Elqueeness [EN]: Chapter 171

Chapter 171

“May I call you by a nickname too?”

“……? As you please.”

I nodded at his sudden request, and he smiled contentedly.

“Good, El. Let me give you some advice, gentle and tender-hearted as you are.”

“Advice?”

“Your kindness is your greatest weapon. Doubt nothing. The moment you doubt, everything will turn into poison and come back to you.”

“……Are you cursing me now?”

“Well, who knows?”

Right, I forgot he was a demon. What glory am I trying to gain by continuing to talk to this demon? Thanks to him, I know for sure that being ‘dislike’ and ‘annoying’ are completely separate feelings.

I sighed deeply and waved my hand to tell him to leave quickly. Lukarhem burst out laughing at the sight and bowed politely. It was an elegant gesture without a hint of clumsiness, although the sight of his severed arms moving in sync with the greeting was almost grotesque.

“Then I’ll look forward to seeing you again, El. I hope you’re well.”

With those words, Lukarhem’s figure scattered and disappeared like mist. At the same time, I felt the surrounding air become lighter. The *magi* [magical energy] that had been heavily permeating the area was completely gone. Feeling that, I realized that he was really gone.

“He’s gone?”

A cautious voice asked me as I stood there blankly. It was Isana.

“Yeah, he’s gone. He was a bit of an unusual demon, wasn’t he?”

“Yeah.”

“Anyway, that’s a relief. Now we don’t have to worry about being ambushed.”

Isana smiled brightly and nodded at my words. Alisa, who was next to her, frowned when she found the blood pooling on the floor.

“I wondered why you were covering your eyes…… That demon, his arms were cut off?”

“How did you know?”

“He said something about enduring with his arms and suturing. It’s obvious just from that. That demon attacked El, didn’t he? And Sibel stopped him?”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“What, he looked so nice, I was almost fooled. I guess you can’t trust demons after all. It said so in the books too. Demons are a race that cleverly hides their true feelings. So you should never completely trust them in any situation. Anyway, Isana, really. Why cover your eyes with just that? I would have been fine seeing it.”

Alisa grumbled and glared lightly, and Isana awkwardly avoided her gaze. I chuckled and took Isana’s side.

“No, you did well not to see it. It wasn’t a very beneficial sight.”

“El? Are you hurt anywhere?”

“No, I’m fine, as you can see.”

“I see, that’s a relief.”

I stroked her hair at her relieved smile (there was a protest about being treated like a child, but I lightly ignored it). Then I noticed Sibel, standing there in a crooked posture. He looked somehow disgruntled.

“What’s wrong, Sibel?”

“Why were you just standing there earlier?”

“Huh? Earlier?”

“When that guy was holding you. He was absorbing your *ki* [life force or energy]. You knew I had to cut him off, right? But why did you just leave it?”

I felt a little embarrassed at his words. I thought I could gloss over it since I was out of it, but it seemed that was just wishful thinking. I scratched the back of my head, feeling a little awkward.

“I didn’t know his arms could grow back.”

“What does that matter? Even if they didn’t grow back, you should have just cut him off! You almost got hurt!”

“But I didn’t get hurt, so it’s okay.”

“That’s not the point. Haa, El, you really haven’t changed. I get so sad every time you do that. If you think about the people who care about you even a little, I wish you’d think about your body.”

“Umm, sorry.”

“Are you really understanding and answering? You always say you understand, but you never take care of yourself.”

For a moment, I wondered if I had ever done that, then I smiled bitterly. This wasn’t for me, but for ‘El.’ It seemed that my actions had touched on some aftereffects of the past. I wanted to argue, but I felt guilty, so I silently listened to the endless nagging. Thanks to that, I learned that Sibel surprisingly had a nagging side.

“You especially tend to trust people you know too much. Even when you know the other person is dangerous. Of course, I like that about you, but shouldn’t you fix it? What if you really get betrayed?”

“Hmm, I guess?”

“‘I guess?’ is not the answer, El. If you’re aware of it, please be wary. You were like that back then too. Even when Trowel was trying to kill you, you kept smiling and accepting it…….”

“Ah, that’s…… what?”

I was about to answer casually, but I looked up at him in dismay. If I wasn’t mistaken, I had definitely heard the name Trowel along with a brutal word. Seeing my agitated appearance, Sibel said nonchalantly.

“Don’t you remember? How much Trowel tormented you.”

“Tormented? Weren’t we close?”

“You were close. But at the same time, he wanted to kill you.”

“……Why?”

“Why else? Because he hates humans. Humans were like a taboo that he could never accept. So much so that he even tried to exterminate humans from this land.”

Exterminate. My face stiffened at the weight contained in that short word. I was surprised when I heard that he had cursed the continent, but I understood because I sympathized with his feelings. But trying to kill all the humans in the world was a different situation. I couldn’t imagine Trowel having such scary thoughts.

“What are you talking about? No matter how much he hates humans, why would Trowel do that?”

“I knew you wouldn’t believe me. But it’s true. He was really dangerous back then. I don’t know how much Trowel has changed, but you shouldn’t think that his current appearance is all there is to him.”

The words that had already troubled me several times continued again. As if trapped in a feeling of going back to the past, I silently listened to Sibel’s words.

“It’s true that Trowel treated you specially compared to other humans back then. But that doesn’t mean you had a smooth relationship. You continued to interact with him because you made a deal with him, risking your life.”

“A deal?”

“I only heard about it later, so I don’t know exactly. But I think you asked him for time to persuade him. And if he really had to destroy humans, he should kill you first?”

“……!”

“Do you know how much I worried when I found out about that? Well, in the end, Trowel couldn’t kill you either. Thanks to you, humans are still safely continuing their lineage. All the humans in this land should be grateful to you.”

“That’s ridiculous…….”

“Right? It’s ridiculous, isn’t it? You did that ridiculous thing?”

As if excited by the old story, Sibel continued to chatter. But by that time, I was barely listening to him. I felt completely out of it. I thought it was just a good relationship when I heard it, but hearing this story made me feel even more complicated.

If everything Sibel said was true, then El had risked her life to stop Trowel’s sin. That meant she liked and trusted Trowel that much. Even though she was just a human, she was confident that he couldn’t hurt her. If it were me, could I have done that? I felt like I was being shown off to ‘El,’ who wasn’t even here.

“Anyway, there are so many other reckless things you’ve done besides this. To be honest, you seemed like someone who lacked a survival instinct. Well, it seems like that’s still the case now. But on the other hand, I’m relieved that you haven’t changed. Every time, I think, ‘Ah, that’s the El I know.'”

The two eyes gazing at me with affection were full of love for a friend. He was looking at me, but it wasn’t me. That fact suddenly became unbearably difficult to endure. Maybe that’s why. I couldn’t help but argue with words that I would have just laughed off at other times.

“……I’m not her.”

Sibel immediately reacted with a puzzled look at my impulsive mutter.

“Huh? What did you say, El?”

“I’m not her!”

Once I spat out the words, they started to swell up in an instant, like a fuse had been lit. When I came to my senses, I was yelling at him.

“I’ve said it so many times! I’m not that person! I wasn’t even born back then, and I don’t know the people you know! It’s not me!”

“El, why, what’s wrong?”

Sibel hesitated with a very embarrassed face at my words that poured out like a torrent. He seemed very surprised that I suddenly flared up.

“Put yourself in my shoes! How would I feel if I was constantly mistaken for someone else?”

“Someone else? It’s your past life.”

“I told you I don’t have that!”

“But…….”

“Please, just stop it, Sibel. Okay, let’s say I had a past life, as you said. But what does that matter? The time of birth is already different, and the years I’ve lived are different. A person is over once they die. Even if they’re reincarnated, that life can’t be continued!”

“……!”

I knew I was being a bit harsh even as I spoke. I was just venting my anger. But if I kept letting him misunderstand like this, I felt like I wouldn’t be able to stand it. I just wanted him to understand my feelings somehow.

Sibel didn’t say anything for a while. Just when I felt like I was suffocating in the heavy silence, his mouth slowly opened.

“Then what should I do?”

“……What?”

When I raised my head at his faint voice, I saw Sibel looking down. His condition, which I hadn’t seen in my confused mind, came into clear view. He was making a face that looked like he was about to cry.

“I just woke up from a nap, and the whole world has changed. All the people I know have disappeared overnight, and all the knowledge of the world I know has become useless. My only friend doesn’t recognize me at all. In this situation…… what am I supposed to do?”

“…….”

“Yeah, you’re right, El. Even if I’m reincarnated, I’m just a completely different person, and the person I know is already gone. I knew it all along. I shouldn’t be like this to you now. But still…… even if that’s the case…… am I not even allowed to hope to see you again?”

Contrary to his calm tone, his voice was trembling unsteadily. Only then did I realize that he had been anxious all along. I thought he looked relaxed, but in fact, he was just struggling to adapt to the suddenly changed reality.

‘What have I done?’

The excitement quickly subsided, and my head cooled down. I think this has happened before, but it’s like this again. I bit my lip at the belated disappointment and self-reproach.

“Sorry, Sibel. I was too much just now.”

“No, don’t apologize. You’re all right. I was too caught up in my own position and didn’t even think about your feelings. I kept mentioning the past that you don’t even remember, so you must have felt like you were being compared. It’s natural that you feel unpleasant.”

“Sibel…….”

“I’m sorry. I’ll be alone for a while. I think I need time to sort out my thoughts.”

After showing a hollow smile, Sibel turned around and left, opening the door. I fixed my eyes on his back, which was visible through the closing door, and sighed deeply. Alisa and Isana came closer to me.

“What, you seemed to be talking seriously. Did you two fight?”

“It’s not like that, Alisa.”

“It’s not? Sibel’s face was all stiff. What’s going on? I heard something about Trowel and past lives. Does El know Trowel too?”

“……It’s a story of the past.”

I tried to answer appropriately and move on, but Alisa stared straight at me. I couldn’t possibly back down, so I had no choice but to explain. Alisa was very interested in the simple story.

“So, a long time ago, there was someone who looked exactly like El? So Sibel thinks El is the reincarnation of that person?”

“Yeah, that’s right. He’s been misunderstanding since we first met, and I didn’t like it. I told him it wasn’t, but he didn’t believe me, so I couldn’t stand it and ended up saying harsh things.”

“I see. But why do you think it’s not? I don’t think Sibel would misunderstand for no reason. It could really be El’s past life.”

“No, there’s no way.”

“Hee, is El someone who doesn’t believe in reincarnation? Even though you’re a priest?”

This world has more divine intervention than Earth, so there is more information given. In particular, the priests who serve God naturally believed in the existence of the four dimensions and reincarnation. So it would seem strange that I was so firmly denying it. I smiled awkwardly at her face, which was looking at me as if I were strange.

“No, it’s not that. It’s just that I don’t think I had a past life.”

“How do you know that?”

“……I just have a feeling. Besides, even if I did, I don’t really want to admit it. I don’t need a past life.”

The last words were almost a monologue. If I had a past life, I would have to accept the memories from Earth first. Of course, it was a precious experience, and the friends I made at that time are still missed and longed for beings. But apart from that, it was also true that I didn’t need those memories.

An un-fated child. A immature Spirit King trapped in the past. I’m just living the life I’ve been given, but wherever I go, I just feel like a stranger, and I’m just confused.