Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 211

“Then, let’s start again.”

“Yes!”

Mok-hwa was grinning, so I couldn’t openly complain.

“Start!”

At the PD’s word, I smiled and handed over the green tea mint tea I had ordered in advance. After drinking it, it was surprisingly palatable. It’s definitely not because I wanted you to suffer too.

“Dongsaeng [younger brother or friend].”

Good heavens.

“Yes, Professor.”

“Hey, we’re off the record, so just call me ‘Hyung [older brother or friend (male to male)]’ comfortably. Our dongsaeng is quite affectionate.”

We often forget the rules of this show, but the motto is to maintain composure in any situation. The production team seems to have forgotten that I’ve never been caught in a heart rate check, but today is a bit precarious. I’m not obsessed with being called ‘Hyung,’ but my brain is vehemently rejecting it.

“Are you being a boomer [someone with outdated views]?”

I said through gritted teeth, and Mok-hwa took a deep breath to suppress his laughter, looking up at the clouds flowing in the sky for a moment.

“The weather is, clear.”

“…Yes.”

The silence that followed. Combined with the birdsong, I wondered what all this was for.

“I’m waiting.”

“For what?”

Mok-hwa lowered his gaze from the sky and answered sadly.

“To be called Hyung……”

Don’t say it so wistfully, you crazy dongsaeng. Anyone would think we’re not real brothers. It seems the PD had a strong recommendation. An order to definitely hear the word ‘Hyung.’

Deep breath. I can’t break the contract. I can’t treat Mok-hwa like Ryu Iden. The thought that situations don’t improve just by avoiding them. I took a breath and opened my mouth. In that short time, a story flowed through my head.

Long ago, in Greece, there was a priestess who wished for eternal life from Apollo but didn’t ask for eternal youth. She lived an eternal life but only grew old.

One day, a boy asked her, as Apollo had asked her in the past, ‘What do you wish for now!’ and she replied briefly. ‘I want to die.’

[That’s a story that only suits me!]

The conclusion is the same for me. And you, you’re going to make me want to live, so it’ll be a different conclusion.

[I’m in love!]

Shut up.

Anyway, I opened my mouth and uttered a single syllable with difficulty.

“…Hyung.”

“Keuh-heup.”

Mok-hwa immediately burst into laughter, bowed his head, and took out a white flag from his arms. Then, he convulsed wildly for a long time, twisting his body somewhere between joy and madness. That guy also has a heart rate device on him, so I’ll definitely get revenge somehow.

“Wish granted.”

“…How can that be your only wish, Mok-hwa?”

“If it’s just that, how about I keep granting it?”

“Good heavens.”

Mok-hwa lowered the white flag and neatly adjusted his tie.

“Let’s start.”

“Yes, I like this comfortable atmosphere.”

“Only I’m uncomfortable……”

“Start!”

I put on my habitual smile.

“Anyway, Dongsaeng.”

“Yes, Hyung.”

“Heu-eup.”

The crazy dongsaeng is looking at the sky again. Even a marathon runner’s breath after finishing a race wouldn’t be that shallow, you damn dongsaeng. If I don’t say something on the way back, I’ll be so upset that I won’t be able to sleep soundly tonight.

“I saw a profound discussion topic yesterday, Dongsaeng.”

Is he going to say some nonsense like perilla leaves [a common topic of debate in Korea about whether it’s acceptable for someone to peel the leaves off for another person] again?

“I’m curious. Our Hyung is thoughtful and wise, so no matter what answer I give, you’ll find a better solution.”

This is Ji Dong-hwa’s mental lesson. The clumsy don’t survive. Our Mok-hwa didn’t properly understand how much and how often the production team and I have held knives to each other’s throats, and how many tricks we’ve played.

In this place where any situation, if words are spoken, must be fulfilled, and if you want to change something, it must be connected coherently to the words that came before.

“Whatever the discussion, I expect you to give the most rational answer with far superior logic than me, Hyung.”

Only then did Mok-hwa feel that something was wrong, and after looking at the production team and me once each, he nodded as if he had realized. His expression said, ‘So, this is that kind of program.’

“This is…, that, the trolley dilemma……”

Oh dear. What to do. It seems like a lie that the production team isn’t planning to screw you over, Mok-hwa.

“I’ve never heard of it.”

“This is, there’s one person and five people on the train tracks, each on a different track……”

Actually, I know. I know it very well. It’s a thought experiment that asks whether to change the path of a train, and if you do, only one person will die. It’s a bonus that you can shake the respondent’s head by adding or changing conditions no matter which side you say.

I’ve talked about this topic with my father for over three hours, Mok-hwa. While you were napping next to your mother playing the piano, debating with my father was my daily life.

I think the first thing I said back then was, ‘One of the tracks must have been the original path of the train, so the people there must have a problem with their heads.’ It was a reckless childhood, unlike now.

After finishing the explanation, Mok-hwa looked at me proudly, as if asking me to praise him for memorizing all the conditions without forgetting. However, in this cruel program, such sentimentalism is not right. If you want a child to become independent, praise alone is not enough.

“Ah, I’m hearing it for the first time today.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes, Hyung, tell me first. I want to hear it.”

“…I, well, I think I’d switch it.”

Kant would hate it.

“What if that one person was someone who would change the future, and you knew it?”

Suffer the same way my father did to me, you damn dongsaeng.

* * *

About thirty minutes of Q&A. I kept adding countless conditions, changing the situation, and twisting Mok-hwa’s answers. They’ll edit it anyway. The editors of this show are no ordinary people.

“Then.”

“Wait a minute.”

Mok-hwa raised the white flag.

“Hyung……”

The look in his eyes was pitiful, the excitement he felt when he first came on this program had disappeared, and he was exhausted after going through the process of having his morality chopped down on the guillotine several times. I smiled and patted Mok-hwa on the shoulder.

“Those people are bad, Mok-hwa.”

“…Is that so?”

“The very fact that they told you to bring up this topic was probably a plan to target this.”

The PD covered his mouth with an expression that said, ‘I’ve been caught!’

“Even you raising the white flag and complaining to me was probably part of the plan. Those damn production team members.”

“Dong-hwa, don’t mix honorifics and derogatory terms!”

“They’re expecting a brotherly fight.”

Mok-hwa’s eyes were filled with chilling betrayal. He nodded repeatedly with a look of realization, as if he remembered my advice to watch out for the production team.

“I knew it. I thought it was strange that Hyung was being so cold.”

No, it’s true that I was being cold. But I won’t say it out loud.

“Oh, Dong-hwa, isn’t this brainwashing!”

So what. Originally, creating an external enemy to unite the internal is a traditional method. What’s so unfair about me uniting with my dongsaeng? Now that the white flag is down, we’ll fight together, you damn PD.

“But, Hyung.”

Mok-hwa, who had been watching the everyday staring contest between me and the production team from the side, muttered with a bright smile.

“Why, Mok-hwa?”

Since I’ve brought the guest over to my side, it’s safe to say that today’s filming is my victory.

“I’m also in a position where I received money.”

Mok-hwa’s eyes had a strange light.

“There’s no way I’d take sides so easily, Hyung.”

That pitiful expression from earlier was an act, you sly guy.

“No, I should call you Dongsaeng!”

I was crazy. I didn’t recognize the fact that he’s a human who’s quicker to catch on than me and not bad at using his head, trapped in the frame of a kind dongsaeng. It was me who couldn’t survive.

“This program is about using your head. Hyung, it reminds me of when we used to play chess.”

“You always won.”

“Because Hyung always let me win on purpose.”

Why should I win a game that I’m obviously going to win, Mok-hwa? It was more fun to find a way to lose narrowly.

“I was so sad, I never won with my own skill……”

Mok-hwa said sadly, then immediately smiled.

“I hope I can win today.”

* * *

That PD, he’s a genius. I don’t want to admit it, but until now, the given situation was a one-sided tool to screw me over, but this filming is a kind of opportunity. In order to lead to the situation you want, you have to keep laying out coherent groundwork.

I don’t know why I have to do this nonsense of looking several moves ahead in a filming that’s supposed to be funny, but let’s do our best for now.

“Oh, what’s this.”

A group photo of Blossence and Hoppinn lying on the floor. It’s placed there for whoever finds it first to use. Mok-hwa smiles and throws out a word.

“It’s not mine.”

In the setting, this is a place where the production team’s footsteps haven’t reached. It’s the moment when the setting that I’m a male idol otaku [obsessed fan] is about to be created. If I want to deny it, I have to explain ‘why there’s an idol photo here,’ so I give up.

“It’s mine, Hyung.”

“I didn’t know you had a hobby of being an idol otaku.”

“Yes, Diki, the leader of Hoppinn, is my ultimate favorite.”

A sharp light swirled in Mok-hwa’s eyes. It’s important to make him lose his composure. Mok-hwa has always known that his Hyung’s ultimate favorite is himself.

“…How about this friend.”

Mok-hwa pointed to himself. Hmm, cute.

“Looks like a good person.”

A blunder that creates the setting that it’s not his and that he doesn’t know idols well. I have no choice but to accept whatever I say. To make such a serious mistake, your skills are the same as when you were young, Mok-hwa.

“As far as I know, he’s good at what he does, but his personality is a bit bad. He’s used to stabbing his only Hyung in the heart.”

In my sly smile, I saw Mok-hwa biting his teeth between thinly opened eyes.

“This friend is handsome.”

This time, it’s my photo.

“Before I majored in consumer psychology in Gangwon-do, I majored in physiognomy [the art of judging character from facial features].”

Crazy, what majors. It’s a plan to overcome the limitation of not knowing idol information through physiognomy. I’ll gladly accept any criticism.

“He has the face of someone who will work hard. He seems like he’ll be very kind to his dongsaeng, give him a lot of affection, and if he accidentally says something harsh to his dongsaeng, he’ll toss and turn all night that night.”

How do you know that, you damn. You were sleeping.

“He seems like he’ll be good at making spicy chicken stew, he’ll starve himself and buy snacks for his dongsaeng, and he has the face of someone who will be loved a lot by his dongsaeng.”

I raised the white flag. It’s too disadvantageous. He knows too well how to attack my mentality.

“Ah, easy, easy. PD! How’s the heart rate?”

“Right now, Dong-hwa, it’s within the normal range.”

“Wow, your mental management is amazing, Hyung. Everyone, this Hyung is very weak to expressions of affection. He’s always been like that.”

I ignored all of Mok-hwa’s passing words and focused on deep breathing. I’d rather play chess.

“Mok-hwa’s heart rate went over a while ago!”

Jin-ha, what kind of treatment are you getting from Mok-hwa that you lose your composure as soon as you’re compared? I don’t know if it’s okay as a leader.

“I knew it would be like this. Anyway, Hyung will toss and turn all night when he gets home, so I’ll gladly accept the penalty.”

I looked at Mok-hwa, who was smiling brightly, and made a resolution.

Absolutely, I won’t go over, heart rate.