Follow Your Heart [EN]: Chapter 120

As Kang Ijae met the King for the first time, she knew.

If she got deeply involved with this person, her life would become difficult.

She had come to love him so much, but the ominous feeling that she might die wouldn’t go away. She either played it safe or prepared herself, only growing stronger.

It was just a matter of when that point would come.

So, what should she have done?

Knowing she would die, should she have tried harder to avoid him?

Should she have ignored and turned away from the person who kept talking to her?

Should she have kept letting go of the large, caring hand that held her?

Ijae’s heart never wanted to do that even once. She wanted to be with the King.

Ijae’s eyes, looking at the Guardian Spirit, were detached.

“Do you know how many times I’ve heard about dying while living? Do you know how careful I’ve been living my life?”

“…………”

“But what… what would have been left of my past life if I had lived like that?”

There’s a saying that if you regret doing something and regret not doing it, it’s better to do it and regret it.

Because humans sometimes can’t meticulously calculate and predict which choice is right.

But what Kang Ijae wanted to say to the Boy King was much simpler.

There was a clear failure in front of her now, and she wasn’t a fool who couldn’t calculate. She could predict it.

Kang Ijae’s only regret wasn’t making the wrong choice.

It was that she had kept ignoring her own heart.

She knew so well what she wanted.

And the only person who could understand that heart was herself.

“You’re right. The heavenly secret is originally this strict.”

-Yes.

“But there are people like Hailey in the world who bet everything on a slim chance, right?”

-…………

“I won’t dare to make confident statements now, like saying I can do it. It’s not that I can do it. To be honest, I’m not confident.”

-…………

“But I… I really want to do it this way.”

The moment she said it calmly, a bell rang in her head.

Kang Ijae knew it too. This was the sound of her life collapsing.

But she had always wanted to live like this.

Following her heart.

“I won’t resent it even if I fail. No one.”

-…………

“Even if this ruins my life, please let me ruin it with my own will.”

She had never dreamed of a success that would be applauded by someone anyway.

There were far more people in the world who applauded others’ failures, and she didn’t want to dwell on that.

But if there was someone who was having a hard time, she wanted to tell them to take comfort in her failure.

And what was truly tormenting her now wasn’t the failure itself. It was the fear that the failure might make the people behind her losers too.

As she was about to reach out to the barrier again, she finally turned around.

The King was looking at Ijae with very anxious eyes.

He seemed at a loss.

The knights standing around were the same.

They were restless, afraid that the King would jump in at any moment.

And as Ijae kept looking at him, Roderick asked with his lips.

‘Why.’

Ijae. Why are you doing this. Huh?

As he spoke as always, Ijae smiled more comfortably.

The King had thought that he could feel Ijae’s heart even if he couldn’t see it.

Ijae also thought.

He wouldn’t be able to hear this voice, but he would be able to see it in her eyes.

She called his name with her lips, like the King.

For the first and perhaps last time.

‘Roderick.’

Please don’t ever lose in this fight. You can definitely win.

I’m here, always believing in you and loving you.

Ijae closed her eyes tightly, turning away from the King, and then opened them.

Firmly resolving her heart, she chanted the mantra.

“The courage to be able to handle several people alone. 항적필사，이사위한 [Hangjeok pilsa, isawi han – A phrase signifying a warrior’s resolve to fight to the death]. A human’s determination not to back down in the face of death.”

At that moment, a stream of blood flowed from her mouth.

But the barrier did not collapse, and she kept rolling the prayer bead bracelet and chanting the mantra.

“In the human world, there is once born a person with great energy. His name is the King of Humans. All auspicious energies protect him, so you can never harm the King.”

Ijae continued to pour out her energy.

But for a moment, she smiled bitterly.

It seemed like it was really a place to die, as the Boy King had said.

She had to focus her mind, but strange regrets were passing through her head. Like a panorama.

Ijae had often mentioned forty-nine days, even though she knew the King didn’t like it.

That wasn’t really a joke.

It was because she strongly sensed that she was going to die.

Forty-nine days was the usual time it took for a spirit to leave the human world [a traditional Korean belief about the duration of a spirit’s wandering after death].

But how could a person be so foolish? She was regretting it.

She thought she could leave this world with a peaceful heart if she saw someone by his side.

She didn’t want to see him lonely.

It was inevitable, so she hoped he wouldn’t be too sad.

But she felt that the spells she knew were running out.

She was faced with a limit like the barrier blocking her, and she lowered her eyes with a painful expression.

“What should I do? I think I’ve said too many words. There’s nothing left to take out anymore. I can’t think of anything.”

The Boy King was silently watching Ijae.

He soon shook his head and said. It was a low voice.

-No. Kang Ijae. You have something left to take out.

-It’s inside you.

Ijae looked up at the Boy King with a blank face.

Then she stared blankly at the bracelet she was holding.

Because she understood what the Boy King meant.

She had always been carving and preparing her weapon. Because she thought the situation would get better. She thought her shortcomings would be filled.

But her real weapon wasn’t a bracelet or an amulet.

It was her heart.

It had been trampled on so much by people that it had become tattered, but it was so precious to her that she had cherished it.

If this was really the only thing she could take out, she had to unfold it without holding back.

Ijae put down the prayer bead bracelet she was holding in her hand.

She also put down the arrow quiver she was carrying on her shoulder. She threw the amulet in her arms on the floor.

Her body trembled as she tried to reach out to the barrier with her empty body.

But she always bit her lip tightly.

The bare face of a person named Kang Ijae. She herself.

“God. I have hated people fiercely.”

It really hurt when the children threw stones.

Nevertheless, I was even more miserable because I wanted to sit with them.

I wondered why every night. I also washed my hands diligently.

But when I realized that there was no big reason for bullying.

I came to hate the world and people.

Originally, there are times when it is difficult to endure without hating someone.

So I understand the feeling of anger.

Some days I heard terrible things from my peers, and at times like that, I resented being an orphan.

But the next day, I saw that child going through terrible things, and at times like that, I also resented my spiritual eye.

Life was endlessly painful, so there were many times when I wanted to cry alone.

So I often went to the playground on dark nights.

But one day, there was an adult much bigger than me crying silently there. It was my place.

I only watched from a distance, but it was actually a huge shock to me.

I realized that adults also get deeply hurt, that adults also cry so sadly, and I felt like the world was collapsing.

Becoming an unshakable adult was the only hope I had as a child.

But it’s a strange thing.

The person who was crying like a child younger than me was walking down the street with a smiling face the next day.

He was smiling as he gave a kind morning greeting to someone.

I still wanted to blame the world.

I couldn’t take my crooked gaze away either.

But I couldn’t deny that his smile was cooler than mine.

“I just wanted to send support and applause to that smile. That’s the only way to help.”

That’s really all the reason why I jumped into this lonely battlefield.

And I dare to say that loving people was no more miserable than hating the world while pretending to be perfect.

Since then, the world that unfolded before my eyes was much more… beautiful than before.

God.

If even this heart is wrong, you can punish me.

You know me very well, who has always knelt down and begged humbly.

But I will not kneel before you in front of this proposition.

“I love the people standing behind me so much.”

Ijae struck the barrier with her hands with all her might, trying to cut off the flow of energy.

At that moment, she felt a pain as if her hands were burning.

Dark red blood gushed out of her mouth.

It was the divine punishment for those who defied and challenged the will of heaven.

The price that humans who dare not accept their predetermined fate must pay.

But Kang Ijae did not stop pouring out her energy.

And she kept chanting all the beautiful words of the world she knew. Without giving in to evil, like singing.

“Star. Dawn. Poem.”

A friend who worried about you late at night.

“Eyes. Greetings. Comfort.”

Ijae poured out her heart without holding back and did her best.

And as she gushed out blood, a big commotion was happening in the camp behind her.

The King was the one who knew his wife’s lies better than anyone else.

It had always been like that.

The King was the one who noticed that Ijae was hiding something, and the King was the first to realize that she wasn’t Hailey.

He had been feeling uneasy, and he was sure the moment Ijae called his name.

That was a will.

And a fierce emotion arose in the King’s heart.

You promised not to lie again, but you tricked me again.

Even with your life! Knowing so well what you are to me!

How… how could you do this to me. Is your life your answer to my faith and love?

The King was about to run to Ijae right away.

But the problem was that he wasn’t the only one who realized it was a will.

The confusion grew.

“Let go!”

“Your Majesty, no!”

“I said let go!”

“Your Majesty! No!”

The King shook off the knights’ hands with a scary face.

It was an angry look and the power of an angry beast.

The knights had no choice but to back down, but not the commander of the knights.

Jade was one of the few knights who could sense the dangerous air pressing down on the surroundings.

He could feel that the always calm Queen was doing something reckless now.

The King said to Jade.

“Are you telling me to watch my wife die now?!”

“Your Majesty, no… Roderick. You can’t do this. It’s dangerous. You might really die if you go.”

Jade looked at the King, pleading earnestly.

But there was no hesitation in the King’s eyes.

“Yes. But my wife is dying in that dangerous place. A woman who shines brighter than my life… alone!”

The child who used to say that being alone is lonely is doing that again.

Taking on all the burdens as if it were natural, shining brilliantly and fading away.

“Jade, I have to go. I have to be there to protect her!”

Jade had no choice but to let go of the hand that was holding his friend.

At that moment, the King ran towards Ijae without hesitation.