Dr. Shin Seonhan: The Doctor Who Sees The Future [EN]: Chapter 195

#195 Our Lives: A Chase (2)

The resident appeared, holding several neatly folded pieces of paper.

“What’s that?”

“It was sitting innocently on the table in the on-call room.”

“Is it another letter from Ahn Kyung-shik?”

“Can’t you tell just by looking? Kyung-shik is the only one in our department who’d write something like that.”

It was a thick letter.

A very carefully written one at that.

Soon, the residents’ expressions grew complicated as they passed the letter around.

“Oh, dear.”

“This is a disaster, a disaster.”

“Ha, that Kyung-shik… he’s been uneasy for days, and he’s finally done it.”

“What should we do?”

“What do you mean, what should we do? We shouldn’t show this to the professors or the chief residents. We should…”

The second and third-year residents, Kyung-shik’s classmates and those just above him, huddled together and began a serious discussion about what to do.

Shin Sang-mi and I stared blankly at each other, silently asking.

What’s going on?

I don’t know.

The two of us quietly approached and read the letter over the residents’ shoulders.

As expected of the sentimental Mr. Ahn Kyung-shik, it was a lengthy letter written in neat handwriting.

…I have been contemplating this for a very long time.

I am now leaving Yonkuk University Hospital’s Department of Thoracic Surgery.

I can only thank the professors who have tried to guide me, despite my shortcomings.

It seems that this is my limit.

From the beginning, the work of thoracic surgery was too big and heavy to fit into my tiny little bowl.

They say you should leave when people are applauding, right?

I don’t even deserve to leave, since I’ve never received applause in the first place.

But I no longer have the confidence to handle this job…

“Ugh, interns shouldn’t see this. It’s not a good thing.”

One of the residents quickly folded the letter.

I couldn’t read it to the end, but I could roughly grasp the situation.

‘Kyung-shik’s mental state finally collapsed.’

It probably wasn’t due to one reason alone.

The on-call duty in the intensive care unit almost every other day.

The pressure of dealing with life and death.

The self-loathing from repeated mistakes.

The breakup with his girlfriend at the end of last year.

And so on…

Like droplets of water gathering and overflowing a glass, many reasons must have overlapped and acted together.

I heard that he recently made a mistake while inserting a chest tube and got severely scolded.

The accumulated stress led him to give up the thoracic surgery specialist course [a residency program for specializing in thoracic surgery].

“By the way, what happens to us if Kyung-shik quits?”

“We’re doomed. We have to keep doing the ICU on-call shifts.”

“I’m going crazy. There are so many heart surgeries scheduled for this month…”

The residents’ faces fell.

It seems that the biggest concern is the lack of manpower.

Thoracic surgery, in particular, is a place where every hand is precious.

Even I, as an intern, am keenly aware of that fact.

“But in the midst of all this, he even prepared all the prescriptions for tomorrow, that bastard.”

“He’s diligent even when running away, geez.”

“Wasn’t it less than six months ago that Seung-wan quit last year? I’m really worried about this year…”

The residents all sighed.

Of course, this wouldn’t be the first time this has happened in thoracic surgery.

I’ve heard that dropping out of the specialist course happens quite often.

But that doesn’t mean it’s something to take lightly.

“Anyway, let’s keep calling Kyung-shik in case he changes his mind. Let’s keep the letter a secret for now… and interns, don’t go telling anyone about this!”

As they were talking among themselves, someone’s voice was heard.

“What’s going on?”

Everyone flinched!

Everyone looked towards the source of the sound.

In some ways, an existence as frightening as the professors.

Song Yu-ju, the chief resident and real power player, was walking over with a lollipop in her mouth and her hands in her pockets.

“Ah, well, that is…”

“It’s nothing. Haha!”

The residents forced smiles and backed away.

Everyone tried to keep quiet and move on, but it was already too late.

Without a chance to hide it, Song Yu-ju pointed to the letter and asked.

“What’s that?”

“Ah, that’s…”

“Bring it here.”

And a moment later.

Song Yu-ju’s eyebrows twitched as she read the letter.

Emotions flickered across her face, which usually maintained a knife-like poker face.

“So, the reason Ahn Kyung-shik didn’t show up for the morning meeting is this?”

Crack—

The sound of the lollipop breaking in her mouth could be heard.

A cold chill permeated the thoracic surgery ward.

Everyone held their breath and began to watch Song Yu-ju’s reaction.

“He couldn’t have gone far.”

Crumple—

The letter was crushed in her hand.

Song Yu-ju lifted her head with ice-cold eyes.

It was like a slave hunter ordering the pursuit of a runaway slave.

“Bring him back alive.”

* * *

That evening.

The atmosphere in the Department of Thoracic Surgery was tense.

Because they still couldn’t reach Mr. Ahn Kyung-shik.

As they were finishing up the day’s work in a restless atmosphere, Dr. Ma Dong-seop came to find me.

“Hey, friend, can I talk to you for a moment?”

I followed Dr. Ma Dong-seop to the quiet emergency stairs.

“Have you talked to Kyung-shik recently? Did he seem strange, or did he suddenly say something he wouldn’t normally say…”

Ma Dong-seop’s face was full of worry as he asked.

Well, he had reason to worry.

Dr. Ma Dong-seop was the one who took the most care of Dr. Ahn Kyung-shik in the Department of Thoracic Surgery.

“He didn’t say anything special to me either.”

“Really?”

“Yes. He was pretty much the same as usual.”

Despite my answer, Ma Dong-seop was restless.

I said cautiously.

“Isn’t it possible that he temporarily went off the rails because of stress? His self-esteem was hurt, and the work is so hard.”

“…”

“Maybe he’ll change his mind and come back?”

“No, I think so too, but…”

Ma Dong-seop scratched his head and said cautiously.

“Just in case something bad happens.”

“Something bad?”

“Don’t go around talking about this. It’s not a good story for other people to know.”

Ma Dong-seop glanced at the emergency door and opened his mouth.

“A few days ago, there was a resident in the neighboring NS [Neurosurgery] who went AWOL and was taken to the emergency room after injecting fentanyl [a powerful opioid pain reliever].”

“Yes?”

“He had respiratory depression and was almost in cardiac arrest.”

“Oh…”

“Fortunately, he recovered without any aftereffects, but people are saying it was a suicide attempt.”

My eyes widened.

This was the first time I’d heard of this.

Does that kind of thing really happen in hospitals?

“That friend was also a second-year resident. He was already being treated for depression, but it seems like it was due to work stress.”

“Oh, dear…”

“I guess he prescribed the drug to a patient in the ICU and then stole it? It’s a narcotic, so there must have been a big fuss.”

“He must have been having a hard time.”

“Yeah, NS [Neurosurgery] second-year residents are known to have a hard time.”

I felt sorry for him.

Doctors are people too.

Sometimes they experience mental health issues.

It’s a job where you treat other people, but paradoxically, you often can’t take care of yourself.

Especially surgeons and doctors in demanding specialties.

They don’t get much sunlight and have a lot of work.

In addition, surgical operations, by their nature, do not allow for even the slightest mistake.

‘If you do well, it’s a wash, but if you don’t, the patient could die.’

In fact, studies have shown that doctors in some countries have a suicide rate more than twice that of the general population.

It’s the darkest shadow of the medical community, rarely seen outside the hospital.

“Still, it’s a relief that his life wasn’t in danger.”

“It was really dangerous. In fact, doctors tend to have a higher ‘success rate’ when they make extreme attempts.”

“Is that so?”

“They have so much medical knowledge in their heads; they know the methods too well.”

It was a terrible story.

A damp and heavy atmosphere flowed through the emergency stairs.

Ma Dong-seop shook his head vigorously, as if trying to dispel the unpleasant feeling.

“Hey, what am I talking about? Let’s stop talking about this! No matter what, Kyung-shik isn’t the type to do something like that.”

Of course, you never know.

There’s a saying that you can know the depth of a thousand-foot of water, but you can’t know a person’s heart.

Even a person who looks fine on the outside can be rotting away on the inside like a diseased tree.

But I nodded and reassured Ma Dong-seop.

“Yes, I don’t think anything that serious will happen.”

I said with conviction.

Mr. Ahn Kyung-shik, as I had seen him, was not that kind of person.

I thought that he would value himself as much as he worked diligently to save the lives of others.

“I guess so? Anyway, you’re making me worry unnecessarily. If I can just get in touch with him…”

Ma Dong-seop gritted his teeth and took out his phone again to make a call.

Trrr—

The desolate ringing tone echoed through the hallway.

But then.

The ringing stopped, and a voice was heard from across the line.

“What, did he finally answer the phone?”

Hello?

“Hey, Ahn! You bastard, where are you right now! Do you know how worried people were when you suddenly disappeared, leaving only a letter!”

I’m sorry… hic!

He was drunk, very drunk.

His voice was slurred, as if he was almost unconscious.

The time was 8 p.m.

“You suddenly disappear, leaving only a letter? Do you know how worried people were!”

Do people really care about me?

“What?”

Don’t worry. I’m fine. Hic!

His stubbornness was no joke.

How much did he drink?

I even had the illusion that I could smell alcohol wafting from the receiver.

I’m sorry… I have to drink more, so goodbye!

The phone hung up with a click.

Ma Dong-seop glared at the phone and fumed.

Now that he was less worried, it was time to get angry.

“I think I know roughly where he is.”

“Really?”

“Kyung-shik and I live in the same neighborhood. We’ve had a few drinks together since college, so it’s probably one of those bars. I can hear old music playing in the background.”

Dr. Ma Dong-seop reached out to open the emergency staircase door with his thick arm, then turned to look at me.

“Friend, are you free today? Do you want to come with me?”

Today?

I wasn’t on duty today.

I was originally planning to catch up on sleep in the dorm.

But seeing how serious the situation was, it was hard to refuse Ma Dong-seop’s offer.

“Yes, I’ll go too.”

“Change your clothes and meet me at the front gate.”

I followed Ma Dong-seop into the hallway and asked.

“But will it help to change Mr. Ahn Kyung-shik’s mind if I go with you?”

“What are you talking about? Who said anything about helping to persuade him?”

Ma Dong-seop bared his teeth fiercely.

“If I end up beating Kyung-shik, try to stop me. I feel like I might break his spine right now.”

…Um, that’s too scary, isn’t it?

It’s even scarier because it doesn’t seem like a joke.

It seems my role isn’t persuasion, but mediation.

I’d better be on my toes if I don’t want to witness a bloody incident tonight.

* * *

Whirr—

A fierce wind blows.

Snowflakes relentlessly hit my face.

I almost had the illusion that the snow was falling upwards from the ground to the sky.

“Wow, what’s with the weather? Is it the end of the world today?”

Ma Dong-seop and I caught a taxi in front of the hospital.

“Damn it. Making me suffer like this on a snowy day. I won’t let him get away with it when I catch him.”

Vroom—

The taxi drove out of Seoul towards southern Gyeonggi [a province surrounding Seoul].

Normally, it could have gone a little faster, but the snowy road made the movement slower.

Meanwhile, Ma Dong-seop looked at the smartphone map with his hands stiff from the cold and made a plan.

“I have a rough idea of about four places? Let’s split up and look for him in pairs.”

“Yes.”

“Let’s contact each other if we find him, and keep a good hold of him in case he tries to run away.”

Ma Dong-seop’s expression was as solemn as if he were about to go on a military operation.

I became solemn too.

I really felt like a slave hunter….

“Call me if you find him!”

“Yes!”

The capture operation began.

As soon as Ma Dong-seop and I got out of the taxi, we split up as planned.

It was a seedy entertainment district with flashy neon signs everywhere.

Despite the snowy weather, it was crowded with people.

The smell of grilling meat wafted from somewhere, stimulating my hunger.

‘Not here.’

The first place I went was a skewer restaurant.

People were sitting packed at every table, sharing drinks, but Ahn Kyung-shik was not among them.

‘Next is…’

I set out to find the second place Ma Dong-seop had told me about.

A shabby alley.

It was a store with an old sign that looked like it wasn’t a bar at first glance.

In other words, a place that only people who know it can find.

‘I have a feeling it’s here?’

My gut feeling has never been wrong in these situations.

I opened the shabby door and went inside.

Just as I was about to step into the store, I heard the sound of something breaking inside with a crash.