Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 219

Chae Hamin sat on the sofa, looking incredibly tense.

“So, what, what do I do first?”

“There’s no need to be so nervous.”

“No, it’s just, this is the first time I’m working with you, just the two of us. It’d be weird if I wasn’t nervous, Donghwa.”

*Sorry, but I’m too used to working with just the two of us. I’m still writing songs with Junseong, after all.*

“I don’t really know much about dancing.”

*I can input and output if I’m told to, but I don’t know the principles of how to create a beautiful dance. Just like knowing what good writing is doesn’t mean you can write it, I know what a good dance is, but I don’t know how to make it.*

“So, I want to know what kind of dance you want to do.”

Lee Hyunjae only had to compose in a way that showed off his vocal skills to the fullest, but this time, it was a song for Chae Hamin, so the purpose was bound to be a little different.

Chae Hamin pondered, his posture stiff, and then, as if he had made up his mind, he exclaimed.

“But there’s something I want more than any other dance.”

What.

“A duet with you!”

“Huh?”

*That’s completely different from the intention of Monthly Ji Donghwa. This is content where I’m in the position of writing a song for you.*

“Donghwa, you never think about showing yourself. I’ve told you countless times that you always put yourself last, haven’t I?”

“…Yeah.”

*Wait, is this a scolding session right now? Why am I always getting scolded in the same pattern?*

“Donghwa, how can you never change? I wish you were a little more selfish. You always pass on the good stuff to others and put up with losses.”

*Seriously, it’d be hard to keep up with you when it comes to being altruistic, Hamin.*

“That’s, you too—”

“No, you’re much worse than me.”

“Am I not allowed to argue?”

“No.”

*Where did healthy opinion sharing go? [Jürgen] Habermas, who valued the role of the public sphere, are you crying in your grave? It seems like people these days prefer to insist rather than converse.*

“Anyway, you’re going to do it with me, right? Why doesn’t only you have a personal video! All that comes out in the making is scenes of you staying up all night, which isn’t good at all.”

“You see enough of that in mental training sessions.”

Chae Hamin immediately covered his mouth and burst into laughter. It’s an instant cure, probably because it’s Chae Hamin’s favorite content these days. Let’s quickly change the subject and try to stick to the purpose of the content.

“No. I’m not going to let it go. Absolutely together! It’s okay if the order is pushed back! I’m really busy right now, so we can do it when I have some time to rest.”

*Oh dear, he’s resolute and quick.*

As he said that, Chae Hamin clasped his hands together and begged earnestly. What on earth made Chae Hamin beg so earnestly for something like this? How did he end up thinking that I absolutely had to film a personal video? Really, I can’t imagine that the answer is me.

“What kind of song do you want to do?”

“What, are you giving me permission now?”

“…Yeah.”

“Wow, I’m a little touched. I should write today down on the calendar!”

Chae Hamin tapped his phone. Crazy.

“I even wrote down the day Hyunjae first asked me to hang out.”

“…Do you have any others?”

“About twenty? I even wrote down the day Lee Deun hyung [older brother/male friend] first grabbed you by the collar, just in case.”

“Just in case what.”

“It’ll all be memories when we’re seventy and talking about it.”

“…You’re not in your right mind.”

*I can’t imagine what my expression looks like right now. Anyway, Ryu Lee Deun and Chae Hamin are equally unmatched when it comes to not getting along.* Chae Hamin finished typing on his phone and answered with a bright smile.

“Donghwa, think about the program you’re filming.”

That’s… true. That’s the most insane thing in my life these days. I closed my mouth. You have to be silent in the face of truth.

“…So what kind of song do you want to sing with me?”

Chae Hamin threw away his bright smile and twisted his body with a troubled and embarrassed look.

“Last night, after listening to you, I kept thinking about it…”

“Yeah.”

“Um, to say it, I have to talk about something a little, a little dark.”

Oh dear.

“Tell me, I want to hear it.”

“So, let’s just buy a bottle of soju [Korean distilled rice liquor]! We don’t have any schedules tomorrow!”

How on earth does your train of thought lead to that conclusion? It’s a problem because I can’t understand it sometimes. It’s only fortunate that I can’t understand it in a bad way.

“…Here?”

“Or, let’s just go out for a bit! I have to talk about it today, I mustered up a lot of courage.”

* * *

“Resignation letter ready.”

Jung Kyungwoo patted his chest and smiled with satisfaction. *It’s a symbol of the petty bourgeois conscience that can stand by and watch others do dirty deeds, but can’t bring himself to do them.*

If they accept his resignation letter during production, it will be difficult to set foot in this industry again, but then he intends to go to Jang Haejin, who is sitting in front of him, kneel down, and ask her to let him produce internal videos.

“Will that be okay?”

“Well, what else can I do? I can’t muster the courage to say, ‘I’m going to expose it!’… How can I play with people’s dreams with my own hands?”

“Oh, but don’t hand it in so hastily. You might be mistaken.”

“Eh, it’s just a matter of will. It means I won’t just do as I’m told. I’ll have to see the broadcast to know if they’re really going to do that kind of thing. Should I just tell them to screw themselves and edit it completely fairly?”

“You’ll be replaced before you can hand in your resignation letter.”

“Haejin, I’ve come all this way, please say something positive…”

“Positive my foot. You’re about to change jobs.”

“I don’t know yet! Only if they don’t tell me to do it…”

Jung Kyungwoo drank a glass of beer and then drank the broth of the fish cake soup. But the pressure that had built up inside him didn’t go away easily.

“This damn show. Ugh, how did I end up building my career in this direction…”

A single show, a choice among countless scenes, the joy and sorrow that intertwine as a result, and the reality that is sometimes hidden. The sense of responsibility that comes with being a PD [Production Director] weighed down on Jung Kyungwoo’s shoulders.

*I felt it when I was filming Nietzsche, but I don’t think I’m ruthless enough to direct a survival show.* The fact that I can influence who gets eliminated, geez.

“Hey, you can’t say that. All you did was give them a little more screen time, The Next Nine.”

“I’m just saying. And I made a big mistake there too…”

Why does a social gathering for working people always lead to lamentation?

“Okay, let’s just eat and die today.”

“Yeah, try to rig it, I’ll just hand in my resignation letter!”

“I’ll say something to our vice president too.”

Jung Kyungwoo was subtly drunk, and with slightly loosened eyes, he banged his head on the table in time with the beat and shouted.

“Ugh! Try to rig it! I’ll just change jobs!”

“I don’t know how long that tone will be popular.”

Yeah, it’s abnormal to play with other people’s dreams just because someone tells you to, asks you to, or because you want to gain more fame.

That being said, a resignation letter, and a resignation from HBS [broadcasting station] at that. Jang Haejin smacked her lips bitterly, thinking about what kind of heart Jung Kyungwoo was holding his resignation letter in.

* * *

Moderate alcohol is said to be good for your health. It helps with blood circulation, for example.

Of course, there’s nothing as difficult and abstract as the word ‘moderate,’ which is why the virtue of moderation that Aristotle spoke of is so difficult to keep.

“Phew, just half a glass!”

“…Why do you need alcohol anyway.”

“I need courage to tell a sad story! So you have to get drunk too.”

*Then I’ll contribute a lot to the bar’s sales today, and tomorrow morning, a scandal about Ji Donghwa’s private life will break out in eyewitness accounts. A crazy bastard who’ll build the Great Wall of China with soju bottles.*

Isn’t it true that if it’s a truth you can tell after drinking alcohol, you can tell it sober enough?

A bar near the company, mostly frequented by people from our company or other agencies, a place where you can rent a private room.

We’re here for the first time today, but Junseong and Yaeon sunbae [senior colleague] said it’s a good place for members to have a drink together, so we came.

Chae Hamin drank half a glass of soju, and I filled the rest of the glass with beer. I can’t bring myself to drink straight from the bottle without any grace. After that, Chae Hamin kept repeating trivial stories, dragging them out, and I sipped my beer and responded appropriately.

“Good, potion of courage.”

“You’re not in your right mind.”

“I’ll get hurt if you keep saying that!”

Oh dear, I should be quiet.

“Do you remember when we got drunk without alcohol before?”

I nodded. It must have taken a lot of courage to bring up such a dark history himself.

“I told you I don’t have any friends, right?”

Chae Hamin is slowly getting drunk, so he’s getting to the point. Sip, um, it really doesn’t taste good. Unlike other alcohols, soju focuses on the intake of alcohol rather than the aroma or taste.

“Do you know that feeling, Donghwa? The feeling when people only look for things in me that I didn’t achieve.”

“No.”

I’ve only ever had things that I’ve achieved.

“Money, my father’s connections, it’s always money, money. I’m treated like a walking wallet…”

Chae Hamin took a bite of the karaage [Japanese fried chicken] he had ordered as a snack and continued to grumble.

“In the place I was before I joined God Entertainment…, I thought they were my friends… They were really too much.”

Something’s missing in the middle, you crazy bastard.

“I went to the bathroom after eating, and when I came back, the kids were swiping my card as if it were natural.”

That’s a crime. It would have been nice to sue them, what a shame.

“And one day…, the kids were talking about me in the practice room, treating me like a wallet… That’s what happened. I’m a person, really, that’s true, isn’t it.”

I put down my beer glass and chewed on peanuts. I felt like I wanted to curse, but I didn’t bother to spit it out.

*Um, I hope those people all fail. I hope they fail to debut, can’t find a decent job, get glared at by their families, and spend every night lamenting why they can’t live properly.*

“They don’t even know my birthday, they don’t even know I like mushrooms, they don’t look for me when they go to the practice room, but they look for me when they eat… Really, they subtly ostracize me, and then they laugh at me… I didn’t have any other friends besides them, so I was a little lonely. It’s a rich man’s complaint, but I wondered why they wouldn’t look at me.”

Some might laugh and say it’s a rich man’s complaint, but philosophically and psychologically, it’s a very problematic thing to do. The fact that he maintained such a bright personality even after that shows how strong-willed Chae Hamin is. I respect him.

Chae Hamin said that much and then, as if he was getting more and more drunk on the scent of alcohol, he raised both hands with a red face and shouted.

“But! Now, ta-da! Donghwa appears in my life! He doesn’t care about my background, he doesn’t care who my family is! He’s someone who’ll be my friend even if I cut ties with my family!”

I emptied my beer glass at Chae Hamin’s sudden outburst. I wish I could get drunk, but I can only blame my parents’ genes at times like this.

“I’ve said it before, but I’m really grateful. My self-esteem has gone up a lot! I’m grateful to all our members, but especially to you… Thanks to you, I’ve changed a lot! I used to think, oh, am I just someone who’s nothing special except for money, but these days I’m proud of myself.”

Um, sorry, but shut up because it’s embarrassing. If it wasn’t a private room, I would have somehow knocked him out and dragged him out. After saying that much, Chae Hamin took a deep breath and said.

“That’s why I have to do a duet with you.”

It seems impossible to point out the logical structure, so I shut up and chewed on the peanuts. I’m still hoping that those people fail, so I clenched my teeth.

“Hamin.”

“Yeah?”

“Shall I tell you a secret?”

The basis of the world is equivalent exchange. Since I received a secret, I have to tell a secret too. I don’t know if Chae Hamin, who has already drunk a few more glasses of soju, will remember it tomorrow, but anyway.

I’ve changed too. I don’t think I used to be such an emotional person.