Fifth Vital [EN]: Chapter 4

Fifth Vital Sign – Episode 4 (4/502)

Episode 4. The 5 Stages of Death

Everyone experiences headaches or coughs from time to time.

In reality, it’s just a minor headache or cough, but we become afraid, wondering if we’ve contracted a serious illness.

If we worry about such minor symptoms, the feeling of being sentenced to death is beyond imagination.

American psychologist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross described the process of humans being sentenced to death and accepting it in five stages:

First: Denial

Second: Anger

Third: Bargaining

Fourth: Depression

Fifth: Acceptance.

Tae-kyung, who was suddenly diagnosed with gallbladder cancer, was going through the first stage: denial.

“I just heard that Dr. Kim Tae-kyung has cancer?”

“Hey! I can hear you. Be quiet! He’s been holed up here.”

Two interns passed by Lee Dong-hoon’s office and quickly shut their mouths.

Having confirmed the results with his own eyes, Tae-kyung couldn’t do anything for nearly two hours.

‘Gallbladder cancer.’

It felt like all the blood in his body was draining out. Along with that, only his optic nerves were focused on the monitor.

‘No. It’s wrong. This can’t be happening.’

Repeating the same words, denying the test results over and over, Tae-kyung left the hospital with a dazed expression.

* * *

He lived in a cheap rooftop room in a residential area near the hospital. He didn’t know how he even made it home.

Ding-dong~♪

As he struggled up the stairs, his legs feeling like lead, an alarm went off in his jacket pocket.

In fact, the alarm had been ringing since the hospital, but he was so out of it that he only heard it now.

-This is awkward. I don’t know what to say to comfort you. Dr. Kim, don’t give up hope.

It was a KakaoTalk [Korean messaging app] message from a colleague who was born with a silver spoon. He had secretly envied Tae-kyung, and this was the first time he had sent a message, telling him not to give up hope.

“Crazy bastard…….”

A curse word came out involuntarily.

Telling a doctor who knows the condition of terminal gallbladder cancer not to give up hope was truly a sincere and disgusting load of crap.

-Dr. Kim, it’s me.

It was a message from Dr. Lee Dong-hoon.

-If you want to drink or need someone to talk to, call me anytime, even in the early morning. Okay?

He had been cheering for Tae-kyung’s growth within Shinhwa University Hospital, and even in the message, his concern was palpable.

The news had spread throughout the hospital, and comfort messages were pouring in from hospital staff who knew Tae-kyung.

Rrrrrrrrr

KakaoTalk-KakaoTalk-KakaoTalk-

Tae-kyung was already feeling like his head was about to explode, and the constant vibrations and notifications were irritating him. He was about to turn off his phone when he saw it.

-Son, it’s Mom. You must have worked hard today with the surgeries.

His mother’s message stopped his finger from turning off the phone.

-Are you feeling okay? Mom is always proud of you. It’s good to treat patients, but take care of your body too. Health is the most important thing. Son, it’s been too long since I’ve seen your face. I made delicious young radish kimchi [Korean fermented side dish]. Be sure to stop by when you have time off. Mom will make you a delicious home-cooked meal.

‘3 months? Or is it 4 months?’

Come to think of it, it had been too long since he had seen his mother.

Tae-kyung, standing blankly on the narrow stairs, turned around and went back down.

* * *

Tae-kyung arrived at a multi-family house in a small rural village far from downtown Yangpyeong.

“No! Where am I going to get the money?”

He was about to press the password when he stopped, hearing the sound coming from outside the door.

“Sell your mother.”

“Mom, please trust me just one last time.”

“Tae-hoon, haven’t you come to your senses yet?”

“This time it’s for real. Mom knows I’ve been doing well working as a delivery driver. Please talk to Tae-kyung for me.”

“You said you were starting a business. Are you going to gamble with that money again?”

“I’m telling you, that’s not it.”

“That’s the fourth time already. Four times!”

Ms. Lee was upset because Tae-hoon still hadn’t come to his senses.

“If you’re not, then why do you have gambling books in your car! Huh? Aren’t you ashamed of your brother?”

“Mom, why are you searching other people’s cars…….”

Beep-beep-

“I’m here.”

Tae-kyung, who had been standing quietly outside the door, came into the house.

“Oh, Tae-kyung? What brings you here at this hour without even calling?”

Ms. Lee’s face lit up as soon as she saw Tae-kyung, and she got up from her seat.

“It’s been too long since I came home, and there’s nothing special going on tomorrow, so I came.”

“Have you had dinner? I’ll fix it for you quickly, wait here.”

Tae-kyung put the fruit he had bought on the table and greeted Tae-hoon.

“Oh, I’m off tomorrow……. Are you busy?”

“Well, yeah. How about you? I heard the delivery job is tough, are you okay?”

“It’s tough. It’s not an easy job. But well, it’s still manageable.”

“That’s good.”

Steaming hot soybean paste stew, well-ripened young radish kimchi, spicy radish salad with red seasoning, and gochujang bulgogi [Korean marinated beef]. Ms. Lee’s heartfelt meal, made with her excellent cooking skills, was prepared.

“There’s no side dish, Son.”

“This is a feast. Aren’t you eating, hyung [older brother]?”

“I ate with Mom earlier. Eat a lot.”

“Thank you for the meal.”

Even Ms. Lee’s delicious food felt like grains of sand going down Tae-kyung’s throat.

After barely finishing his mother’s meal, which might be his last, the three family members sat around the living room for the first time in a while.

“Tae-kyung?”

Tae-hoon, who was drinking beer, spoke to Tae-kyung, who was sitting next to Ms. Lee, who was cutting fruit.

“Oh, hyung, don’t.”

“What?”

“I heard you in front of the door when I came in. You’re going to ask me for money, aren’t you?”

“Tae-kyung, I think you’re misunderstanding. I’m not going to gamble. So just this once…….”

“Stop it!”

Tae-kyung, hearing the obvious lie, raised his voice and got angry.

“If you’re a person, get your act together. Aren’t you ashamed of me or Mom?”

“……!”

Tae-hoon was quite taken aback because his younger brother, who had never raised his voice this much, even though he had said unpleasant things.

“What have you done so far?”

“Hey, you’re being too harsh. I heard you work at a good hospital? Are you too stingy to lend your brother some money when you make so much?”

“Yes. I am. I’d rather give it to a dog passing by.”

“What, you little punk? What did you just say? Are you ignoring me?”

Tae-kyung, feeling frustrated, didn’t respond to Tae-hoon and went outside.

His brother had been full of inferiority complex towards him since he was young.

Tae-hoon, who had gone astray after his father passed away, made bad friends and became addicted to gambling. It was true that there was no hope once you were addicted to gambling.

‘Tae-kyung, I’ve committed a sin worthy of death. It’s my fault.’

Even after receiving treatment and education, it was only temporary. Tae-hoon’s debt, blinded by gambling, exceeded 1 billion won [approximately $750,000 USD], and he couldn’t bring himself to tell his mother the exact amount, who had been paying off his father’s debt alone.

‘Please! They said they’ll take out my organs if I don’t pay back the money. Please save me.’

‘Are you Kim Tae-hoon’s brother? Listen to me carefully.’

Scary loan sharks often came to visit.

‘If this bastard doesn’t pay back the debt, we’ll kill him, you, and your mother. You’re responsible for paying it all back.’

Faced with threats against his family, the debt fell entirely on Tae-kyung’s shoulders.

Because it was a private loan, the interest snowballed, and loan sharks would come to his house and threaten him every day.

That was why he lived in a rented room, went back and forth between being a credit delinquent, and couldn’t open his own hospital.

Fortunately, it had been quiet for the past few years, and he only occasionally asked for money like now.

It wasn’t like Tae-hoon had been doing this for a day or two, and it would have been easier to appease him and ignore him, but he couldn’t do that now.

* * *

“Have you thought about it?”

Tae-hoon brought up the money issue again to Tae-kyung, who had come into the house.

“Tae-kyung, don’t you trust your brother? I’m sure this time.”

“Hyung, if you’re a person, live like a person. Have some conscience!”

Tae-kyung, who had been sentenced to death, was expressing the second stage of anger towards Tae-hoon, who couldn’t come to his senses.

“What! You little bastard! You’re so great, huh? Yeah, you must be happy. You’ll make a lot of money in the future, eat well, and live well, and do whatever you want…….”

“Live well? Me? I’m the one who wants to live! Hyung, please save me. Please save me!!”

Tae-kyung, grabbing Tae-hoon and shouting, finally showed tears and pleaded.

‘I want to live. Please save me.’

Tae-kyung, unable to bring himself to say his diagnosis, prayed to God in his heart and entered the third stage of bargaining.

“Tae-hoon, Tae-kyung, both of you stop it.”

Ms. Lee, unaware of this fact, thought that Tae-kyung had a hard time at the hospital and mediated the brothers’ fight.

Thud-

Tae-hoon also stopped responding and went outside with a cigarette in his mouth.

“Tae-kyung, did something happen to you at the hospital?”

“Mom…… Mom!!”

Tae-kyung, reaching the fourth stage of depression, grabbed Ms. Lee and shed tears like raindrops endlessly.

‘Okay, Tae-kyung, let’s accept it.’

Eventually, Tae-kyung, who had been holding onto Ms. Lee and crying for a long time, reached the final fifth stage of acceptance in the dark room late that night.

* * *

Tae-kyung, who returned from Yangpyeong, didn’t leave the house for a week.

“Haa!”

He just slept soundly to forget reality, without even knowing what day it was or whether it was day or night.

He only drank a few glasses of water and milk, but he wasn’t hungry.

As he lifted his listless and heavy body and came out of the bathroom, the words he had said to patients came to mind.

‘Don’t give up, patient.’

‘Think positively often.’

‘Don’t give up hope until the end.’

What a damn thing to say.

He realized how formal that comforting word was from a doctor’s perspective only when he was facing death.

The heart facing death and pain is torn to pieces hundreds of times a day, eating away at the exhausted mind.

‘Doctor, it’s hard. It hurts so much.’

‘I know. You are not alone.’

He realized that the pain the patient felt was a world apart from the theory only after he became a patient.

“How much time is left?”

He roughly swallowed the expired milk and calculated the remaining time, when he heard it.

“A month? No, it’ll be shorter than that……!”

Beyond the front door, rough curses and men’s voices were heard one after another.

“Ha! Shit.”

“We’re here, boss.”

“Damn neighborhood, anyway, there are so many stairs and all the houses are on the hill. I’m going to die.”

“This neighborhood has a lot of stairs. By the way, what if he’s not home?”

“There’s no way. Don’t you know Kim Tae-kyung yet?”

Two men with fierce looks and an unpleasant atmosphere were talking about Tae-kyung as if they were familiar with him.

“Kim Tae-kyung is a doctor who only knows patients. He’s the kind of guy who stays at home even on his days off because he’s afraid the hospital will call.”

“Come to think of it, this guy lives a boring life. What’s so good about seeing sick people?”

“Stop talking nonsense and knock on the door.”

“Yes. Are you there?”

When the big man ordered, the accompanying man knocked on the front door.

“Mr. Kim Tae-kyung, are you inside?”

“Hey, Dr. Kim? I’m here.”

Tae-kyung’s face, who was listening to the men’s conversation in front of the old front door, was filled with discomfort.

“Jang Deuk-chil is here!”

Clang!

The front door opened quickly as soon as the man revealed his name.

“Oh! You were home after all.”

“Why are you here?”