Sincerely, Vanessa [EN]: Chapter 116

To Teacher, From Vanessa (116/146)

“Innis will be led by Captain Sleiman, along with Lieutenant Grain and Lieutenants Rose and Rias.”

Grain quickly raised his hand.

“The North suits me well! I can’t stand the heat. Please, just leave me out of this!”

“I don’t care about you bickering amongst yourselves. Lieutenant Grain, if you don’t get along with the Captain, instead of causing accidents and jeopardizing your chances for promotion, try focusing on rising through the ranks.”

Lieutenant General Zankval crumpled the paper with a grimace. Grain couldn’t argue further and sullenly lowered his hand.

“I assume there are no further opinions. Even if there are, keep them to yourselves and shut your mouths. Information about the assignments will be distributed in writing.”

Zankval indifferently tossed the stack of papers onto the desk.

“I expect everyone to arrive at their assigned locations by noon tomorrow. Prepare thoroughly before departing.”

With that, he opened the door and left.

The reactions of the team members huddled in the room varied.

Some quickly ran out to enjoy the remaining time they had until tomorrow morning, while others pored over the details of their assignments, contemplating where to start.

Sleiman and Grain, of course, belonged to the former group, grabbing a piece of paper and dashing away, while Evan, somewhere in the middle, read for a bit before leaving. Left alone, Vanessa picked up the paper and walked out into the hallway.

The wide, long, and dark hallway was deserted. Team members she barely knew occasionally passed by, offering greetings.

Her hesitant feet eventually led her back to the desk she had been working at earlier. She focused on the words on the paper, absorbing information about Innis. She meticulously checked the places to investigate, the surrounding terrain, and the most frequently encountered monsters.

But it didn’t take long. Before the hour hand had made a full circle, Vanessa had memorized everything on the paper.

Vanessa put down her pen and sat blankly for a moment.

Then, she reached out and pulled a stack of documents from the bookshelf, a leather binding with Gideon’s name on it. A sigh escaped her lips.

“Ah….”

Vanessa weakly slammed her forehead against the desk. The coldness of the wood seemed to cool the heat on her forehead, but the headache didn’t subside easily.

After a while, she got up, tidied the desk, and took his report.

No matter how scared she was, if not now, there would be no time to talk. Gideon would be leaving for the temple tomorrow to carry out the King’s orders.

Opening the door, she found the hallway empty. Most of the team members were scheduled to depart tomorrow.

Thanks to that, heading to Gideon’s office on the second floor was easy. There was no need to hide; she could just walk straight.

However, emotionally, each step felt like a sprint, leaving her breathless. The pounding in her chest was so intense she could feel it in her fingertips, and her vision kept blurring.

Please.

Vanessa continued to pray to someone she didn’t know.

The Special Forces Commander’s office was located at the far end of the second-floor hallway. Vanessa stood in front of it, clenching her fists tightly, her knuckles turning white.

Tap.

Just once. She knocked on the thick door and recoiled in surprise. Then, she felt something crumple in her arms… It was the teacher’s letter.

Vanessa looked down at the documents in her hand and grabbed the doorknob, opening the door.

A man sat against the backdrop of a large window, his large frame defined by his uniform. His hair, bathed in the red sunset light, was a shimmering gold.

Vanessa watched the man’s expressionless face light up as he saw her. His eyes widened briefly, then curved into a bright smile.

Vanessa unknowingly gasped and hid the documents behind her back.

“Vanessa.”

Gideon stood up and strode towards Vanessa. He couldn’t hide his joy. His large hand carefully brushed her pale cheek.

“It’s like a gift to have you visit unexpectedly. Of course, you always are… Why are you so pale? I heard the news about the assignment. You’re going to Innis in the East.”

Vanessa stammered a reply. The man frowned slightly with concern.

“Are you alright? I was wondering why you came all the way here. Did you come because you’re not feeling well?”

Vanessa sat on the sofa next to the low table as he led her. She was completely disoriented. The two halves of her heart, grown from a single source, were at war.

Leave now. Don’t say anything. You’re happy with him now. What does it matter if he’s the teacher?

You can’t be happy hiding a secret.

Why? What are you curious about?

I want to know why he hid it. He had so many chances to tell me.

What if you don’t like the reason he hid it?

Then….

“Vanessa. Vanessa?”

A large hand enveloped hers, starting to massage it. The man’s warmth against her cold, stiff fingertips felt intensely hot.

When Vanessa didn’t respond, he looked genuinely worried.

“What’s wrong? Your eyes look swollen too….”

His hand caressed the corners of her eyes, still warm with tears. His delicate fingertips were cautious, as if touching fragile shards of glass.

Feeling his tenderness, her eyes twitched.

Please.

“I want to know what this is.”

Gideon took the documents she abruptly thrust forward with a puzzled expression.

Soon, the man’s expression hardened as he flipped through the pages. Vanessa took out the letter from her arms and handed it to him. Then, she cleared her trembling voice.

“Why….”

Only Vanessa’s voice echoed quietly in the room. The man was pale, almost white. The tense line of his jaw was noticeable.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Vanessa.”

“Until now, what has this all been? Did you feel sorry for me…”

Clearing her trembling voice was pointless. Vanessa couldn’t finish her sentence and closed her mouth. Her vision blurred. Her damp eyelashes felt heavy.

As Gideon anxiously tried to speak, someone burst into the room.

“Commander, a message from Count Jenyata—, oh.”

It was Lieutenant General Zankval. He glanced at Vanessa and muttered indifferently.

“I have urgent business. Would you mind leaving, Lieutenant?”

“Just a moment—”

“Yes, I will. I’m sorry.”

Vanessa jumped up and quickly moved away, leaving the office without hesitation. Gideon, having missed her, squeezed his eyes shut.

“Commander? What’s going on with the Lieutenant?”

Zankval called out to him, sensing the unusual atmosphere, but Gideon only heard a buzzing sound like tinnitus [ringing in the ears]. He gritted his teeth and barely opened his eyes.

“Report.”

⚜ ⚜ ⚜

Vanessa was packing her luggage in her small room for the dispatch.

She didn’t have much to pack. As spring arrived, her clothes became lighter, and there was no need to hide that she was a member of the Special Forces, so she didn’t have much to take.

She threw her belongings haphazardly into the bag. Even if the contents were a mess, she pushed them in and closed the bag. Only the now-thick bag remained on the floor.

Vanessa tried to clear her head as she tidied up the messy room.

There were times when too many thoughts were toxic. Like today. Overly negative thoughts flooded in, devouring her.

She regretted leaving the Special Forces Commander’s office dozens of times.

I shouldn’t have said anything. I should have just ignored it.

No, even if I had to say something, it shouldn’t have been today. He’s leaving for the temple soon, and now they’ll be separated without resolving anything.

His pale expression bothered her, making her feel suffocated. He must have been tired already, and she had delivered the final blow.

At least, seeing his white face, she knew he wasn’t meeting her out of pity. Then why didn’t he say anything? He should have said something before a new relationship was formed….

Vanessa tormented herself by slamming her forehead against the hard bed three times.

It was an issue that should have been addressed, so why did she regret speaking up?

In fact, she knew the answer. It was probably because she saw his eyes.

Vanessa bit her lip.

Knock knock.

She quickly raised her head. Someone was knocking on the wooden door of the room.

“Miss Rose? Sorry to bother you, but could you open the door for a moment?”

It was the landlady’s voice. However, unlike usual, her voice was very cautious and prim, making it sound very different. Vanessa quickly opened the door, and the landlady grinned.

“What’s the matter?”

“There’s a guest downstairs. He asked me to call you.”

When Vanessa gave her a puzzled look, the landlady whispered as if revealing a secret.

“I only saw a glimpse under his hood, but he’s the most handsome man I’ve ever seen. And he’s got a great body too.”

Without a word, Vanessa put on a thin coat.

Leaving the peering landlady behind, Vanessa came out of the first-floor door. Without making eye contact with Gideon, she grabbed his arm and pulled him deeper into the alley. It was the place he had been the dawn after she visited Count Jenyata’s mansion.

Back then, she was just happy that he had come, but now she couldn’t feel that way, which made her feel bitter. Same place, same person. But different feelings.

The man she faced in the dim light looked disheveled. His hurried breathing was noticeable.

Vanessa waited for him to speak first, but only the sound of carriages rushing somewhere could be heard occasionally.

“I thought you’d be preparing to go to Mosara. Aren’t you supposed to leave early tomorrow morning? Isn’t it urgent?”

At her whisper, Gideon ran a hand over his face. Soon, a muffled voice came out.

“…That’s right.”

“Then go. I need time to sort things out too.”

Vanessa tried to speak as gently as possible, but he didn’t seem to take it that way.

Gideon slowly lowered his eyes. Vanessa noticed that the knuckles of his tightly clenched hand were white.

The tension was overwhelming, making it hard to breathe. Instead of saying what she wanted most, she asked something else.

“What about the handwriting?”

“…It’s like that when I write with my left hand. When I was injured a long time ago, I started holding the pen with that hand.”

“I see. A refined handwriting, so.”

Another person… Her voice trailed off. The man’s lips closed tightly again. The sight of him looking so fragile and precarious suddenly made her angry.

“Did you really like me?”