Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 311

I was about to fall asleep as soon as I got back from the concert, but then I heard some nonsense about people who thought they owed me a debt gathering to form a ‘repayment’ group without me even being there. It was so absurd that it woke me right up.

Without much thought, I asked Ryu Iden for a detailed explanation of what was going on.

“First of all, I’d like to apologize.”

Ryu Iden immediately knelt down without me even asking.

I feel a little wronged. It makes me look like a power-hungry maniac.

“At first, Yieon *hyung* [older brother or male friend] said it was for socializing, and I didn’t know it was that kind of meeting.”

“Yeah, I believe you.”

From the start, the urge to grab you by the collar was just a fleeting thought, Iden. Get up.

“But, it turned out to be a gathering of people who like our group, and they were promoting us and streaming our songs diligently.”

To think that popular celebrities are gathering to stream our group’s songs.

Even with my limited knowledge of this industry, I know this is definitely not a normal group.

“I was so grateful, so I just stayed quiet.”

“…Hmm.”

He’s quite cunning too. Subtly replacing ‘I’ with ‘we’ to try and persuade me.

“Dong-hwa, you get uncomfortable when you find out someone is helping you, right? They thought about that too. It was like neutral diplomacy, wanting to reap the benefits while also letting Dong-hwa live without feeling burdened.”

I subtly massaged my head.

Chae Hamin, who was passing by, saw us putting on a show in the middle of the living room and asked Lee Hyunjae next to him.

“…What’s wrong with them, Hyunjae?”

“I don’t know. Maybe Iden *hyung* betrayed him again?”

It’s not betrayal. I’m just feeling complicated. To think that such a thing was happening behind my back.

“If that’s really the case, what should I do? I’m not confident enough to ask my dad to find me some poison *yet*. ”

‘Yet’ means he’ll do it eventually.

Chae Hamin leisurely drank his vegetable juice and stretched contentedly. How can he say such things so nonchalantly?

Ryu Iden glanced at me, cautiously waiting for me to open my mouth.

Everything is Yieon’s fault, and I’m the one who sowed the seeds. What fault does Ryu Iden have?

“I said get up, Iden.”

“Even Hanho *sunbaenim* [senior colleague] and Gyeongwoo *sunbaenim* came by once and said the chocolate was delicious, you know? Honestly, I’m so happy that people are gathering and communicating centered around Dong-hwa…”

Ryu Iden continued to talk incessantly, trying to gain my approval.

Does he see me as some kind of vengeful spirit?

More than those explanations, there’s only one thing I want.

“Please, tell them not to think they’re doing me a favor.”

The phrase ‘doing a favor’ itself is unpleasant. Giving someone a psychological debt is a basic negotiation tactic, but at least for me, my relationship with them isn’t a negotiation.

“And even if they *are* doing me a favor, I have no intention of asking them to repay it.”

It’s disgustingly burdensome.

Ryu Iden lowered his voice cautiously.

“But, Dong-hwa, that connection really needs to continue. How helpful would Gyeongwoo *sunbaenim* be when we go on variety shows? Besides, it’s cute that people who are close to us are gathering and just eating chocolate together!”

I sighed.

When the survival debut stage ended, everyone told me to take good care of the members, but why is it that when this concert ends, they need to confirm that we’re taking good care of *you*?

Should I call this gratitude or shame? I closed my eyes to accurately assess my emotional state.

A messenger notification rang.

This sound is specifically set for Mok-hwa, so my hand moved reflexively.

—(Mok-hwa is taking a V sign with Junseong and Yieon at a dessert cafe.)

—Looks like I’ll make a lot of friends thanks to *hyung*

Well, damn it. If I realized there was a black cat in the dark room, I’d want to catch it somehow, but if it helps my younger sibling…

“Dessert cafes are open at dawn these days.”

Well, it’s modern times.

“Huh? No, Yieon *hyung* is the owner there. Yieon *hyung* told me to keep it a secret from you, but since I’ve been betrayed too…”

“Really?”

“Yeah. He said that getting a *chocolatier* [chocolate maker] certificate and opening a dessert cafe is one of his bucket list items.”

“…Really.”

He even got a *chocolatier* certificate in the meantime.

I’ve never heard that Yieon *sunbae* isn’t active or doesn’t care about fans, so he must have taken the time to get it in between schedules.

“I don’t know why either, but he said he wanted to invite you later when he’s good enough to show off his skills?”

I leaned back on the sofa.

I think I know what he means. He wants to proudly show me that he beautifully achieved his dream thanks to me, and that he did his best to repay my kindness here.

Even sacrificing Ryu Iden in the process is a choice that makes sense.

Like a broken clock that’s right twice a day, that person who seemed endlessly crazy…

‘…Should I be proud, or what?’

It’s strange.

“Yieon *hyung* is crazy these days. He’s living doing everything he wants. I’m just glad he’s not aspiring to be a criminal? He keeps learning things.”

I’m not happy, just unfamiliar.

“…I don’t know exactly what you did for him, but I know it’s thanks to you.”

“That’s right.”

So, I can’t help but feel indecisive.

A gathering for me—I want to tear it down, but the foundation is gratitude for me. I want to rip it apart, but I also have a compulsion to preserve it.

It’s a very paradoxical feeling, and I just nodded to Ryu Iden.

* * *

“Is that my original, teacher?”

“Your tone is disrespectful, student.”

Ji Dong-hwa (modified version of *Gijisaeng* [a character’s name]) installed in the body of a bipedal cat frowned.

*Gijisaeng*, true to his reputation as a madman, created a bipedal animal robot, improved its intelligence, and showed off his formidable naming sense with Hwa, Chae, Ryu, Jun, and Hyun.

Father of bizarre creatures, *Gijisaeng*, how much would Ji Dong-hwa have freaked out if he saw it? He would have immediately taken out the dictionary, saying the name was child abuse.

“He left his mark on the world, and you don’t know how to be happy.”

“Even if he looks like that, he’s older than you, so that’s why he’s like that. If he sees people repaying kindness for something he helped with out of a sense of responsibility, ethical issues come into play.”

At that moment, Hwa sharply raised his claws and swung them at *Gijisaeng*.

*Gijisaeng* casually brushed it off and sat him down. He has a childcare philosophy of not hitting children, which is fitting for a kindergarten teacher.

“Violence is bad. Actually, it’s necessary to some extent, but he told me to teach you this way.”

For *Gijisaeng*, who frequently caused terrorism because the easiest option was terrorism when persuasion was clearly not going to work here, it’s a shame.

“Shut up, please.”

Hwa is furious that he’s saying such things after putting him in this body.

Chae, who was sleeping deeply because of the commotion, woke up and grabbed Hwa from behind.

“Bad.”

“Shut up, you too. The original seemed smarter than you.”

“Tone is bad.”

“…Hah.”

A sigh is a signal of ‘I understand’ or ‘I lost.’

Our student still lacks honesty, but Chae, based on Chae Hamin, is skilled at deciphering the meaning in that sigh.

Only then did he let go and take his hand to the playground (which he named).

I guess they’re going to play together making bombs today. *Gijisaeng* smiled brightly at the very heartwarming sight.

And then suddenly realized.

“I’m crazy too. What am I doing, really.”

Even if he became a scientist, his philosophy career didn’t disappear, so *Gijisaeng* is practicing Socrates’ famous saying.

Sometimes he wants to discard everything, but when he sees them slowly becoming friends with each other, that feeling quickly disappears.

It’s surprisingly suitable for me, damn it.

“Why are you watching this?”

Hyun came and asked quietly.

He’s still in the habit of staying near here because he’s the robot who stayed in his arms the longest.

“Are you curious?”

“Yes.”

“Statistically, something interesting is about to start, do you want to watch it together?”

The moment when he finally realizes will come! What kind of life he has lived! What made *Gijisaeng* and Ji Dong-hwa different!

“Hey, do you see that guy who looks like me?”

“Yes.”

“When he receives letters from fans, he reads them once and puts them all in the album.”

“Is it like an experiment log?”

“That’s right. He stores them that meticulously.”

He’s really great. Hyun, the scientific prodigy who follows Hwa!

“And there’s going to be a new item in the letter he receives today.”

* * *

On the last concert day, I wonder if the word ‘last’ has much meaning since it’s only the first and last.

However, it must not have been the same for the other members. I was smiling contentedly alone while everyone else was crying.

For me, the second concert is like a sequel to a beautiful moment, but for them, it must have felt like an ending.

“Dong-hwa, you should cry too!”

A fan’s shout.

I tend to fulfill requests as much as possible, but it’s too difficult to shed tears that don’t come out.

I lowered my face and pretended to cry, but then the question, ‘Is this really what you want?’ came to mind, and I slightly raised my head to look at the fans.

Seeing them smiling, I guess it’s not bad.

I smiled back and moved to comfort the members.

“Stop crying, Iden.”

“Ugh, Dong-hwa! I’m so grateful to you!”

“For what?”

“You just forgave me yesterday. And you always take care of us!”

Stop it. You sound like you’re drunk. Why are you leaving the lingering scent of alcohol on our wholesome concert?

I put down the microphone.

“You didn’t do anything wrong yesterday.”

From the beginning, no one did anything wrong.

If there is a fault, wouldn’t the blame lie with the diligent farmer who recklessly sowed the seeds?

“And I’m going to try to accept it.”

I went out to the veranda early yesterday morning and spent some time organizing my thoughts, and I came to the conclusion that if I show signs of rejecting it, it will cause even more bizarre things to happen.

Yieon, that human, seems like the kind of person who would achieve what he wants even if someone stops him by using heresy or deviation. Isn’t this the best state right now?

“Grab the microphone.”

Ryu Iden didn’t grab the microphone I told him to grab and started clinging to me and crying.

Then, as if by magnet, the other members came to me one by one. Seokjun and Chae Hamin rushed in, and I pulled Lee Hyunjae, who was standing alone.

I can’t stand the fact that he’s trying to be alone like me, so I can’t just leave him alone.

Lee Hyunjae, like the youngest, didn’t cry yesterday, but it was as if he had desperately held back, and he just muttered ‘Thank you’ into the microphone while crying endlessly.

…Hmm, this definitely feels good.

It’s a different feeling from the mixed feelings of yesterday, a very clearly positive feeling.

“I should cry too to liven up the atmosphere, but I’m sorry, everyone.”

—You cried yesterday!

I chuckled, wondering how I could hear the sound accurately through the cheers.

“I held it in today.”

A barrage of jeers.

I patted Lee Hyunjae.

“Like someone yesterday.”

Lee Hyunjae momentarily lost his mind and hit me lightly with an arm that had no strength at all.

So, this is what biting is like. Even if I get bitten about thirty times, it won’t hurt…

Could it be that Ryu Iden feels like this when I hit him?

A realization struck like lightning.

Should I replace the brick with a real brick? I carefully thought about it and comforted each and every member.

While everyone was giving their impressions one by one, crying in the gaps, Ji Dong-hwa was announcing his plan to ‘improve his stamina so that he can make the encore stage a little longer’ and shocking SNS in real time.

Tomorrow is a day off, so the manager is collecting the letters and gifts that arrived at the company, telling them to read them leisurely.

“Hmm, a *concours* [competition] invitation? What is this?”

I don’t know what it is, but since it’s attached to a precious letter, the manager is classifying it into Ji Dong-hwa’s box first.

It was a letter sent by a boy who mustered up courage, a humble letter that, as *Gijisaeng* said, would be a small opportunity to realize what kind of life he had lived.