Fifth Vital [EN]: Chapter 233

233. An Unusual Doctor

It might be difficult, but Taekyung wanted to help him because he could only change if he made up his mind, found courage, and changed himself.

“See? You’re not okay.”

Taekyung pulled the chair closer to the bed and asked.

“Sunghoon? Why did you pretend to be okay?”

“Who asked you to save me? I never asked to be saved, and I never asked for my pain to be fixed.”

“Hey! I worked so hard in the operating room to save you. I’m a little disappointed, you know?”

“…….”

Taekyung joked to lighten the mood, but Kim Sunghoon remained silent.

“Well, you’re not wrong. You didn’t ask to be saved when you first came to the emergency room. Right?”

“…….”

“Is that why you wrote this? To die?”

Kim Sunghoon, who had been avoiding Taekyung’s words and turning his head towards the wall, suddenly saw a piece of paper pop up in front of him.

“……!”

His surprised pupils dilated and contracted in response to the paper.

Kim Sunghoon knew immediately that it was the suicide note he had been looking for.

“D, Doctor, how did you get this…….”

Tak-

Kim Sunghoon tried to snatch the suicide note, but Taekyung’s hand was faster.

“Give it to me.”

“Why?”

“Why? It’s none of your business.”

“Whether it’s my business or not is my decision. What are you going to do with this if I give it to you?”

“I don’t have to tell you.”

“That’s true. Then I can do whatever I want with it, whether I give it back to you or not. I don’t have to tell you, right?”

“Please…… Please don’t tell my parents.”

“Why?”

“I don’t want to worry them.”

Kim Sunghoon’s voice trembled slightly when he mentioned his parents.

“If I don’t tell your parents, will you change your mind?”

“No…….”

“Okay, good. Let’s do this. Do whatever you want. But wouldn’t it be nice to say what’s on your mind for once? What’s making you so frustrated that you’re keeping it all inside? You’ll get sick!”

“What do you know? Huh? Do you even know how shitty my life has been?”

Kim Sunghoon began to reveal his true feelings for the first time.

He burst out with the resentment he had been holding in his heart, as if a tightly closed faucet was gushing water.

“I prayed dozens of times a day that I would die before the wake-up call rang in the morning. I have no attachment to life anymore. It’s too hard.”

“So, have you tried to be brave? Have you told anyone around you that you’re struggling?”

“All the guys in the army are the same. How can I tell you my situation in that kind of garbage group? If I tell you, will anything change? Huh?”

“What about your family? Have you told your parents, who cherish you more than their own lives? How do you expect them to live if you leave like that?”

“…….”

“And why are you dying? The real bastards are still living well and laughing. Who are the ones who should be punished? Why are you dying? Huh!”

“Do you, a successful person, know how I, a loser, have lived my whole life? No matter what, my mind won’t change. So, don’t pretend to be nice.”

“Pretend to be nice? Kim Sunghoon?”

Taekyung’s voice suddenly dropped.

“Do you really know what it’s like to die? Can I tell you one of my secrets?”

“……!”

“I was actually a cancer patient who could have died at any time.”

Taekyung revealed the story of his own death, which he had never told anyone before.

Of course, he couldn’t tell the whole truth about the mysterious event of coming back to life. But he hoped that this story would at least move Sunghoon’s heart.

“You told me I have a successful life? Don’t make me laugh. I lived in extreme poverty. And until I stood in this position, I worked like a slave every day until I was kicked out. Then I got cancer.”

Kim Sunghoon’s sharp expression was subtly changing at the unexpected story.

“So, I was going to give up like you. Why? Because I couldn’t see any hope in life. But the more I waited for death, the scarier it became. When I thought about it, death is the end. And I had someone who tormented me, just like you, Sunghoon.”

“You too, Doctor?”

“Of course. What’s so special about me? I’m the same as Sunghoon. And that person even wished for my unhappiness, trying to trample on me and prevent me from doing anything.”

Taekyung brought up the story of Ko Kyedeuk.

It might not be the same as what Kim Sunghoon had experienced, but he was sure that he could at least empathize.

“I felt like it was unfair to die like this. If I die, it’s the end. No matter how unfairly I’ve been treated, after time passes, no one but my family will remember that I lived.”

“…….”

“As I thought about this and that, I wanted to live. I’m still young, and I still have so many things I want to do. I didn’t want to end my life like this, so I worked hard to get treatment.”

Kim Sunghoon’s head, which had been down or looking at the wall, was now slowly turning towards Taekyung.

“And do you know what made me want to live the most?”

“……What is it?”

“Revenge.”

“Re, Revenge?”

“Yeah. I wanted to get revenge on the person who hurt me like this.”

“How did you do it?”

“I gritted my teeth and decided to live more happily. I wanted to show the person who told me I wouldn’t make it and wished for my unhappiness. That’s why I’m working as the director of this hospital now. Why? Is it too obvious of an ending?”

“A little. In the end, the person who made things difficult for you is still living well.”

“Who says the person who tormented me is living well? That bad guy was handed over to the prosecution and is on trial. The person in charge of the case said that he won’t be able to avoid jail time. Is it still an obvious ending?”

“No. That’s good.”

“Sunghoon? Does the world seem unfair?”

Taekyung, sitting on the edge of the bed, held Kim Sunghoon’s hands tightly.

“But the world is originally unfair. We try to be fair and live hard in that unfair world. But if there is unfairness that you don’t have to experience, you should fix it. To do that, you need courage, and I hope you have that courage. It may be so hard that you can’t reach out to anyone, but you are never alone.”

“……!”

“I’ll ask you one last time. Do you really want to die? Is your mind still firm?”

A moment of silence filled the room, and only the ticking of the clock echoed between them.

About five minutes passed. Slowly.

Kim Sunghoon slowly shook his head while looking down.

“No. Actually…… I don’t want to die.”

Kim Sunghoon confessed his true feelings, which he had hidden deep in his heart.

“I’m scared of dying.”

Tears fell on their clasped hands.

In fact, Kim Sunghoon was scared.

He didn’t know what to do on his own.

He was just scared and afraid, and he wanted to give up. The desire to die and the desire to live had always coexisted in his heart.

The more he wanted to die, the more he desperately wanted to live.

He didn’t even have the courage to say, ‘Save me.’

He wondered if everything would end like this.

He just told Captain Choi Taeshik that he was sick because he didn’t want to return to the barracks. He came to the hospital with the single-minded determination to escape, without any expectations.

But he never imagined that he would be comforted by a doctor who had operated on him and whom he had never met before.

“I want to live too. But…… I don’t know what to do on my own. So…….”

“It’s okay, Sunghoon.”

Taekyung comforted Kim Sunghoon, embracing him with the heart of an older brother, not a doctor.

“How hard it must have been. Thank you for enduring it well. Thank you for not giving up and for living.”

“Sob! Sob!”

Kim Sunghoon cried like a child. He met someone who understood his heart and cried his heart out for the first time.

“Don’t hold back, cry as much as you want. And Sunghoon, there’s something I want you to know. It’s not because you’re a bad person or because you made a mistake that those guys are bullying you. You didn’t do anything wrong, and you’re not weird.”

“Sob…… Sob!”

“The weird ones are them, not you. So, never torment yourself. You’re a good enough person and a wonderful person. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

“Yes. Doctor…….”

After that, Kim Sunghoon continued to cry, and Taekyung waited silently beside him. After his eyes were swollen and red, Kim Sunghoon’s complicated feelings subsided.

“Okay! Drink some water. Are you okay?”

“Yes, I’m okay. Thank you, Doctor.”

“You’re welcome. I should be the one saying that. Thank you for listening to me. Sunghoon, I think it’s best to tell your family first.”

“Yes, I was going to tell them when my parents come tomorrow.”

“Okay, that’s a good idea. And actually, Captain Choi Taeshik knows about this incident.”

“Captain knows?”

Taekyung explained the conversation he had with Choi Taeshik and told him what had happened.

“Captain Choi is a good person. He comes to the hospital every day while you’re lying sick, and he’s more sincere about your situation than anyone else. So, you can trust him. I hope you trust him as much as you trust me.”

“Yes, I will.”

“Okay! Then there’s one last thing left. What should we do with this suicide note?”

Taekyung took out the paper he had put in his gown pocket.

“Do you still need it? Should I throw it away?”

“No. I want to, but I don’t think I should yet. I think I should show it to the captain and talk to him about it.”

“Okay, that’s a good idea.”

Taekyung handed the paper with the suicide note to Kim Sunghoon, who looked much more relaxed.

“Sunghoon?”

“Yes? Doctor.”

Kim Sunghoon called out to Taekyung, who was about to leave the room.

“Oh, why? Is there something you want to say?”

“No, it’s not that. Um, so, how are you now……?”

“How am I now? What are you talking about?”

“Your body. I was wondering if your body is okay now. Are you okay?”

Kim Sunghoon had been secretly curious about Taekyung’s condition since earlier. To be honest, he was worried.

“Of course. I’m completely healthy.”

“That’s a relief.”

“Let’s get Sunghoon back on his feet soon too.”

“By the way, Doctor, do you know that you’re a really unusual doctor?”

“An unusual doctor?”

“Yes. I’ve never seen a doctor like you. What kind of doctor cares so much about their patients?”

“Of course, I have to care about my patients. Mental illness is so scary. It can make your body worse.”

Kim Sunghoon smiled at Taekyung’s words.

“And there has to be a doctor like me so that patients can open up and talk about their feelings. If your mind is comfortable, your body will be more comfortable and better. Don’t you think?”

“Yes, I think you’re right.”

“Get some rest.”

After Taekyung left the room, Kim Sunghoon organized his thoughts and left the room. He asked the nurse at the ward station and called Captain Choi Taeshik.

-Hello. This is Choi Taeshik.

“Loyalty! Captain Choi Taeshik, this is Private Kim Sunghoon.”