I Became A Squirrel Seeking For The Villain [EN]: Chapter 92

Just thinking about Ella, with her mean-looking face, made me frown.

That awful woman who tried to hand me over to the temple and turn Johan into a puppet!

I looked into Johan’s eyes and said firmly,

“Johan, don’t listen to anything that woman said to you.”

Johan chuckled softly at my frowning expression.

“Why?”

“There’s no way she said anything nice to you.”

“Well, that’s true.”

He stared at me with a languid expression before adding,

“But why don’t you want me to listen?”

“Because… it’s obvious you’ll get hurt?”

“……”

Johan didn’t answer.

Looking at his cool face, I thought, ‘Hmm, I guess he’s not the type to get hurt,’ and quickly added,

“W-well, even if you don’t get hurt, you’ll still feel bad…….”

I was just answering according to the flow of my thoughts, but Johan didn’t say anything for a while.

He just kept staring at me.

Feeling a little embarrassed, I cleared my throat, and he smiled faintly.

“I’m glad.”

“About what?”

“That you’re worried about me.”

Then, before I could say anything, he added,

“Of course, it wasn’t nice, but it wasn’t exactly wrong either. She said the bloodline of the Highrad mages is a kind of curse.”

A curse… so that’s why he paused at those words.

His expression was so calm that it bothered me even more.

“Actually, being a mage means having power and being revered, but if you ask me if it’s a blessing or a curse, I think it’s closer to a curse.”

It felt like… the first time I’d heard his true feelings in a long time.

Johan had always seemed relaxed and composed, but he also seemed veiled in mystery.

I quietly stared at Johan, holding my breath.

I understood why he called it a curse.

The power of magic is great, but the price is always suffering.

So, he can’t help but rely on the divine beast’s calming ability…

Others may worship mages with special powers, but from what I’ve seen up close, it’s not an enviable ability. Because the price of pain is certain.

But the words that came out of Johan’s mouth were completely unexpected.

“It’s hard to be true to my feelings or desires because people say mages are definitely not normal.”

I thought he would talk about physical pain, but he was talking about ‘normality’ instead.

Seeing my bewildered face, Johan slowly continued,

“I always have to worry about whether I’m causing trouble for ordinary people or becoming the source of someone’s unhappiness, and I have to find the right balance. But that doesn’t mean I can give up everything and live.”

His eyes, which had always seemed subtly and artificially kind, now looked slightly sad.

He sighed slowly and added,

“So… whenever I have those thoughts, I always imagine what it would be like if I were an ordinary human. It’s meaningless, though.”

As soon as he finished speaking, I immediately retorted.

His expression being wistful was one thing, but I had to say what I had to say.

“Don’t say such ridiculous things.”

“……Huh?”

Johan looked at me, slightly taken aback.

“What even is that ‘ordinary person’? Are you saying everyone who isn’t a mage is normal? Then Ella must be an ‘ordinary human,’ too?”

Johan’s eyes widened slightly at my accusing tone.

“Did ‘ordinary human’ Ella imprison you in that tower and try to feed you bad drugs because she was ‘normal’? Were Ribena and Patr ‘ordinary people’ who didn’t cause trouble for others?”

“Um…….”

“You haven’t done anything bad or hurt anyone so far, so why are you worrying so much? Don’t shrink back because of what Ella said, of all people.”

As I spoke, I became more and more emotional, and I continued to speak with a glare.

“Ask 100 random ordinary people. Ask them if you’re normal or if Ella’s normal. Ask them who’s more human, who’s more entitled to live the way they want. They’ll all say Johan Highrad, won’t they?”

“Yurika.”

“What nonsense. The people who actually need to be censored are living their lives causing trouble for others, so why are you censoring yourself?”

“……”

“Then I, who saved the abnormal you and stayed by your side, must be abnormal too, right?”

Silence flowed through the carriage once again.

Johan stared at me with a dumbfounded expression before suddenly laughing briefly with a ‘ha’ sound.

I thought I had known Johan for a long time, but it was the first time I had seen that expression.

“Yurika.”

And after pondering for a long time, choosing his words carefully, he slowly opened his mouth.

“You don’t know… how much meaning your words have for me right now.”

“H-huh?”

Johan’s voice was somewhat husky, and his purple eyes were distant.

For a moment, I hesitated, wondering if I had been too nosy, but Johan smiled softly.

“I think I’ll remember it for a long time.”

Johan said languidly.

“The carriage is slightly bumpy, but not enough to be bothersome.”

He was looking straight at me.

“Green trees are passing by the window at a pleasant speed.”

My body stiffened slightly. I felt like his gaze was piercing through me.

“The air inside is a little humid, so it’s a bit stuffy, but I still don’t want to open the window.”

We weren’t touching even a fingertip, but strangely, the tips of my toes tingled.

Johan’s voice continued.

“You’re sitting in front of me with your hair down, wearing a light pink dress, and adorably wiggling your fingers.”

The scenery in his gaze that Johan described was etched in my mind like a painting.

It was nothing special, but I felt like I would remember this moment forever.

“I’ll remember it for a very long time.”

Johan said in an almost reverent voice.

“This moment when you told me that I’m more human than anyone else, so I can do whatever I want.”

“W-what’s so important about being human anyway?”

“It is important.”

Johan smiled and replied to my barely made retort.

“You have a very strong sense of self as a human.”

“……Speak plainly. I’m just human, okay?”

When I snapped, Johan just smiled gently and nodded.

“Anyway, thank you.”

He said, staring at me.

“I’m so… so happy that you said that.”

In some ways, it was a strange thing.

I had actually reduced his pain and saved him from danger.

Johan looked more touched now than when I had been practically helpful.

Besides, we had actually kissed passionately in the carriage last time.

But Johan seemed to be trying to engrave this moment in his memory more than that moment.

‘Wow, am I the only one who’s conscious of that time? Was Johan’s only purpose to calm down? I’m really like an animal.’

Well, I am an animal.

Anyway, I was blinking my eyes, feeling somewhat embarrassed.

“And I don’t need the opinions of 100 random people.”

Johan’s eyes narrowed as he looked at me.

“Only your opinion matters.”

His voice instantly dropped, and a languid atmosphere returned.

Even though we still weren’t touching, my body strangely tensed up.

“Ah, since you cherish your family, I’ll include your family as well.”

This… he’s trying to seduce me again, right?

“Unlike me, you have a good family.”

“T-that’s… true.”

I barely managed to nod.

“For my family… I can do anything.”

“Even though that family lost you and couldn’t find you for a long time?”

“What.”

I moved my lips and replied.

“It’s okay. Love isn’t about making those kinds of calculations anyway. It’s meaningless to nitpick like that between precious people.”

It wasn’t like I had never thought about what Johan had pointed out.

But my family was too precious to me to be calculating such things.

Johan looked at me quietly and smiled slightly.

“That’s a very human thing to say.”

“You’re human too. Don’t talk like you’re drawing a line.”

I rolled my eyes once and said again.

“Anyway, you don’t have to censor yourself so much. Don’t be intimidated just because you’re a mage. I’ll vouch for your humanity.”

After I said that, I wondered if it wasn’t too generous of an assessment for the villain of the original story, but that was still the Johan I had assessed.

As I came to that conclusion, he slowly leaned in towards me.

“Yurika.”

Despite his sweet voice, my eyes kept going to his lips.

“But you know.”

“Huh?”

“When you say that…….”

The closer he got, the more I kept thinking about the moment of the kiss we had in the carriage last time.

I didn’t know why I kept being conscious of that time, even though touching him didn’t relieve the pain.

Now his voice was even slightly husky.

“I really want to do whatever I want.”