Brother, Am I Cute? [EN]: Chapter 390

The new year has begun.

Siha is now five years old.

I wondered if we should go to see the first sunrise of the New Year like last year, but my uncle vehemently refused, saying he would never go.

He complained about the crowds, the cold, and how the rising sun is always the same, so why do people flock to the sea or mountains every New Year?

I somewhat agree and somewhat disagree.

Well, everyone has different preferences.

Our unemployed uncle probably finds it more comfortable to stay home.

I also want to avoid crowded places this time.

We enjoyed Christmas at home, so why not enjoy the New Year at home too?

“Hyung, Siha is five years old!”

“Yeah. Siha is five years old.”

“Siha is all grown up now!”

Didn’t you say that when you turned four too?

What do you mean all grown up?

“So, Siha can cook now.”

“No, you can’t.”

“I can even turn on the stove.”

“No, you can’t. You need to grow up more.”

“Ooh.”

Siha looked disappointed.

No matter what, using the stove is still not allowed. It would break my heart if you burned your hand.

“When will Siha grow up more? When can Siha use the stove?”

“When Siha enters elementary school, around 4th grade?”

“4th grade?”

“Around 11 years old?”

Around that age, you’ll be quite grown up, right? Maybe you can even boil ramen?

I’ve lived with Dad since I was little, so I wanted to cook and started early. But Siha has me and Uncle.

“‘Pocky’ age?” [Pocky is a popular Japanese snack consisting of chocolate-covered biscuit sticks. November 11th is sometimes referred to as ‘Pocky Day’ due to the date’s resemblance to the snack.]

Eleven years old. November 11th, Pocky Day. So, ‘Pocky’ age.

Well, it’s not wrong.

“It’s chopstick age, right?”

“!!!”

“What other age could it be?”

“Dual sword age?”

“Pfft. Cool, right?”

“When Siha turns 11, I’ll wield dual swords.”

Eleven years old is a tremendous age. Wielding dual swords. Seems like a very dangerous age.

“You can’t use the stove, but instead, shall we make rice cake soup [tteokguk] together today?” [Tteokguk is a traditional Korean soup made with sliced rice cakes, typically eaten on New Year’s Day.]

“Really?!”

Siha’s eyes sparkle at the mention of his favorite rice cake soup.

Thankfully, he seems interested in making it.

“First, take out the sliced rice cakes. And what Siha can do is wash the rice cakes in water.”

“Siha can do it! Siha will wash his hands well and wash the rice cakes well.”

“That doesn’t mean washing them with soap bubbles, okay?”

“Why?”

This kid would cause a disaster if he cooked.

No matter what, you can’t do that! I don’t know if it’ll get clean, but still.

“If soap remains here, it’ll get into the food when we cook, right? Would that hurt or not?”

“It’ll hurt!”

“Yeah. So, when you cook, just wash everything with water.”

“Okay!”

I’m glad I asked.

If he had used dish soap, we would have had to throw away all the rice cakes.

“Here. I’ve filled the basin with water, so wash them.”

“Siha is good at it.”

You always say you’re good at it.

I don’t know how you know without even trying.

Siha diligently rubs the rice cakes. He washes them hard with both hands.

I guess that’s how you do it.

I went to the gas stove and put beef for soup in the pot.

Sizzle.

I stir-fry it well.

Then, I take out the pre-made broth and pour it in.

Since I’m making it, I should make enough to eat for about 3 days.

It might be better to cook only the amount you’ll eat each time, but making a lot is more convenient.

We can just eat what we have.

“Siha, shall we put in the rice cakes now?”

“Siha will put them in!”

“Okay, let’s do that.”

I wash the rice cakes once more with water and hand the rice cakes with Siha’s touch to Siha.

“Here! Put them in! Be careful when you put them in.”

“Okay.”

Siha puts the rice cakes in the pot.

I also put in some frozen dumplings from home and cover the lid.

“Now, shall we make egg garnish?”

“Egg garnish? What’s egg garnish?”

“It’s when you cook the egg whites and yolks separately and make them into squares.”

“Cook the egg yolks and whites separately?”

“Yeah. We cook them separately. Do you want to separate them, Siha?”

“I want to try!”

“Crack it open and put the yolk on this sieve. It’s very simple, right?”

“Siha is good at it.”

Siha taps the egg and cracks it open.

He was amazed that only the yolk remained and the white fell below.

“Then, put only the yolk in this bowl.”

“Only the yolk is here!”

“Amazing, right?”

“Amazing!”

Actually, there’s nothing amazing about it.

Anyway, I need to remove the eggshells that fell into the white with chopsticks.

That’s why I told you to do it well!

Separating isn’t everything!

“Now, we stir it.”

Stir the whites and stir the yolks.

Then, cook them and make egg garnish.

I put it on the cutting board and handed Siha a plastic knife.

He’ll do well with that without cutting his hand.

“Now, just cut it straight!”

“Long?”

“Yeah. Like noodles.”

Siha diligently cut.

You can’t use the stove, but if you cut like this, you’ll feel like you’ve cooked.

Making this egg garnish probably felt more like cooking than washing the rice cakes.

Making rice cake soup with Siha from the morning makes it feel like we’re really celebrating the New Year.

“Hyung, I’m all done.”

“Yeah. Now, when the rice cake soup is all cooked, we put it on top and eat it. It’ll be delicious, right?”

“When will it be cooked?”

“Hmm. It won’t be long. Oh, right. I need to put in the green onions too.”

“Chop the green onions!”

“Yeah. We need to chop the green onions.”

Our Siha might really know something.

I think we can finish up and eat now.

“Siha, can you wake up Uncle? Hyung will set the table.”

“Okay.”

Siha runs to Uncle’s room.

I can hear him waking him up.

“Uncle. Uncle. Wake up. Wake up.”

“Ugh. Just a little more sleep.”

“No! Siha made rice cake soup. Uncle has to eat it.”

“Ugh. Uncle slept too late yesterday, so I’ll sleep a little more and eat later.”

“No! Eat and sleep!”

“You really.”

I can hear such sounds.

But did Uncle sleep late yesterday? I don’t think so.

Well, he might have woken up in the middle and done something else, but I don’t think so.

“Yawn.”

“Uncle. You have to sleep early and wake up early to be a good kid!”

“Uncle isn’t a kid, so it’s okay to sleep late, right?”

“Uncle is an adult, so you have to wake up even earlier.”

“It’s okay. Uncle is a bad person, so I’m going to sleep late and wake up late!”

“!!!”

It’ll be a long time before you can win against Uncle with words.

Still, Siha wakes up Uncle while chattering.

Uncle gets up and comes out of the room.

Scratching his stomach.

“Uncle. Eat quickly. We made rice cake soup because it’s New Year’s today.”

“New Year’s rice cake soup is good! I knew Si-hyeok made it and smelled it amazingly. I was actually awake.”

Siha shouted from the side, “Liar!”

Uncle chuckled, saying it was true. I bet he was actually awake and looking at his phone.

He probably pretended to be asleep after hearing me tell him to wake up Uncle.

“Thank you for the food.”

We ate rice cake soup.

Siha makes a happy face because it’s so delicious.

“Hyung, it’s all delicious! The rice cakes, dumplings, and egg garnish are all delicious.”

“Right?”

“Now that Siha ate rice cake soup, I’m 5 years old. Really 5 years old.”

At that, Uncle poured cold water again.

“Siha, you’re not really 5 years old until your birthday passes.”

“Huh? Siha’s birthday passed.”

“No. This year’s birthday. You have to celebrate your birthday again this year to really be 5 years old.”

“!!!”

That’s true.

It can’t be helped. Being born in December means you’re far from being really 5 years old.

I smiled and ate rice cake soup.

It’s a new year to be reborn with a new heart.

***

January is also my birthday.

I received an angel Pepe grip tok [a decorative phone grip] from Siha, and Uncle received a devil Pepe.

I wondered how I could use this because it was too precious, but I thought I should use it since they gave it to me.

Actually, being precious is a useless thought.

I asked the daycare teacher to complete one more and attached it.

Siha seems to like that I’m wearing the angel Pepe, and he glances at it every time.

And everyone was given Pepe grip toks made as mass-produced goods, and they were very happy and thanked Siha.

That period was the end of January.

Then one day in February.

Siha grabbed my hand with a surprised face and went to the fish tank.

“Hyung. Ilpi isn’t moving.”

“Huh? That’s right.”

Actually, this wasn’t the first time I’d seen this.

Ilpi, Ipi, and Sampi were always changing, and there were fish that had died without me knowing, so I secretly took them out and sent them to a good place.

I tried to hide it as much as possible, but this day finally came.

I didn’t want to show him death very much.

If you experience the concept of death a lot, you can’t help but think of your parents.

Like a prominent shadow, you will continue to think of your mother and father in heaven.

So, I wanted to keep him away from that concept as much as possible.

He probably didn’t know when he was 3 years old. What death is.

But Siha is already 5 years old.

He has been exposed to many video media and knows what death is.

Not moving, not alive, just going to heaven.

“Ilpi must have died.”

I didn’t want to lie that the fish in front of me was sleeping.

We will have moments when we face death someday.

Because we will be sending someone away.

I don’t want him to know already, but there will be days when Siha will gradually learn.

“Hwaaang.”

Siha shed tears.

Ilpi died. That sight broke my heart.

“Hyung.”

“Yeah. It’s okay. It’s okay.”

I hugged Siha and patted him.

“Ilpi went to heaven. He’s living well in heaven.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. So, let’s bury Ilpi so that he can live well in heaven.”

“Hwaaaang.”

Even if I say words of comfort like this, I can’t hold back the tears falling from my eyes.

I hugged Siha and patted him.

He used to be a child who didn’t cry often, but now he sheds tears because he knows the sadness of letting go.

Should I see this as growth? I don’t welcome this kind of growth.

“Why are you crying? What’s wrong?”

Uncle came out of the room in surprise.

I pointed to the fish tank.

“The fish here died, so Siha seems sad.”

“Ah…….”

It is a very sad thing to send away an animal that you have fed diligently, changed the water, and raised with affection.

Uncle stroked Siha’s head without saying anything.

Still, seeing that he doesn’t tease him until this point, he must be thinking of Siha as precious.

“Siha.”

“Uncle. Ilpi went to heaven. Sniffle.”

“Cry a lot.”

“Sniffle.”

“You’re crying because he was precious. Ilpi will see that in heaven and think that Siha really, really liked me.”

“Sniffle. Yeah.”

“Then Ilpi will be born again next to Siha later. I’m going to play with Siha again. He’ll say.”

“Sniffle. Reborn?”

“Yeah. Of course! He’ll be reborn. You knew Siha liked it this much? Of course.”

“Sniffle. Play with Siha again?”

“Yeah. He’s going to be reborn to play with Siha again.”

“Sniffle.”

Siha nodded and cried in my arms.

I patted Siha hard.

I didn’t know Uncle would say such things.

Clearly, the words, ‘I’m going to be reborn to meet Siha again,’ were so sad.

In fact, even if he is reborn, he may not be the same Ilpi.

As Siha always said, Uncle is a liar, so he can tell these lies.

Uncle’s lies always teased Siha, but today they are a great comfort to Siha.

“Thank you.”

“I really think so.”

“Pardon?”

“That we can meet again. Otherwise, I can’t stand it.”

I nod at Uncle’s words.

I really want to meet again.

But as you know, we cannot meet again what we have sent away.

Even if we are reborn and meet again, we will not notice.

No. Maybe we’ll be drawn to each other by fate.

I’m going to think that way too.

“Hyung. Sniffle.”

“Yeah.”

“Bury Ilpi.”

“Yeah. Let’s do that. Let’s bury him.”

I scooped up the fish with a net.

Then, we all went down to the apartment and dug a little dirt and buried Ilpi.

“Sniffle. Come to Siha again. Okay?”

I also pray inwardly to Siha’s words.

I hope this parting is not the end.