Brother, Am I Cute? [EN]: Chapter 1

Hyung, Aren’t I Cute? 1 (1/500)

My first impression of that child was that he was gentle.

He was so gentle that he didn’t even cry when he pooped in his diaper.

He didn’t cry even when he was hungry.

He didn’t even smile.

Could you call this gentle?

I would do something if he showed some reaction, but he was so indifferent.

I heard that’s why people had a hard time.

I saw poop smeared all over his bottom, making it red, so I patted white powder on it to make it white.

That was a little cute.

The child’s name was Lee Siha.

He was my younger brother, 20 years younger than me.

As time passed, I became a little closer to Siha.

Should I call this getting closer?

Siha just followed me around.

I hadn’t done anything for him, but he just followed me around like a chick, so I stroked his head.

He was trying to say something, making ‘Ah ah’ sounds, and it was definitely a happy reaction.

But what does this child like so much about me that he follows me around?

My stepmother says that somehow he likes his older brother more than his own mother.

She even asked me this once.

“Do you like your older brother?”

“Ah ah!”

I don’t know if that’s a ‘Yes!’ or a ‘No!’ answer.

I think I accepted Siha as my brother from the moment he started following me around.

He smelled of baby powder, and I even got peed on.

He felt more like a nephew than a younger brother.

Then one day, when Siha was three years old.

After the Lunar New Year [a major holiday in Korea, celebrating the start of the lunisolar calendar], my father said he would stop by my aunt’s house for a bit.

“Take good care of Siha and the house!”

My mother waved at us brightly.

I sat Siha down to eat lunch and took out the frying pan.

There are days like that.

Days when things go surprisingly well.

Like when you crack an egg and get a double yolk.

Or when you get a call from the department saying they’re giving you a scholarship this year.

Or when a friend you haven’t heard from in a while contacts you and gives you a gift certificate.

Every day was going so well that I wondered if it was okay.

“Why am I so lucky today? Siha, don’t you think so too?”

“Ah ah.”

I was a little worried that Siha was already three years old and still only saying ‘Ah ah.’

He should be saying ‘Dad’ and ‘Mom’ soon.

Whether he knew my feelings or not, Siha was busy pressing buttons on the remote control.

Click. Click.

The moment I stroked Siha’s head.

A phone call came.

“Are you the son of Lee Janghyuk?”

There must have been a reason for this day when everything was going so well.

To be careful because things were going too well.

To be nervous.

To not let my guard down.

This series of good luck existed for one big misfortune.

***

Two photos were placed in the funeral hall.

One was of my father, Lee Janghyuk.

One was of my mother, Kim Hyeryun.

The reason for their death was because too many great misfortunes overlapped.

It was an accident that no one could be blamed for.

The police showed me the black box footage [a device that records video and audio in a vehicle].

A truck ran over a leaf spring on the highway, and it bounced up, broke through the windshield, and pierced my father’s heart.

He died instantly.

My father’s car, which was still accelerating, eventually led to a collision, and my mother lost her life in the accident.

‘Why did this happen?’

Tears didn’t come out.

No, they couldn’t.

Now, the only family left was me and Siha.

I didn’t want to show my sad face to young Siha.

I looked at Siha, who was being held in a relative’s arms.

Does my young brother know?

That he can’t see his mom and dad anymore.

He was too young to understand the concept of death.

Seeing him sleeping so soundly.

It hurt my heart even more.

I pinched my thigh to hold back the tears that were welling up.

I had to think of something else.

I had to greet the mourners who came to pay their respects.

I greeted them, shook their hands, patted me on the shoulder, and hugged me.

“Oh, how could they go like this.”

“Stay strong.”

“Be strong, hyung [older brother or male friend].”

“May they rest in peace.”

“Janghyuk was a good friend.”

Everyone said different things, but they all meant the same thing.

They were words to comfort me.

I wish they wouldn’t.

Because it felt like tears would come out.

Everyone dies.

Someone’s mother and father die.

This is the law of nature.

It’s just that I lost my parents early.

I said words to someone I didn’t know who and continued to greet the mourners.

“How pitiful.”

“What are they going to do? Who’s going to take care of them?”

“Is Sihyuk an adult?”

“Oh dear. He’s a college student now, how is he going to raise that young brother.”

I can hear the relatives whispering.

They seem to be talking quietly so I can’t hear them, but I can hear everything.

“They’re not even blood-related, does Sihyuk have to raise him?”

The level of the words is getting higher and higher.

“Oh dear. Don’t say things like that.”

I couldn’t stay in that place any longer, so I came out for a while.

“Ah, did I say something wrong?”

“Shh. Shh. Sihyuk is coming out.”

I moved my steps to the smoking area outside the funeral hall.

It had been a long time since I quit smoking, but I couldn’t help but smoke today.

I wanted to take a breather for a while.

But there was no place for me there either.

“Is there insurance money?”

“What?”

“I’m talking about death insurance.”

“So what if there is?”

“Our house can take care of two people. The kids are still young, so they have a lot of affection.”

“Oh my goodness.”

I knew who the two people were.

Aunt and uncle.

I felt empty.

Were they such insensible people?

I even wondered if those were words to say to my father, who had met my aunt and uncle and passed away.

“It’s hard these days, so if you ask to borrow it for a while, the kids…….”

“Hmm. Can’t we just borrow it for a while and put it back?”

“So talk to Sihyuk well.”

I felt my heart getting cold.

These people are also relatives.

It seems like this isn’t a relative’s house, but an enemy camp.

I felt like I was realizing for the first time that the fence that my parents had protected me with was so big and strong.

I closed my eyes with trembling hands and feet.

‘I’m tired.’

As I turned around, I ran into a university faculty member.

“Hyung…….”

Moon Dohwan, a faculty member at Kangin University’s Career Center.

He grabbed my arm and moved to a place where there were few people.

I don’t know how he knew, but there was a place for me here.

“Are you okay?”

“…….”

“No. I’m sorry. I misspoke. You wouldn’t be okay. I’m sorry.”

“I know. I know you didn’t mean it that way.”

“Hoo. There are a lot of beast-like people, right?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know what to do now.”

I don’t know what to do at all.

I still had two more years to graduate from college, and I didn’t know how long it would take to get a job.

No, I had to jump into the workforce right away.

“Did you cry a little?”

“No.”

The fence that had been protecting me was broken.

At that moment, I had to become a fence to protect my brother.

I decided from the moment I heard my uncle’s words earlier.

I’m going to get eaten if I’m not careful.

I have to protect my brother.

So I can’t cry.

Reality doesn’t change by crying.

Even if it’s ruthless now, I have to straighten my mind and live in reality.

Moon Dohwan sighed, knowing my appearance well.

“What are you going to do now?”

“I’m going to drop out of school and get a job.”

“Just go to college.”

“Hyung. College tuition is 3.8 million won. It costs 8 million won for two semesters.”

“I know. But in the long run, it might be better to graduate from college and get a job.”

“Then who will take care of Siha?”

Moon Dohwan was speechless.

“Hoo. Damn it! Why is it like this!”

“I’m going to find a job that I can do from home as much as possible. Even if it’s a little hard, it’s enough for the two of us to live on.”

“Are you going to devote your whole life to Siha?”

“It’s only 20 years anyway.”

“Hey, you idiot. You can’t even try a new challenge in 20 years. You’ll be 43 years old.”

“I know.”

But who can I entrust this young brother to?

I have to protect him.

Now, I’m the only person left for Siha.

“Hyung.”

“Sihyuk, let’s think about it again. I can’t get you a job, but I’ll look into it. Let’s use the university as much as possible. There are many ways to find it.”

“Then I have to work at a company.”

“Yeah. You have to go. If you leave Siha at daycare…….”

“No.”

“No, why?”

I shook my head.

“Hyung. I grew up without a mom.”

“Yeah. I know.”

“Do you know that?”

“Huh?”

“There’s something people say when they see me, who grew up without a mom. They say the child grew up with less love.”

“Who says that? Who?”

“Everyone says that. You can see the shadow on the child’s face. He didn’t grow up in a happy family.”

“Hey, you idiot.”

“That’s why. I don’t want Siha to have that shadow. I don’t want him to hear that from anyone. I want him to be loved and grow up with love.”

“That…….”

“Siha is even more so than me. He doesn’t have a dad, and now he doesn’t have a mom either. But what if I disappear too? How lonely would he be? Wouldn’t a shadow appear on his face?”

“It’s difficult. It’s difficult.”

“It’s not difficult at all. I’ll be his mom and dad. What? Relatives? Those guys aren’t relatives. I’m the only one who will protect Siha.”

“Then what about you? Who’s going to protect you?”

“I’m an adult. I don’t need anyone to protect me. It’s time to be thrown into reality.”

“Oh my.”

Moon Dohwan pounded his chest instead of me in this frustrating reality.

“Hyung. Siha. Can only say ‘Ah ah’? The child’s language development is slow. He doesn’t even cry well. He hasn’t even said ‘Dad’ or ‘Mom’.”

“I know. You said you were worried about that too.”

“Why wouldn’t I have thought about daycare? But will a child who can’t even speak do well in daycare? What should I do now? Should I just go to college? What about tuition? What about childcare costs?”

“Hey, that’s…….”

“I really want to make Siha a decent adult. Then he’ll take care of himself. I won’t care about Siha then either.”

Talking to my brother makes me feel like my confused head is getting organized.

Yes, let’s raise that cute Siha properly.

Someone might say.

Is it necessary to sacrifice your life like that?

Are you going to invest that time in a brother who isn’t even blood-related, a brother you haven’t even lived with for long?

‘What’s so important about blood?’

What’s important is that Siha is my brother and I’m Siha’s brother.

Is there anything more important than that in a relationship?

Blood. Genes.

Isn’t that just an arrangement of bases [referring to DNA]?

“I. That’s right.”

It was when Moon Dohwan was about to say something more.

“Uwaaaah!”

The sound of a baby crying was heard.

Siha is the only baby here?

Moon Dohwan and I made eye contact.

I was surprised and hurriedly entered the funeral hall.

It was the first time Siha had cried like this.

What on earth is going on?

I saw a relative holding Siha inside, trying to soothe him in a panic.

She stuttered when she found me.

“Ah, no, the child cried as soon as he opened his eyes.”

Siha looks at me.

He was trying to stop his sobbing.

Could it be that Siha knows that he can’t see his mom and dad?

Is he relieved that I’m here and stopping his crying?

As those thoughts flashed through my mind, I took Siha and patted his back.

“Yes. Siha. Hyung is here.”

“Hyung. Hyung. Uwaaaah!”

“…!!”

I was surprised and stopped breathing.

Tears welled up in my eyes at the first words he had ever said.

Siha came in and unlocked the lock on my heart without any difficulty.

“Yes. Hyung. Hyung.”

“Hyung. Hyung. Uwaaaah.”

“Sniff. Yes. Yes.”

Tears came out.

I was so sad that Siha’s first words were not Mom or Dad.

I was so sad that I wouldn’t be able to call them in the future.

In the end, the dam of tears that I had been holding back burst.

“Hyung. Hyung.”

Do you know?

From the moment you called me Hyung, you were bound by that word.

“Hyung. Hyung.”

“Yes. Hyung. Hyung. Sniff.”

Who is protecting whom?

Siha’s touch, patting me while crying, was so warm.

I will protect you.

I hugged Siha a little tighter with that feeling…….

A little cautiously…….