Sincerely, Vanessa [EN]: Chapter 115

To Teacher, From Vanessa 115

“Of course. Why do you ask?”

Vanessa blinked several times, noticing the bewildered tone. Even Captain Sleiman fell silent, observing her unusual expression.

“…I’ll take a short break. Would that be alright? I’ll be the last to leave work instead.”

“Don’t make conditions, just go and rest. I’m not going to make someone who looks so pale work.”

It was a curt reply, but his eyes seemed to be checking Vanessa’s complexion. Vanessa quickly brushed her cheeks and stood up.

“Yes. Thank you….”

Vanessa blankly opened the door and stepped out, stopping abruptly. She felt like she had nowhere to go.

She wandered around the nearby garden, away from the Special Forces building. It was supposed to be warm as the weather was thawing, but her hands and feet were as cold as ice. Even slapping her own cheeks didn’t restore color to her face, and the dizziness persisted for quite a while.

Vanessa finally bit her pale lips several times to regain some color. After taking several deep breaths and composing herself as much as possible, she returned to the building.

Vanessa didn’t make eye contact with anyone and sat back at her desk.

“You’re still pale. What’s wrong? Is there a problem with the documents the Commander prepared?”

Lieutenant Grain asked with a puzzled look, but Vanessa couldn’t answer. She simply pushed aside the leather-bound documents and grabbed something else.

Captain Sleiman seemed to be subtly watching her. He seemed flustered by Vanessa’s unusual behavior, as she was usually so composed.

“If you’re not feeling well, go and rest.”

“I’m alright. I don’t have time for that.”

Vanessa forced a smile. Grain stared at Vanessa for a moment before focusing on his own documents again. Sleiman tersely threw out a comment.

“Go home on time today. Don’t collapse on us.”

“I’ll gratefully accept that.”

Vanessa tried to empty her mind as much as possible and just read the words. She couldn’t bring herself to touch the leather-bound documents.

As soon as it was time to leave, Vanessa was practically kicked out.

Uncharacteristically, Sleiman and Grain, who were always at odds like cats and dogs, sang in unison. Starting with, ‘Such a complexion is not befitting of a Special Forces member,’ to ‘Being sick before a mission is a sin.’

Vanessa simply bowed her head and stood up. She had no room to refuse.

Numerous officials were leaving the castle and returning to their homes. Everyone looked happy to be free from work.

But Vanessa didn’t know what she looked like as she walked down the street. The surrounding scenery all looked hazy, and she didn’t feel like her feet were touching the ground.

As if being pushed along, she soon found herself at her lodgings. Vanessa silently climbed the narrow stairs and opened the door with her key.

The window, visible as soon as you open the green door, and the desk beneath it, were piled high with books. Suddenly, the image of Gideon looking at this scene with interest flashed through her mind, but she shook her head to dismiss it.

Vanessa bent down and opened the drawer under the desk. Inside was a purple box where she kept letters from her teacher.

Vanessa opened the box and took out the letters one by one. Replies from her teacher, small notes sent with gifts.

And the slightly slanted, decorative handwriting on the paper.

It was the same as the other handwriting of Gideon’s that she had seen in the documents earlier.

⚜ ⚜ ⚜

Vanessa couldn’t sleep properly that night.

She curled up in the dark room, then summoned light to illuminate it. She fiddled with the letters beside her pillow. The letters, which she had carefully stored, worried about them fading or getting damp, still rustled.

The first reply she had received from her teacher. It was still vivid in her memory. She was so happy to have something in Hornir, which had always felt empty.

*I also have a place where replies will come, I wanted to brag to someone like that….*

Even when she fell asleep, she quickly woke up from strange dreams, so she ended up just sitting against the wall.

Passing through the stuffy dark night, a strangely blue dawn approached.

After washing up, Vanessa roughly dried herself and looked in the mirror. Her bloodless face was pale and unsightly. She put on her uniform again and pinned the Special Forces pin to her collar. And she put one of her teacher’s letters in her pocket.

She closed the door with the rusty key and walked down the still deserted street. Only the sound of someone sweeping in front of a store and the sound of a hurried coachman driving a carriage were occasionally heard.

At first, she tried to head to Valder Castle. But she soon stopped. She was too scared to go there.

She couldn’t go this way or that way. She didn’t even know what she wanted to say.

Vanessa ended up sitting on a wooden bench on the street, blankly letting time pass.

She didn’t know how long she had been sitting there, only that her body was getting cold and people were starting to appear on the streets.

“Miss, could you move your feet a little?”

The owner sweeping in front of the store said carefully. Vanessa quickly got up, bowed her head, and staggered slightly.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s alright. Why are you sitting here so early in the morning? It’s early spring, so it must still be cold. Why don’t you have a cup of warm tea?”

Vanessa managed a smile-like expression to the owner, who was naturally boasting about the expensive and precious tea leaves that had come into the store.

“I’ll come and drink it next time.”

“Alright, have a good day. I don’t know what’s going on, but cheer up.”

Vanessa started walking again. The castle, which usually took quite a while to reach, felt closer than usual today. The guards guarding the gate of the Second Castle clicked their tongues when they saw Vanessa’s face.

“I heard the Special Forces’ work is heavy. You’ve lost so much weight!”

“Why don’t you ask to be transferred back to the Magic Department?”

Vanessa smiled silently and just shook her head.

The path leading from the gate of the Second Castle to the Special Forces building was as beautiful as ever, regardless of Vanessa’s troubled mind.

Someone hit her shoulder hard from behind. Vanessa suppressed a gasp and turned her head.

“Vanessa!”

Evan was grinning. Vanessa smiled back as if it were natural, but Evan’s smile disappeared as soon as he saw Vanessa’s face.

“Why does your face look like that? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“What do you mean nothing? You’re in such bad shape. Are you sick?”

Evan was flustered and met Vanessa’s eyes. His kind brown eyes darted back and forth. Vanessa covered her face with her arm.

“It’s not that. I told you I’m fine.”

“Your lips are even pale! Do you even know that? I’ll tell the Captain. Go back and rest.”

“No, I have to work today to finish.”

“That’s ridiculous! You’re going to collapse while working….”

Evan stopped talking.

“Hey, Vanessa…. Don’t tell me you’re….”

He couldn’t even bring himself to say ‘crying,’ because tears started to drip down from under the part of Vanessa’s face that was covered by her arm. Her pale cheeks were wet with tears. Vanessa finally squatted down and covered her entire face.

Evan hurriedly searched everything from his pants to the pockets on his chest, but of course, there was no handkerchief or anything like that. He was the kind of person who would just wipe off his injuries with his hand and then run around again.

“Ugh, seriously!”

Evan was just stamping his feet. He remembered his father, who always emphasized etiquette and dignity, nagging him to carry a handkerchief as a basic necessity.

*Father, you should have scolded me more!*

But it was too late to regret it.

“I don’t even have a handkerchief! Hey, hey! Did I hit you too hard earlier?”

As Evan kept pacing around Vanessa, not knowing what to do, Vanessa pushed Evan’s legs away without even lifting her head.

“Go ahead. I’m fine….”

“How can I go! How can I leave when my friend is crying? This is a matter of pride. Would Lina or Chebati have told me to leave!”

“This isn’t the academy, it’s work, so they would have told you to leave. I’ll go in on time.”

Vanessa’s voice was perfectly fine without any wavering. Evan was confused as to whether he had actually seen Vanessa crying or if it was just his imagination.

So, he looked at the crouching Vanessa and slowly muttered.

“Is there anything I can do for you?”

“It’s okay. It’s a different problem.”

Yes, he knew that’s the answer he would get. But this was right. From a long time ago, there was nothing he could do, nor anything he should do.

Evan quietly bent down and lightly grabbed Vanessa’s shoulder before letting go.

His hesitating feet brushed past, and Vanessa lifted her head and wiped away the tears that had flowed. The weather was too nice, making her look even more ridiculous.

She cooled her reddened eyes in the wind and went inside, offering an apology to Captain Sleiman and Lieutenant Grain for yesterday. She also returned a composed smile to Evan.

⚜ ⚜ ⚜

Vanessa finished all the documents that were left on her desk. The other Special Forces members were also struggling with time, but she was able to finish all the documents she had been assigned before sunset.

They marked the locations on the map for the last time and threw down their pens. And they rolled around on the floor, craving a bed, only to be kicked by people’s feet.

“Since the Commander has delegated it to me, the dispatch area is up to me. The composition of the dispatch personnel is also up to me.”

Lieutenant General Zankval came down after hearing that everyone had finished their work. He had a resolute face that would never accept any objections.

At those words, Evan glanced around and shook his head. The members who were famous for being gentle were nowhere to be seen. In other words, a happy dispatch, no matter where they were sent, was out of the question.

“You all know that the places where the Night Bandalu’s magic circles have been found are almost limited to the west and north. The south and east have been relatively peaceful, but in the past, the Special Forces’ subjugation areas were actually more in this area.”

“Are you saying you’re going to send us to the south and east?”

“That’s right. Amal and Sisi, Shambel, Innis in the east. Hiliana and Fleur, Rechelo in the south. The first dispatch will be to this extent.”

“There are already a lot of members dispatched. Sisi, Innis, Hiliana, and Fleur are all major cities. Won’t we be short on personnel?”

At someone’s question, Lieutenant General Zankval rubbed his sparse beard and said.

“Our goal is not to subjugate the area. It’s to examine the past subjugation areas and find traces of the Night Bandalu’s magic circles. There’s nothing dangerous, just annoying.”

Lieutenant General Zankval roughly looked around at the remaining members and began to rattle off their names in a very insincere tone.

The names went on for a long time. Up to five people were assigned to large cities with wide and complex alleys and many places to look around, and physically specialized members and magic-specialized members were appropriately distributed.

And finally, their names were called.