Fifth Vital [EN]: Chapter 171

Fifth Vital Sign – Episode 171

171. Sentimental and Unnecessary Meddling

“Thank you. But Taekyung, it’s not that simple…”

Having heard the story from Taekyung in the recovery room immediately after the surgery, Lee Donghoon had prepared himself to some extent.

As a doctor, he thought he would be better off than other patients.

He knew much more about the disease, better understood the treatment process and patient’s mental management, and indirectly experienced it by seeing patients next to him several times a day. Therefore, he thought he would avoid the mental difficulties experienced by other cancer patients.

But when he actually heard the results, it wasn’t easy to keep his mind and mental state intact.

It was like the day he finished medical school after struggling through it, passed the medical licensing exam, and started his first internship. His head was full of theories, but when he faced reality, he didn’t know what to do.

That’s exactly how it was now.

He knew what to do in his head, but his heart wouldn’t follow.

He prided himself on being more positive and having a better mindset than others, but in this situation, it seemed useless.

“I think I know what it’s like now that I’ve had surgery as a patient myself.”

Lee Donghoon’s eyes seemed to lack vitality.

“I know how great the NCCN [National Comprehensive Cancer Network, a non-profit alliance of leading cancer centers] is. Why wouldn’t I? To put it bluntly, the people there eat and set the standards for cancer treatment. Their probabilities? Statistics? Of course, they’re important. I know that those probabilities aren’t meaningless. But even if the probability is low, if it happens to me, it’s just 100%. No matter how low the number is, it’s not comforting. Every day is so *buanhae* [anxious/uneasy].”

Lee Donghoon, whom Taekyung encountered every time he made rounds for the past few days before the results came out, was actually a little *buanhae*. It was because he was pretending to be brighter than usual and acting too calmly.

In the end, Lee Donghoon’s heart collapsed after hearing the results. The thing Taekyung had expected had finally happened.

“Sunbae-nim [senior colleague/mentor]…”

“I know I have to be strong. There are many patients who are having a harder time than me, and I should be grateful that the surgery went well… But even a 1% chance of dying means something completely different.”

Lee Donghoon, whose emotions had become complicated, couldn’t speak for a while.

“I don’t know what kind of *maeum* [mind/heart] to have because it’s my first time experiencing this. Every time I wait for the test results, I feel like I’m waiting for a death sentence.”

The story continued for nearly 50 minutes after that.

Lee Donghoon, who was usually easygoing and kind, revealed all his inner thoughts to someone for the first time in his life.

Taekyung didn’t say anything and listened to everything he said.

“I’m sorry for being so depressing. But I can’t say these things to anyone. I have to pretend to be bright in front of my wife… I have nowhere to talk except to our Director Kim.”

“It’s okay, Sunbae-nim. You did well to talk about it. Please tell me whenever you feel *dapdapada* [suffocated/frustrated] or upset.”

“Thank you for saying that.”

“You’re welcome. And if you’re feeling very *buanhada*, how about seeing a psychiatrist?”

“That’s a good idea, but I don’t want to go yet. I’ll think about it a little more and tell you if I need to.”

“Yes, please do.”

“I think I’ll lie down for now.”

“Okay. Get some rest, and I’ll see you again when it’s time to disinfect.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

Click-

Taekyung looked thoughtful as he left the hospital room.

He deliberately didn’t say anything today. It wasn’t because he had nothing to say.

As someone who had *jikjeop* [directly] experienced the situation, he knew and sympathized with how Lee Donghoon must be feeling better than anyone else.

Taekyung had also been ill before he was *gyotongsa-go hu dasi sarana-gi jeon* [before he was revived after the car accident]. It was an even more severe case than Lee Donghoon’s current one.

Therefore, as someone who had *jikjeop* experienced the situation, he knew 100% how he must be feeling now.

Now was the time when the patient needed time to accept it himself.

Only when he fully accepted and acknowledged his condition could comfort and advice be received.

No matter how good a speaker you bring to offer warm comfort, not a word will be heard in this situation.

It feels like you’re the only one left in the world, everything is annoying and resentful, and *gwaenhan jjajeung* [unnecessary irritation] pops up from time to time. So, in the beginning, it’s most important to listen to the patient’s words.

Just as you ventilate to let out dust when cleaning a room, a person’s *maeum* also needs ventilation. Especially the patient’s *maeum*.

Ventilation didn’t have to be *geochanghada* [grand/extravagant]. Just talking about *dapdapham* and having someone sincerely listen was enough to ventilate the *maeum*.

Taekyung plans to continue to sympathize, understand, and communicate with Lee Donghoon so that he can recover, even if it takes time.

“Ah!”

Taekyung, who was walking down the hospital hallway and thinking about Lee Donghoon, was distracted by a scream from the station.

“Oh my! Dr. Lee, are you okay?”

The nurses, surprised by the sound, asked Lee Chanhui, the protagonist of the scream.

“No. I feel like I’m going to die because it hurts so much. It hurts so much.”

Lee Chanhui, who was coming out of the hospital room after being called and seeing a patient, tripped over his own leg while rushing out.

“Oh my. Why weren’t you careful?”

“I know, right? It hurts like crazy. I hope I didn’t break a bone?”

“It’s not broken.”

Taekyung casually *deonjyeotda* [threw/uttered] a word as he passed by Lee Chanhui, who was frantically rubbing his knees and shins.

“If Lee Donghoon patient or guardian is looking for me, call me anytime, regardless of the time.”

“Yes, Director.”

“Teacher? Let’s go together. Ah! It hurts.”

As Taekyung, who had stopped by the station to deliver instructions, went down the stairs, Lee Chanhui *beoltteok ireona* [jumped up] followed him.

“Are you just coming out of Lee Donghoon’s hospital room?”

“Time flies when you’re talking. There weren’t any emergency patients, right?”

“Yes, but I saw him yesterday, and he didn’t look too good… Is he okay?”

“I hoped he would be, but he’s not. It seems like he’s very *sangsimi keuda* [heartbroken/devastated].”

“I guess so. But I don’t quite understand.”

“What do you mean?”

“Lee Donghoon is a *giseuteu*(위장관기질종양) [GIST (Gastrointestinal Stromal Tumor)], right?”

“So?”

“No, honestly, I don’t think he needs to be so upset about GIST compared to other cancers. Besides, he’s a doctor…”

“Lee Chanhui?”

Taekyung suddenly stopped walking and turned his head towards Lee Chanhui. Something about his eyebrows twitching slightly made the atmosphere strange.

“Is your leg okay?”

“Yes?”

“I’m talking about the leg you just fell on.”

“It still hurts a little, but it’s okay. But it hurt so much earlier that I thought I had broken a bone and was going to die.”

“It really hurt like you were going to die?”

“Yes, Teacher, I’m not exaggerating. It hurt that much at the time.”

“Then you shouldn’t say that even more, right?”

“Yes? What are you talking about…”

“You can’t talk about patients like that when you say it hurts like you’re going to die from just falling over. Right?”

“…!”

Only then did Lee Chanhui realize that he had made a mistake while talking about Lee Donghoon earlier.

“I know the scale of pain for things like colds or gastroenteritis that anyone can easily get, but we don’t know about cancer.”

“Yes…”

“We may know more about the disease and treatment process than the patients, but we only know about the pain they feel through theories and statistics, not in reality. We can’t know until we experience it.”

Taekyung wasn’t *chunggohan* [admonishing] because he was talking about Lee Donghoon, who was an acquaintance.

He would have done the same even if he had been talking about any other patient. And he was trying to let Lee Chanhui know because he cared about him.

A doctor can never be a good doctor without understanding the patient.

He was trying to let his junior know that. A surgeon who has to live as a *sseojeon* [surgeon] for the rest of his life will inevitably meet many patients who need surgery.

Then, at some point, they become *iksughaejyeo* [accustomed] to diseases and patients and treat patients mechanically.

It can’t be said that it’s wrong. But Taekyung didn’t want his junior, who had learned from him, to grow into such a doctor.

Even if it’s *himdeulda* [difficult] and *jichiljieonjeong* [exhausting], even if others say it’s *gamseongjeogigo sseuldeeomneun ojirap* [sentimental and unnecessary meddling], he wanted him to grow into a doctor who sympathizes with the patient’s pain.

“The only people patients can trust and rely on are doctors. So we have to understand them.”

“I’m sorry. I was short-sighted.”

Lee Chanhui realized that his remarks were *gabyyeowotda* [thoughtless/flippant], even though he didn’t mean it in a bad way.

“Why are you sorry to me? You should be sorry to the patient. But are you really sorry?”

“Yes. I’m deeply reflecting.”

“If you’re reflecting, you should write a *banseongmun* [letter of reflection/apology].”

“…!”

“How about a *bokgi noteu* [surgical review note] after a long time?”

“Yes? Ah, no. Teacher.”

Lee Chanhui, who had been enjoying a *kkulmat gatdeon hyusigeul* [honey-sweet rest] after work because Taekyung hadn’t given him homework for a while, felt *soreumi dodneun geotman gatatda* [as if goosebumps were rising].

“I will work harder! I will think more about the patient! I will become a doctor.”

“That’s a very good attitude. With that *maeum*, *bokgihae* [review] Lee Teacher’s surgery. Got it?”

“No, Teacher. It’s been a few days since the surgery, so I don’t even remember.”

“If you think about it carefully, you’ll definitely remember.”

“Teacher!! I don’t remember at all.”

Even with Lee Chanhui’s *ganjeolhan oechim* [earnest cry], Taekyung didn’t even blink an eye and headed to the *jinryosil* [examination room/office].

* * *

A few days later, it was the day Lee Donghoon was discharged a week after his surgery.

“Thank you so much for your hard work during that time.”

Lee Donghoon’s wife, Kim Jeongsoon, was saying goodbye to nurse Lim Jeongsook.

“You’re welcome. The patient and guardian worked hard.”

“I’m so grateful that everyone, from the Director to the nurses and staff, took such good care of us.”

“You’re welcome. But are you leaving now? The Director will be done soon. Why don’t you see him before you go? The Director told me to make sure you report to him before you leave.”

Taekyung was currently in the operating room due to emergency surgery on a patient who had been brought in by 119 [Korean emergency services number] a few hours earlier.

“I’d like to, but this person has work to do.”

“Lee Chanhui already explained the future schedule, and we’ll be seeing each other often anyway.”

Lee Donghoon, who was standing next to his wife, continued after his wife finished speaking.

“Still, you should see him before you go…”

“Please tell the Director thank you for me.”

“I will. Go in *joshimhi* [carefully/safely].”

“Take care.”

After saying goodbye to nurse Lim Jeongsook, Lee Donghoon left the hospital with his wife and headed to Sinhwa University Hospital.

“Are you really okay by yourself?”

Lee Donghoon’s wife opened the car window in front of the hospital and asked *geokjeongseureoun deut* [anxiously].

“Am I a child? Of course, I’m okay. Are you going to follow your husband to submit his resignation?”

“No, it’s not that, but I was wondering if it would be too heavy for you to pack your things from your office.”

“I don’t have much stuff.”

The reason for coming to Sinhwa University was to submit his resignation. The hospital knew because he had said he was quitting while on *byeongga* [sick leave].

However, the reason he came on the day of his *toe-won* [discharge] was because he had completely lost all affection and had no intention of working here anymore.

It was also on the way home, and more than anything, Lee Donghoon wanted to quickly submit his resignation and cut ties with Sinhwa University Hospital.

“Should I wait?”

“No, it’s okay. I have to say goodbye to my colleagues, and I’ll take a taxi, so don’t worry and go quickly.”

“Okay. Don’t overdo it and be sure to take a taxi.”

Lee Donghoon, who entered the hospital and quickly took care of his business, said a brief goodbye to his anesthesia colleagues.

“No, Professor Lee. Still, isn’t it too *geup-hage* [suddenly/hastily] to quit like this?”

“I don’t have the power to stop them from *jjigeo nureuneunde* [suppressing/pushing down] me from above. And I feel more comfortable this way.”

“I understand. By the way, I heard you took *byeongga* and had surgery. Is there anything seriously wrong with you?”

Since he didn’t go into detail when he took *byeongga*, his colleague was curious about Lee Donghoon’s health.

“No. I just had a simple surgery. Dr. Kim, I’m going to go now. Let’s have a meal outside sometime.”

“Yes, Professor. I’ll contact you.”

“Okay, take care.”

Lee Donghoon, who had finished saying goodbye to his colleague, took his belongings from his office.

“Teacher, thank you for your hard work during that time.”

“Everyone, take care.”

Lee Donghoon, who had finished saying goodbye to the anesthesia nurses for the last time, was heading to the elevator when he heard an unpleasant voice from behind.

“Oh my, Dr. Lee. Are you leaving now?”

When he turned around, it was Gyeodeuk Go, as expected.

“I almost missed saying goodbye if I was just a little late.”

Lee Donghoon, who was staring at the *kkol bogi silheun eolgul* [unpleasant/disgusting face], *deonjyeotda* a word in an indifferent tone.

“Hey! Mr. Gyeodeuk Go?”

“…!”