Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 60

60.

In the car heading back to the dorm, I couldn’t stop sighing intermittently.

Could I evade the responsibility for ruining someone’s life with guilt and the excuse that I couldn’t foresee the consequences?

Lee Hyun-jae, who had been listening to my sighs amidst the sleeping members, put down the reference book he was holding with an incomprehensible expression and asked,

“Dong-hwa hyung, what are you thinking so deeply about?”

Well… if someone who had collapsed and fallen asleep after saying ‘I’m a thief’ three times woke up and kept sighing, I’d be curious too.

“…Hyun-jae, if you threw a bottle cap and it hit someone on the street, would that be your responsibility?”

At the sudden question, Lee Hyun-jae seemed flustered and nodded.

“Of course, it would be, right…?”

“Then, if the bottle cap you threw hit a cat’s butt below, and the cat, startled, jumped out and a passerby, due to mental weakness, fell towards the road, and a car passing by tried to avoid that person and crashed into a utility pole, would that be your responsibility?”

Lee Hyun-jae looked at me with eyes that seemed to be asking why I was doing this to him with a long and verbose question. …It’s the look one gives to a crazy person, but I can’t explain the truth, so I can’t help it.

“…I’m seriously considering that.”

“…I see.”

If I say more, he’ll really ask if I have mental problems, so I should restrain myself.

After a long silence, Lee Hyun-jae suddenly answers.

“…Hmm, I don’t think it’s easy to say there’s no responsibility.”

I’m grateful that he’s seriously considering it.

“…Actually, I think so too, Hyun-jae.”

Yes, I have a responsibility. However, I just don’t know how and how much I should take responsibility.

It’s not like I, an incompetent person, can suddenly put Yoon Seong-ho on a successful track, and there’s no way to ‘prevent’ those crazy people from doing drugs either.

Until I find out they’re doing drugs and have evidence, it’s not easy to report them.

…Besides, if I report them recklessly, Yoon Seong-ho might get hurt too.

‘…My motto was to live without affecting others as much as possible, but without me knowing, I’ve gotten deeply involved.’

In the worst way possible, damn it.

* * *

Yoon Seong-ho is spending his days at the dorm under strange glares.

Everyone except him is a member from God Entertainment.

He can’t help but notice the atmosphere of them regarding him as a rolling stone [an outsider or newcomer] that has come from nowhere.

‘…Blossom kids seemed to get along well.’

Selfishly, the thought of ‘if I had survived the survival show’ sometimes came to his mind.

That’s no different from thinking ‘if I had dropped someone else,’ but he couldn’t help but feel envious.

‘…I’d rather be obviously assaulted so I could make a fuss.’

Since he was just being ostracized without any violence, he was just lonely.

And since it was clear that he was a rolling stone, he couldn’t help but understand.

“Yoon Seong-ho, the bathroom is empty.”

“Ah, thanks! But I’ll use it later.”

When Yoon Seong-ho smiled awkwardly, Ho-yeon nodded and lay down in his place.

Yes, it was fortunate that Ho-yeon, who used the same room, treated him comfortably without any particular feelings. Otherwise, there would have been many days when he couldn’t say a single word even in the dorm, where he should be most comfortable.

‘…Still, if I try a little harder, the members will look at me favorably. It might be uncomfortable to have a rolling stone.’

Yoon Seong-ho often thought of what Ji Dong-hwa would have harshly criticized as ‘a foolish act of taking something that’s not your problem as your own and trying to solve it.’

Yoon Seong-ho lay back down and picked up his phone.

Ho-yeon was a man of few words in the first place, so Yoon Seong-ho, isolated in the room, enjoyed looking at social media.

No, he made it a habit to look at social media for fear of losing his positive personality and becoming depressed if he didn’t.

As always, he searches for his name and pseudonym and reads various praises and criticisms.

Then, he suddenly notices an article about the radio show he was on.

‘…’Cliff and Boy’, the song is good.’

After asking Ryu Iden, he boasted that Ji Dong-hwa made the song just for ‘him’.

It was easy to see that the statement was true.

Certainly, there was a structure that seemed to be tailored to Ryu Iden’s range, skill, emotional lines, and everything else that could be considered.

His elimination from the survival show was his own fault. Not being able to join such a good team was due to a lack of talent. But even knowing that….

‘…I’m jealous.’

And soon, Yoon Seong-ho, ashamed of the fact that he felt envy, dug into the blanket and fiddled with his phone.

‘Oh, a text… Dong-hwa sent it.’

He quickly checks the text message.

[If you have any concerns, feel free to request a consultation at any time. I’ll make time to listen to you.]

‘…No, why?’

Yoon Seong-ho’s question only deepens at Ji Dong-hwa’s text message, which has no context.

* * *

I walk down the street and check my phone.

[Oh… Thank you, Dong-hwa-ssi!! But why suddenly, is something wrong? Dong-hwa-ssi?]

After seeing Yoon Seong-ho’s reply, I type again.

[Just remember that I can listen to you anytime if you have any concerns.]

Then, I neatly close my phone and put it in my pocket.

If I send it like this, when he finds out about the drug situation, won’t he at least think about asking someone else’s opinion at least once before acting on his own?

If that person is me, I might have a chance to take responsibility. It won’t be enough with just this, but I’ve taken the minimum action I can take right now.

“Dong-hwa! Isn’t it nice to escape to the convenience store!”

“…It’s too simple of an outing to call it an escape, Ha-min.”

Currently, we are in a situation where outings between members are strictly prohibited, so even though we are accompanied by our manager, Chae Ha-min is grinning, enjoying the freedom he enjoys late at night.

Chae Ha-min burst into my room and shouted at me when I was lying in my room wondering what to do.

“A trip to the convenience store has been decided, Dong-hwa.”

There was no consent from me.

“…What about the manager?”

My minor rebellion….

“I’m sorry, but he gladly allowed me to ask.”

“…Okay, then.”

He lightly tramples on me and passes by.

So, the convenience store trip that started around 10 p.m. Chae Ha-min and I walk ahead, and the manager walks behind us.

…Ha, it’s subtly uncomfortable.

The choice to give up freedom for safety is common in human history, but experiencing it with my own eyes and body is frustrating.

‘…I’ll probably have to live like this continuously.’

One of the big disadvantages of being an idol is this point.

After walking for about 3 minutes, Chae Ha-min enters the convenience store and roams around with natural movements.

In a fairly large convenience store, Chae Ha-min usually buys a bundle of assorted mushrooms and carrot juice.

…How is such a taste created?

I, who had no intention of buying anything, followed Chae Ha-min and answered each and every one of his unchanging nonsense.

When Chae Ha-min, who had picked out all the things he wanted to buy, went to the counter, the clerk spoke to him.

“…Um, excuse me.”

“Yes?”

“…You come here often, and I’ve become interested, so can I have your, your number?”

…Hmm.

“Ah! I’m so sorry.”

When Chae Ha-min politely bowed his head, she bowed her head deeply and started crying.

Judging by her excessively moving shoulders, she’s pretending to cry. The movement of the muscles is bound to be awkward.

…Hmm.

I quickly compare the scar on her wrist and her face shape with the montage I had stored in my head.

“Ah, uh! Um, are you, are you okay?”

However, when Chae Ha-min, who is overly kind, is at a loss as to what to do, I quietly open my mouth.

“Can I have the pen in your front pocket?”

Then she pauses and looks at me.

“…Why?”

“…Wouldn’t it be easier for both of us to break the camera and leave than to call the police?”

Then she makes a face as if to ask why this was caught, and the manager, who was watching the situation from behind, quickly hardened his expression and stepped forward.

“…Let’s have a conversation for a moment.”

‘…I’m sure he’ll handle it well.’

I’m too sleepy and tired to care more, so I just drag Chae Ha-min out.

“What, what is it, Dong-hwa? Camera? What are you talking about?”

“…That person is one of those defined as a sasaeng fan [an obsessive fan who stalks or invades the privacy of celebrities].”

When I was attacked with Ryu Iden in the past, I’m glad I memorized and organized several characteristics. I didn’t know I’d use it like this, but whatever.

“…Wow, Dong-hwa, I’m a little scared.”

Yes, it’s scary to have someone who tries to invade every move and personal space.

“…Dong-hwa, are you a former police officer?”

…Um, wait a minute. Is the scary target me, not the sasaeng fan, Ha-min?

“I should never make a mistake in front of you, Dong-hwa.”

…Okay.

After saying that, Chae Ha-min continues to speak.

“I only received help again this time, I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what… But this time ‘too’?”

“Um, Dong-hwa, do you know that I’ve never seen you take a proper day off since your debut?”

…Hmm, I’m still young, so I can handle being rolled around this much.

Chae Ha-min says with a sad face. It’s amazing that he just had a sasaeng fan secretly filming him.

“I want to help because I think you’re pushing yourself too hard, but I don’t know anything about composing.”

“…You often come to the studio, listen to the work, and give feedback.”

“I feel so sorry if I don’t do that! You’re the one who suffers the most among the members.”

Chae Ha-min finishes his words with a smile.

“Rather than continuing to work alone, um, I think it would be good to discuss something together. Like we did during the survival show!”

I nodded at Chae Ha-min’s eyes, which seemed determined to get an answer from me.

I don’t know exactly why he’s doing this, but I know he’s worried.

“…Okay.”

By the way, do those things become more rampant as recognition increases? …I should get some tips from Jun-seong.

* * *

Top star Jun-seong, who was sprawled out in my studio, answered easily.

“There’s no way around it. Due to the nature of the job, personal life is bound to be revealed…….”

…I don’t know what to say.

Every job has its pros and cons, so I can’t just complain.

“Actually… many of my celebrity friends are stressed out because of that, but they all live with it because it’s their dream. Me too.”

Then he smiles and answers again.

“Well, it’s the price of being loved. Everything has a cost.”

Jun-seong frowns and gets up from the sofa.

“But sometimes… it’s too much, so it’s a problem. In the end, we have to ignore it and endure it as much as possible. We often lose out if we cause a commotion.”

In other words, there is no pointed solution.

If there was, the sasaeng group would have disappeared long ago.

“…So, is the best thing to do is to prevent incidents from happening in the first place?”

“That’s right. They’re closer to criminals than fans, so without guilt!”

…I and the agency should pay attention so that our members don’t get hurt.

Jun-seong didn’t like the serious atmosphere, so he turned back to me with a crazy smile.

“By the way! What do you mean you’re letting me listen to the song before the first album activities are over, junior.”

“…It’s literally what it says. I’ve only made a few basic samples, would you like to choose a mood you like?”

“No, Dong-hwa junior… How many hours do you live in a day?”

It’s not a finished version, but the time except for official schedules is either reading or composing.