Return To The Building Owner [EN]: Chapter 284

284

“It’s a diary.”

“A diary?”

“Yes, it’s a diary your father wrote from the time you were born. He told me to give it to you when you became an adult. But I don’t think we need to wait any longer. You’re not exactly a child anymore. Take it and read it, and see how much your father loved you…”

Shin Myung-soon didn’t stop there. She talked for a long time before handing over the notebook.

Lee Jung-woo was about to leave the room with the notebook when,

“Jung-woo!”

“Yes, Mom.”

“Think carefully about what I said earlier. You can’t live with resentment forever, can you? When a person’s thoughts change, many things change more than you think.”

“……”

Lee Jung-woo left the room without saying anything.

Lee Jung-woo entered his room.

In his hand was a notebook his mother had given him a little while ago. It was quite thick, over 5cm [approximately 2 inches]. It wasn’t just one notebook, but several notebooks pierced and sewn together.

It seemed they had been made into one book on purpose to prevent them from being lost if they were kept separately.

Rustle.

Lee Jung-woo flipped through the notebook at once. Then, perhaps because it was so old, a musty paper smell filled the air. But the smell wasn’t disgusting or unpleasant. Rather, he twitched his nose and sniffed, as if trying to smell it more.

Perhaps it was because he hoped that even a little bit of his father’s scent might remain.

Shhh.

Lee Jung-woo turned the first page of the notebook.

His eyes naturally went to the top line. The date was written there.

– March 25, 1969.

It was his birthday. While most of his friends’ birthdays were lunar [based on the cycles of the moon, a traditional East Asian system], his birthday was solar [based on the Gregorian calendar]. So, his father had been writing in this diary since the day he was born.

Lee Jung-woo’s gaze moved to the next line.

– My son was born at 4:30 AM. I had no choice but to wake up Grandma Dong-gi in the back house. I was so grateful that Grandma Dong-gi ran over without a word of complaint despite the early hour.

Below that, the record of that day was written in more detail. There was also a story about his father cooking seaweed soup himself, and about stringing charcoal and peppers on a rope and hanging them at the entrance of the gate. This is a Korean custom to ward off evil spirits and bring good luck to the newborn.

Then, in the last line, Lee Jung-woo burst out laughing without realizing it. The last line read:

– I’m finally a father too. I feel good. Surprisingly, he has double eyelids like me. I just hope he grows up healthy.

Lee Jung-woo started reading the diary again.

He was just amazed as he read the diary. That his father had actually written a diary like this. He had heard that mothers usually write childcare diaries. But in his house, it was his father, not his mother, who wrote it.

Did he know in advance? That he would leave his family’s side early.

How much time had passed?

Lee Jung-woo’s gaze stopped at one place.

– Jung-woo is sick. He has a very high fever. Not only that, but he keeps throwing up. The local doctor tells us to go to a big hospital. I’m scared.

– They say it’s polio. They say he will have to live with a disability for the rest of his life. The doctor says that, as of now, they can’t estimate the extent of the disability. I feel like the sky is falling. I begged them to at least keep one leg healthy.

– I left my wife and son at the hospital and returned home. I don’t have enough money for the hospital bill. I looked into getting a loan from the Nonghyup [National Agricultural Cooperative Federation], but that’s also difficult. I’ll have to visit my brother tomorrow. But what if my brother says no…

– My brother says he’s having a hard time too. I had no choice but to just come out. My brother felt sorry and put a few thousand-won bills in my hand. I had no choice but to return home and put the land up for sale at the real estate agency. I can buy the land again later. Jung-woo comes first.

Hoo!

Lee Jung-woo closed the diary for a moment. Then he took a deep breath.

He didn’t know that his father had even sold the land because of him. His mother had never mentioned that before.

He had once asked his mother if they had any land. At the end of that question, his mother hesitated for a moment and then replied that they had never had any land from the beginning.

But today, he finally knew the reason.

A moment later.

Shhh.

Lee Jung-woo turned the diary over again.

– The doctor says one leg is okay. The moment my wife and I heard that, we grabbed the doctor and thanked him several times. Of course, it breaks my heart to think of my son living with a disability in one leg for the rest of his life. But for now, saving at least one leg was the priority. I’m sorry, son. This is the best I can do right now.

– Jung-woo keeps crying when I make him exercise. He says his leg hurts. But I had no choice but to make him do it again. Then my wife screamed. But I couldn’t stop. If I stop now, Jung-woo will have a harder time in the future. In the end, my wife and I fought. My wife cried. Jung-woo cried too. I tried to hold it in when I saw that, but in the end, I turned around and cried.

Tears streamed down Lee Jung-woo’s eyes.

He didn’t know. He had never imagined that his father and mother had suffered so much because of him.

He remembered what his mother had said earlier. She regretted not making him exercise more harshly, but she couldn’t because she felt sorry for him.

Lee Jung-woo checked the clock on the wall. It was already past 12 o’clock. Lee Jung-woo got up and went outside.

Lee Jung-woo came out into the yard.

He looked at the main room where his mother was. It was time for her to be asleep. But the lights were on brightly.

“What’s going on…”

Lee Jung-woo moved his steps towards the main room. But he had no choice but to stop after a few steps. Because he could hear his mother crying.

Sob sob.

It was the first time. He had never seen his mother cry before.

It was then.

His mother’s voice leaked out.

– Jung-woo’s father, tonight is very hard. I’ve been holding on without crying until now, but today I’ve collapsed. Our Jung-woo must be having a hard time today. Please protect our Jung-woo. He’s still young, so he doesn’t understand what I’m saying. And…

Lee Jung-woo turned away.

He realized that the reason she couldn’t sleep until this hour was none other than because of him. Not only that, but the reason she was crying was also because of him.

Change of thought.

That’s what his mother had told him today.

Gratitude, not resentment.

Of course, he knew what she meant. But the problem was that he didn’t feel that grateful feeling. The discomfort in one leg felt too big.

Tuk tuk.

Lee Jung-woo tapped his left foot. The discomfort still seemed to be transmitted directly to his whole body.

Tuk tuk.

This time, he tapped his right foot. Thanks to not neglecting exercise these days, he could feel some muscle in his hand.

Left foot and right foot.

‘Gratitude for the right foot rather than the pain of the left foot…’

After thinking for a while, Lee Jung-woo came back into the room.

Lee Jung-woo, who came into the room, lay down to sleep. But there was no way he could fall asleep. He couldn’t sleep thinking about his mother crying because of him until this hour.

Lee Jung-woo got up again. Then he opened his father’s diary again.

At some point, Lee Jung-woo’s gaze stopped at one place.

– I went to the hospital today. But the doctor said something strange. He said I should go to a big hospital. When I asked him what was wrong, he just told me not to ask why and to go to a big hospital as soon as possible. I think there’s something wrong with my body.

– I went to Wonju Severance Hospital. I heard something like a bolt from the blue. I heard that I only have three months left at most. They say it’s terminal lung cancer. Does that make sense? Jung-woo is only five years old, and three months. This doesn’t make sense.

– I couldn’t say anything to my wife. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that I only had three months left. But my wife keeps asking. If I’m sick. If my complexion is bad. I had no choice but to give her an awkward smile.

– Today, I took Jung-woo and my wife to the photo studio. When my wife suddenly asked what the photo was for, I forced a smile and replaced it with the words that I wanted to leave a picture of my father when he was even a year younger. And I took another solo photo.

Hic.

Tears were already flowing from Lee Jung-woo’s eyes.

He didn’t even know that his father had died of lung cancer. He just had a memory of dying when he was young.

“Father!”

Lee Jung-woo called his father without realizing it.

A moment later.

Lee Jung-woo started reading the diary again.

– My body hurts. My appetite is also decreasing. I have to make Jung-woo exercise, but I don’t have the strength, so it’s hard. I think I have no choice but to talk to my wife now.

– My wife just cried all day. When my wife cried, Jung-woo, who didn’t know anything, just cried along. I cried too.

– My wife keeps telling me to go to the hospital. I told her it was no use, but she said I had to go unconditionally. I had no choice but to say let’s go tomorrow. Now that I go to the hospital, I can’t write this reading anymore.

Lee Jung-woo wiped away his tears and turned the last page.

On the last page, a letter was written to him.

– My beloved son, Jung-woo!

When you read this letter, you will be a full-fledged adult.

I think there have been many pains so far.

But Jung-woo, when you live in the world, there are so many people in the world who are in pain. People who can’t see, people who can’t hear, and people who can’t walk on two feet and have to rely on wheelchairs for the rest of their lives, etc.

If you’re ever having a hard time, look around.

Don’t forget that there are so many people around us who are more sick and have a harder time than me.

Of course, your disability will feel the biggest to you.

But if you just turn your eyes for a moment and look around, you will know that there are many more people who are having a harder time than you.

There is a big difference depending on how you think about the world.

There will be no end to complaining, and conversely, if you look for things to be thankful for, there will be no end to this either.

Father believes in our Jung-woo.

Rather than resenting the world because of your uncomfortable legs, I hope you will live in this world with gratitude for your strong legs.

My beloved son, I hope you will remember this one thing. That when my thoughts change, my life also changes.

And finally, let me ask you one thing.

Don’t forget that you are a son and a protector who replaces this father to your mother. No matter what happens, you must not let tears come out of your mother’s eyes.

I only believe in our son.

Father-

P.S.: Please keep in mind that your life will change if your thoughts change.

“Yes, Father!”

Lee Jung-woo said as if chanting.

Looking at the clock, it was just past 6 o’clock. He had stayed up all night.

Lee Jung-woo closed his eyes for a moment.

What his father wanted to say to him until the last moment was ‘change of thought’.

Gratitude, not resentment.

His mother said the same thing. And another person, his one and only friend Hyun-sung, said the same thing yesterday.

His father, his mother, and even Hyun-sung all said the same thing.

“Then…”