Fifth Vital [EN]: Chapter 419

420. Clear Surgical Scar

Knock, knock.

“Director?”

Nurse Lim Jeong-suk, coming from the ward, knocked on Tae-kyung’s office door.

“Yes.”

Click.

“I was just about to leave, but you’re here.”

Tae-kyung, rising from his seat, accepted the blanket Nurse Lim Jeong-suk offered.

“What’s this for?”

“I thought the on-call room might be a little cold.”

“Ah, is this for Kim Mal-ja?”

“Yes. Is everything settled upstairs?”

“Yes, I arranged the room change. Gu Ji-yeon did come to see Gu Dong-gon, though.”

“Really? Was there any trouble?”

“They just exchanged a few words in the room and left. No major commotion. Gu Ji-yeon seemed upset, like she was surprised by something.”

“She’s his daughter, so she’s bound to be worried. Have you seen all the outpatients with appointments?”

“Yes, Director.”

“I’ll head to the on-call room. Doctors Lee and Choi are here to see patients. Call me if there’s an emergency.”

“Yes, I understand.”

After speaking with Nurse Lim Jeong-suk, Tae-kyung went to the on-call room and waited until the sound of crying subsided outside.

Knock, knock.

He knocked and quietly entered.

“Yes.”

“It’s me. May I come in?”

“Yes, Director, come in.”

Click.

“Sniff.”

“It’s a bit chilly today.”

“Thank you, Director.”

Tae-kyung handed the blanket to Kim Mal-ja, who was wiping tears with a tissue.

“I’ve shown you such an unsightly 모습 [sight/state], Director. I’m sorry.”

“It’s not your fault, Kim Mal-ja. You have nothing to be sorry about. You’re upset, aren’t you?”

“Yes, but after crying, I feel a bit better. I felt so 답답 [stuffy/suffocated] earlier, like my chest was blocked. Director, you didn’t know that Gu Dong-gon is my husband, did you?”

“No, I didn’t.”

Tae-kyung was genuinely surprised to learn that Gu Dong-gon was Kim Mal-ja’s husband.

Cancer patients often require long-term treatment, so you see their guardians frequently.

However, Tae-kyung had never seen Gu Dong-gon even once during Kim Mal-ja’s cancer treatment.

“You wouldn’t have seen him. When I was sick and in treatment, he came once on the evening of my surgery and never visited or accompanied me since.”

Kim Mal-ja, now calmer, spoke with a composed expression.

“I told him not to come because of his restaurant work. But later, I found out he was seeing another woman.”

Ironically, this wasn’t Gu Dong-gon’s first affair.

While Kim Mal-ja focused on treatment after her surgery, he frequently met with members of a hiking club.

When Kim Mal-ja discovered this, he made ridiculous excuses, claiming it wasn’t a serious relationship, that he was merely curious and meeting them like friends, vehemently denying the affair.

“Only my younger sister knows my husband was seeing another woman back then. When I said I’d overlook it this time, my sister was furious, calling me crazy. She said people who haven’t cheated exist, but no one cheats only once, so I shouldn’t forgive him. Of course, I’d be angry if our roles were reversed. I didn’t tell anyone then, but there was another reason.”

“Could it be because of your battle with the illness?”

“Yes, you’re right. At that time, I was my top priority.”

Kim Mal-ja was about to undergo her last chemotherapy session.

After being diagnosed with breast cancer and starting chemotherapy, she set a goal: to hear the words ‘complete recovery.’

She resolved to focus solely on herself, even if only during treatment, and didn’t want to worry about that issue.

“Honestly, I was angry and upset. But that upset feeling was directed at myself, not my husband.”

“You were angry at yourself?”

“Yes, I thought it was my fault.”

One day, while changing, Kim Mal-ja paused when she saw her reflection in the mirror.

The clear surgical scars where her full breasts had been cut away, leaving a flat chest, stood out.

Tears streamed down her face as she wondered if her husband had an affair because of her flattened chest.

The heart that hadn’t easily crumbled during unbearable chemotherapy crumbled because of her husband’s affair.

“I wondered if I no longer looked like a woman because I didn’t have breasts anymore, and if that’s why my husband had an affair while I was sick. I had all sorts of thoughts.”

“It’s not your fault. You should never think like that.”

“That’s right. It’s not my fault, but I had those thoughts back then too.”

Tae-kyung understood how Kim Mal-ja must have felt.

Breast cancer patients are more likely than those with other cancers to seek psychiatric treatment for depression and stress.

The sense of loss and stress from resecting the breast, a more visible body part, is unimaginable to anyone who hasn’t experienced it.

She was already struggling with her illness, and her husband’s affair only compounded the problem, making it understandable that Kim Mal-ja would have such thoughts.

“I worried for days, then wondered why I was wasting my emotions during such a difficult time. So, I tried not to think about it. I felt like I’d need psychiatric medication if I kept worrying about my husband’s problems.”

She felt that stressing over her husband’s affair and whether to divorce him would cause her cancer to recur.

Stress is said to be the root of all diseases, and Kim Mal-ja didn’t want to worsen her illness because of her husband, so she buried the matter.

As time passed, she believed in her changed husband and moved on, never expecting him to cause trouble again with another woman.

“I know words can’t comfort you, but I hope you don’t have too hard a time.”

“I should be okay. That’s right. My values have changed since battling cancer, and I don’t need to desperately cling to anything. Just living each day gratefully and happily, without stress, is the best thing.”

“That’s right. The importance of everyday life is paramount.”

“Yes, that’s right. I’ve worked very hard my whole life. But there’s no need to stubbornly hold on to something that doesn’t work out, even if you try.”

“I’ve learned something from your battle with the illness. Do you know what it is?”

“Me? What is it?”

“Among many patients, I thought, ‘This person is very strong,’ and ‘I’m sure she’ll fight and win against this disease.’”

“Really? Hearing that makes me feel better. But you guided me so well, I was able to 힘내다 [find strength/persevere].”

“But it’s okay to be a little less strong sometimes. It’s good to be strong, but it’s hard if you keep forcing yourself. It’s good to tell people about your difficulties, whether it’s a friend, family, or anyone else. You don’t have to tell them everything. Sometimes, it’s not bad to show your vulnerabilities and lean on those around you.”

“Do you know I was surprised just now? My second daughter once said the exact same thing to me.”

“Really? I’m on the same wavelength as your daughter.”

“As you said, I need to know how to bend rather than break, but I keep forgetting.”

“And neither what happened then nor what happened today is your fault. This is nothing.”

Tae-kyung continued to speak in the warmest tone possible.

“There’s a saying, ‘You become what you believe,’ right? It sounds like a pipe dream, but it’s not just a saying. The human brain is complex but also simple. If we think even a big deal is ‘nothing,’ it accepts it that way.”

“Now that I think about it, I remember what you said after my surgery and before chemotherapy.”

“What did I say…?”

“When I said I’d definitely fight and completely cure whatever cancer was in my body, you said I’d become what I believed and it would definitely happen.”

“It’s the same now.”

“Yes?”

“Like then, if you believe it’s nothing, it’ll be okay. It’s okay, and it’s okay again. In your wonderful life, this is just a passing shower.”

“The sky is clearer and brighter after the rain. It’s obvious, but we forget. You’ll see clear skies soon.”

“……!”

Kim Mal-ja, listening quietly, covered her face with both hands.

She felt like the tears that had stopped would flow again because of Tae-kyung’s unexpected, heartfelt comfort.

“Are you okay?”

“Sniff! Oh my! I barely held back the tears because of you, Director. I get tearful as I get older.”

Wiping tears, Kim Mal-ja gave an embarrassed smile and got up.

After pouring out her heart, which had been 답답 [suffocated/heavy] since she was in the hospital room, she felt relieved.

“Director, I’ll go now. I’m sorry for making a scene.”

“It wasn’t a scene, so don’t worry. Do you feel better?”

“I’ve experienced hardships, so I don’t break down easily.”

“Of course. I know.”

“You healed me then, and you’re healing me now. Thank you.”

Kim Mal-ja bowed her head and expressed her gratitude before leaving.

Tae-kyung watched her leave and silently wished her well.

“Mom!”

As Kim Mal-ja went to the parking lot, Gu Ji-yeon, waiting in the car, opened the door and ran over.

“You should have gone. Why did you come back?”

“Why did I come back? I was worried about you. Mom, are you okay…?”

Gu Ji-yeon quickly swallowed those words, realizing the situation could never be okay.

“I’m okay. Don’t worry.”

Kim Mal-ja, knowing her daughter’s heart, answered calmly.

“Anyway, I feel sorry to Hyun-joon. I’m sorry for showing you an unpleasant 모습 [sight/state].”

“Yes!? Sorry? Did something happen at the hospital, Mother? I got an urgent call from work, so I was on the phone outside.”

“Oh! That’s right. Hyun-joon was 정신없다 [distracted/preoccupied] as soon as we arrived because he got a call from a junior.”

The boyfriend pretended not to know so Kim Mal-ja wouldn’t feel uncomfortable. Gu Ji-yeon added to her boyfriend’s good sense so her mother wouldn’t feel embarrassed.

“Is that so? Our Hyun-joon has had a hard time today.”

“Ji-yeon and Mother have had a hard time. Mother, haven’t you eaten yet?”

“That’s right. Mom must be hungry. Let’s go to a nearby restaurant.”

“Instead, let’s go eat meat. Mom will make Hyun-joon’s favorite 돼지찌개 [pork stew].”

“Really? Mother’s 돼지찌개 [pork stew] is the best. Let’s go quickly.”

Kim Mal-ja took her daughter’s hand, got in the car, and left the hospital without regret.

Gu Dong-gon watched that 모습 [scene/sight] from the ward window with a lonely expression, but he couldn’t do anything.