George Bush’S Great America [EN]: Chapter 91

<90>

Humans, by nature, are creatures who have ascended to the position of ‘the measure of all things’ through curiosity. They are a species that, even at the risk of harm, will always dip their toes in the water at least once when something piques their interest. In that sense, language is truly a blessing. At least listening to words doesn’t physically hurt, does it?

In any case, when you dangle the bait this much, even if they expect it to be nonsense, they’ll still want to hear it out. Listening to words is free, isn’t it? If Jang Song-taek thought it was all just barking, he could simply ignore it.

But who knows? The man before him might be his mortal enemy, a foe of a hundred years, but he is also the most powerful man on this planet.

Everything he has wanted has unfolded right in the palm of his hand. Wouldn’t it be similar this time too?

The desire for human connection is like a flame; when a crisis blows in like the wind, it only burns brighter. Adrift on a melting iceberg in the vast ocean without even a single oar, it was too tempting for Jang Song-taek to simply ignore Bush’s words.

“Good. It seems you’re ready to listen.”

Silence was his affirmation. It could be disregard, but those wide eyes were burning with a desire for life that couldn’t possibly be ignored. Or perhaps it was pure, unadulterated rage welling up from within.

Either way, he looked ready to hear him out.

“Here’s what I’m going to do.”

A lighthouse rose in the vast ocean.

* * *

A sight that would make anyone who wasn’t close to Kim Jong-il doubt their eyes was unfolding. The sounds coming from Kim Jong-il’s office were simply unbelievable.

“He’s speeding up! He’s speeding up!! He’s speeding up!!”

Because Kim Jong-il was watching TV, and the program playing was not only from South Korean broadcasting, but also a live broadcast of the Olympics.

“Ahn Hyun-soo! Apolo Anton Ohno! The athlete! Ah~! He falls! He has fallen! It’s truly! Unfortunate!”

The commentator didn’t sound unfortunate at all. His voice was so loud that one might worry about him developing vocal nodules, yet it clearly contained a hint of mockery.

“Kill that Gillette! Get rid of that mixed-blood bastard of Japanese and American descent!”

Incredibly, Kim Jong-il was enjoying the Olympics.

After watching the opening ceremony, all the TVs in the office, and indeed in the entire building, should have been smashed to pieces. However, a nearly hour-long conversation with Kim Yong-nam allowed him to grasp the situation to some extent and consider extenuating circumstances for Jang Song-taek.

Anyway, that was that, and as for the games, the American bastards were better than the Japanese bastards, the Chinese and Russians were better than the American bastards, South Korea was better than the Chinese and Russians, and North Korea was better than South Korea.

But since there were no North Korean athletes on the ice rink wearing the North Korean flag, Kim Jong-il naturally ended up cheering for South Korea. It was said that there are no borders in sports, and in a way, that saying was being proven true.

“How dare those Japanese and American bastards try to beat us Koreans!”

As he ate sushi made by berating the chef and drank expensive cognac, burning with the spirit of sportsmanship, the phone suddenly rang.

“Kim Yong-nam calling at this hour?”

He glanced at the clock, wondering if he had been so engrossed in the game that he had lost track of time, but it wasn’t the regular reporting time. That meant something truly terrible had happened, or something had come up that Kim Yong-nam couldn’t handle on his own.

“What is it? Speak.”

「Comrade General Kim Jong-il. A situation has arisen that I cannot control.」

Even through the phone, which tends to make people’s voices sound bland, Kim Yong-nam’s bewilderment was palpable. A man who was always so calm that one might suspect him of harboring ulterior motives, yet here he was, sounding so flustered.

“What? Uncontrollable?”

If Kim Yong-nam, of all people, was saying he couldn’t control something, then the situation he was facing must be a truly urgent matter that was impossible to control.

“Speak quickly!”

Hearing Kim Jong-il’s agitated voice, Kim Yong-nam hesitated for a moment, bracing himself for the aftermath, before finally opening his mouth as if he had steeled himself.

「The President of the United States wants to build a North Korean embassy in Salt Lake City, with Jang Song-taek as the permanent ambassador!」

“Don’t talk nonsense!!! Bring him back immediately!”

As expected, Kim Jong-il unleashed his fury with a volume that the phone’s receiver couldn’t fully capture. As a result, Kim Yong-nam’s phone was emitting metallic screeches instead of human speech.

「If this were Jang Song-taek’s initiative, I could have handled it within my authority. But the head of the American bastards is forcing it…!」

“This, this is outrageous!”

Sending anyone to America was a problem in itself. It would have been better not to send anyone at all. He had even considered killing Jang Song-taek, but he didn’t think it was possible!

“Kim Yong-nam!”

「Yes, Comrade General.」

Kim Jong-il wanted to throw the phone in his hand away immediately. But the survival instinct boiling within him refused to allow it. He knew that if he let this go, it would surely lead to the downfall of the Kim Jong-il regime.

All sorts of chemicals were swirling around in Kim Jong-il’s brain, creating a miracle. His survival instinct, having reached the pinnacle of human achievement, knitted and unraveled dozens of schemes like knitting, creating a unique and sinister fabric.

“Now that things have come to this, the only option is to make the most of the situation. Isn’t that right?”

「That is correct.」

Kim Yong-nam breathed a sigh of relief upon hearing Kim Jong-il’s voice suddenly brighten. It wasn’t because Kim Jong-il’s anger had subsided. It was because of the reason Kim Jong-il’s voice had brightened. From a young age, Kim Jong-il had a knack for coming up with amazing plans when cornered. Kim Yong-nam trusted Kim Jong-il’s extraordinary mind.

The first stitch in the fabric that Kim Jong-il had created was the question of why the head of the American bastards wanted to build an ’embassy,’ the highest-level diplomatic mission, skipping over liaison offices, representative offices, and consulates all at once. Isn’t there usually an order to diplomacy?

And not just any diplomacy, but North Korea-U.S. normalization. North Korea-U.S. normalization. Even for a jet plane known for its recklessness, this was going too far. This was like holding a knife to your own throat and almost forcibly demanding normalization.

Considering that this world is one where the gods are constantly rolling dice, and anything can happen, there might have been some strange bromance between George W. Bush and Jang Song-taek, but let’s put aside such an unmanageable future for now.

‘The Nobel Peace Prize.’

That was the ultimate goal that the President of the United States, George W. Bush, was aiming for.

‘It must be the Nobel Peace Prize. I can’t think of any other plausible hypothesis, I tell you.’

At least, that was the best hypothesis that Kim Jong-il could come up with by piecing together fragments of reality. It was a strange thing that even though his brain was usually only the size of udon noodles, it would rapidly evolve into a mega-brain capable of processing bytes of data whenever something like this happened.

“Tell them to build the embassy.”

Kim Jong-il had completely changed his mind. You can’t go against a rapid current. If you encounter an unavoidable rapid current, you have to ride the current, not confront it head-on. It was actually a good thing. North Korea would just have to get back as much as it gave to the Americans.

If there were embassies in both North Korea and the United States, it would be easier to get something out of them. What is communism anyway? Even the Juche [self-reliance] ideology can’t be called communism. Even the Chinese bastards are ruled by the Communist Party, but they were doing well before they got a taste of American power.

What if some American capital comes in? If the economy is revitalized and the people’s household situations improve, he can just take all the credit. What if the Juche ideology is diluted? The collapse of the Juche ideology doesn’t mean the collapse of the dictatorship.

「Ah, but there is a request from the Americans. They specifically want to build the American embassy in Nampo Port.」

“In Nampo Port?”

It was a bit strange that it wasn’t in Pyongyang, the capital of North Korea, but he figured that was just how it was. That crazy bastard probably had some strange ulterior motive. If he had to guess, it was probably because Nampo Port was the easiest place to evacuate in case of an emergency. Or maybe they were trying to start the invasion of American capitalism from Nampo Port.

“Tell them to do as they please! I’ll show them my generosity this time. But ask them what we can get out of this normalization!”

Surely they wouldn’t just normalize relations and call it a day. He was sick of temporary support. Infrastructure and oil were desperately lacking. Kim Jong-il didn’t care as long as his luxurious lifestyle was satisfied, but frankly, you can never have too much luxury. Otherwise, why would the richest people in the world be even more obsessed with money?

If the country becomes more prosperous, he can indulge in even more luxury, can’t he? Even if that weren’t the case, Kim Jong-il thought of North Korea as his own body. It was an idea that a king of the Joseon Dynasty [Korean kingdom from 1392-1897] might have had, but in reality, his authority and actions were no different from those of a king, so it was all the same. Even the country’s name includes Joseon, doesn’t it?

Anyway, whether they are high or low, wouldn’t any human being living in that land want their country to be prosperous rather than poor? If the people’s bellies are full, they might hold all sorts of ridiculous protests like the proletarian revolution, but if they crack down on them like China, there won’t be any problems.

Besides, there are already excellent examples of Tiananmen [site of 1989 protests] and Falun Gong [spiritual practice banned in China], so he can just follow them appropriately. Even though a typhoon that will destroy everything is approaching, the future of North Korea is so bright.

“Tell them I’ll think about Nampo Port, and report on this matter regardless of the time.”

「Understood.」

With that, the call ended.

‘I’m going crazy, I tell you.’

Kim Yong-nam brought the cigarette he had lit before the call to his mouth to finish it, but screamed.

“Aagh!”

He threw the cigarette away and stomped on it. It had burned almost to the filter, burning his fingers. The spaces between his burned fingers throbbed. He grabbed a handful of dirty snow from the city and squeezed it a few times, and when the throbbing subsided, he put a new cigarette in his mouth.

He opened the cigarette pack to light a new cigarette after thinking about various complicated things, but all that was inside was tobacco dust. There were a total of five cigarette butts at Kim Yong-nam’s feet.

The more cigarettes there are, the more it indicates that the person is screwed. One cigarette is nothing. Two cigarettes are a bit serious, but something that can be dealt with. Three cigarettes mean that things have publicly gone wrong. Four cigarettes mean something that he cannot handle on his own.

So what does five cigarettes mean?

“I’m completely screwed.”

Not only is he on the front lines of American imports, but he’s about to be at the very forefront. If this isn’t screwed, what is?

However, North Korea already considers American Grandpa, that is, Benjamin Franklin drawn on the 100 dollar bill, to be the best, and is calculating in dollars on the black market, but this is happening behind the scenes, not in front. It’s clearly a ‘black’ market activity.

‘It’s over. Over. The end of the North Korean regime is in sight.’

Normalization with the Americans, of all things, is truly absurd. But what guts does a lackey of a dictator have to refuse? If they tell you to do it, you have to do it.

In a dark alley where the voices of people rejoicing and grieving over rock & roll and the Olympic Games fall along with thick snowflakes, Kim Yong-nam vowed.

‘For the Great Democratic People’s Republic of Korea of Kim Jong-il!’