Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 205

Four Steps, Calling You Who Approaches, Can I Call You Spring

After singing all the refrains, smiling brightly at the sound of the violin that resonated as if filling the whole world, as if truly relieved, as if having shaken off all the heavy burdens, as if enjoying freedom.

She muttered, as if possessed, because she didn’t dislike the other members of Blossoms just because her favorite was Ji Dong-hwa.

“It’s good.”

“Right? Besides, he sings well. He looks so comfortable. The song comes alive.”

She almost replied that it was probably custom-made, but stopped herself. She didn’t want to sound like a fool for him.

“Even if they write a good song, it’s shit if you digest it like shit.”

She almost replied that Dong-hwa’s personality wouldn’t allow him to watch such a sight with his eyes open; he would imprison them and point out every detail of how to digest it, but stopped herself. For the same reason.

“Is this going to be released as a track?”

“Oh, how is it? The song’s not bad, right?”

“It’s beyond ‘not bad’.”

She knew that her friend was quite stingy when it came to music. Her friend was the type of person who hated even a single error in their playlist. There might be differences in taste, but at least it wasn’t a song that could be called bad.

“…Fuck, is everything going to shut up now?”

“Ah, the community?”

Her friend pondered for a moment, then shook her head.

“I think we’ll have to see about three more come out.”

“Damn it, it’s going to be a mess all year.”

* * *

As soon as the radio show ended, Senior Gyeon Hwon clapped and praised each of the members. Then, he came over to Lee Hyun-jae and shook his hand.

“Wow, you sing well, Hyun-jae.”

“Thank you.”

Bowing politely at a 90-degree angle was just like Ryu Iden.

“Say goodbye to the shells, whoever they are. I’ll be rooting for you.”

As expected. Like the perceptive senior he was, he immediately hit the nail on the head. I, too, really wanted to ask.

After hearing Senior Gyeon Hwon’s blessing, I put my arm around Lee Hyun-jae’s shoulders.

“Explain.”

“You’re too quick on the uptake, *hyung* [older brother or male friend],”

“…I’m not the only one who noticed.”

“That’s right. I noticed it too!”

Ryu Iden, who had been listening quietly, grabbed my shoulder. He hadn’t shown it at all during the broadcast, but seeing him keenly observing Lee Hyun-jae’s expression in between, he must have noticed the unusual signs like I did.

“It’s okay. I told you to notice anyway.”

Lee Hyun-jae looked proud. I don’t know what he was so proud of, but he seemed eager to let us know his choice quickly.

“I’ve decided to cut ties.”

…Hmm.

Now, let’s think slowly. ‘Cutting ties’ is a phrase that originally requires a target. Ha, no matter how much I think about it, the only face that comes to mind is Lee Hyun-jae’s father.

“…Your parents?”

Ryu Iden, having reached the same conclusion, cautiously opened his mouth.

“Yes.”

“Oh, I really… Hyun-jae…”

With his hands twisting at bizarre angles, Ryu Iden expressed with his whole body that he didn’t know what to say.

“Haha, I feel so good right now. I feel so refreshed, it’s strange. Um, Dong-hwa *hyung’s* advice really helps. Really.”

…Really? Was I unknowingly encouraging a child to cut ties with their parents?

Ryu Iden was also shocked by Lee Hyun-jae’s words, his mouth agape in astonishment. Ignoring Ryu Iden’s gaze demanding reproach and explanation, I looked into Lee Hyun-jae’s eyes. I remembered Chae Ha-min going through something similar in the past, and Chae Ha-min’s eyes were plastered with regret and hesitation.

But why could I only see conviction in Lee Hyun-jae’s eyes? A strong belief that he wouldn’t regret it was stuck in his eyes.

We couldn’t just sit around in the broadcasting station like this, so we politely greeted the staff and got into the car.

Even though Seok-joon and Chae Ha-min continued the cheerful and bright atmosphere, the awkward energy flowing between the other three couldn’t be helped.

Inside the car, where only the engine sound echoed quietly, as the night view of Seoul flowed beautifully outside, I quietly asked Lee Hyun-jae.

“You won’t regret it, will you?”

“No.”

Lee Hyun-jae smiled and slowly closed and opened his eyes, as if organizing his thoughts.

“I’m not confident that I can meet my parents’ expectations. No, even if I do, I don’t know if I’ll be happy.”

“…Really?”

“Yes. Now that I know what happiness is, I’m also sure that I’ll be unhappy if I don’t.”

I nodded. I felt sorry for the words ‘Now that I know what happiness is.’

“If they try to persuade you, won’t you change your mind?”

Of course, I have no intention of sincerely persuading him. If it’s a path where Lee Hyun-jae can be happy, I’ll support him, not hinder him in any way. However, I just want to know exactly. Does Lee Hyun-jae want me to stop him, or not?

“No. Not even if it’s *hyung*.”

Lee Hyun-jae looked directly into my eyes with determination.

“I will never change my mind.”

“I understand.”

I smiled bitterly and quietly blocked Lee Hyun-jae’s father’s number in my phone.

I could understand it theoretically. If the relationship with family is heavy, you can give up. Of course, I regretted it and even did crazy things because of it, but I can only hope that Lee Hyun-jae is different.

[As an aside, he is different.]

‘…Really?’

[Yes.]

‘Is this about the possibility from before?’

[This is a conclusion drawn from the experience of being with the human being Lee Hyun-jae. Professor Lee was as crazy as I was. That human even broke my door with his own hands! It was the first time I saw someone open a door with a hammer!]

‘…I think I know what you mean.’ You’re saying that you and I were social misfits; I already know that well enough.

Now that I’m living as a human being who has adapted to society thanks to Ryu Iden, I feel anew how strong Lee Hyun-jae, who is sleeping next to me with a pure face, is.

Since Lee Hyun-jae isn’t the type of person to commit a crime, how much courage and conviction would it take to open a door with a hammer? I think I know why the saying “teaching and learning grow together” (*敎學相長* [gyohak sangjang, a Korean proverb]) exists.

With this, the long-felt break is over. Now, another hectic period of activity will begin. The fastest will be Chae Ha-min’s supporting role in the drama. I hope the OST, completed with the help of the national producers, will be successful.

[So, did Ji Dong-hwa write a banger when you take away the fan bias?]

It’s just good for an idol, but it’s annoying when people talk as if some god of composition descended. When you think about it, I don’t even know why people are so crazy about a male idol who just works like a shut-in in his room.

Comment―Yeah… everything you say is right, so please just fuck off now…. The fact that I’m breathing under the same sky as you is a bit unpleasant… Please, I don’t want to lose my love for humanity…

└ㄱㄴㄲ Just fuck off somewhere else, why are you crawling in here to be a dick ㅋㅋㅌㅋㅋㅋ You’re trespassing on someone else’s front yard and saying, your tastes are so bad! ㅋㅋ The way you run away after saying that is ㅅㅂ―??? : Eat shit

└ㅈㄴ Polite, as expected of a cultural room nut

―It’s pathetic how you’re trying to find fault with anything because you see a kid doing a little better in his room… Are you… living your life…?

―So, is there any composing member who had a career high like Ji Dong-hwa ―Who the fuck said he’s a god of composition, I’m just saying he’s fucking awesome for an idol and I’m riding the wave ―I’d rather be a shut-in than go out, drink, and get into scandals with women..

└That’s right. Once you get burned by stanning other idols, you feel most relieved when they like to stay at home

When you’re active in a community, there’s always a troublemaker. The peaceful playground of the room nuts was set ablaze by the influx of external disruptive forces. It was reminiscent of a European village that discovered a Viking ship in the past.

I wouldn’t mind if it was reasonable criticism, but I couldn’t see someone who suddenly comes and picks a fight in front of my face in a good light.

“Ah, it’s so fun to see them freak out.”

If you ‘deliberately’ go to such a community and cause trouble, you’re a deeply entrenched presence on the internet. These people feel pleasure in seeing someone react to their words, countless comments being made, and arguments taking place.

If they wanted to receive attention, they could do much more constructive and future-oriented things, but perhaps because there’s nothing as easy as writing comments on the internet, this person had no intention of doing so. It’s a pitiful soul, but I sincerely hope there is no salvation.

Of course, this person had a history of listening to ‘Under the snow,’ which Ji Dong-hwa composed and Lee Hyun-jae sang alone a few days ago, and looking for information, saying it was good without knowing who wrote and sang it.

It’s a very contradictory act, but the rationalization circuits in this person’s head are running very strongly.

Once again, while browsing the internet in search of idol songs worth listening to, this person was suddenly impressed by a song they heard.

“Wow, the quality of OSTs [original sound tracks] these days is good.”

They were drawn in by the clickbait title [OST song levels these days], but their eyes widened at the melody that made them think of a bright spring day and sprouting new buds.

Thinking that songs with spring themes would slowly start to come out now that it was almost spring, they were impressed by the song that seemed to evoke old memories when they listened to it.

“Who sang this, again…?”

‘Blossoms.’ The onslaught of solid letters made this person feel a momentary dizziness.

Since they knew that Ji Dong-hwa composed 80% of the songs sung by Blossoms, this person hesitated to look at the composition information. Even though they wrote like a beast in the community, they were still wearing human skin.

As if there are times when ignoring the truth is better for your mental health, this person silently closed the window. Someone might call it cowardly, but in this person’s mental world, it wasn’t a cowardly act.

* * *

“*Hyung*, how—do you—put up with—that?”

Seok-joon looked at Lee Hyun-jae’s tablet and seemed so shocked that he was about to cry. Chae Ha-min, who had been influenced by him, was also looking at me with pitiful eyes.

I don’t know what these damn things are doing, suddenly, when they should be practicing or matching the finishing choreography.

“No…, I was just wondering what Joon *hyung* thought about it…”

Lee Hyun-jae smiled awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck. It’s as if we suddenly have to have a group talk about what we think about this situation.

“I’m not putting up with it, Joon.”

If someone saw it, they might think I’m a master at suppressing my anger.

However, the fact that I used all three white flags every time I filmed ‘Ji Dong-hwa’s Mental Class’ shows that this is not the case. Because I express intense anger to the PD [production director] every time I raise the white flag.

“Really, I’m not angry.”

If the quality is objectively good, then getting angry at untrue words is just a waste of energy. Conversely, if the quality is not good, then it’s not something to get angry about, but something to accept and improve.

Since the conclusion is the same in either case, that there’s no reason to get angry, I don’t have to get angry no matter what song I release or what I hear.

Anger should be expressed coldly when it’s coldest, so it seems like I don’t have any anger to others. Unless it’s a special situation like pork cutlet with mushrooms, I won’t get angry.

“…How—can you—be like this—”

Of course, even if I say this, I know that only Lee Hyun-jae will be convinced, and the others will add ‘still…’ after that, so I didn’t say it. In fact, Seok-joon is currently sobbing and expressing his insane frustration with his whole body, unlike usual.

“Anyway, other people are getting angry for me.”

I wiped away the flowing sweat. If we’re going to continue practicing, it’s better to clear the atmosphere quickly. Today, we also have to gather together to watch the first episode of the drama that Chae Ha-min is in. We promised to support each other’s individual activities as much as possible.

“It’s enough.”

Seok-joon blankly looked at me and nodded glumly.

“I will be more angry!”

Don’t suddenly accelerate. Why don’t you know the meaning of the word ‘enough’? If you’re ‘more’ angry, it’s no longer enough.

“I will be angry as much as *hyung’s* share!”

Seok-joon shouted in a resolute voice, as if he had made up his mind. I can feel the fighting spirit of the tribe’s best warrior going into battle, which is just embarrassing.

“But, you don’t have to be angry, Joon *hyung*.”

Lee Hyun-jae quietly suppressed Seok-joon’s fighting spirit.

“Anyway, everything will shut up when a few more songs come out. If they have ears properly attached.”

Hyun-jae, your words are harsh.

“Or they’ll be showing everywhere that they’re below standard. Then they’ll be advertising that they’re stupid, how could they do that?”

If they’re really stupid, they can do that. The world is wide and there are many strange people.

“If they’re really stupid and act like that, they’ll be stoned and dismembered by other people. That’s what the internet is like. They’ll live like a dead mouse, pushed by public opinion like that.”

Lee Hyun-jae coldly stared at the tablet and slowly recited his cold assessment. Ryu Iden and Chae Ha-min had surprised looks on their faces. Watching Lee Hyun-jae’s rampage, they were gaping and blinking like country youths seeing the KTX [Korea Train eXpress, high-speed rail system] for the first time.

Well, that’s okay.

“Ah, what a waste of oxygen.”

Oh my god, to say such a thing.

“…Hyun-jae.”

“Sorry, *hyung*. I’m just too angry.”

Lee Hyun-jae looked up at me with his innocent face and replied. No, I said there’s no need to be angry just a moment ago, Hyun-jae.