Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 305

I Didn’t Plan to Become an Idol – Episode 305 (273/343)

The concert was just around the corner, with no setlist leaks or spoilers on personal social media.

And I’m viscerally experiencing the terror that numbers can’t capture.

It’s like when we’re asked what a building looks like, we usually say it’s a rectangular prism, but we’ve never actually seen a building that’s a perfect rectangular prism.

Because the human eye has something called focus.

Just as a rectangular prism shape can’t fully capture the appearance of the buildings we see, the numbers Ryu Iden gave me didn’t fully capture the visual experience of this venue.

It’s damn big. This place is going to be packed. And all with people coming to see us.

“Nervous?”

Chae Hamin sat next to me and asked. Unlike me, who was a bit stiff, he had a relaxed expression.

“…Yeah.”

It seems like it’s Chae Hamin’s turn to be my advisor for the first time in a while.

When I’m psychologically overwhelmed, Ryu Iden or Chae Hamin always helps me.

“I’m nervous too, what should I do?”

It wasn’t relaxation, but a state of enlightenment where he was exhausted from nervousness and had let go of everything. Betraying expectations to this extent can be seen as performance art. Amazing, Chae Hamin.

Chae Hamin patted his chest as if his relaxation had been shattered to pieces.

During the survival show, his legs gave out and he couldn’t even walk properly, so he must have grown since then.

“I get nervous every time I’m on stage, but it’s even more nerve-wracking because it’s a concert.”

Right.

I sat on the steps without a word and nodded.

In the end, what matters is the stage. If I make a mistake, I’ll be so sorry that I won’t be in my right mind for a week, so I can’t help but be nervous.

Um, nervous. I straightened my back and sat up straight.

Chae Hamin also straightened his posture and suddenly said something incomprehensible.

“Dong-hwa, we’ll be the same.”

I need context, Hamin.

“Feeling the same, moved in the same way, crying in the same way. I don’t know what we’ll be feeling, though.”

Ah, I understand now that you’ve added an explanation.

I made eye contact with Chae Hamin. He’s full of confidence.

“I don’t know much about difficult things, but I just cry, automatically.”

More unfounded nonsense. I snicker. It seems that relieving tension naturally in a conversation is a talent that Chae Hamin has.

“…Yeah.”

“Dreams and stuff, what’s important? It’s enough to be happy.”

“I don’t know if I’ll cry the same way as you guys.”

People say that tears burst out when a certain emotion reaches its peak, so I have no idea what emotion will reach its peak or how right now.

It’s about time the individual stage rehearsals are over, so I should go.

“You’re sensitive, so you’ll definitely cry, right?”

I was about to get up from my seat, but my body froze.

What do you see when you look at me, Hamin?

“…I’m getting competitive, Hamin.”

I want to hold back even if tears come out.

But Chae Hamin laughed heartily as if he had aimed for that.

“My grandmother said that prophecies are fulfilled when you try to avoid them.”

“…Um.”

That’s sneaky. I can’t say anything because my grandmother said it. It’s hard to accept (how can you predict human fickleness? That’s why Newton failed in stock investments), but I should stay still.

Chae Hamin looked at me, who was quiet, and had a triumphant expression, saying, ‘I did it!’ What did you do?

“So, you can’t think things like, ‘I’m different.’ Empty your head and cry with us!”

Your logic is a rabbit hutch made of wood, Hamin. It’s gnawed here and there, so I wouldn’t be surprised if it collapses soon.

However, I now know that in conversations with Chae Hamin, it’s more important to prioritize the meaning you want to convey than logic.

“…Okay.”

“Yes!”

I guess it bothered you, that I had slipped away when the four of you were discussing the nervousness of the concert.

Chae Hamin, who was grinning, looked relieved as if he had finally gotten rid of a lump in his heart.

“Ah, everyone should take good pictures of Dong-hwa crying.”

Chae Hamin, who shook his pants a few times and stood up, insisted on superstition.

If Ryu Iden creates a pseudo-religion, Chae Hamin will become a follower.

If I try to persuade him to leave, I can already see how much I’ll suffer.

“…I can’t guarantee I’ll cry.”

I also got up from my seat.

Tomorrow, at the concert, I will never cry. Since it’s a two-day concert anyway, I might cry at the last concert if I cry at all.

* * *

From ticket collection to official and unofficial merchandise purchases, it’s so chaotic.

Coming to a concert alone makes me feel like a loser who shouldn’t be here.

Hugging the official light stick awkwardly in his arms, he plugged earphones into his ears and scribbled fan art in his practice notebook.

I should draw and upload the most impressive scene after the concert. I’ll also color it with watercolors. Thinking about smelling watercolor paint after a long time reminds me of my entrance exam days (I immediately suffered from PTSD) and it’s good.

In a little while, it’s time to wait for admission; I should finish one practice sketch before that.

While he was drawing Chae Hamin’s concept photo with that thought, a Roommate [fellow fan] who was passing by was startled.

Finding a gold hand [talented artist] doing *yeonseong* [fan activities] on the street? Even on the day I came to see the concert?

I want to talk to you so badly, but I can see that you’re doing *deokjil* [being a dedicated fan] alone in a secretive and great way, so I couldn’t bring myself to talk to you. You must keep the lines that others have drawn.

…Blue Bird [Twitter], I want to ask for your account, even just that.

He didn’t know the gaze of a Roommate whose regrets were dripping. Because when you’re drawing, you don’t know what others are doing.

* * *

The morning dawns, and after checking the final movements and sound tests, we are just waiting for standby.

I poured a cup of tea in the waiting room.

“Ginseng tea…?”

To still remember what happened a few years ago, you’re amazing, Hamin.

“Yeah.”

“It was delicious for me.”

Even if you say that with a solemn look while closing your eyes tightly, it’s not believable, Hamin.

That tea that I brought during the survival show, but everyone took a sip and put it down.

But this time it’s different. Considering the childish tastes, I bought ginseng myself, sliced it into pieces, and soaked it in honey. The last time I bought it, I only put in ginseng, so the taste will be completely different.

“Your lies don’t improve, Hamin.”

However, I hid the fact that I added honey. The key to a gift is hiding information.

“I think you’re into tea these days, hyung [older brother/male friend]. You just smell tea and do cross-stitch when you’re resting. Come to think of it, you always brew tea for us. You’re like a classy old gentleman. I think you’ll have a golden retriever at home.”

…It’s definitely a compliment on the surface, but there’s a hidden meaning, Hyun-jae.

“That’s making fun of me!”

Ryu Iden was doing push-ups (pumping up) and suddenly asked. It seems that the bullet that Lee Hyun-jae aimed at me felt like it was aimed at him.

…Crazy bastard. I really don’t know why he thinks of himself as a dog.

“Have a cup each.”

“Yes, Grandpa!”

Lee Hyun-jae ran over quickly, acting like a pure grandson.

In the old days, that was a child who was very suitable for that. Um, I wonder how it turned out like this.

And Seok-joon quietly got up from his seat.

It was the result of a conflict between our youngest’s taste and a good heart that couldn’t bring himself to say that he couldn’t eat the gift I had prepared.

Okay, let’s admit it.

I guess it’s partly my fault.

I must have had an influence. There must be an influence from me or other members on the madness that Chae Hamin and Ryu Iden and Lee Hyun-jae often show (Seok-joon was originally crazy, so he’s excluded).

So, it’s partly my fault, damn it.

After admitting the truth that I didn’t want to admit, I felt more bitter than relieved.

“Aren’t I going to drink it all again anyway?”

Ryu Iden also immediately took a cup and drank it down, then flinched.

“…Why is it sweet?”

Ryu Iden slowly put down the glass.

“Did you put in sugar?”

Slowly backing away.

Crazy bastard. Can that amount of sugar ruin your body?

Maybe he’s joking, but the way he’s set up his character like that is subtly annoying.

“…Wow, it’s really sweet. It smells like ginseng, but it’s delicious.”

Seok-joon, who had been quietly getting up from his seat and hiding at the word sweet, ran over in a hurry and drank a cup, then coughed.

“It smells like ginseng!”

“Because it’s ginseng tea.”

Don’t ask the obvious.

Finally, even Chae Hamin closed his eyes tightly and emptied a cup.

The scenery of the waiting room now and the scenery of the waiting room during the survival show gradually overlapped in my head.

Back then, I prepared it to relieve tension before the ranking announcement, but at some point, I ended up brewing ginseng tea for the day when so many people gathered to see us.

…Wait, why am I so satisfied? I’m more satisfied than I expected.

I felt doubt about my emotions and cleaned up the ginseng tea.

Before the stage, you have to eat and drink everything in moderation.

* * *

Holding the light stick in one hand, I sat in my seat.

The main stage was covered with a tent, so I couldn’t see what it looked like. That’s a shame. I wanted to sketch it.

I have no choice but to memorize it with my eyes while watching the performance. I can’t draw while watching the performance.

One minute before the start of the performance, the lights became darker and the number 60 appeared.

A strong signal to concentrate as it will start soon.

Like a fan who came alone, I quietly raised the light stick slightly and shook it gently.

The numbers decreased one by one from 10, and I felt like I was getting more and more breathless.

3, when the number became 3, the number did not decrease further. Just as the cheers were about to turn into doubt.

The lights in the standing area poured down, and Ryu Iden appeared wearing a neat *hanbok* [traditional Korean clothing].

Have all the playboys gathered!

When he shouted loudly, cheers erupted in response. ‘Heung’ [an expression of excitement or joy]. The first song is…

Like him, who has no interest in the world view, he said that it would be appropriate to play a song that says let’s play well before playing, and shook the light stick passively.

As Ryu Iden moved, the *pungmul* troupe [traditional Korean percussion band] (the back dancers disguised as them) also appeared in the light.

The beat that Ji Dong-hwa painstakingly remixed, befitting the title of Heung, flowed out.

A beat filled with traditional percussion instruments instead of drums. It was familiar yet unfamiliar.

While the attention was focused on Ryu Iden, the tent had disappeared, and a stage decorated with pine trees and various flowers appeared.

The screen, which I thought was for VCR, had a full moon shining brightly.

The color of the lights illuminating the stage was also white, as if it were receiving moonlight.

Because he is a playboy but has a hasty personality, he headed to the stage with a slightly hurried pace, and the other members wearing the same *hanbok* gestured as if to tell him to come quickly.

However, Ryu Iden suspiciously raised the microphone and continued to speak as if he hadn’t seen it.

“Shall we have some fun today?”

Something ambiguous, whether it was cheers or an answer, echoed.

“You’ve all forgotten your homework and assignments, right! You’ve also turned off your work phones!”

This time, something ambiguous, whether it was guilt or agreement, echoed.

Whatever it was, Ryu Iden heard it as an answer of ‘Yes!’ or ‘Yeah!’ and stood in the center and smiled.

“Then.”

The sound decreased with Ryu Iden’s answer.

The concentrated gaze, Ryu Iden bravely faced it all and smiled brightly.

Just, here, moment, Heung

A dull beat. It’s the song he knew, but it’s different. It’s rich.

Even if he didn’t know much about music, he could definitely feel that.

The reverberation of the *pungmul* hits the ears, and the members’ dance captivates the eyes.

Shaking hands. He had already forgotten his face and was shouting. Chae Hamin’s dance line is crazy.

And the pre-chorus, Lee Hyun-jae’s part, which is the calmest in ‘Heung’.

I’m sorry, Mother, I’ll be a playboy for just one day today
I’ll run hard again from tomorrow, so let me play for just one day

It suits the first song of the concert so well, Crap! I have to do a night shift today! I’m going to draw fan art of my brothers instead! I’ll fill my portfolio with my brothers!

The full moonlight is shining, we walk the streets
Just, here, moment, Heung.

In fact, Heung, which has a Joseon [Korean dynasty from 1392 to 1897] background in the world view setting, was arranged for the first time, but that didn’t matter.

Because the members told me to forget those worries and focus on the fun of this moment.