I had worn before, at least once.

The stage outfit today is the same. Unlike the other members, I’m wearing a blue hanbok [traditional Korean clothing]. It feels like an extension of ‘Heung,’ but this is definitely the outfit I wore on stage with Seok-joon.

On the other hand, Chae Ha-min was wearing a sweater, Ryu Iden was wearing a sailor suit from ‘Horizon,’ Lee Hyun-jae was wearing a leather outfit from the ‘Genie’ stage, and Seok-joon was wearing a see-through outfit from ‘Cloudy Blue.’

…Looking at it like this, doesn’t it stand out strangely? It’s hard to think we’re in the same group.

I hope the fans will be satisfied with what they see.

“BlossomS, let’s start filming!”

We get up one by one from our seats.

“Oh, it feels weird. Wearing the survival show outfits.”

“Iden hyung, me too. It feels a bit strange. I wore this outfit a little over a year ago.”

“Our debut anniversary is slowly coming up too, isn’t it?”

Lee Hyun-jae’s words bring back my lost sense of time. The fact that even about a year feels so distant must be explained psychologically. I heard that time feels like it’s passing faster as you get older, and the fact that my mental age is 29 is a shame in times like these.

It would be nice if it felt like it was flowing a little slower.

“Hyung-nims [older brothers], Hyun-jae, let’s cheer up!”

With the support of Seok-joon, who’s in the best mood these days, we step onto the stage. A place that feels more enjoyable than my room at home before I knew it. I didn’t plan on becoming an idol like this, geez.

As I step onto the stage, the lights feel a bit hot. The fans haven’t heard the song that was released for free yet, so it’s their first encounter with the song ‘Luminous.’

Will my gratitude be conveyed with this song? With my lacking skills, will I be able to properly capture the feelings of being gifted with such a happy daily life in the song?

“Everyone, you don’t know what song we’re doing today, right!”

“Follow-up song!”

The fans’ hearts must already be bursting with the 3-week extension of our activities. As I look at each of their faces, I recognize a few familiar ones. That person is the one who came to the fan signing event and asked if God exists. I remember being embarrassed and laugh.

I didn’t know that training my memory since I was young would be so helpful in my previous life, but now I realize the meaning of training my memory.

It must have been to keep good memories in my head forever.

* * *

‘What the f*ck? Is Ji Dong-hwa planning to assassinate me? Why is he smiling?’

Ji Dong-hwa’s fan holds her breath for a moment. It’s her first time at a pre-recording session in a while after the final exams. She has to endure it no matter what.

Smiling is fine, but I can’t have a heart attack because of it. Even if I collapse, I have to collapse after the stage is over.

‘…No, if I collapse after the stage, it might cause problems for the kids’ mental state, so I’ll collapse at home.’

Having come to a rational conclusion, she firmly grips the official cheering stick. The flower-shaped stick, which she took out of the drawer after a long time, feels familiar in her hand.

“Dong-hwa! The hanbok looks good on you!”

She doesn’t usually have this much volume, but when she stands in this place, her explosive volume is unleashed.

“Thank you.”

She holds her breath again as Ji Dong-hwa receives the microphone from Ryu Iden and bows his head once, looking directly in the direction she is standing. Damn it, endure, me!

As she was stubbornly holding on with strength in her lower body, the cue sign rings. A song she’s hearing for the first time today begins to play.

‘What is this? I can memorize the lyrics of all the songs on this album.’

No wonder there was no mention of what song they would be doing; they must be performing a completely new song.

‘…Stop pushing the kids so hard, you dog-like company bastards!’

What kind of crazy company suddenly records a new song for follow-up promotions! No, there are many companies like that, but you guys shouldn’t do that, Nietzsche!

However, her attention is focused on the soft and warm melody that envelops her ears. As the intro ends and the melody begins in earnest, Ji Dong-hwa and Chae Ha-min come out as a pair, smiling and singing one line each in turn.

You and I meet under cloudy skies
Holding hands from the last start
Somehow we get excited when it’s just the two of us
Today I want to tell you, thank you

She could understand with just the first four lines of the lyrics.

‘Oh, sh*t, this.’

It’s a fan song. It’s really a fan song.

So that’s why they wrote the title song titles in a row, from Cloudy Blue to Last Start, and then Heung.

As an N-year veteran of idol fandom, she had already heard many fan songs. But perhaps because she never thought that the day would come when she would hear one again after her former main group met its demise.

She is now feeling a fresh wave of emotion. The image of her former main group, with all the bad rumors behind the scenes while they were singing a fan song, was hard to bear even with her fan heart.

And now, she is feeling a sense of healing as she listens to this song.

‘…It doesn’t seem like these kids are the type to stab you in the back.’

The most ironic thing about the idol industry is that it’s difficult to get a refund or after-sales service when there’s a defect in the product. When you buy more than ten albums, you’re buying it because of the person, not because of the album.

In that respect, she feels relieved that they are a group that hasn’t had a single scandal (a general term for an entertainer’s actions that betray fans’ trust due to their private life, etc.) since their debut.

‘F*ck, BlossomS is my forever safe idol.’

Even in an uncertain future, she decides to trust the feeling she had when she first saw Ji Dong-hwa. Even if she were a member of BlossomS, it would be hard to do anything stupid with Ji Dong-hwa next to her.

‘A person who knows what justice is doesn’t stab you in the back! They don’t stand by and watch when people around them do that!’

Even while thinking that, she doesn’t take her eyes off the stage.

Luminous in me, a clear light in the darkness
Luminous in me, a path to walk together

Lee Hyun-jae’s clear voice sings the chorus to a warm melody line. Enjoying the feeling of slowly melting, she cheered.

* * *

After finishing two stages for the pre-recording, I grabbed Ryu Iden by the collar.

“The choreography is too intense, hyung.”

I wonder if this is a route that a human being is supposed to dance. You can do it because you’re a dog, but I’m a human.

“Oh, it’s all Ha-min’s fault, Dong-hwa hyung!”

I let go of his collar and go my way again. Behind me, Ryu Iden, as if feeling wronged, mutters a few times and shouts.

“Look at him not saying a word to Ha-min! Just! Me!”

It’s your fault for not stopping the rampaging rabbit, you damn dog.

As I was walking and greeting the various staff members in the music broadcasting room, I saw someone waving their hand largely from afar.

“Dong-hwa! Iden hyung!”

Well, he has a kind impression. I heard that God’s A comeback overlaps with our follow-up song promotions, so we’re meeting like this right away.

Behind Yoon Sung-ho, who’s running towards us, Ho-yeon is also running this way. Don’t run with a blank expression.

“Dong-hwa, it’s been a while.”

He’s still composing sentences with the fewest number of words possible. I like that he’s consistent.

And then the rest of the God’s A members line up behind him. Perhaps because of their history of having a near-zero level of manners, Ryu Iden stands in front of me, slightly shielding me.

However, the world never flows as expected.

“Ah, hello, BlossomS everyone!”

Goodness. Those rude kids are greeting us so politely.

I look towards Yoon Sung-ho. He’s grinning as if he’s proud of his members. He’s clearly realized a positive influence within the God’s A group.

‘If it were me, I would have just quit and disappeared a long time ago, how.’

Chae Ha-min also cautiously comes behind me and whispers.

“Did they perhaps undergo some kind of human modification?”

That’s the most reasonable inference for now. Rabbit, 1 point added.

“Oh, hello, God’s A everyone! It’s been a while. How have you been?”

Ryu Iden, who is perfect when it comes to social life, answers without showing any signs of embarrassment.

“Dong-hwa, how is it? Our kids have grown a lot, right.”

While Ryu Iden and the God’s A members are shaking hands, Yoon Sung-ho cautiously approaches and whispers.

“…It’s more than just grown.”

Over Yoon Sung-ho’s shoulder, I can see the God’s A members with slightly nervous expressions, with a compulsion to perfectly carry out the instructions they’ve received.

‘They look brainwashed.’

Maybe Yoon Sung-ho has changed his profession to something like a mad scientist. He succeeded in personality modification, I wonder if he’ll become a business partner later.