Brother, Am I Cute? [EN]: Chapter 2

Hyung, Am I Cute? 2

After the funeral.

We were greeted by a cold wind as we entered the house.

I didn’t know if it was the cold because the harsh winter wasn’t over yet, or the emptiness caused by the absence of two people.

I just felt the emptiness, making it hard to go inside.

Siha didn’t seem to feel that way. She sat down in front of the shoe rack and looked up at me.

Seeing her swinging her legs, it seemed like she wanted something.

“You want me to take off your shoes?”

“Aah!”

“Okay, okay. Our Siha needs to take off her shoes to go inside. You’re so smart, aren’t you?”

“Aah. Hyung.”

“Yeah.”

As I took off her shoes, Siha got up and went to do her thing.

She dragged a box of tissues and sat in the middle of the living room.

‘She always sits in the middle of the living room like that.’

She slowly started pulling out tissues.

Swish, swish!

The scattered tissues piled up behind Siha.

Perhaps because Siha showed me this ordinary daily life, I was able to enter the house.

“I’m home.”

Even though there was no one to greet me anymore, I greeted out of habit.

“Hyung!”

Oh, Siha greeted me.

I stroked Siha’s head with a grateful heart.

“Hyung.”

“Yeah?”

Siha pointed at the tissues.

Only then did I realize Siha’s intention.

She wasn’t greeting me, but asking me to put the tissues back in the box.

She does this often, so it’s not new.

She likes to pull them out, but she doesn’t like to put them back in.

“Okay. Hyung will refill it.”

I refilled the tissues very naturally.

Siha seemed happy and went back to her play.

Of course, her face was still expressionless.

It’s hard to see her smile.

I saw her cry for the first time at the funeral, though.

“How are we going to live with Siha now?”

Siha turned her head and looked at me again.

“No, it’s okay. Our Siha, play a lot.”

“Aah.”

I stroked Siha’s head and got up.

Let’s move before those tissues fall again.

I had a lot to think about right now.

I couldn’t be sad forever.

I brought A4 paper and a pen and sat next to Siha.

“You have to call Hyung when they all fall down, okay?”

“Aah.”

I don’t know if she understood or not.

I started writing down our reality on the A4 paper.

Life insurance money, about 150 million won.

The price of this house is 400 million.

My parents’ debt is about 350 million won.

So, if we sell this house and pay off the debt, we’ll have a little over 50 million won left.

Roughly a total of 200 million.

Since the legal heirs of the life insurance money are us, it is treated as personal property.

In other words, life insurance money is not included in inheritance tax.

And a lump-sum deduction of 500 million.

Simply calculated, the actual money we’ll get is about 200 million won.

It was not enough to live in Seoul.

It’s not enough when I think about leaving money for Siha, raising costs, living expenses, and rent.

A not-so-comfortable situation.

I had to quit university and find a job.

‘Hoo.’

I closed my eyes at the daunting reality.

‘This is an accident, so car insurance won’t cover it.’

It was an unfortunate accident caused by a unique case.

We can’t find the perpetrator who dropped the leaf spring, so we can’t get insurance.

It was also difficult to hold the Korea Expressway Corporation responsible because it was a leaf spring that appeared after the highway patrol passed.

I didn’t want to think about it anymore.

I wanted to focus on Siha’s childcare now.

‘Did they say it costs about 800 million won to raise a child?’

I heard it somewhere.

I need to make a decision quickly to cover food and living expenses.

“Hyung!”

“Yeah. Okay.”

I quickly refilled it and started thinking again.

To save even a little money in the long run, I should live in a Jeonse [a type of long-term lease where a tenant pays a large lump-sum deposit instead of monthly rent].

It has to be on the first floor so Siha can run around.

It’s obvious that she’ll become more active as she grows up.

I had to pay attention to this and that so I wouldn’t get complaints about noise between floors later.

Just because she’s quiet doesn’t mean she’s not active, but she tends to play quietly.

“I have to move…….”

I looked around.

There were too many traces of my parents left in this house.

I’m going to throw away everything I don’t need and buy new things.

Two people don’t need a lot of furniture.

‘I don’t know. Really.’

I pressed my eyes hard.

I want to turn a blind eye to the miserable reality and think about it the next day, but I couldn’t.

‘My parents’ existence was so big.’

My parents’ fence had a huge impact on my life in general.

I didn’t know how big the fence was until I lost it.

‘Was it this wide?’

Being the head of the household, supporting this family, and raising a child… How did you endure this burden with the thought that it was just the beginning?

Because you’re an adult?

Because you’re an experienced worker and married person?

Just because you live?

“Hyung.”

Fluttering.

A tissue sticks to my face.

I saw Siha looking at me with her bright eyes.

I can endure everything when I see these eyes.

Yeah. I endured it all because of you?

I want to give her everything.

I don’t want a shadow to fall on that face.

That’s why my parents lived each day.

Is this all I can understand now?

“Siha.”

“Aah!”

“Let’s do it one by one.”

Yeah. Let’s start with moving now.

Let’s make it one by one.

***

The next day.

I held Siha’s hand tightly and went to buy several boxes.

I bought boxes with wheels to move things and returned home to start organizing.

I put in the necessary clothes and books.

“Hyung!”

“Yeah. Okay. Okay.”

Siha pointed at the box and tapped it with her hand.

She looks like she has no expression on her face, but I know that face has a determined expression. I can tell by the feeling.

“You want me to put you in here?”

“Aah.”

“Okay. Here we go!”

I lifted Siha up high, as if her head would touch the ceiling.

Siha, who stretched her arms up, was so cute that I didn’t want to put her down.

Let’s get a grip. I’m busy packing now.

“Then here we go!!”

I moved her several times like an airplane and then put her in the box.

Siha’s body fit perfectly.

Siha started exploring the surroundings.

She entered a space that was all white.

Siha got up and peeked out in a space that was worse than a hospital.

“I can’t work.”

I have to take a picture of this.

The camera instinct twitched, and I had no choice but to take out my phone.

Click, click.

I can’t stop pressing the shutter.

A shutter chance doesn’t come easily.

You have to take a picture whenever you get the chance.

Click, click.

“Hyung!”

“Yeah.”

She can only say ‘Hyung,’ so all communication is ‘Hyung’ now.

‘Aah’ is a mysterious language that simultaneously means affirmation and negation.

This is communication that is only possible if you pay close attention to non-verbal expressions.

Wouldn’t Mehrabian [Albert Mehrabian, a psychologist known for his work on nonverbal communication] slap his knee if he saw this scene?

“Hyung!”

Siha pointed forward with her wriggling fingers.

I understood that perfectly.

“I have to clean up…….”

I started moving the box forward.

“Vroom! The Benz is leaving now. Where should we go!”

Chuck!

I pushed the box to where Siha was pointing.

I’m glad I bought it with wheels.

I admire my foresight once again.

Chuck!

This time, she’s asking for a drift.

Siha is possessed by a racer right now.

That’s the only way this baby’s vibe can come out.

“Okay. Here we go!!”

“Aah!”

I pushed her like that for a long time.

Now that the drive is over, she’s asking for something else.

I gave Siha a toy to play with in the box and lay down.

‘Why am I so tired when nothing is cleaned up?’

Looking around, there’s a lot to do.

I wanted to postpone it if I could, but I had to move now unless Siha had any requests.

I had to work in advance to fulfill another request.

‘Can I do it well on my own?’

I glanced at Siha and started cleaning.

‘Huh?’

While cleaning, I saw my father’s laptop.

I wiped it with my hand.

It was dusty because I hadn’t used it for a few days.

‘I should throw this away too.’

I unplugged the cord and tried to put the laptop in a garbage bag to burn it later.

At that moment, Siha suddenly called me.

“Hyung! Hyung!”

“Oh. Okay.”

Siha raised her hand and insisted on taking herself out.

Is she already done playing? Can’t you play a little longer?

I thought so, but I took her out as she wanted.

Siha, whose feet touched the floor, ran to the laptop and stuck to it.

You could say she was almost lying on it.

“Aah!”

“Siha. No, no. I’m going to throw it away.”

Siha shook her head and insisted.

“I told you I have to throw it away.”

“Aah.”

“Why are you being so stubborn?”

“Aah.”

I’ll have to retreat for now and throw it away later.

“Ah, Dad.”

“What?!”

I turned my head and looked at Siha again.

“Siha. What did you just say?”

“Ah, Aba!” [Aba is a Korean word for Dad]

“Dad? Did you say Dad?”

Siha pointed at the laptop.

“Dad.”

I was speechless.

Does she know that that thing belongs to Dad?

Is that why she’s stopping me from throwing it away?

‘My father would have been happy if he had heard it.’

The laptop heard it.

‘I thought I’d never be able to say it.’

I thought I’d never be able to say the word Dad.

Yeah. Is it thanks to this laptop?

I looked at the laptop that Siha was lying on.

It was a moment when I was wondering whether to throw it away or not.

To be honest, I feel like throwing everything away because I keep thinking about my parents.

‘Siha likes it so much, I can’t throw it away.’

I decided to give up throwing away the laptop.

“Okay. I won’t throw it away.”

“Aah!”

“Yeah. Okay.”

I started cleaning up other things.

My head is so complicated.

“Hyung.”

“Yeah?”

Siha put the clothes I organized in the box.

“Hyung.”

“Yeah? Are you helping Hyung?”

Nod, nod.

“Wow. Our Siha is so kind.”

I stroked Siha’s head.

Although the folded clothes were unfolded, making the work twice as hard, I couldn’t help but praise her for trying to help.

Isn’t she adorable?

“Should I… put Siha’s toys in too?”

Nod, nod.

Siha tries to lift the laptop with all her might.

Hmm. That’s not a toy?

“Hyung will help you.”

I lifted the laptop with Siha’s hands.

“Eucha!”

“Hyung.”

“Yeah. Okay. Let’s put it in like this.”

I thought about Siha’s height and stood up awkwardly and put it in the box.

Is it really over now?

“Then, our Siha. Shall we put in the toys?”

Not the clothes. Let’s protect the clothes.

“Hyung. Mom.”

“What?!”

I thought I misheard and looked at Siha.

Mom?

Where’s Mom?

“Mom.”

Siha pointed somewhere with her finger.

It was empty air.

“Is Mom there?”

“Aah. Mom.”

Siha walked somewhere and shouted Mom, pointing at something.

“This is…….”

The Wacom LCD tablet that my stepmother used.

“Hyung.”

Siha pointed at the box again.

She wants to put the tablet on that desk in too.

Both were things that my parents used often and cherished.

I was just thinking of throwing them away, but Siha seemed to be thinking of taking them.

We’re brothers, but we think so differently.

I decided to respect Siha’s opinion.

“Okay. I’ll do whatever our Siha wants.”

“Aah!”

I put the tablet in the box.

***

The fan of the laptop in the box started to turn on its own.

The power was on.

The words ‘Updating’ began to appear on the closed screen.

The LCD tablet next to it also turned on and was updated.

What they had in common was that the Wi-Fi connection was turned off on both of them.

The two items were updated for a while and then turned off.

That day, without realizing that this had happened, Sihyuk and Siha were lying next to each other, sleeping in the same pose.