Magic Is Learned For Nothing [EN]: Chapter 67

Persimmon County 2

It’s the day before leaving for Count Persimmon’s territory.

I gave that rude knight, whose name I can’t even remember (probably because he’s German or just incredibly lazy), a good dose of something. Hopefully, it’ll loosen his tongue.

If he puts in a good word, wouldn’t it be easier to clear up the ‘misunderstanding’ they currently have?

The problem is Paring.

It’s almost certain he sold information to Count Persimmon, but he’s been quiet since. That sly bastard. I have no idea what he’s planning.

I might end up in a terrible situation if I go like this.

Wasn’t he the one who even hired assassins to kill me here? I need to make thorough preparations before going.

Besides, that place is practically inside the enemy’s territory, isn’t it?

It’s an absolutely disadvantageous situation.

So, I’m planning to perform the ‘cash spending ritual’ that I’ve been putting off – basically, blowing a bunch of money on potentially useful stuff.

There are so many gems with unknown effects, like Lactolerium, Abrinium, Topaz, Shadow, Blue Zircon, Light Siam, and so on.

I’ve given up on trying to figure out their effects using Lich Mamon.

I was somehow trying to understand how that guy ate the expensive Red Zircon and ended up with a lush, bobbed haircut. Seriously, a bob?

But the next Diamond I had him ‘dismantle’ [consume and process] started to give him human flesh. Regeneration! For Legion, Diamonds only made his bones a little stronger.

In other words!

Even the same gem can have different effects on different individuals.

Ah, what a waste!

Red Zircon. I wasted that extremely rare gem, known as the gem of dreams, like that.

I won’t give any more gems to Mamon after this.

However, the guy who tasted the effects of gems seems to be getting greedier. He gets summoned on his own every night and searches the mountains. Since he can’t take my things, he seems to be beating up mountain monsters to extort gems.

At this rate, he might be reborn as a human.

Right now, he’s just a crazy guy with a bobbed haircut, but I’m starting to fear what kind of human he’ll be reborn as.

-Ready?

Mark asked.

Legion nodded.

Spreading the gems out on the table, he sought out a god he didn’t even believe in before.

Oh, God! If you give me a gem that’s especially effective for losing weight, I will sincerely believe in you. But if it lowers my intelligence or makes me gain weight again, you’ll get nothing from me.

If God heard that, He would really not want to grant those wishes.

-Okay, start.

I could sense a subtle tension in Mark’s voice.

I’m the one who suffers if I spend cash wrong, so I don’t know why you’re so nervous.

Legion picked up a High-Grade Rose.

It was a hexagonal red gem. It was named Rose because it was said to be as beautiful as the scent of roses flowing from the gem.

Legion swallowed the Rose.

-Dismantling High-Grade Rose. One of the gems that says you need to be healthy to live long.

What? What’s this again? You need to be healthy to live long? Okay, fine. And it’s one of those gems?

-It has a very excellent effect on cystitis [inflammation of the bladder]. The caster urinates eight times a day. The bladder is inflamed. From now on, we will remove the inflammation of the bladder.

That’s right.

I was worried about urinating so often anyway. I couldn’t exactly go around telling people I was peeing a lot. I just suffered alone, wondering if it was because I was getting fat.

But I had cystitis?

I suddenly felt a refreshing sensation in my lower abdomen. The feeling of something heavy always being there disappeared as if washed away.

-Good. Your condition has improved. It’s a good gem to dismantle once a year. I’ll add it to the comprehensive checkup gem list.

Comprehensive checkup gem?

-That’s right. Once a year. It’s a list of gem sets that check if you have any illnesses and treat them. So far, Rose, Emerald, and two other types of gems are on the list. If we complete this, you’ll never have to worry about dying from illness.

Legion’s eyes widened.

Isn’t this immortality?

Even kings die helplessly when they get a serious illness.

Wounds that tear the skin can be healed with potions. Poisons can also be detoxified. But even a high-ranking priest can’t save someone from an unknown poison in their organs.

Whether you’re a king, a Sword Master, a 9th Circle Mage, a Great Sage, or a Black Magician, you die if you get sick.

-That’s called cancer.

Mark told me that the disease is called cancer, and I learned it for the first time.

When I asked if there was a way to cure it, he said they have to cut open the belly and tear off the cancerous mass attached to the internal organs.

I asked if he couldn’t fix it with his nanomachines or something, but he said it was already too much to repair my body. If you get cancer, he can use the one remaining nanomachine to cure you. So, it’s impossible to save anyone else.

Thank goodness.

At least I can save myself.

But if the comprehensive checkup gem set is completed, I’ll be able to escape the fear of ‘cancer’.

It’s quite a useful set item.

Okay. Next.

Legion picked up Abrinium. It was the gem I wanted to dismantle the most before I got Lactolerium.

Gulp.

I swallowed hard without realizing it.

Let’s go! Ajaja! [Fighting!]

Legion clenched his fist with determination and swallowed the Abrinium.

-Dismantling Mid-Grade Abrinium. ‘I’m Not a Lizard’ skill has been activated.

Ugh! The skill name itself sounds scary. Not a lizard?

-The caster’s bones become more than twice as hard as they are now. If you continue to dismantle Abrinium, the strength of your bones will gradually increase. Broken bones will heal on their own. Even bones that are pulled out will grow back on their own.

Oh? Isn’t this a good thing?

-Good! Very good! You’ve done something right for the first time.

Mark seemed very excited.

-Defense power increases. Overall combat power instantly breaks through 1,500. Reaches 1572.

Really?

-If an Abrinium mine is discovered in the village of Orc female warriors, you’ll be rolling in it. Combined with the ‘Dieting is Bad for Your Health’ passive skill, your defense power will be almost the strongest.

That’s true. My head is getting harder, my bones are getting harder, and my body is getting fatter.

I won’t be able to get married.

That’s how it’ll be.

-Someone who will recognize your sincerity will appear someday. There’s even a saying like this.

What?

-Even worn-out straw sandals have a pair.

What are straw sandals?

-Um, I’ll correct it. Even old shoes have a pair. Even crappy shoes have a pair. Even smelly shoes have a pair, etc.

Legion’s expression crumpled.

Why do you have to make comparisons like that?

Legion pushed all the other gems to one side of the table. He wasn’t interested in the other gems.

What remained was this, shining with a bright golden color.

It was Lactolerium, called the gem of God. Just touching the tip of my finger to it felt blasphemous. It felt like it was shouting, “How dare you touch me?”

Lactolerium was very sacred.

Originally, it seemed like it should be with a king or emperor. It’s a gem that gives you the feeling that you can only be satisfied by looking down on others from above.

The gem of gems.

The king of kings.

Lactolerium, one of the three major gems of the continent, was revealing its dignified appearance before my eyes.

Okay, here I go.

-Relax, relax.

Don’t worry.

Legion got up from his seat. For some reason, it didn’t feel right to just pick it up with one hand and put it in my mouth. It was strange that a gem could create such an atmosphere, but it was definitely exuding that aura.

Legion politely greeted Lactolerium.

“I will enjoy this.”

He held Lactolerium with both hands. It was a gem that couldn’t be converted into money.

-This one is worth over 10 billion. It must be a gem worth 10 billion.

How much is 10 billion in this currency?

-It’s 1 million gold.

Holy moly~ A million gold. Does that kind of money even exist? Anyway, I got it. Be quiet. My heart is pounding.

-Sorry, sorry.

Legion opened his mouth.

The hand holding Lactolerium slowly approached his mouth.

His mouth was completely dry. His throat was parched. It felt like it had become a dry desert. Lactolerium entered into it.

He let go of his hand.

Lactolerium ignored gravity and fell into his mouth.

Now there was no turning back.

The arrow had left the bowstring.

Gulp.

Finally, Lactolerium settled in his throat.

-God’s Metal Lactolerium, the lowest grade among the 5 grades.

Eh, God’s Metal is also divided by grade?

-Even the lowest grade Lactolerium has 12 times more efficacy than its lower version, Singlerium. From now on, we will begin dismantling God’s Metal Lactolerium.

I can’t hear the dismantling sound, but for some reason, I felt like I could hear the sound of Lactolerium being ground against metal in my ears.

Weeeee, by the time that sound is over, I’ll know what the effects are.

Thump, thump.

Legion’s heart, as bold as if he had eaten a tiger’s liver, was pounding violently.

Maybe what I’m doing now is a gamble of a lifetime.

Even the lower grade Lactolerium is something that ordinary people can’t even see in their lifetime. Even nobles had a hard time seeing it.

Such a precious gem is now in my hands.

No, it’s in my stomach.

-Wah!

Ah! Damn it! You scared me!

Legion almost dropped a baby at Mark’s shout. If Mark’s real body was next to me, I would have turned his jaw around.

Why!

-Ah, sorry, sorry. My heart shrank too. I thought the dismantling was complete.

Shout one more time.

-Okay. Calm down.

Legion and Mark waited again.

Perhaps because it was such a precious gem, the dismantling time took longer than usual.

In fact, it didn’t take that long.

In terms of time, it didn’t even take a minute. Nevertheless, the perceived time for Legion and Mark was very long.

-Dismantling complete.

Oh, oh, oh! Finally!

-‘Exploding Coolness’ passive skill has been created.

This is the most normal name among the passive skills created so far!

-That’s right. It’s a normal passive skill name.

Mark also cheered.

-I will explain the characteristics of the passive skill. When the ‘Exploding Coolness’ passive skill is activated, magic power is amplified by 2 times even in normal times. Always maintains 2 times more magic power.

Stamina increases by 2 times.

Leg strength increases by 2 times.

The eye level of women who look at you drops by 10 times.

Men’s jealousy increases by 2 times.

You can change to a cool man. You can continue to be a fat man.

Oh, oh, oh! Jackpot! Jackpot! Super jackpot!

Legion clenched both fists.

Men’s jealousy? I don’t care if men are jealous a thousand times. What’s the point of being popular with men?

The most important thing is the 2x increase in magic power.

In simple terms, it meant that I was always twice as strong as I am now.

Moreover, it’s ‘Exploding Coolness’!

Not a fat man like now, but a cool man!

It’s much better than any magic that has been created so far.

Like a passive skill, 쭉~ [all the way]

-But!

But? Ah, why! It makes me uneasy.

-In order to activate the ‘Exploding Coolness’ passive skill, you must meet the minimum requirements.

Doo-geun, doo-geun [sound of a heart beating fast].

My heart starts beating again. I hope it doesn’t present any absurd conditions.

-Only casters with a height of 183 centimeters or more (6 feet) and a body weight between 75 kilograms and 80 kilograms (165-176 pounds) can activate the ‘Exploding Coolness’ passive skill.

Legion turned into a stone statue.

What the hell is this?

-If you dismantle High-Grade Lactolerium, the range of minimum requirements will widen.

What the hell are you talking about?

Lactolerium is not something you can get just anywhere.

It’s a rare precious metal that you might see once in your life. Where am I supposed to get this?

Are you screwing with me right now?

Thud.

Legion knelt down.

Life really sucks. Nothing works out right.

I should have just sold it to a high-ranking noble. I could have earned tens of thousands of gold. What am I supposed to do with a skill I can’t even use?

Okay, let’s say I can lose weight.

But do you know how tall I am? 155 centimeters (5’1″). My growth plates are closed, so I might not grow anymore, but 183 centimeters (6 feet). Are you kidding me! Are you kidding me!

Legion really wanted to cry.

The sense of futility was so strong that I wanted to give up everything. Really, magic has never been helpful in my life from the beginning to the end.

It’s all your fault. Mark!

-Would you like to cast the ‘Cool Man’ tasting skill? If you want, select 1, if you don’t want, select 2.

Legion twitched his triple chin.

What is this again?