You Have Been Defended [EN]: Chapter 437

You Have Been Defended – Episode 438

#438

I explained everything I had learned so far to them, including the fact that Kim Chanyoung and Ko Yoonseong had heart transplants at Okashima Hospital.

I didn’t mention that Im Hyeonil seemed to have pulled some strings while performing Kang Gwanwoong’s emergency surgery at Yongin Wooshin Hospital, but judging by Kang Minjae’s hardened face, he seemed to be thinking the same thing.

“I thought it started because of the heart conditions they had… It’s shocking. Especially Chanyoung, he doesn’t even know. He doesn’t know where the heart he received came from.”

Jo Bongjoon clicked his tongue.

Jo Bongjoon and Choi Jonghyeon both knew Kim Chanyoung from the Myunghwa Pharmaceutical case, so they seemed to feel even more sorry for him.

“That bastard Ko Yoonseong, he wouldn’t even bat an eye even if he knew.”

Choi Jonghyeon added, and Jo Bongjoon nodded.

Meanwhile, Secretary Oh was looking at Kang Minjae with worried eyes.

Kang Minjae was leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed, seemingly lost in thought without saying a word.

Choi Jonghyeon and Jo Bongjoon noticed that Secretary Oh’s gaze was fixed on Kang Minjae, and the conference room quickly fell silent.

Because it was information I had gathered alone over a week, Kang Minjae had to process a large amount of shocking information about Im Hyeonil all at once.

I figured he’d be overwhelmed.

“Minjae, are you okay?”

Jo Bongjoon, who had been watching Kang Minjae, carefully asked.

Then, Kang Minjae sighed deeply and spoke.

“We can’t rule out the possibility that Im Hyeonil acted against Grandfather on the table after receiving instructions from Wooshin.”

That thought seemed to be the only thing on his mind.

I understood.

The other details probably hadn’t even registered.

“We can’t rule it out.”

Kang Minjae let out a hollow laugh at my answer.

Having shown no agitation until now, Kang Minjae seemed to have been holding back his emotions, afraid of overthinking things, until he heard that he could suspect Im Hyeonil.

“Should we have moved him to another hospital? When I talked to you back then… No, it was already after he went into the operating room, so it’s meaningless. It was wrong of me to cry and fuss about whether Grandfather would be okay back then. I should have come to my senses and moved him to another hospital then…”

“How could you have done that? It’s the only big hospital in Yongin, and we could have missed the golden window if we tried to move him to another hospital. Besides, we couldn’t openly say we didn’t trust Wooshin and move him to another hospital, and there was no other reason to give.”

I quickly cut him off before Kang Minjae fell into a spiral of guilt.

Others chimed in.

“Yeah, how is that your fault? Don’t think like that.”

“Ha… We don’t know if they tampered with him in the operating room or if they used the wrong medicine when he was in the intensive care unit. We should have moved him even after the surgery. It’s all my fault. It’s because of me that Grandfather…”

“If they used the wrong medicine in the intensive care unit, we would have found out in the autopsy.”

“Still…”

“What do you mean ‘still’? How long are you going to blame yourself? Did you tell the Elder to go to the memorial park? Or did you know in advance that something like that would happen at the memorial park?”

“…”

“You didn’t know anything. Did you know in advance that Im Hyeonil would pull some strings while performing surgery at Yongin Wooshin Hospital? Or did you even know in advance that Im Hyeonil was a Wooshin operative? You didn’t know anything. What did you do wrong by thinking about what’s humanly possible without knowing anything? If you knew what was going to happen in advance and couldn’t stop it, then it’s your fault. But what did you know?”

“…Still…”

“What do you mean ‘still’? Wooshin and Im Hyeonil are the ones who did wrong, so why should you feel the guilt that those guys don’t even feel? There are people who should feel guilty, so why are you taking on that burden instead?”

I know very well what Kang Minjae is feeling, even as I say this.

I didn’t know that my father was getting Antrozol Alpha either.

I never thought that Wooshin would release Antrozol Alpha knowing its dangers.

Even so, I thought that I was careless and couldn’t save my father.

I thought that if I had investigated properly, I could have stopped it, but I drove my father to his death because I didn’t.

That’s why I started ramming into Wooshin with a burning desire for revenge.

Even now that I’ve stopped the release of Antrozol Alpha, I haven’t completely shaken off that guilt.

In this life as well, digging into Wooshin is not only a desire to realize justice, but also because of my petty desire for revenge that I still haven’t shaken off.

Kang Minjae is trying to walk that path now.

This place is hell.

A hell that you can’t escape even if you die and wake up.

A hell where you destroy yourself with guilt that isn’t yours.

“Cha, don’t push him too hard. It must be hard for Minjae too.”

“The one who’s pushing him is not me, but Kang, who’s pushing himself with foolish thoughts.”

“Still, it hasn’t been long since the Elder passed away…”

“Does that mean it’s okay to have stupid thoughts if it hasn’t been long since he passed away?”

“Stupid thoughts! I’m telling you, Cha, you’re going too far?”

Choi Jonghyeon glared at me and said.

“I know Cha has been through a lot. He’s even experienced a life-threatening situation himself. I know I’m not the one to say this, since I haven’t lost anything. But it’s better for me to be in pain than to see my family go through something like that, and Cha knows that too, right? It’s okay to feel guilty. Would Cha not have felt that way? It’s easy to say, but Cha would be the same. Aren’t you talking too easily because it’s not your problem?”

I know too.

What it feels like.

And I know that no matter how much I hear people around me say not to feel guilty, the guilt doesn’t go away.

But no one told me that it was a stupid thought.

No one said that what I was doing was a foolish act.

Everyone sympathized with my thoughts and said that it was okay.

So it was even harder for me to escape the guilt.

Because everyone said it was okay, I didn’t think it was strange for me to feel guilty.

That’s why, naturally, I haven’t been able to shake off the guilt even after dying and waking up.

Even though I know it’s a stupid thought, I’ve lived with guilt for so long that I haven’t learned how to let it go.

“I know it’s hard to put up with my whining.”

At that time, Kang Minjae looked straight at me and said.

“I’ve been whining since before Grandfather passed away and even after that. You must be tired of it. But I’m not someone who can be as coldly rational as you, Attorney. So I can’t help but keep having stupid thoughts.”

Kang Minjae 벌떡 일어나다 [suddenly stood up].

At the same time, Secretary Oh, who was sitting next to him, stood up with him.

“I’ll head out first. Please send me the PPT 자료 [presentation materials] you showed me today by email. I’ll look into it as much as I can.”

“Minjae.”

Jo Bongjoon tried to stop Kang Minjae, but Kang Minjae left the conference room without hesitation.

Secretary Oh winked at me and followed Kang Minjae out.

Jo Bongjoon sighed, and Choi Jonghyeon clicked his tongue at me.

“Take it easy on him, he must have been shocked a lot because of Im Hyeonil, was it necessary to say that much?”

“It was a thought that someone had to cut off.”

“I know what you’re thinking, Cha, but still, how can you say that to someone who doesn’t have parents and has lost his only family member?”

“Then how long should he be trapped in those thoughts? Is it okay until tomorrow? Or is it okay to have those thoughts until a week later? Wooshin is the one who did wrong, so why should Kang think that he’s the one who made the Elder pass away?”

“So, it’s good to cut off those thoughts, but why do you have to express it as ‘stupid thoughts’? I know you’re a cold person, Cha, but not everyone can live with such rational thoughts.”

“If it’s a stupid thought, what else should I call it? Then how should I have expressed it?”

Choi Jonghyeon retorted as if he was dumbfounded.

“You could have said it gently enough. ‘I know how you feel, but Wooshin is the one who did wrong, not you. I would have thought the same way, but we can’t be trapped in those thoughts forever. It’s not your fault.’ You can say it well like that, right?”

“If I sympathize with him like that, he’ll think it’s natural for him to feel guilty.”

“How do you know that? Have you lived like that? Have you been in Minjae’s shoes? How can you be so sure when you haven’t even said those words? Your parents are safe and sound in a good place right now, right? You didn’t even let out a sound when you were kidnapped and your stomach was cut open because you were worried your parents would find out, right? Why can’t such a filial [devoted to family] son understand his heart? Don’t talk so easily without experiencing it.”

“Why do you think I haven’t been in Kang’s shoes?”

“…What?”

“Rather, isn’t it Choi who hasn’t been in that position?”

Choi Jonghyeon didn’t answer.

He just had a confused expression.

He seemed to be trying to think about when I had been in that position.

I don’t intend to say it anyway.

Even if I did, he wouldn’t believe it.

“Do you know how fucked up it is for guilt to eat away at yourself? If you can’t shake off the guilt, you can’t escape from it until you die. Even if you cut off Ko Sangjoon’s head, you won’t feel relieved. Why? Because I also did wrong. I’ll only think that the punishment is over when my head is cut off too. No, even if I cut off my own head, I won’t think it’s over. Then, are you saying that I should watch Kang until he cuts off his own head?”

“What are you talking about? Of course, we have to stop him before that happens.”

“How do you know when Kang is going to cut off his own head? How do you know when it will be and stop it?”

“…”

“And you keep saying he’s a kid, he’s a kid. Kang isn’t a kid. Don’t treat him like a kid. I’ve shared everything I’ve learned up to today. I’ll share everything I’ve learned, including the PPT [PowerPoint presentation], just like Kang said. Let’s each investigate and talk again. I’ll investigate more too.”

I finished speaking and left the conference room.

Just before the door closed, I heard Choi Jonghyeon say, ‘What’s wrong with Cha?’, but I didn’t pay attention.

I also think that Kang Minjae was hurt by my words.

I said it knowing that.

I thought that someone needed to tell Kang Minjae that the guilt he was feeling didn’t make sense.

Would it be a way of justifying myself if I said I volunteered to be the villain?

Yeah, maybe Kang Minjae didn’t need those words.

With time, Kang Minjae might be able to shake off the guilt on his own.

I told Choi Jonghyeon that Kang Minjae wasn’t a kid, but maybe I was the one who thought of Kang Minjae as a kid.

Because I didn’t trust his resilience.

Kang Minjae might not be as weak as me.

But I didn’t want Kang Minjae to become like me.

No, to be exact, I was afraid that he would become like me.

So I couldn’t help but say it.

“Attorney.”

Secretary Oh came in as I was sitting in my room.

“Choi and Jo Bongjoon have left.”

“I heard.”

“Attorney Kang has left work.”

“Yes.”

“Sigh…”

Secretary Oh pulled up a chair and sat across from me.

“If you’re here to nag me too…”

Secretary Oh smiled slightly at my question.

“No. I think the expression was a bit harsh, but I also think it was a necessary thing to say to some extent. Attorney Kang will know too. But it’s just that it’s hard to accept right away.”

“…”

“But, I… how should I put it, I feel like you said those words not because you didn’t care about Attorney Kang, but rather because you cared about him.”

“What do you mean by that?”

“How should I put it, it feels like a senior who has already experienced it is telling you.”

How did Secretary Oh, who didn’t hear any of the words I said to Choi Jonghyeon because he followed Kang out, know all of that?

I worked with him for a long time in my previous life, but it hasn’t even been ten years in this life.

He’s really quick-witted.

“I sometimes get the feeling that you’re hiding a lot from us.”

“What are you saying that I’m hiding?”

“I don’t know either. But how should I put it, it’s like you’ve experienced all the hardships of the world. Of course, you’ve experienced a lot of hardships, but it’s beyond that… I can’t describe it, but that’s the feeling. Um, mature? I don’t know what to say.”

“Isn’t it a bit late to be called mature?”

“That’s right. Then should I say you’re like an old man? Anyway, that’s how it is. It feels like you have a lot of experience, but you’re hiding it.”

“It’s just your imagination, Secretary.”

“Is that so? Haha.”

I turned off the computer and put on my coat.

“You should go home too, Secretary. I should go too.”

“Attorney.”

As I was about to open the door and leave, Secretary Oh suddenly called me.

When I turned around, Secretary Oh smiled and said.

“But I hope you don’t hide too much. It’s hard to carry everything alone.”

I didn’t answer.

I couldn’t answer, and it didn’t seem like Secretary Oh said that because he wanted an answer.

“Huh? Why are you leaving so early?”

Taeshik, who was sitting in the lobby, followed me out and asked.

“Attorney Kang left earlier, and the other hyungs [older brothers/male colleagues] left huffing and puffing. Did you guys fight?”

When I didn’t answer, Taeshik kept asking, chattering away.

I went down to the parking lot and opened the driver’s seat door.

Then Taeshik tilted his head and approached me.

“I’ll drive.”

“No.”

“Ah, why? Are you sulking because I asked if you fought?”

Why would I sulk?

I was dumbfounded, but I didn’t answer and sat in the driver’s seat.

“Why is he like that, really.”

Taeshik grumbled and sat in the passenger seat.

As I stepped on the accelerator and left the parking lot, Taeshik kept asking if we had fought.

“You’re the one who did wrong, Attorney. I don’t think Attorney Kang would argue unless it was a big deal. You crossed the line, so Attorney Kang must be pissed.”

“Be quiet and put on your seatbelt. It’s beeping, constantly.”

“Ah, I was going to put it on.”

Only good with his mouth.

I habitually drove towards home, but suddenly changed direction and headed towards the National Cemetery.

Come to think of it, I hadn’t been to the National Cemetery even once since Kang Gwanwoong passed.

I don’t know what he was thinking as he left, but he showed me a lot of trust, didn’t he?

Maybe he had a heart of entrusting Kang Minjae to me, so I thought I should at least apologize for hurting his grandson.

“Isn’t this the National Cemetery? Why are we here?”

When I parked the car in the parking lot, Taeshik looked at me with a questioning face.

“Stay in the car. I’ll be right back.”

“Aish, so rude.”

Taeshik grumbled and got into the driver’s seat where I had gotten out, and I slowly moved towards where Kang Gwanwoong was buried.

It was my first time coming here, so I looked at the sign and walked for a long time to find the National Leaders’ Cemetery.

Kang Gwanwoong’s burial site, which I had seen on live broadcast from afar, came into view.

I walked towards it without stopping.

“…Attorney?”

And there, I unexpectedly met Kang Minjae.