Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 290

‘Gijisaeng.’

[Yes.]

‘How is it?’

[It’s tantalizing.]

[It’s so good.]

[And this alone makes me happy.]

While Mok-hwa was crying, Gijisaeng was sending texts at a frantic pace.

The notification window popping up this fast was a first since Gijisaeng terrorized his own base and explained the process to me.

Why would Gijisaeng give me happiness that he can’t even enjoy?

It must be because of Mok-hwa. Seeing his younger brother who had waited for him his whole life, he must have decided to send me instead.

I understand why the others are frustrated with me. Because when I make choices, I exclude myself.

No matter how much I regain my emotions or whatever, it’s not something I’ll experience directly, but I’m spending that long time solely for others.

He’s definitely crazy. And I’m just as crazy for empathizing with him.

‘It’s not over yet.’

Not yet. This is just a trial version, early access. It’s a preview of the future I’ll open up for you after suffering as much as you have.

[I can’t do it, you know?]

‘What if I do it longer than you did?’

[You’ve become optimistic since I last saw you. I’m already satisfied. I’m happy that you’re happy, and I’m happy right now too.]

‘…Hmm, I think I understand Mok-hwa’s feelings a little.’

[Pardon?]

‘Believe me, Gijisaeng.’

[Don’t you not trust yourself? Wouldn’t what I can’t do and what you can’t do be somewhat similar?]

‘I guess so.’

I chuckled. I could see what he was trying to imply with those words. He couldn’t do it, so how could I? I felt a little sorry seeing that mindset.

Why does he make such a definitive statement? I don’t know because it’s an area I’m unfamiliar with.

“Hyung [older brother or male friend],”

“Which hyung?”

“The old hyung.”

[Yeah.]

I read the text as it was.

It feels strange to represent someone who is me but I can’t call me.

Could possession in ancient history have been like this? I’m starting to consider the possibility that a superstition I would never believe might be true.

[Why.]

“I can’t remember, you idiot. Make me remember!”

Mok-hwa was furious.

It’s the face of a human at the extreme of sadness and anger. But seeing how handsome he still is, I really wonder who else but my brother should be an idol.

If Gijisaeng hadn’t given me a gift like composing ability, someone like me wouldn’t have even dared to dream of it.

[You should ask the person in front of you.]

“…Then, after I remember, can I hit hyung as soon as he comes here?”

[I wanted to get hit once too. I was so envious. I can’t even feel pain right now.]

His tone is so different when he talks to me, it’s astonishing.

His mouth is constantly moving, but in his head, he’s having random thoughts, trying his best to escape this conversation.

Because this is the only opportunity for conversation that I, who am still incompetent, can provide for Gijisaeng.

I wish I could become a little more capable. I wish I could give all that I’ve experienced back to myself as a gift.

“Then, I’ll really believe and wait.”

[Yeah.]

“…Thank you.”

[Then I’ll be watching.]

I frowned.

“…Is that it?”

“I think so.”

I stared at the empty space. I wanted to tell him to talk more, but no matter how much I called, there was no response.

I knew what he was thinking, so I didn’t call him anymore.

“It doesn’t feel real.”

“Really?”

Mok-hwa’s soul was gone. He seemed overwhelmed by the sudden events.

“Actually, I still don’t really know what’s going on… At first, I thought hyung was crazy, but you’re not the type to say nonsense…”

“I don’t know either. Only Gijisaeng knows.”

“Gijisaeng? He has a separate name.”

Then suddenly.

“No, but if that’s the case, shouldn’t hyung have turned me back to before you sent me away? Why did we live apart for three years?”

That’s very logical.

“I didn’t ask either.”

“Why?”

“Because it was already too much, so I didn’t want to complain.”

Maybe he needed time to experiment.

He said he experimented with AI while I was gone to see if it was okay, so maybe it was to avoid getting caught back then. Even if others didn’t notice, there’s no way Mok-hwa wouldn’t have noticed.

Then, a very small notification window popped up with the message: [That’s right. I considered going back to when you were younger, but you wouldn’t have been able to handle it.]

“…Ha, there must have been another reason, right? A reason only he knows.”

“I think tha―”

Before I could finish speaking, Mok-hwa suddenly jumped up from his seat, cutting me off.

“Before that, hyung.”

“Yeah?”

“I really, really want to hit hyung.”

Please don’t smile, Mok-hwa.

“…Okay.”

I got up from the already cold table. I opened my arms and welcomed Mok-hwa, who had already come up to me.

Mok-hwa grabbed my shoulder with his left hand and clenched his right fist.

Twisting his body, putting the rotational force of his lower body into it, his fist came at me at a very fast speed.

I braced my abdomen. I had no choice but to trust the defensive power of the muscles I had built through Ryu Iden’s training.

Then, with a thud, oh my god, Ryu Iden, you quack. You’re not helping at all with defense. How could I trust Ryu Iden again when I had nothing else to trust?

I, with a gasp, collapsed to the floor.

You’ve really grown up, Mok-hwa. It hurts more than when I got hit before, damn it.

“I can’t understand hyung spending his whole life like that, or hyung spending about ten years like that.”

“…Yeah.”

“If that’s the case, you should have at least lived well. I can’t understand either of you living such hard lives. If I had seen you like that, I would have half-killed you.”

“I’d be happy to welcome it, I’m sure.”

My breath was cut short, and my voice trembled.

Mok-hwa squatted down in front of me. I forgot even the pain remaining in my abdomen for a moment and looked up.

He looked so pitiful that I wanted to pat him on the shoulder, but my hand didn’t move easily.

“Still, even like this……”

But the me who dies alone that Mok-hwa is talking about is no longer happening.

It has become something that only I know, or rather, only Gijisaeng remembers.

“Thank you for coming back, hyung.”

“That’s the old hyung.”

“And it’s hyung who became an idol, which doesn’t even suit your personality. You don’t like moving your body, you like reading books, and you don’t really like standing in front of people.”

“I would have done anything.”

If I had known the future would be like this, what couldn’t I have done?

If it wasn’t a serious crime, I would have committed it without hesitation.

Even if I lived as a petty criminal like a supermarket thief and reunited with Mok-hwa who came to visit me after being arrested by Ryu Iden, I think I could have done it.

“I hate that mindset of yours the most, that you would have done anything except come to me and apologize.”

I closed my mouth. I have nothing to say. I’ve already said the reason, but Mok-hwa can never accept it.

“Ha, let me do my filial duty, hyung. Why do I have to be an unfilial child by force?”

“Yeah.”

“In the future, if you have anything to be sorry about to me, tell me no matter what. I’ll never be disappointed, and I’ll never hate hyung. If hyung kills someone and comes back, I’ll thoroughly hide it and kill even the people who come after you.”

My mouth moved on its own.

“…Oh my god.”

What have I raised?

“So, from now on, don’t have any guilt, just come and say you’re sorry, and I’ll forgive you for everything. You’re a human, hyung too.”

“I know, now.”

He looked at me with suspicious eyes.

It’s understandable. I’m the one who made him that way. I have no choice but to change him again in the future.

“Really.”

Then, he finally stopped being suspicious and went back to the table to eat the cold rice. How hearty.

“…Why is it delicious even when it’s cold, it’s annoying.”

It’s because you grew up eating that. I couldn’t bring myself to say it out loud and sat facing him, chewing and swallowing my share of the rice.

“Can I talk to the old hyung anytime?”

“If he replies.”

[I am satisfied with once.]

Please trust me. I’ll never let it turn into disappointment. No matter how long it takes, no matter what rules I break, no matter what I sacrifice.

Even if all my happy memories now disappear, I will do it.

[…Okay. You have given hope, so fulfill that responsibility.]

“The old hyung also allowed it.”

“That’s a relief. I’ll be your conversation partner. If hyung talks to hyung, you’ll keep saying frustrating things. Can’t I contact him directly?”

[Impossible.]

“Impossible.”

“…If you’re saying it that definitively, it really must not be possible. What’s with this, the world. Then hyung must protect my memories. That way, that hyung can punch him in the solar plexus.”

“Yeah.”

[Why are you talking so carelessly when you don’t know anything? Don’t give my brother false hope.]

If I can remember, I’ve kept the promise, and if I can’t remember, the promise disappears.

Besides, I’m confident that I’ll somehow make it happen. Gijisaeng is the proof.

There’s an example right in front of me of someone who accomplished something that would have been impossible originally, so wouldn’t I be able to add one more?

* * *

After spending a night at home with Mok-hwa, I returned to the dorm in the morning to find Ryu Iden kneeling and holding his hands up. Right in front of the entrance.

Has this guy finally lost it? I know no one else lives on this floor, but what if someone sees him when I open the door?

“What are you doing, Iden?”

“Hyung, you’re here? As a sign of repentance, I knelt down as soon as I saw the manager hyung leave!”

“You should have knelt down since yesterday.”

“Actually, I asked Jun to take a picture of me kneeling and sitting on the bed last night!”

“A video?”

“…A picture.”

“Then I can’t believe you.”

How much effort will it take to restore the broken trust, you bastard.

“Really, I was doing that for an hour……”

That’s a lie.

“That’s a lie. I came after my schedule ended yesterday and played board games with him.”

Lee Hyun-jae, who came out yawning after opening the door, testified.

“You were the one who said let’s do it together, maknae [youngest member]! What’s wrong!”

“I wanted to test hyung’s will.”

Ryu Iden trembling.

That huge guy trembling, it’s so out of place that it’s amazing. He seems to be seething with betrayal, but does he know that’s how I feel, Iden?

“How could you betray me.”

“I’m sorry. I thought lightly of it. At first, it felt like a lighthearted feeling, not like you two were fighting seriously… I’m repenting!”

“That’s a lie. Yesterday, he was excited that if Mok-hwa hyung sent a picture, he would show it to the fans right away. There’s no sign of repentance, he’s just worried about how to make hyung less angry, right?”

“…Iden.”

How can there be nothing but *goedam* [urban legends/scandals] the more I know about you, Iden.

Lee Hyun-jae, who was poking around here and there with a fire starter in one hand, smiled brightly and went into the bathroom.

“That’s, that’s a real lie, Dong-hwa! I’m sorry!”

Ryu Iden jumped up from his seat and clung to me.

Looking at his face, it seems like he’s sincere.

“I trust hyung the most among our members.”

It’s not that the other members are lying, it’s just the nature of dogs.

From fairy tales to modern times, how many articles discuss the relationship of trust between dogs?

“Still.”

I knew from the start that he was a guy who liked to joke around. I feel betrayed, but it’s also true that I wasn’t thorough enough.

And if it was a human I was seeing for the first time, I wouldn’t know, but it’s a dog I know well.