Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 253

Ugh, I don’t want to get up.

A morning where I don’t want to wake up is something I’ve rarely experienced. Like an old man at dusk, I woke up early, but my head is still throbbing, so I don’t want to get up.

‘Life.’

Today’s schedule is just Seok-jun and the radio show. Until then, it’s just practice.

In other words, it means I have to face and mingle with the members until then.

‘Damn life.’

To have to see their faces all day after saying that yesterday… I’d rather film mental training classes for a whole week. Well, I won’t know until I try it.

I want to forget everything and go back to sleep, but my personality makes it hard to fall back asleep once I’m awake, so I got up. When I raised my upper body halfway.

“Dong-hwa.”

Why are you awake? Can’t you just sleep like usual, Ha-min? You usually struggle to wake up.

I naturally laid my upper body back down and closed my eyes.

I’ve always thought it’s pointless to avoid a tragedy you have to face anyway, but today, I understand why Kim Cheom-ji in “A Lucky Day” [a famous Korean short story about a man whose wife is dying] tried so hard to avoid going home.

“…Dong-hwa.”

But Chae Ha-min is a guy who doesn’t know how to give up.

Like a rabbit running with a pocket watch, he runs without looking around once he has a goal, a clueless rabbit.

“Good morning.”

I slowly got up again. Well, I’m not even ashamed of this anymore.

“…Dong-hwa.”

It’s not like a soul-summoning ritual, but it feels strange to hear him call my name three times without saying anything else. I forced myself to turn my head and meet Chae Ha-min’s eyes.

But I don’t know why you look like you’re about to die of guilt.

“Why?”

“It’s, I’m sorry……”

What is it this time, you bastard? I’m going to personally fix your habit of digging holes someday.

“Family……”

“Stop.”

Please don’t say any more. I’m glad I’m sharing a room with Chae Ha-min; if it were Ryu Iden, the thought alone would be horrifying.

I can only imagine how much he would make a fuss the moment I felt ashamed…….

Suddenly, the door burst open.

Seeing Ryu Iden’s face, soaked in sweat from finishing his early morning workout, made me frown immediately.

“So, what will our Dong-hwa call me from now on? Uncle? Sister? Aunt? Anything is fine!”

Like a dog, he comes running as soon as he hears his name.

He wouldn’t be able to do this if Chae Ha-min were asleep; he must have rushed in as soon as he heard the voice.

“Shut up, Iden.”

“No affection for family. Is our Dong-hwa going through puberty? So what am I? Let’s finalize the Blossom family relationship chart!”

I immediately grabbed the brick cushion I had carefully kept by my bedside.

It has become such a necessity that I can’t even think about going outside without it these days.

“Hyung [older brother or male friend].”

“That’s well-made every time I see it. Custom-made is good. It’s so realistic that it gives me the creeps.”

“Next time, it will be real.”

“…Are you kidding?”

“Jokes always contain some truth, Hyung.”

Ryu Iden closed his mouth tightly, seeing the determination in my eyes. He was speechless.

And Chae Ha-min, who was sitting on the bed looking depressed, suddenly muttered.

“…I’m Hyung to Dong-hwa.”

What are you talking about? No matter how I analyze the word ‘Hyung,’ it’s right for me to say it.

After the short squabble with Ryu Iden ended, and the soon-to-be-doomed dog went to wash himself, thankfully, a peaceful silence came.

I put down the brick and sat comfortably on the bed, letting out a sigh.

Yes, shame will slowly cool down on my back like a heated stone, as if it’s not even there.

Rationalizing myself like that, I found peace of mind.

Anyway, if I live like a parasite for about a thousand years, even this moment will disappear, and it will remain as a warm memory.

[Anyone would think you’ve made a historic decision that determines the fate of the nation!]

Shhh. You never know. It might hold that much significance in my life.

I don’t know the exact cause of the headache yet, but I know what meaning other events with headaches have in my life.

A mournful voice flowed into my thoughts.

“Dong-hwa, Dong-hwaaa.”

No matter how I look at it, Chae Ha-min looks like he’s calling someone at a funeral, which is terrifying.

“What.”

Even if I answer bluntly, Chae Ha-min doesn’t lose heart.

“…Thank you for working so hard. Really, really.”

You were a human rights oppressor who said you would make and manage my life schedule yesterday, Ha-min.

“Still, I, I too! Because you’re like family to me, because I’m worried about family health, just a little……”

Chae Ha-min fidgeted with his hands, looking unsure whether it was right to say this.

He must be caught in the dilemma of ‘Is it right to stop a family-like friend who works hard because they’re like family?!’

“I know.”

Now, I’m worried about how to explain to you how hard I’m working on managing my condition.

* * *

From the moment I entered the practice room until I took a break from practicing, strange gazes kept fixed on me.

I picked up the brick as a habit. If anyone says anything, I’m going to run over and hit Ryu Iden immediately.

Among the members, two were particularly noticeable: Chae Ha-min and Lee Hyun-jae.

Ryu Iden was looking for an angle to tease me while flinching at the brick in my hand, and Seok-jun was sitting next to me, doing stock trading while resting, so it was no different from usual.

However, Chae Ha-min was still unable to escape the internal contradictions he showed in the morning, and his eyes changed according to whether his worries about my health and his gratitude crossed his mind.

[Apologize to Dong-hwa, but still work a little! Ah! Why did I say that yesterday? I should have thought more about what Dong-hwa was thinking. He’s like family to me, and I didn’t think about that. My father always said you should pay more attention to close friends!]

Parasite, what are you doing?

[I just checked what Chae Ha-min is thinking. I was curious too.]

On the other hand, Lee Hyun-jae, who has the driest eyes among the literature majors I know, was looking at me with warm and affectionate eyes, which was a strange feeling in its own way.

[Ah, if we had a little blood mixed in…, Oh my god, his mind is as raw as expected. I won’t read it to you.]

…Thank you. I didn’t want to know.

In my mind, Lee Hyun-jae is always the cute maknae [youngest member]. Like that discouraged Lee Hyun-jae from our first meeting.

The parasite momentarily displayed and then deleted a notification window that said, [He’s the craziest guy based on experience! He even breaks doors!]. Let’s pretend I didn’t see it.

[Anyway, in conclusion, everyone was thinking similarly to you. Everyone seems to like the word ‘family’.]

‘…Really?’

[Yes. As the administrator of this space-time, I confidently say!]

‘…Okay.’

[Your psychological state estimation: relief, reassurance, relief.]

I felt the slight headache that had remained faintly disappear.

I ended up confirming the bottom of my inner self again. What should I do with this self-disgust I feel the moment I understand what the notification window means?

So, now, I’m just…….

“Our family Dong-hwa!”

I immediately hit Ryu Iden. The cushion assault, which would normally end in one hit, continued for two or three more hits.

Thanks to asking for a material that wouldn’t hurt on purpose, it won’t hurt.

“Huh? What? Huh?!”

Ryu Iden widened his eyes and staggered, perhaps flustered by the long duration of the brick, unlike usual.

After stopping my hand, a deep sigh flowed out again.

…Just, I was so afraid of being rejected that I experienced that much headache.

* * *

At 1 AM, I secretly settled into the studio without the members knowing.

I’m so glad that Chae Ha-min doesn’t have a light sleep.

It’s not for work, so it’s legal. This was the only place where it was okay to mutter to myself.

“Parasite.”

[Yes.]

“…We seem to have some mental problems.”

[Isn’t the problem that you’re only realizing that now?]

“I thought I had recovered quite a bit.”

I can see my father’s books and my mother’s sheet music, Mok-hwa is by my side, and there’s an animal I can call a friend. There are so many signs of recovery.

[Just because internal wounds have healed—]

“It doesn’t mean I’m used to relationships with others.”

The parasite and I came to the same conclusion at the same time.

Just because I read psychiatric books as a hobby doesn’t mean I can pinpoint the problems in my head, but at least I know there are signs.

The parasite sent me its observations as if it were answering my thoughts.

[As a result of watching you so far, you often express emotions in the form of agreeing after the other person expresses some emotion first.]

Oh dear, what should I do?

“…It means there’s an underlying anxiety about what if it’s different.”

[Yes, you’ve only just realized how scary it is to be rejected.]

“Certainly.”

I paused for a moment and organized my thoughts.

Well, in the end, the root of it is that I want you to cherish me because I cherish you. What a childish thing. I was disgusted with my psychological state.

[But, to be honest, who cares?]

“Really?”

[We only need to hammer one fact into our heads.]

“…Will you accept whatever emotions I feel first?”

[Yes, then it’s also a problem that will be solved on its own. I’m a creature that can’t even properly treat my own mind, so I’m not sure.]

A faint smile leaked out.

That’s right, in the first place, there’s a creature attached to me that looks into the heads of other members, so what problem could this be?

As the parasite confirmed, the members happily accepted the shameful ‘that remark’.

Really, it’s just a problem that will gradually get better over time. Just as I’m willing to accept any emotions of the members, they will too.

“Study in advance. It’s a problem you’ll experience too.”

I threw it to the parasite. That guy’s condition is several times worse than mine, so Chae Ha-min might not be able to stand it and fall out.

[As I always say, there’s no way you can do what I can’t.]

“There’s no way I can’t develop what you’ve done.”

A moment of silence.

[Then are you planning to go in now?]

Goodness, you don’t know me at all.

“Of course, I’m going to work.”

The purpose of coming here is not to work, but if you come to the studio, you have to work on the side.

For some reason, I feel like my condition is returning after talking to the parasite, so I can do it easily.

* * *

This night, Chae Ha-min dressed in all black and infiltrated the company—although it’s written as infiltrated, he greeted the security guard confidently—.

“…So cunning. I can’t even scold him anymore!”

He went to work secretly last time and collapsed and got an IV drip—it’s a memory distortion—, our Dong-hwa is going wild!

Chae Ha-min, standing confidently in front of the studio, wasn’t planning on interfering with the work, so he just squatted in front of the door.

A stingy behavior different from his confident attitude.

However, his mind was only filled with the thought that there should be at least one person to report to the hospital when Ji Dong-hwa collapses.

While leaning against the door and pushing away the sleepiness that was coming, he suddenly heard a conversation.

‘Parasite.’

Hmm? Chae Ha-min tilted his head.

It’s a bit strange to be a Korean name. It feels more like a birth year used when looking at fortunes.

Who is he talking to at this hour?

‘…We seem to have some mental problems.’

What is it? He’s in a conversation right now!

Chae Ha-min was startled and almost made a sound. But he quickly pressed his mouth shut to suppress the sound.

He was about to jump up and open the door, but he dug into the ground again at the fact that he had overheard something that he hadn’t told him directly.

‘Oh, what should I do? Consulting with Iden Hyung is…, like talking behind his back!’

Chae Ha-min was caught up in the thought of ‘What should I do!’ and collapsed in front of the door.

A difficult problem suddenly thrown into Chae Ha-min’s life.

Chae Ha-min, who was leaning his head against the door and pondering countermeasures, fell asleep like that.