Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 230

It was a traffic accident in itself. The whole thing was a drinking session from the start. I accepted the meeting feeling like I was just building connections.

Then the data poured out before my eyes. It was as if they had searched through my entire life.

Collecting every minor scratch and a few major dents, it felt like the value of my life was dropping, just like the price of a used car.

Hwa-yang scanned the files with a displeased look, then tossed them aside and refilled her glass with *makgeolli* [Korean rice wine].

“Hmm, you’ve lived dishonestly. Why are there so many dirty stories?”

I could confidently say that I had lived more diligently than anyone else.

“That’s the look on your face.”

Hwa-yang chuckled and sipped her *makgeolli*. “They said it was handmade, but it’s not that great,” she muttered to herself.

“I can’t curse because it’s not elegant, um.”

She leaned back in her chair, pretending to ponder, and quietly stroked her chin.

“That’s not living diligently, that’s living off other people, you idiot. Ah, is this a curse?”

*She’s doing the same thing.*

“That’s the look on your face. I’m really good at guessing, right? I asked a friend to get my fortune read, and guess what? They said I shouldn’t get my fortune read because my fortune is cursed. Thinking about it, I think I might have some kind of divine power.”

Of course, Hwa-yang personally doesn’t believe in that kind of thing. She was just disappointed that her friend flatly refused to read her fortune when she asked, hoping for a boost to her spirits.

Looking at Hwa-yang’s relaxed and smiling face, I wanted to strangle her.

“But it’s not the same, is it? How could you and I be the same?”

Hwa-yang pointed at herself.

“I know I’m trash.”

Then she pointed at me.

“You don’t know. It’s completely different.”

My hand trembled. Even amidst this humiliation, I was overwhelmed by the fact that the person holding the knife was the person in front of me, and I couldn’t say anything.

Seeing that, Hwa-yang seemed bored and clicked her tongue a few times. It wasn’t pleasant to feel like she was bullying a kid. *How could a fifty-year-old man be so spineless?*

“Then let’s get to the point. Among the few crazy things you’ve done, some are connected to your superiors.”

“…So what are you going to do?”

“No need to be so aggressive. It’s just that the director position you were aiming for is off the table.”

My hand trembled again. I didn’t necessarily want to be the head of the broadcasting station, but I believed I could somehow crawl my way up to that level.

“I’ve decided to make a deal: to bury everything by getting rid of you.”

Hwa-yang smiled brightly. It was an innocent smile that didn’t suit her age, but anyone who knew Hwa-yang wouldn’t be fooled by it.

Even the content of her words wasn’t entirely true. The deal hadn’t even started yet; it was scheduled to happen after meeting me.

“But doesn’t it piss you off? Why do *you* have to be the one to be cleaned up? You’re both trash. When you think about it, it’s true that you worked hard for those people.”

For a long time, she whispered in a quiet voice. “Why you? Why? You worked hard.” What the person in front of her needed was firewood to maintain their self-esteem.

Of course, she never thought that way. Living like trash means assuming that you can be screwed over at any time.

*Why should I be annoyed? It’s all my own doing. To avoid that, there’s no other way but to be perfect in everything.*

But it was too tempting a lie to resist.

The things that had been gradually going wrong, the shallow network of relationships that made them believe the short phrase ‘You’ve been abandoned’ even though they had been living together doing crazy things… What an attractive hunting ground.

“So tell me. We can make a deal too.”

Hwa-yang organized the data and slid it under the table. A completely new trading place.

“Who knows? Maybe their seats will become yours.”

If I could fulfill Ji Dong-hwa’s request and get a few extra perks, it would be a win-win situation.

* * *

“What do you mean, a win-win situation?”

I muttered with a mix of annoyance.

“It’s true, isn’t it? Both we and Dong-hwa have benefited a lot from this program.”

I never thought I would have to face that PD [Production Director] again.

“Honestly, I was surprised. I thought Dong-hwa would refuse outright. I miss Dong-hwa every night and cry, but Dong-hwa wouldn’t be like that… Isn’t this the sadness of unrequited love?”

“If you talk like that, my heart might turn away.”

Do you know how much I agonized and worried over the past two weeks before sitting in this seat? Please don’t shake my resolve.

When Team Leader Jang Hae-jin came to me with a smiling face after finishing the idol production workshop filming and asked how I would feel about filming ‘Mental Class Hour 2,’ I nearly had a seizure.

*Surely, you don’t think I’m going to go out there.*

“Kuh-ha, no, there’s no way you’d go out there. Our fans liked it, so we were just saying it because we were sad.”

“…Really, do they like that?”

I don’t know, really. I’ve never gone into X-Tube [a fictional video platform] and monitored it myself, so I don’t realize how popular it is.

“Huh? Yeah. People quite like seeing handsome and smart people go crazy.”

“…That’s…”

At that time, I couldn’t finish my sentence because there are times when I feel that the tastes of the fans are sometimes too distant for me to understand.

“But it’s a bit much to refuse outright, so I’ll give you about 3 days. Think about it one more time. It’s okay if you don’t want to because you want to focus on the next song. It’s okay if it’s because you’re embarrassed.”

And then, another short incident. It was a fan signing event. A fan brought a book with the title ‘Introduction to Mental Education’ written on it, and I was momentarily lost for words.

“This is……”

“It’s a major textbook. I’m taking it as an online lecture these days.”

“Thank you…?”

For a moment, a setting conflict occurred as to whether I should answer as Professor Ji or as a completely unrelated idol, so I gave a subtle answer.

“Were you a professor? I thought you were an idol……”

After confirming the customer’s needs, Ji Dong-hwa immediately put on the persona of an idol.

“I didn’t like that professor’s class. I filled the lecture evaluation with curses.”

The fan giggled and handed me a ‘Mental Class Lecture Note’ as a gift.

At first, I thought it would end as a simple happening, if so many fans hadn’t brought goods related to Professor Ji afterwards.

“…Will you do it as Professor Ji?”

This person is someone I see often, and they were clearly speaking informally to me, but now they were sticking to honorifics. The determination to use honorifics for ‘Professor Ji’.

“Yes, student, did you enjoy my class? Are you having a peaceful mentality today too?”

“Wow…, that’s awesome… The real Professor Ji.”

Again, this person has seen me in real life quite a few times.

It was a short fan signing event, but I existed as an idol and then as a professor. For some, it’s a terrible concept, and for others, it’s a separation of personas.

And the problem that arises here is, there are definitely people who like this persona, so can I get rid of it?

Listening to the fans saying that it’s good to play while eating and that they’re looking forward to Part 2, I realized.

That I, as a human being, want to fulfill the requests of my fans, unless it’s something that’s deadly dangerous.

I stopped reminiscing about the past.

Yes, it’s the path I’ve chosen. My shame and my humiliation, the last consideration I can give to those who enjoy it. Part 2 should be okay.

“PDs tend to be obsessive. Like a muse.”

“Are you perhaps related to our leader?”

Because what you want to hit is very similar.

“I would have given you a penalty if you had a heart rate monitor on today.”

“As an aside, you had the penalty prepared in advance on the day you appeared on Mok-hwa [a fictional TV show], right?”

“Yes.”

“You were going to do that penalty no matter what number you drew.”

“That’s right. An elder who has a funeral and a wedding at the same time. It’s the best for a situation play.”

You’re confident.

“Being good at predicting is also a virtue of a great PD.”

“…Haa.”

Broadcasting with a human being suspected of being related to Ryu Iden, will I not be caught as the perpetrator of a murder case? I don’t want to be listed at the top of the internet news for that.

The PD scanned my face as if analyzing it step by step. Perhaps because he was quick-witted enough to guess that my heart rate would inevitably rise when Mok-hwa came out, his gaze didn’t feel rude.

“Anyway, today is an epilogue and a prologue.”

I heard that we were filming today, but I didn’t know what the concept was, and I didn’t wear the heart rate sensor that I always wore.

“Dong-hwa reviewing the video after breaking away from Professor Ji.”

“Can I quit?”

I was sick of it. I didn’t even participate in monitoring with the members because I hated and feared the nonsense I was saying.

“Haha, I knew you wouldn’t like it, so I invited several special guests today.”

“Why do you add more things that I hate when you know I hate them?”

Fortunately, I know that all the other members have schedules.

*I wonder who’s coming, will it be Senior Yaeon or Senior Junseong after a long time?*

“Is a negative number times a negative number a positive number?”

*Wasn’t it addition, you damn PD?* Seeing him chuckle as if he was dumbfounded, I was about to let out a stuffy sigh.

“Shall we go? We have to film.”

“…Yes.”

* * *

“Then let’s start filming. Dong-hwa, please sit in the middle over there.”

The set, the table rising in the middle, and the four beasts sitting around it.

“Yes!”

A lively answer.

“…Surely, everyone has different schedules.”

“I directly requested the manager and the members to ‘Please let them know that they have it.’ I asked my friends in advance and told them to choose something that was likely to be filmed today, because it’s like picking stars in the sky to deceive our Dong-hwa.”

Ryu Iden, give me a brick. I’m going to hit that human and decorate the internet news spectacularly today.

I was so overwhelmed by this moment when all of Blowsense gathered that it was difficult to breathe.

“…Haa.”

“I didn’t invite you because I wanted to see you. Iden requested it. He said he was sad and upset that his member didn’t monitor with them.”

Ryu Iden, give me a brick. I need to see the structure of your head with my own eyes. The development of medicine started through dissection, so shall we achieve a medical revolution, Iden?

“Finally, you’re doing it.”

Ryu Iden gritted his teeth and smiled. Chae Ha-min nodded from the side and strongly agreed.

“Monitoring is something we do together, Dong-hwa.”

“…Hyeonjae, I’m a little scared.”

“It’s okay, *hyung* [term used to address an older brother or male friend]. Because I can protect you today.”

Ha, these damn things. I laughed once. It was a smile to me, but it was a sneer to others, so Seokjun flinched.

Well, is it okay? When I think about it, it’s a place where Chae Ha-min, who knows my bottom line, Ryu Iden, who knows my true nature, Lee Hyeon-jae, who will respect me no matter what I do, and Seokjun, who has no thoughts, are gathered.

Even if I suddenly do something that violates social norms, they’ll believe that there must be a reason.

“…Okay, let’s see.”

It wasn’t resignation; it was closer to a challenge. Yeah, let’s do it. Let’s see how long I can last.