Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 243

“Dong-hwa, I’m so tired……”

“Stand on your own two feet, Ha-min.”

“You’re not that weak, are you? You have better stamina than me, so what’s wrong?”

It seems like preparing for our debut—or, as he puts it, robbing empty houses—is accelerating, and the amount of practice has increased, making him more exhausted than usual.

“Ah…, the times when we could rest were good. I’ll be able to keep resting when I get older, right?”

“That’s only possible when you have as much money as you do. Quite a few people don’t rest comfortably just because they’re old.”

Calling old age a generation of rest ended along with the passing of the extended family system and agrarian society into the annals of history.

“Well, I guess so.”

“You have a lot of money, though.”

“I need to start looking into Blossom Sense Silver Town [a luxury retirement community] soon……”

“You’re like a little bird that wakes up too early and starves to death.”

“Eden hyung-nim, I didn’t make any mistakes on W app today either.”

“Good job?”

“Continuously breaking records!”

Counting the days he hasn’t caused an accident is similar to counting the number of days he’s lived while breathing. Because no one celebrates the obvious.

“Someone needs to stop him, but usually Dong-hwa hyung would do it……”

And Lee Hyun-jae watches Seok-joon with a pitiful look, muttering to himself very quietly. Lee Hyun-jae seems too realistic to respect Seok-joon’s world.

Like that, the practice room scene flows smoothly without an inch of difference from usual. If it’s peaceful, it’s peaceful.

“Go away, Ha-min.”

“I’m disappointed, Dong-hwa.”

“…Did you drink?”

You sound exactly the same when you drink.

“Something, my fortune wasn’t good today.”

“You believe that?”

“It said a friend is going to get busy.”

“So, you believe that? It’s astonishing, Ha-min.”

“But you’re the only friend my age I have?”

“…A syllogism. I’m going to get busy.”

And if there’s an error in the major premise, the conclusion is bound to be wrong too. A conclusion drawn from a major premise learned from a fortune has little value, don’t you think?

Chae Ha-min nodded his head vigorously at my words.

There was something like definite belief in his eyes, so I was about to sigh.

“Wouldn’t it just mean we’re all getting busy because we’re making a comeback soon?”

“…Huh? Is that so?”

“Interpretations vary.”

“…Hmm. Maybe!”

Seeing him brighten up again so quickly, I can reasonably suspect that he doesn’t believe in fortunes himself.

At that time, Ryu Eden, who was laughing and chatting with Seok-joon and Lee Hyun-jae, suddenly turned serious and took out his phone.

“Yes! Team Leader, I’ve answered the phone.”

The practice room became quiet in an instant with a few hand gestures. He’s one of the few beasts who can control these unique individuals in an instant.

The number one in the animal farm hierarchy, he was a pig to George Orwell, but to me, he’s a dog.

“Ah, Dong-hwa? Yes, I understand. He’s been resting for a while, so I’ll send him right away.”

“…See, I knew it would be like this.”

Chae Ha-min immediately lay down.

Ha-min, that’s a coincidence. Sometimes, when coincidences overlap, even unbelievable things can happen easily.

Ryu Eden quickly finished the call and made eye contact with me.

Then, his gaze wandered to Chae Ha-min, who was lying down and rolling from side to side, and burst into laughter.

“It seems like a personal schedule is coming up, to the conference room!”

“Ugh, really, Dong-hwa, my heart hurts……”

“Okay.”

Oh dear, how unfortunate. I lightly pushed away Chae Ha-min, who was lying down, and got up from my seat. Well, what big deal could there be.

* * *

“To put it simply, it’s an offer for a fixed appearance… one filming session is for 2 to 3 weeks’ worth of footage, and it’s a total of 12 episodes. Roughly calculating, you only need to film about five times, so the burden is less, right?”

Dark circles and the scent of coffee ingrained in his body. I could recognize him as the team leader even if he was just passing by in a car.

There was a commotion recently, and judging from the rumors that Team Leader Jang Hae-jin, who is currently the team leader of Team 2, overtook the Team 1 leader, it seems like she’s really working hard.

She’s managing TOT and us with her own hands, so she’s already overwhelmingly winning even if she doesn’t work that hard.

“Anyway, yes. We’re planning to temporarily turn our eyes overseas after finishing this domestic promotion, so it would be good if we could do these personal activities in advance. PD [Production Director] Jang, or rather, Detection PD, surprisingly makes good shows too. The problem is that he always makes minor things……”

Team Leader Jang Hae-jin explained the concept of the show for a while, then scratched her head and turned her head.

“Well, in conclusion, the promotion for this promotion will go well, right? I recommend going if you’re not lacking in stamina.”

“Then.”

“Because I know you’ll obviously say you’ll go, I’ll ask Ha-min and Eden about your stamina again personally.”

After rubbing her eyes once more and patting her cheeks a couple of times, she lightly drops the honorifics, as if the official conversation is over.

“I’m so grateful and proud that you’re so sincere about the group, but sometimes, how about thinking about your own personal success, Dong-hwa.”

“…Pardon?”

“You know philosophy better than I do. Isn’t it subtly problematic when you exclude yourself from the considerations when choosing something?”

Usually…, that’s right. Choices that don’t consider the individual are bound to be ethically controversial.

To be honest, I don’t know exactly what’s right either.

“The group is already established, so if you tell me what you want to do, I’ll support your personal activities focusing on that. I’m planning to tell the other members too, but you’re included.”

Memories are connected in the brain. The association is sharp, and Jun-sung’s mention of ‘the future after group activities’ came to mind.

“Anyway, I’ll check the stamina issue. It seems like Eden’s words about your stamina are the most reliable……”

I was a little embarrassed, like when Lee Hyun-jae mentioned a solo song last time.

“Anyway, okay! Go back! Practice moderately! If the lights are still on when I leave work, I’ll be worried and might lose my mind?”

“…Yes.”

So, I had no choice but to return without saying much. You can’t easily bring up a topic you haven’t thought deeply about.

Chae Ha-min was still lying down and rolling around, as if the break had been extended until I returned to the practice room, and the other three were chattering about something.

As I made a noise and entered, Chae Ha-min, who was inside, jumped up from his seat with amazing recoil and great core strength, and turned to look at me.

“What did they say?”

Amazing.

“Personal activities.”

“Wow! Really! I knew my fortune was weird.”

Well, even a broken clock is right twice a day.

Chae Ha-min collapsed with exaggerated gestures as if showing off his frustration, and covered his mouth. It’s like a tragic protagonist you could only see in old theaters.

“…I can’t play with Dong-hwa. He only plays with Jun these days.”

You should join too. It’s fun in its own way, even though you’re just looking at numbers.

“Dong-hwa hyung seems to be very popular these days.”

“That’s right. I’ll support you until hyung-nim is on TV all the time.”

That’s a little, um. What is it, some kind of unknown aversion.

Ryu Eden quickly grabbed the two younger members and got up from his seat.

“Time for labor! We’re not going back until we perfectly digest the song Dong-hwa wrote!”

“I’ve gotten even busier……”

Chae Ha-min wiped away tears with another exaggerated gesture.

…Oh my god, he actually shed tears. Amazing acting skills, Ha-min. I think you can stop taking acting classes.

* * *

That night, it was already night, but the night deepened further. I stared at the ceiling with my eyes open as usual.

A habit that developed from working, I’m getting more worried about whether I can fall asleep like this.

Desire is said to originate from imitation. It’s difficult for desire to arise without the thought of imitating something.

The basis for this is that material desires arise from the desire to imitate the rich.

Some say that desire arises from deficiency. Desire arises from the desire to fill what is lacking in oneself.

In fact, deficiency is recognized when there is someone superior to oneself, and desire arises when trying to imitate that person, so it can be seen as being on the same line.

Therefore, I need to understand myself.

Let’s understand why I was so obsessed with the success of our group, the root of that desire. If I don’t properly understand myself, troublesome things are bound to happen in life.

‘…It’s family, I guess.’

Damn it, it’s this simple when you think about it. My deficiency is family.

A relationship where I can feel comfortable and a space where I can relax. The fact that I started calling the dorm home at some point is all for obvious reasons.

Um, it’s embarrassing. Digging deep into myself feels like facing myself naked.

And it’s natural that I’m feeling restless right now.

Unlike family, groups can disband someday. Most idol groups often disband after seven years.

That’s why I was more obsessed with success, but when people tell me to think about what happens after that end, I feel, it’s hard to describe.

And once again, a sharp association.

As my brain cells worked intensely, many events that had happened, the times I babbled when I was drunk, and even the fact that I actively agreed with the silver town plan while pretending not to be interested and actually looked into building sites, all came to mind.

‘…Oh my god.’

I realized how clingy I had been all along.

I realized how much I had shown it, to the point where if I were one of the members, I would have analyzed it immediately.

“Dong-hwa…, what are you doing awake……”

At that time, Chae Ha-min, who had been tossing and turning, got up from the next bed and rubbed his eyes. It seems I had been twisting my body a little without realizing it.

There is history in all of human life, and most of it is embarrassing history, so it’s clear that even I had a hard time enduring it. I want to punish myself for laughing on the radio back then.

“Sorry, I’m going to sleep now.”

Let’s organize my thoughts. It’s a worry that has no answer. Just understanding the true nature of my heart can be said to be a great achievement.

I have to do personal activities. The group’s promotion is also important, but I need to show more of ‘me’ for those who are watching over me.

* * *

“It’s been a while, Dong-hwa! When I first saw you, you were a rookie, but now you’ve gained experience, it’s a world of change.”

I feel new emotions as I face PD Jang, who was the PD of Detection—’was’ because it ended with season 3.

“I wanted to call you back somehow, but the broadcasting station’s situation was a mess. I was late because I was making a fuss trying to get a lot of investment and make it.”

PD Jang sighed and handed me the paper that the assistant director gave him.

“Where should I start explaining? I need to explain it well because I’m calling you as a fixed cast member from the beginning.”

PD Jang scratched his chin and pondered.

“The important thing is, don’t solve it right away when you understand?”

“…Pardon?”

Team Leader Jang Hae-jin’s explanation was clearly that it was a show where the cast members work together to solve problems.

I stupidly questioned the sound of not properly carrying out the show’s main purpose.

“More importantly, wait about thirty minutes before solving the problem?”

“…Pardon?”

“Even more importantly, pretend you don’t know?”

What exactly do you want, PD-nim [PD with honorifics]?