Becoming An Idol Wasn’T On My Plan [EN]: Chapter 269

I Didn’t Plan to Become an Idol – Episode 269 (237/343)

For one hour—that short hour—I stared intently at Simba, and Simba stared intently back at me.

I did get some help from the psychic in between to hear his thoughts, but unfortunately, I didn’t quite know how to communicate with a tiger.

[Forcibly suppressing sleepiness. I’ve known animals are better than humans for a long time!]

For instance, like now, I know Simba is sleepy, but I don’t know how to tell him it’s okay to sleep, which is incredibly frustrating.

Even though he says he’s sleepy, he’s looking at me with wide-awake eyes and his head held high, something I wouldn’t have known without the psychic.

That’s a bit touching, and as always, I’m grateful to the psychic, so my mouth naturally moved.

“…Then, it’s okay to sleep.”

Then I realized I had answered out loud in front of the camera about how comfortable I was right now.

A foolish mistake that brought a faint smile to my face.

[I can read, but I can’t convey!]

‘What’s the principle, electrical signals in the brain?’

[That’s correct! We also analyze hormone levels.]

I’ve never read a book about a tiger’s brain, so it’s an area where I’m ignorant.

When humans open their mouths in the face of ignorance, it only hinders the formation of a proper public discourse, let alone numerical values.

“…Hmm.”

I want to tell him it’s okay to sleep.

It’s difficult to have a conversation with someone you can’t communicate with.

When Mokhwa was very young, my parents took care of her, and I started taking care of her from the point she could communicate, so I was worried about what to do.

“…Simba, would you like to learn Korean?”

“Kheuheung.”

“Um, okay. That’s a shame.”

[Madness seems to be contagious.]

Be careful what you say, it’s a broadcast concept.

Foucault already pointed out in ‘History of Madness’ that defining others as crazy without trying to understand them is problematic.

First, let’s consider how to tell Simba, who only lacks the ability to speak but could communicate if I could convey my intentions, that it’s okay to sleep.

“…Hmm.”

Children tend to unconsciously imitate their parents’ behavior.

To instill a habit of tidying up in Mokhwa, I would make a mess and then tidy up only half of it in front of her and just watch.

It was the result of reading in a book around the age of ten that the sense of security from doing certain actions together is precious to children.

So, would it work on a tiger?

[Since he thinks of you as a companion, wouldn’t it work to some extent?]

‘Really?’

I immediately looked at Simba and lay down.

I don’t know if the floor is clean, but with something more important in front of me than dignity, it didn’t bother me.

As my face went down, Simba also lowered his head, which he had been holding up, and rested his face on his paws. He doesn’t seem to be trying to sleep, just lowered his head to where he could see my face well.

He blinks. Slowly slowing down the speed.

Simba yawns leisurely once. I soon closed my eyes comfortably.

I breathed in and out evenly. Now that it’s dark, I wondered what kind of scenery would unfold beyond my eyelids.

And when I counted exactly 180 seconds, I opened my eyes. Simba’s face, sound asleep.

Wow, so cute. Among all the creatures in this world, the only living thing that can be called cute even after infancy.

Cutness is originally a trait naturally selected for infants to increase their chances of survival.

But a fully grown tiger who can protect itself is cute, even though choosing fear would be much more rational, it’s so cute.

Has the evolutionary direction of the tiger species changed? If cuteness isn’t imprinted at the genetic level, such a creature couldn’t exist.

Maybe the theory about cuteness itself is wrong.

Damn it, my knowledge system is being re-established once again today because of Simba.

I briefly got up from the cold rising from the floor, but then I froze as I made eye contact with Simba, who immediately opened his eyes.

Wild instincts, what a properly raised mountain god. [Referring to Simba’s powerful and majestic presence.]

To command all the creatures of the mountain with such a cute appearance, it’s the mystery of nature itself.

I muttered nonsense in my head and smiled awkwardly.

Simba tapped on the glass. I couldn’t bring myself to lie down again thinking about my health, so I leaned back a little loosely.

Then, Simba, who had buried his face in his paws for a moment, stared at me for a long time before closing his eyes again.

“…Damn it, cute.”

I didn’t even realize I was unconsciously muttering that as I gazed at Simba’s sleeping face.

* * *

And just as an hour was about to pass, I finally regained my sense of reality and realized.

…Aren’t I completely crazy?

To just stare at a tiger and, knowing he wanted to sleep, pretend to sleep first to induce reassurance, I’m definitely, certainly a crazy person.

And Simba’s sleeping face comes into view again. It was a proper equivalent exchange.

Bang, the door opened and a commotion flowed in.

“Shhh.”

Perhaps the most hostile expression I’ve ever made.

The zookeeper and the PD [Production Director] exchanged a few words after being warned that the mountain god had fallen asleep.

“Professor.”

“Yes, PD.”

What else. Get out of my sanctuary, you damn PD.

“Please tell me honestly. You can really communicate with animals, right?”

And a question that reminds me of the psychic, I only spoke the truth while pretending to match the broadcast concept.

“…Yes, I can.”

Of course, only half the truth.

After exchanging a few jokes as usual, I immediately got up at the mention of having to take care of Simba’s meal.

It’s the most essential element for living beings, so it must be taken care of properly.

But a threatening sound echoed from behind.

It was my first time hearing the roar of a wild animal so close, so it was amazing.

I turned around and squatted down.

“What’s wrong, Simba?”

Simba’s pupils were fiercely glaring at the PD, as if to pierce through him. Ah, cute.

“We’re going to eat together.”

[I told you it doesn’t get through?]

There’s nothing impossible for a cute creature, psychic.

[…Don’t let your intelligence drop to Chae Hamin’s level.]

When I spoke to him, Simba, as if nothing had happened, relaxed his threatening posture and looked at me. Damn it, cute.

[Companionship. Congratulations. You’ve been recognized as an animal by a tiger.]

Since a cute creature can’t lie, it must be wrong that my species is Homo sapiens [the scientific name for humans].

Of course, it’s an absurd proposition, but humans can arbitrarily change and accept the truth value of a proposition if they want to.

“Wow, what should I do. Donghwa. I almost fainted just now.”

“How can you say such a thing about this cute kid.”

“…Cute?”

The PD asks back, rubbing his arm as if it’s numb.

“Yes, he’s a creature as cute as my younger sibling was when they were little.”

“…Donghwa, your sense of aesthetics is messed up. Objectively, it’s nonsense.”

“Sounds like something an ancient Greek would like.”

Why don’t they know that aesthetics can’t be established the moment you try to judge all aesthetic emotions with things like proportion or harmony?

Simba silently stared at me before sitting down.

Ha, to repeat the same thoughts identically at intervals of a few seconds. I can already picture what the library in his head must look like.

It probably contains a fragmented picture of a society where the central government is paralyzed. This is what happens to humans when reason doesn’t work.

I parted with Simba for a while and got in the car to hand Simba his meal directly. He’s definitely eating well, the portions are substantial.

“The portion is huge.”

“Yes, but it’s strange. It’s clear that this is the professor’s first time seeing him today, but he’s eating so readily.”

“…Are you still maintaining that concept?”

“I’m trying to make up for not doing well when I first met him.”

“Originally, if someone you’re meeting for the first time gives you food, they ignore you with a face that says, ‘How can you expect me to eat when I don’t even know who you are?'”

“So, the professor was Heidi [a reference to a kind and gentle character known for her connection with nature].”

“It’s my minor, so it’s a bit much to say this, but that’s the prevailing theory that it’s pseudoscience [a set of beliefs or practices that claim to be scientific but are not].”

“Hahaha, of course. Donghwa probably feels very harmless and safe to animals. Minor actions can be a sign of aggression, but Donghwa doesn’t habitually do those things. The atmosphere isn’t intimidating either.”

Since there’s no reason to push away an animal, the defense mechanism doesn’t activate.

I picked up another piece of meat with tongs and handed it to Simba.

The reason why the word ‘hearty’ exists became clear through Simba’s appearance, sitting quietly in front of the car, opening his mouth and accepting the food.

“…He really eats well.”

I also thought that I must be wearing a smile that I would have worn if I had gone to an ecological experience center that I had never been to when I was in elementary school, but what do I care.

“He eats people if he doesn’t eat well.”

“Well, he’s an animal.”

If an animal causes a problem, it’s almost 100% the fault of humans.

Because the concept of fault itself is difficult to establish for animals.

Morality is a human concept, and if you impose it on animals, it’s nothing more than a product of human-centrism [the belief that humans are the most important beings in the universe].

“Wow, you’re saying that without getting scared. You’re really a professor of mental education.”

I ignored the nonsense and smiled brightly again, putting food into Simba’s mouth with tongs.

* * *

Dormitory.

I collapsed onto the sofa as if falling.

Clearly, I was just feeding Simba. Why am I in the dorm when I come to my senses?

To empirically learn that time experience is relative.

The time when my whole body was relaxed and I was floating through everyday life was over.

I’m sure I’ve finished greeting Simba and filming the interview, but it still feels like Simba will be standing tall if I turn my head.

When I was five years old, I was curious about the purpose of existence, and my father smiled and asked back, ‘What do you think it is?’

At that time, after thinking about it for a day, I replied, ‘If there is a purpose of existence, it sounds inhumane to say that someone who died without fulfilling it has no value.’

My father also thought about it for a day and said, ‘What you said isn’t wrong,’ without adding anything else. I would later learn that my father had different thoughts from me.

However, nearly twenty years later, I found the answer.

The purpose of existence is Simba.

Everyone must witness Simba through my X-tube video so that I won’t be saying something inhumane.

“Donghwa hyung [a Korean term for older brother used by males], you didn’t even say you were here, what are you doing.”

I habitually took a picture of Ryu Iden, who came out to greet me, and stockpiled pictures for quantitative easing [an economic policy where a central bank injects liquidity into the economy by purchasing assets].

“…Planning.”

“What?”

“How to make Simba as famous as we are.”

“…I don’t really understand what you’re talking about, but what should I do, Donghwa hyung. I never thought the day would come when I would say this to you.”

I ignored Ryu Iden’s words, who was frowning, and opened my phone.

An alert that a photo had been sent from zookeeper Hong Heonmin. I unconsciously press it. A picture of Simba sticking close to the glass and burying his head in his hands.

“Iden.”

“Uh.”

“We have to live harder.”

“…Hamin-ah! Donghwa hyung is saying crazy things here! I don’t think he’s in his right mind!”

I felt like the complicated head was completely washed away. It was like returning from a trip to a foreign country.

It’s much more intense than when I hang out with the members outside of schedules.

While Chae Hamin came out and Ryu Iden was explaining what was going on, I smiled.

I realized that in the blurry state at the boundary between everyday life and the extraordinary, emotional fulfillment comes before philosophical thought.