Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 180

‘I really… tried hard.’

Over the past two years, Lee Hyunjae could confidently say he had lived a life worthy of that one phrase.

“Hyunjae, are you ready to go if you’re all set?”

At his manager’s question, Lee Hyunjae adjusted his scarf and nodded. With each breath, tension surged, and warmth repeatedly chased it away.

Hopefully, the meaning of the process can be reflected in the result.

The SAT [Scholastic Aptitude Test, a standardized test for college admissions in South Korea] test center is always filled with warmth. To prevent anyone from saying they failed the exam because of the cold, the heating is stronger than ever.

But even so, hands freeze easily. Especially when taking the Korean language section, encountering the first passage immediately freezes your hands, and you think, ‘Damn it, I’m nervous.’

The higher the goal, the more crucial it is to handle that first moment to determine whether you can achieve it.

‘…That’s what Donghwa hyung [older brother or close male friend] told me.’

That hyung, no matter how you look at him, doesn’t seem like he’d be nervous, but his experiences are too vivid. It’s probably a story he made up, but is it okay to be so specific?

And then the preliminary bell rings, and Lee Hyunjae took a deep breath.

‘…It’s okay if I don’t get into college.’

Is it really okay?

‘Of course, you have your main job.’

But all that effort will be in vain?

‘Even if it’s in vain, you won’t regret it.’

Really? If you make a mistake today, are you confident you can live as if you’ve forgotten it?

‘…No.’

Making the process you worked on with Donghwa hyung for two years meaningless?

‘…….’

That person, even though he looked like he was about to die from exhaustion, he answered your questions. Besides, he was the first to notice and help when you were having a hard time. Really, is it okay? To smear his face with your own hands? That’s just being a nuisance.

‘…Haa.’

Lee Hyunjae took another deep breath in and out. But the monologue in his head continued relentlessly.

What will people think? Ah, I knew it when that little brat who couldn’t do anything right was running around.

Donghwa hyung will definitely be disappointed too. He’ll say, “Hyunjae, it’s okay,” but inside, he’ll definitely feel both sorry and disappointed. Wondering if he didn’t teach you properly, thinking he was sure your grades would improve.

‘…He’s not that kind of person.’

The main bell rang. The sound of the first page turning was sharp. But in Lee Hyunjae’s head, the monologue was still echoing.

Ah, you idiot. You should just die. You’re just a nuisance to everyone. How much money did Hamin hyung even spend? It’s all going to turn into bubbles like the Little Mermaid. What will become of the words of encouragement Eden hyung gave me? They’ll become meaningless like trash lying on the street.

‘Turn the first page.’

The words don’t come into view. See, there’s nothing you can do right. There’s a reason why your parents were disappointed when you were young.

How could such a kid come from those smart genes? Your mother suspected it, she was sure it was the child she had with him, but how… I heard her on the phone at night, didn’t I?

‘…Reading is a journey into one’s inner self.’

When I solved all the problems, I wasn’t sure if I had solved them correctly. I forgot to look at the clock.

‘Hegel, dialectic…….’

The next passage was even harder to read. If Donghwa hyung saw it, he would have cursed, saying, “Why is the writing like this?”

No, you’re the idiot. The writers are all professors from Korea University? They put in everything you need to solve it, but you can’t read it. Stop blaming others.

How are you going to grow like that? How are you going to overcome Lee Hyunjae, who used to suffer from attachment disorder? Nothing will change.

Lee Hyunjae briefly put down his SAT pencil and closed his eyes tightly.

‘Calm down, what would Donghwa hyung do in this situation…….’

A lacking bastard who can’t even follow half of what he does.

‘Calm down, calm down. When I start denying myself like this, what would Donghwa hyung do…….’

Maybe, he would say this.

‘…It’s illogical.’

It’s illogical to criticize yourself based on something that hasn’t happened. The premise itself is meaningless because you don’t know if it’s true or false. That’s what he would say.

From the start, you don’t know anything. It’s just vague anxiety. Why are you so uniquely harsh on yourself?

Lee Hyunjae slowly took a breath. Ten minutes passed without any meaning. Ah, I feel like I’m going to become harsh again. Doing stupid things.

But as he thought that, Lee Hyunjae smiled. For some reason, a deep smile leaked out. It’s all because of Donghwa hyung. No, it’s thanks to him.

I should do well on the exam and go home and whine to Donghwa hyung to cook for me.

‘Hmm… he explained something that could have been explained much more easily in a very difficult way.’

Come to think of it, there was something similar in the stories Donghwa hyung told me, why didn’t I know it at first?

‘Oh, this also came up when Donghwa hyung was telling me about history.’

He went off on a tangent while explaining Western modern history and ended up talking about economics.

‘…What, it’s easy.’

It felt like it required a bit too much background knowledge, but it’s easy. I’ve heard a lot of it somewhere.

Ji Donghwa tried to answer everything Lee Hyunjae was curious about to the extent that he knew it. If there was something he didn’t know, he read books together.

Even when he tried to solve something with a search, Ji Donghwa quickly thought about buying a book online first. As a result, Lee Hyunjae was overflowing with all sorts of miscellaneous knowledge in his head.

In addition, he absorbed some of the mnemonic techniques that Ji Donghwa taught him, so he didn’t forget them easily.

‘…Crazy hyung.’

When I think about it, that hyung isn’t normal. After indirectly experiencing the fragments in Ji Donghwa’s head, Lee Hyunjae could tell. That guy isn’t normal.

Lee Hyunjae laughed again. Immersed in the problems, understanding the text, solving each problem one by one, he could still wear a relaxed smile.

And finally, he finished the German test, which Ji Donghwa had given a special lecture on, as his second foreign language. Damn Korea University, why is a second foreign language a mandatory requirement for no reason?

Except for the memory of the lunch box that Donghwa hyung packed for me being delicious, I don’t remember how I took the test because I was so dazed.

It was when Lee Hyunjae was preparing to leave and sighed deeply to shake off the fatigue in his shoulders.

“Um, excuse me, can I get an autograph?”

‘Ah, right. I’m a celebrity.’ For a moment, his persona as a test taker dominated everything about Lee Hyunjae. Facial expression control. Smile. Come to think of it, I was wondering why no one was doing this during breaks. Well, high school seniors probably don’t like idols… This person must be unique?

Of course, this is just Lee Hyunjae’s personal speculation, and there are usually one or two people in each class who are crazy about idols.

“Yes! Of course.”

* * *

[Met my bias [favorite member] at the test center]

(Photo with autograph)

Anyone have any questions?

Comments:

―ㅋㅋㅋㅌㅌㅋㅌㅊㅊㅌㅌㅋㅌㅌㅌㅋㅋㅌㅌㅌㅌㅊㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ How did you do on the test lolㅋㅋㅌㅋ└Surprisingly, my bias was more focused on the test than I was… so I focused even more…

―Wow, what the heck ㅋㅌㅋㅋㅌㅋ I heard that a lot of idols skip the SAT these days, but he didn’t.

―These guys… are unique… They have a lot of strange backgrounds….

―So when is Blossoms getting a learning material ad? Just being a group with Korea University members is already half the battle (omitted)

Wow, I never considered this.

I was shocked as I read the post that Ryuideen showed me, saying it was a real-time popular post on the community. Come to think of it, Hyunjae, you’re an idol. What if someone bothered you at the test center, or if someone else was harmed?

“Don’t worry. The Luminous fans who are test takers agreed to remain silent even if they met Lee Hyunjae at school yesterday.”

No, there are fans who haven’t joined Luminous. This is a disaster. What if an article comes out…….

“Hey, you worry too much, Donghwa. It’s okay. Hyunjae isn’t the type to cause harm. You know he’s the type to run to the bathroom and not come out if he sees people gathering.”

Wait, that sounds weird. It makes him sound like someone who escapes to the bathroom. But I’ve done that often too. Hmm, he’s just like Lee Hyunjae, who resembles me.

I cast my gaze out the window. A crowd of people was gathering and running like crazy, so I narrowed my eyes and looked closely, wondering what was going on.

“…Hamin.”

“Yeah, why?”

“I guess Hyunjae isn’t the type to escape to the bathroom.”

Because in the center of that crowd was Lee Hyunjae, wrapped in the fur I gave him, bowing politely to the people as he walked.

“…Has he become an attention seeker like Ryuideen?”

Muttering that, I quickly grabbed Ryuideen by the collar.

“What bad influence did you have on him?”

“No, what did I do? If we’re talking about who influenced Hyunjae the most, it’s you!”

“I had a good influence.”

I didn’t want to learn that both ‘one who is near ink gets stained black’ and ‘one who is near vermilion gets stained red’ [a Korean proverb meaning that you are influenced by your surroundings] are both true in this way.

Ryuideen tried to say something, his lips twitching in frustration, but unfortunately, I didn’t care at all and let go of his collar.

“It’s unfair! You only treat me like this! It’s too much!”

Ignore.

Let’s quickly open the door and make a plan to pick up Lee Hyunjae.

Based on the current distance, um, the amount of exercise in about 10 seconds… then.

I opened the door at the right time. The people who were following Lee Hyunjae were surprised and cheered at my sudden appearance, so I politely greeted them and brought Lee Hyunjae inside.

Lee Hyunjae took off his fur hat as soon as he got in and took a deep breath.

“…Haa, I’m back.”

“Is there anything you want to eat?”

I asked, taking his scarf and gloves.

“Today, calorie restriction is lifted!”

Ryuideen shouted proudly. You’re going to drag him to the gym anyway. Lee Hyunjae pondered for a moment and then smiled.

“Donghwa hyung’s food.”

“…Is that all you want?”

“There are people who survive on just that.”

“Eden.”

“Call me hyung!”

“Ah, sorry. Anyway, Eden, is my cooking good?”

Ryuideen scratched the tip of his nose with his finger and then tilted his head.

“…It’s average.”

So, it’s a very average taste.

* * *

Come to think of it, I’m suddenly curious, I thought as I boiled the braised spicy chicken [Dakdoritang, a popular Korean dish]. What kind of life would Lee Hyunjae have lived in the past possibility? Since I wasn’t there, he probably dropped out of the survival show, but what would he have done after that?

Originally, I wouldn’t ask about his grades when he came back after the exam because I wasn’t curious, but somehow this kind of thing stimulates my curiosity. Even though it’s a story that doesn’t matter at all now.

Maybe it’s because I can’t know that I’m more curious. Like a secret of the world.

Ding-!

As expected, Gisaeng is quick-witted. I turned my eyes to the side.

[Do you think I’ll tell you?]

Oh dear.

[Just kidding! I went to college, graduated, got my master’s and doctorate, and became a professor.]

Wow, wait a minute. I feel like I blocked a promising kid’s future.

[It depends on your perspective.]

Don’t be ambiguous, Gisaeng. My conscience hurts.

[As an aside, my major was Korean Literature, my sub-major was Modern Novels, and my even more specific major was Storytelling in Genre Literature.]

Oh. I took a sip of the braised spicy chicken that was bubbling and checked the taste. Hmm, average. Why did Lee Hyunjae want to eat something like this?