Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 220

We often struggle to describe ourselves. When explaining why we do something, we sometimes don’t even know the reason ourselves.

Why do I always order this flavor whenever I go to an ice cream shop? Why do I dislike this person? Why am I oblivious to some things but sensitive to others?

If you find yourself speechless when suddenly asked these questions, it’s highly likely due to the influence of others.

Perhaps you often seek out the ice cream flavor you first had with your parents as a child, or maybe someone you dislike resembles someone who bullied you in the past, or maybe you’ve developed certain preferences through countless incidents.

In other words, other people are essential in explaining who you are now.

That’s why one philosopher argued that the footprints of others become the foundation of one’s true self, saying that ‘I’ am the relationship you have with others.

That makes sense. Like Chae Hamin and I, we’ve changed a lot because of other people.

If a person is a blank canvas, couldn’t we see the process of living as each other frantically painting with colors? Some people paint with black, others with red. If so, what colors have Chae Hamin and the other members left in me?

I never really related to the saying, ‘To exist alone is a deficient form of existing together,’ but seeing how much I resonate with it these days, I guess people really do change.

When I suddenly revealed my family history and past life related to Mok-hwa, Chae Hamin went from ‘Surprised!’ to ‘Understanding!’ and then ended with ‘Tears!’

“Hwaaa, that’s so sad! No wonder! My grandma said you were a special person because of this!”

Seriously, if we weren’t in a private room, I would have run away. If it had been any more open, I would have had a brick in my hand.

“So, you must have been so embarrassed at first, Dong-hwa.”

“Well, thanks to you.”

“Huh? We weren’t that close at first, though.”

Ah, that’s because I was in Giji-saeng’s special AI state back then.

[Giji-saeng is likely referring to a company or project name. In this context, it implies a highly advanced AI state.]

And the dangers of statistics, damn it. I should have become friends with Chae Hamin sooner; it can only be seen as a mistake.

[Don’t talk nonsense with that personality of yours! There’s no way you could approach someone first!]

Then give me another life. Let me come to Nietzsche early and become a little closer with the other members.

[You’ve become a thug because I brainwashed you with the idea that you have a thug mentality. The Sapir-Whorf hypothesis that language restricts thought must be correct!]

I chuckled. I’ve changed, really.

Looking at Chae Hamin crying in front of me, I felt relieved. Either way, that damn guy won’t remember anything tomorrow because of the alcohol. Seeing how relieved I feel even though I’m shouting into a bamboo forest [a Korean expression for speaking without being heard], there must be some wisdom in old stories.

* * *

After calming Chae Hamin down, I bowed my head and greeted someone without thinking.

“Hello.”

“Dong-hwa, who are you greeting?”

Be quiet. To put it in perspective, I’m in the middle of a conversation between my direct superior and the person in charge of an outsourced company.

“Ah, I heard you were going out for a bit today, Dong-hwa. You came here?”

“Yes. I came to build some camaraderie with him.”

Team Leader Jang Hae-jin also had a burden next to her, like me. PD [Production Director] Jung Kyung-woo, heavily drunk, was being supported by Jang Hae-jin, walking as if he were half-collapsed.

“…Should I help you?”

“No, I can carry him. I work out hard, surprisingly.”

I only ever saw you half-dead in the office, so I had no idea you were so energetic.

But practice is still going on tomorrow, so you’ll have to come to work, right? I didn’t know you were someone without a future. Amazing.

Jung Kyung-woo was drowsy like Chae Hamin, but he perked up when he heard my voice. Does my voice have some kind of stimulant? Why is he like that?

“Dong-hwa-ssi! I’m sorry! I, I! I didn’t have the courage! I’m sorry!”

“Shut up, you crazy bastard. What are you doing, blabbering like that, you XX.”

Team Leader Jang Hae-jin raised her hand to cover PD Jung Kyung-woo’s mouth, swearing with a rough accent I had never heard before. But PD Jung Kyung-woo kept shouting, turning his head this way and that like a child who doesn’t want to take medicine.

“I’m sorry, I’ll take responsibility for everything! I’ll apologize for everything! I love you, Dong-hwa-ssi!”

I don’t know what he’s so sorry about. Didn’t I pay him back for what happened last time? Or is he planning to screw me over with the editing this time?

“What are you so—”

Before I could finish speaking, PD Jung Kyung-woo shouted loudly.

“I might have dragged you into a death trap! Dong-hwa-ssi, something terrible could happen!”

Then Chae Hamin shouted back.

“Bad! Why did you do that to Dong-hwa!”

Seriously, it’s shocking that we haven’t even left the restaurant yet. Fortunately, it’s a restaurant with only private rooms, so I didn’t feel the gazes of other people directly, but I could feel the attention gathering here.

“Hamin, be quiet.”

“That person did something to you!”

“Please.”

Team Leader Jang Hae-jin and I quickly went outside and paid, while the conversation of apologies and anger continued.

I’m glad I quickly put a mask on him; otherwise, I could have become a hot topic tomorrow morning, you damn rabbit.

Team Leader Jang Hae-jin and I smiled at each other, and each of us held our respective companions’ mouths shut. Chae Hamin seemed to have calmed down a bit, glaring at PD Jung Kyung-woo with his mouth shut. Get a grip; that person is one of the people who greatly influence our casting.

“Then I’ll be going now, Team Leader.”

“Okay, you too. I talked to the management team a lot and adjusted your schedule so you wouldn’t be overworked. You don’t have anything scheduled for tomorrow, right?”

“No.”

“Get some rest.”

“Yes, then.”

After a brief nod, I went home and started organizing the things I needed to ask Ryu Iden.

Hmm, I need rumors, rumors about this program I’m appearing on.

* * *

When I entered the dorm, Hyun-jae and Iden were playing a board game, except for Seok-joon, who was already asleep. Those guys are gradually getting into board games to try to take meaningful breaks amidst their busy schedules. I think it would be better to do needlework like me, but if they’re having fun, whatever.

“Oh, hyung, you’re here?”

“Yeah. Did you film the broadcast well today, Hyun-jae?”

“Yes, all I did was sing. Hyung, you just made a rule mistake.”

But lately, I’ve been reasonably suspecting that Ryu Iden is just forcing himself to match Lee Hyun-jae’s new hobby.

“Ah, can’t I put this here?”

“No.”

After the anger, it’s worry. Chae Hamin is worrying about me while using every curse word in the world, then he collapsed. It’s not a bad feeling, but it’s a pity that all the embarrassment is on me.

“Hamin, we’re home.”

“…Yeah.”

Hmm, I guess my explanation wasn’t enough. I meant get up, you crazy bastard. I was so dumbfounded that I chuckled a few times before throwing Chae Hamin, who was like a corpse, onto the bed.

“Ugh!”

Ignoring the guy who was in pain and falling asleep again, I took off my coat, hung it on the hanger, and went outside to sit on the sofa, letting out a deep sigh. It was a damn long day.

“Hyung, try to do better.”

“Sorry, I…”

“It’s no fun if I keep winning.”

“I’m trying too… So let’s buy one with more random elements!”

Ryu Iden smiled like a dad and stroked Lee Hyun-jae’s head, but when Lee Hyun-jae coldly brushed him off, he made a terrible onomatopoeia, ‘Heung—,’ and made a face as if he were the most pitiful person in the world.

What should I do? I don’t have a brick cushion, so I feel like I’m really going to hit him. The color that guy left in me probably isn’t a very good color.

“Iden.”

“Our Dong-hwa hyung always forgets to say ‘hyung’ [older brother or older male friend, used as a term of endearment].”

“I say it for you instead.”

“Why?”

Sensing that I had something serious to say just from my voice, Ryu Iden approached and whispered, out of Lee Hyun-jae’s earshot.

“It’s not that big of a deal.”

“What is it, then?”

“By any chance, are there any strange rumors about Idol Production Workshop?”

Then Ryu Iden slightly twitched his eyes and trembled his lips a little. He was trying to manage his expression somehow, but we’ve known each other for a while, so it’s funny that he thinks I wouldn’t notice.

“…Hyun-jae.”

“Yes, see you alive tomorrow, Iden hyung.”

Lee Hyun-jae had already finished cleaning up and went into the room with a subtle smile.

“Spill it.”

“Ah, I haven’t finished deciding whether to tell you or not yet.”

“The more information, the better.”

“It’s just a guess, so I was worried it might cause confusion. Hyung is—”

“If you act cute, I’m really going to grab you by the collar.”

“You grab me by the collar once a month!”

Don’t act wronged. Usually, there’s a valid reason. There was only one time I grabbed him out of boredom, but Ryu Iden seemed to think he had done something wrong, so I let it pass without saying anything.

“Anyway, tell me. What is it?”

* * *

Ryu Iden carefully organized his words and conveyed them, watching Ji Dong-hwa’s expression, who was listening with a blank face from beginning to end.

‘Ah, I knew it. I should have just given it to him in a letter!’ It was too late to regret it. What could he do since he was caught?

“So, in conclusion, there’s a suspicious smell of rigging in the drug case? It’s just a guess, though?”

A completely rotten expression. Ryu Iden was shocked to learn for the first time what Ji Dong-hwa’s serious expression of contempt looked like. What is that? It’s a look that doesn’t even treat you like a human being.

Ryu Iden couldn’t stop his hands from trembling, even though he knew it wasn’t because of him.

“Hmm…”

“But, honestly, there’s nothing we can do even if we know, right? We can’t declare a boycott, we can’t expose it, so I just thought it was better not to know and didn’t tell you right away. So I hope you’ll forgive me a little, my beloved Dong-hwa.”

“I’m not angry at hyung at all. I know hyung was thinking of me.”

How can you say that with an expression full of contempt? Can I ask you a little, teacher? I think it’s the first time I’ve ever seen it.

Ryu Iden, who knew Ji Dong-hwa well, pondered. That guy has high ethical standards, but when it comes to screwing over villains, he’s a human who considers all efficient and rational means.

To prevent the worst outcome, he’s a human who would bury someone, exaggerating a little, if he could just make it disappear.

“…You’re not going to kill anyone, are you, Dong-hwa?”

“What are you talking about? Why would I?”

‘No, you’re sometimes, really sometimes, not in your right mind. I realized that the saying that highly developed intelligence can’t be distinguished from madness is true because of you,’ Ryu Iden shouted inwardly.

He even reached the point where the words ‘Why would I?’ sounded like ‘If I borrow someone else’s hand, I can do it as much as I want.’

“Anyway, from what I heard from PD Kyung-woo, it didn’t seem like he was the kind of person who would do that. I’m sure he’ll handle it well.”

Attempt to extinguish the fire.

“You never know what might happen, hyung.”

Failure. Seeing Ji Dong-hwa erasing his contempt and coldly contemplating something, he knew it was all over.

With Chae Hamin, the honorary firefighter in Ji Dong-hwa’s place, passed out drunk, Ryu Iden bitterly believed that no one could stop Ji Dong-hwa from going on a rampage.