“I-It’s not like I’m scared.”
I was just extremely nervous.
Ian’s expression was so stiff, not his usual smiling face… that’s what startled me.
Come to think of it, Ian always smiled at me.
He’s never been serious with me before.
“Um… I’ll cover my eyes and turn around. Will you get dressed?”
“Okay.”
“Good. That’s a good girl.”
Ian opened his mouth in a soft voice.
I nodded and hurriedly found my clothes, then went back into the bathroom.
But just for a moment, as I passed by, Ian’s earlobe… seemed to be as red as my face.
* * *
A brief interlude passed, and it was time to sleep.
I was pacing near the bed in my pajamas because Ian, who had gone downstairs to make me warm milk, hadn’t come back up yet.
There’s only one bed, so it would be rude to lie down first.
“Florin, why aren’t you lying down?”
“I was waiting.”
“Were you? Here’s your milk. It’ll help you sleep.”
I took the steaming mug and perched on the edge of the mattress. Ian stood leaning against the side of the bed, holding his own mug.
Suddenly, my heart started racing so fast I thought it would burst, and I had to take a deep breath in secret.
*Do we sleep together? Separately? What are we going to do? What is Ian thinking? Why doesn’t he say anything? There’s only one bed!*
Before coming here, I seemed to be worrying about a lot of complicated and difficult things… Now, it felt a little silly to be so focused on the bed.
But at the same time, I realized that this was exactly what I needed.
A time to focus on something completely different.
In that sense, this little escape that Ian gave me was priceless.
It wasn’t something I could have found on my own either.
People usually get so caught up in one problem when they have it.
Turning your gaze elsewhere and looking in a different direction can only happen when someone gives you the opportunity.
“You know, Ian.”
“Yeah.”
“Thank you.”
At my words of gratitude, Ian looked at me with a calm gaze.
“I really wanted to say this. Thank you. Thanks to Ian… I can see the forest, not just the trees [meaning, I can see the bigger picture, not just my immediate problems].”
“I’m glad if I was helpful.”
The corners of Ian’s lips curved upward.
I realized once again that I really liked his smile.
He always smiles so calmly, like he knows everything.
“I always wanted to be helpful to you.”
Ian put down the mug he was holding without taking a single sip.
But neither I nor Ian looked at it.
Perhaps it was because we were too overwhelmed just looking at each other.
At least, that’s how I felt.
My eyes were full of Ian.
Was it because I had made up my mind to choose him?
“You were my salvation when I was young.”
“Me?”
“You saved me when I was trying to die. I thought it didn’t matter if I ended my life in that fire… but you gave me a reason to live.”
His tone was like leaves rustling in the spring breeze. Or like dew falling from the tip of a blade of grass into a clear spring.
Sometimes it sounded so tender it made my nose tingle, and all those reasons were because I was Ian’s reason to live.
That’s why he’s so good to me.
“You told me to be your husband. I still wonder where all those tears came from in that tiny mink [referring to her small, younger self].”
“Did I cry that much that day?”
“Yeah. You wouldn’t know, but I was worried you’d get dehydrated.”
Ian reached out and gently touched the tip of my nose. Then that touch slowly moved past my cheek… and changed to wiping my eyes.
“From that day until now, my only dream has been to be your husband. There was no greater goal than to love you and be loved by you… and it’s still the same.”
“!”
“So… let me want you.”
*Ah, Ian is different from Dante.*
Dante subtly assumed that he might not be chosen.
But not Ian.
In Ian’s world, there was no story after he wasn’t chosen.
*‘I am Ian’s first and last.’*
A shiver ran down my spine. My stomach tickled, and the tips of my toes tingled.
In the end, I slammed the mug I was holding down on the bedside table.
Actually, I tried to put it down gently, but it hit Ian’s mug and made too much noise.
I was startled inside, but I pretended not to be and stood up, putting strength into my toes. That was the only way to barely match his height.
“You know, Ian….”
But I don’t know what to do next.
As I hesitated and opened my mouth, Ian grabbed my waist and pulled me into an embrace.
His golden eyes, seen up close, were dark. The dangerously sunken and flickering gaze was vaguely similar to Yuri’s.
“Baby.”
“U-Uhm.”
“From now on… I’m thinking of doing something bad.”
Ian’s voice was chillingly low. I swallowed hard, and now I wanted to back away.
Where did that courage come from that made me jump up and rush at Ian earlier?
“If you don’t like it, slap me anytime. So I can come to my senses.”
Ian carefully tucked my hair behind my ear. At the same time, I flinched and trembled at the touch that slowly brushed against my ear.
It’s hard to breathe.
In the moment when I felt like my lungs were tightening and I opened my mouth slightly,
Ian twisted his head and bit my lower lip.
“!”
I knew this would happen, but when he actually kissed me, I froze.
Ian was so close. So close that I wondered if it was even possible.
“You have to close your eyes.”
He looked at me and whispered so tenderly. I took a short breath and closed my eyes.
Ian slowly traced my lips, making me anxious. He sucked on my lower lip and released it gently several times.
He pressed down on my chin with his thumb, and soon he invaded the gap that opened.
*‘What do I do? What do I do!’*
My heart was pounding.
The hot, soft thing tickled the roof of my mouth. He evenly scanned my teeth and soon found my hidden tongue, gently intertwining it from the root.
It wasn’t rough, but it wasn’t too soft either.
He wasn’t impatiently anxious, but he wasn’t overly relaxed and skilled either.
Before I knew it, I had my arms around Ian’s neck and was panting.
Ian would slightly part his lips to let me breathe when he thought I couldn’t take it anymore.
But then he would devour me again.
*‘My head is spinning.’*
Everyone dreams about what the moment of their first kiss will be like.
But this… was unlike anything I had imagined.
A feeling like only Ian and I existed in this world.
The ground, which had been soaked with countless worries, dried up in an instant, and one person rose like the sun in me.
“Actually, I only need you.”
After the long kiss, I was already on top of Ian, leaning against his chest.
I have no idea how the position got like this.
All I know is that I was about to pounce on Ian like this… ahem.
I just kissed for a long time… but when I came to my senses, I was so embarrassed.
I knew I had to respond to what Ian had just said, but I couldn’t open my mouth.
“Everything I have is what you gave me. I can throw away everything else except you.”
Ian gently stroked my hair.
I let him do what he wanted and just listened to Ian’s words.
“But the man who suits you isn’t someone who has nothing. So I’ve been holding on tight to what you gave me and working hard all along.”
“……Yeah.”
“Then suddenly I thought, there’s nothing as romantic as us opening a new era together.”
Even though his voice was husky and murky, why did it sound so good?
I quietly reached out and gently touched Ian’s cheek. Ian took my hand and kissed my palm.
“Ian.”
“Yeah, Florin.”
“You know… that was actually my first kiss?”
Instantly, Ian stopped without moving.
He seemed to have frozen like a stone statue.
“What is it? Did you think it wasn’t my first kiss?”
Well, Ian might have thought so.
But Ian is the only one who made me want to kiss him.
I smiled bashfully, placed my hand on his chest, and raised my upper body.
“Ian? Was it Ian’s first time too?”
I might be a little upset if he said no. As I stared at him nervously, Ian made a choked sound.
“Of course… it was my first time. Who else would I kiss but you?”
“That’s a relief. We have each other’s firsts!”
The sound of waves rushed in through the slightly open window.
I couldn’t hear the sound of the waves because I was so nervous until just now.
As I was smiling so happily, Ian put his hand on my waist.
“But, baby. The bad things aren’t over yet.”