There Is No Place For Fakes [EN]: Chapter 83

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Philomell returned to her room and sat at her desk, intending to write a letter to Nassar.

It seemed better for him to learn about the annulment through her contact rather than the Emperor’s decree.

She chose a letter because she felt uncomfortable discussing it through the communication stone.

However, Eustis handled things much faster than Philomell had anticipated.

While Philomell was still pondering how to write the letter, Nassar arrived at the Southern Palace.

“…Welcome.”

Philomell greeted Nassar with unease.

She wanted to talk to Nassar alone, so she naturally prevented Le Guin from coming and dismissed his guard, Jeremiah.

Of course, it was not an atmosphere for serving tea.

Nassar’s eyes were calm, as if sunken deep into an endless abyss.

A voice drained of strength emerged.

“So, it has come to this.”

“…Nassar.”

“I expected this might happen. I should have endured that moment.”

The vitality and energy that had filled him last night were nowhere to be found.

“The Emperor simply ordered the annulment without reason, but I know it is Philomell’s wish.”

Philomell felt sorry and opened her mouth.

“Nassar… I’m sorry.”

“Please don’t apologize. It only makes me feel more miserable.”

She knew.

Yet, she apologized purely to ease her own conscience.

Nassar, moving his rough lips, barely managed to utter a word.

“Do you hate me?”

“That’s not true.”

“Then why do you want to annul the engagement?”

“Does the reason matter now?”

Bringing it up would only hurt each other.

“It does matter! Is it perhaps because of Princess Ellensia? You strangely never seemed concerned about me and her. If that’s the case…”

He seemed to want Philomell to say that Ellensia was the reason for the annulment.

Philomell took a breath.

He had forced her to say these words.

She really didn’t want to say it, but…

“I don’t love you.”

At Philomell’s words, Nassar’s pupils dilated, and his mouth fell open.

A vivid shock swept over him.

Despite his shocked expression, he said in a trembling voice.

“Ah, I knew it. How could I not? Otherwise, you wouldn’t have kept pushing me away all this time.”

“I did?”

“Yes. From some point in childhood until you disappeared. Whenever I tried to approach you, you always smiled and drew a line, didn’t you?”

Was that so? She had only wanted to ease the burden he carried as the Princess’s fiancé…

No. This was an excuse.

Such a reason wasn’t entirely absent, but fundamentally, she had put up a wall between them. Because he was going to be Ellensia’s lover.

Yes. It clearly started with and the soon-to-appear Ellensia.

Before that, young Philomell had liked Nassar very much.

Even if she had realized he didn’t love her, she would have continued to like him.

But through that book, she learned about Nassar’s future, where he would love Ellensia with all his heart.

She had come to know that he was someone capable of such deep love.

‘If I hadn’t known, I would have thought he was a kind but not deeply loving person.’

But now, such a Nassar supposedly loved Philomell.

Tragically, however, Ellensia was no longer the issue. The problem was that Philomell’s feelings for Nassar had disappeared in the meantime.

Philomell did not love Nassar.

That was the beginning and the end of the problem.

Nassar continued, his face full of pain.

“I wanted to deny it. I desperately believed that since you clearly liked me in the past, your current cold demeanor was just you hiding your true feelings.”

So that’s how it was. She hadn’t realized.

Philomell quietly listened to him.

“After you disappeared and returned, you seemed to give me more of your time than before, so I had hope, just in case.”

He continued to blame himself.

“Actually, it took me a long time to fully realize my feelings. I’m such a fool, aren’t I?”

Not at all.

It was just unfortunate. If he had realized and expressed his feelings even a little earlier, things might have been different.

The possibility wasn’t entirely absent.

How could a person’s heart be cut off so cleanly, like with a knife?

The feelings of the young Philomell who had liked Nassar hadn’t disappeared in an instant. They had gradually worn away behind the mask.

‘If he had told me a little earlier…’

But it was a meaningless hypothetical.

Philomell sincerely hoped he wouldn’t suffer.

“Nassar, stop now. Don’t belittle yourself. You are a good person.”

“What good is that! When you don’t love me!”

At that moment, his body stiffened.

He seemed most surprised by his own outburst.

“I-I’m sorry. I was briefly insane and acted impolitely…”

“It’s okay.”

Philomell looked at him with a subdued expression. Nassar couldn’t bring himself to meet Philomell’s gaze.

After a moment, an earnest gaze turned back to Philomell.

“Is it still not possible with me?”

Tears welled up in his eyes.

“You said you don’t hate me, right?”

“…”

“Isn’t that so?”

Knowing it would be a cutting remark, Philomell had no choice but to convey her true feelings.

“I don’t hate you. I like you, as a friend.”

“…Then please don’t break off the engagement.”

“What?”

It was an unexpected request.

“Surely I will be of help to Philomell. It’s not for me to say, but I am quite good at both academics and swordsmanship, and also cooking…”

“Why does it matter whether it’s helpful for the engagement or not?”

“Then how can I stay by your side?”

“Nassar should meet someone who loves Nassar.”

Tears finally streamed down Nassar’s cheeks.

“But… the person I love is you.”

Philomell couldn’t say anything.

No words could be for Nassar’s sake.

After enough time had passed for his tears to dry, Nassar spoke.

“Is there someone you have in mind?”

Not wanting to lie, Philomell said as it was.

“No. There isn’t.”

“Then please allow me to like you a little longer.”

“Nassar!”

“You said you feel like I’m a friend, so I want to be by your side even as a friend.”

“That won’t do.”

“Weren’t you the one who told me to do what I truly wanted when I was young, Philomell?”

Philomell was speechless.

Eustis too, and Nassar too, why do they remember the old days so well?

“…It will only be painful for Nassar.”

“It’s alright.”

Nassar smiled with a face marked by tears.

“As long as I don’t cause you any trouble, the rest is for me to endure.”

With that, Nassar left.

Philomell watched Nassar leave the Southern Palace through the window.

As if sensing her gaze, he looked up at the window where Philomell was.

But their eyes did not meet.

Le Guin, leaning one arm against the window, spoke.

“Do you dislike that guy? Should I get rid of him?”

Philomell realized that he had used magic to block the view from outside.

“No. Don’t talk like that. Nassar is a good person.”

Nassar stood rooted to the spot for a long time, staring at the window. Then, he moved his feet with difficulty.

Philomell slumped into the armchair as if collapsing.

She shielded her eyes with her arm because the light was too bright.

Le Guin asked, “Phil, are you sick?” but she only shook her head.

She could feel Jeremiah watching her, but Philomell didn’t want to say anything. Couldn’t.

She couldn’t completely reject Nassar.

If she had truly thought of him, she should have pushed him away to the end…

She had allowed him to stay by her side in such an ambiguous way.

Why did she do that?

Out of pity? Because she didn’t want to remain a bad person to Nassar?

Or because she thought a good future might await them if he tried?

“I’m the fool.”

Philomell muttered.