In This Life, I Will Die As An Actress, Not As A Villainess [EN]: Chapter 86

“Ah….”

The words ‘Raymond Jang’ first, and then ‘Korean-American adoptee’ struck me hard.

Director Raymond Jang.

He was one of the people in the world I had admired for a long time.

A director who, as an Asian in the film industry, faced all kinds of discrimination and prejudice, but gained recognition for his work on a small scale, and in his later years, advanced to major film festivals and gained worldwide attention.

“Good, it’s interesting. It’s just like Director Raymond.”

But wait.

Was there such a protagonist in Director Raymond’s filmography?

A Korean adoptee?

I’ve seen all of the director’s works, but I don’t remember.

“The scenario is really good.”

“…I’m curious too.”

My inner thoughts spilled out.

Then Aiden looked at me with slightly surprised eyes.

After a moment of contemplation, Aiden took out a script from the glove compartment.

I read the title with my lips.

“Read it for a bit.”

I received the script with trembling hands.

I slowly turned the pages.

For a while after that, I forgot that I was in Aiden’s car and read through the script.

“……Wow.”

After a while, I closed the script and said, as if possessed.

“Has the lead actor been decided?”

Then Aiden shook his head.

“The female lead casting is facing difficulties. They say if they can’t find anyone, they won’t film it. That’s the concern.”

“…….”

Absolutely not.

The character was too charming to do that.

Enough to be instantly captivated without hearing any further explanation.

This director was famous for scrapping projects even the day before filming if he didn’t like them.

Silence lingered in the car again.

“Um, excuse me.”

Aiden and I said the same thing at the same time.

Aiden spoke first.

“If it’s okay, can I recommend you?”

* * *

A few days later, back in the passenger seat of Aiden’s car.

I looked out the window with a trembling heart.

The closer we got to the production company, the more densely packed high-rise buildings filled the window.

Another sudden meeting like this.

I was so nervous that I stayed up all night.

Strangely, I was much more nervous than when I went to audition for Warner’s project.

I couldn’t even understand this feeling myself.

Next to me, Aiden was excitedly chattering away.

“Can you believe it? We connected at the same time. Sana, you were the director’s top casting choice, but he gave up because he thought you were already cast in Warner’s.”

Aiden was excitedly chattering away.

Listening to him, I felt happy and scared at the same time.

I’m still a bit lacking in English, and I don’t know much about the emotions of Korean-Americans.

Wasn’t I being too reckless in following along….

Besides, I heard that there were new casting candidates.

I had no idea what would happen.

We arrived in front of the production company.

Aiden turned off the engine and winked at me.

A sign to relax.

I took a long breath, looking out the window.

Let’s not expect anything.

Let’s just think of it as gaining a good experience.

As always.

Aiden got out of the car first and opened the passenger door for me.

“Let’s get out.”

I got out of the car in a daze and walked into the production company building.

Seven of the top floors of the 50-story building were the production company’s offices.

Aiden led the way to the conference room.

On the 5th floor of the building, Director Raymond Jang was sitting with the production company staff when the door opened.

I heard that the director had just flown in from Korea to the United States the day before yesterday for the meeting.

Behind them, the downtown LA skyline was visible at a glance through the open glass windows.

I felt like I was possessed by the protagonist in a movie.

Is this reality….

“Hello.”

The director got up and greeted me with an awkward Korean accent.

Then he smiled and said in English again.

“I hardly speak any Korean. I always say I should learn, but I’m too lazy.”

Then he shook my hand.

“Thank you so much, Aiden. Thanks to you, I’m having a valuable meeting.”

At the director’s words, Aiden shrugged his shoulders.

“If she gets cast, I’ll take care of the expenses. You know it won’t be cheap, right?”

Aiden’s joke brought cheerful laughter to the office.

Director David spoke again.

“As you’ve heard, this is the story of a Korean adoptee. In this work, I want to deal with the identity confusion experienced by Korean adoptees, as well as the essence of family.”

“Yes, I see.”

As expected, the director’s life’s theme was heavily embedded in the subject.

The lonely emotions of minorities, of strangers.

“Filming will mostly take place on location in the United States, and the script will be written in English for more than 90% of it.”

I swallowed hard at that.

This was something I had already prepared for since the Warner’s audition.

However, it had the opposite characteristic from Warner’s in that it was a realistic story.

“The main character is ordinary. Extremely ordinary. This woman’s desires are only two things: to raise her daughter in a happier environment than herself, and to find her biological mother.”

An ordinary woman, completely different from a hero….

Sometimes, universal and mundane settings can be more difficult than unique character concepts.

Especially when it’s a universality I don’t know, like now. It was a situation where I had to start from scratch.

Unexpected difficulties were waiting for me here as well.

The director continued to explain the character.

“The protagonist was adopted by good parents and grew up in an environment where she lacked nothing, but she was always an outcast at school. Her parents didn’t know, and the protagonist tried to hide it. Because she was afraid that her parents would be heartbroken because of her. After that, the woman accumulates wounds that she can’t tell anyone. Then, a family that she built with her own hands is created. A husband and a daughter. That daughter is also an adopted daughter from Korea, just like her.”

But… what’s different from Warner’s project is that this character made my heart ache just by hearing the short story.

“She’s a wonderful woman who doesn’t let go of the thread of hope even when life is overwhelming, and tries to become stronger.”

The role I would play in the hero movie was also very cool. Even if the texture is different.

But this time, the more I listened to the director’s explanation, the stronger my desire to do it became.

It was an emotion I didn’t have when I was preparing for the Warner’s audition.

‘Ah, I want to do it.’

The moment I thought of it in such a clear sentence, I realized it.

Why my heart was ambiguous even after receiving the casting offer from Warner’s.

From the beginning, I didn’t approach that work with the thought of ‘I want to do it.’

Rather, I practiced in a direction that would find the advantages and meanings of the hero movie and draw out the desire to do it.

Perhaps it all happened because I auditioned for Warner’s name.

That’s why, even though I received the casting offer, I wasn’t sure that it was my work.

Having lived twice, I, who would jump into anything I wanted to do without looking back, was calculating the time to put into that series.

Since when has the criterion for determining what I want to do been a movie with a large capital investment or a script possession phenomenon?

I had been mistaken all along.

I realized that I could decide what I wanted to do.

To think I’m only realizing such a simple thing now.

Is it fortunate that I know it now, even if it’s late?

Then the director asked.

“To cut to the chase, Ms. Sana, would you like to take on the role of the protagonist in my work?”

I was so surprised by the active casting offer that my mouth wouldn’t move.

Without even auditioning, so actively…? Why?

Director Raymond continued to appeal.

“To be honest, I’ve been thinking of Ms. Sana as my top priority. As far as I know, there are hardly any suitable faces to take on this story.”

“…?”

This, this is a definite love call [an enthusiastic invitation or offer].

I had no idea what kind of image the director had in mind when he wrote the scenario.

“The Korean-American actors who already live here are rather difficult. Because the protagonist in the work is a woman who has been on the outside her whole life, she must not be completely familiar with American culture. But at the same time, she shouldn’t be expressed as too Korean.”

“Ah…. Have you looked at other Korean actresses?”

“I’ve already seen hundreds of them. There were many geniuses. But I liked Ms. Sana.”

My palms were sweating.

I was about to open my mouth to answer when suddenly the phone rang.

“Ah, I’m sorry.”

I hurriedly tried to turn it off, but the name ‘Warner’s AD’ was on the screen.

I paused and stared at the screen for a moment.

Aiden, who was sitting next to me, inadvertently moved his gaze and saw my phone screen.

Aiden and I made eye contact at the same time.

* * *

[Han Sana, Mega-Scale Action Hero Movie Contract Falls Through]

[‘Warner’s’ Instead of ‘Raymond’. Han Sana Chooses the Path of Art Over Capital…]

[Han Sana’s Unique Path of Rejecting , Is It Ambition or Foolhardiness?]

Everything from the internet domain was a mess.

The articles came out as expected.

Even though the articles had only been uploaded an hour ago, they were already endlessly spawning and multiplying.

The number of views and comments was countless.

-??????????????

-Dissing Warner’s? She’s crazy

-lol, art disease is severe

-Seriously, isn’t this elitist? Does she think hero movies aren’t even movies? I wonder if that’s what she thinks.

-She ran away because she can’t speak English, everyone. Let’s all go back.

-I understand actress Han Sana’s feelings. Looking at her filmography, she doesn’t seem to like mass-produced scenarios.

-Wow, I admit she has conviction.

-Still, it’s Warner’s, noona [term of endearment used by a younger male to an older female]. Let’s think about it again. Film Warner’s and do art to your heart’s content.

Every comment was questioning my decision.

I was reading the comments one by one with a worried heart, but Min-young unnie [term of endearment used by a younger female to an older female] covered the monitor as if she had expected it all.

Then she took a sip of coffee.

“You made a good choice, Sana. Don’t look back now.”

“Unnie, I did the right thing, right…?”

I still wasn’t sure.

It wasn’t that I was wavering because of the comments or people’s reactions.

It’s just….

“Why are you being like this, not acting like a strong person.”

“I’m scared.”

I revealed the inner thoughts that I hadn’t been able to tell anyone.

Then unnie made a slightly surprised expression.

Then she made a face that said she understood.

“Yeah, why wouldn’t you be.”

I was really scared.

My life was changing too differently day by day.

I had never even dreamed of going abroad.

Until now, I had only been taking on challenges that were slightly higher than my limits, challenges that were possible to achieve.

But now, I’ve rejected an appearance in Warner’s and have been cast as the lead in Director Raymond Jang’s film.

Now that it’s come to this, I really have to do well in this work.

Even if I have to squeeze out my limits.

Also, the comment reactions don’t shake my choice, but I can’t help but be bothered by them.

More than anything, what scares me like this is….

Just as I’ve never lived as a hero, I’ve never lived as a Korean adoptee, and I don’t know much about their lives.

Rather, it’s more unfamiliar than the heroes I’ve seen countless times.

Besides, I’ve never been married, never had children, and never even lived in the United States.

It was too much of a disadvantageous starting point.

Zero base.

But Min-young unnie, knowing or not knowing how I felt, suddenly raised the corners of her lips while looking at me.

It was an expression that seemed interesting for some reason.

“…Seriously, aren’t you worried, unnie?”

Even with my grumbling, unnie’s lips didn’t come down.

“I’m sure you’ll do well on your own.”

“This time, it’s really not like that. I have no idea. Really none.”

“Then you should do it even more.”

“Yes?”

“Honestly, it’s been boring so far.”

“Boring…?”

“Yeah, you’ve been doing too well. Without any flaws. It’s been like watching a veteran actor’s digestion rather than a rookie actor’s challenge.”

Unnie said something I didn’t understand.

“Rather than a huge attempt or challenge, it’s like you already know your skills and you’re using them to build up your filmography step by step? Honestly, you have a good eye for works too.”

It was shocking.

In an instant, unnie’s words broke the thin and solid glass wall that had been unknowingly trapping me.

“You do that too. Like a rookie, like others. Something you have no idea about. Something where you can’t predict what will happen in the future.”