After I Died, My Husband Went Mad [EN]: Chapter 91

Leaving Sebelia’s room, Dihart wanted nothing more than to slam his head into the floor and die. He wondered if tumbling down the stairs would snap his neck. But he couldn’t do that.

Because she had told him to wash up, eat, and return after grooming himself. And after he returned…

[Let’s talk about how to settle our ill-fated relationship.]

“Ugh.”

Staggering, Dihart barely made it to his office, collapsing onto the sofa, gasping for breath. It felt as though a cold hand had clenched his heart, making it hard to breathe, his head spinning.

“Ill-fated relationship.”

The sharp, venomous words escaped his lips. Ill-fated, an antagonist. Was that how she saw him? Had she been contemplating how to end their ill-fated relationship since the research lab?

‘And I, like a fool, didn’t even realize it…’

A painful breath escaped through Dihart’s teeth. Yes, the bond between him and her could never be adorned with happy words. So, ‘ill-fated relationship’ was the most fitting description.

He desperately wanted to deny it in his heart, but he couldn’t.

The idiotic things he had done during their marriage, his utterly pathetic decisions. Considering the time Sebelia had to suffer because of them, it was only natural.

He deserved to be called ill-fated. So, he couldn’t refuse even if she asked to end this long, drawn-out relationship after receiving his apology.

‘Did I even have the right to refuse her request in the first place?’

Dihart, reflecting on himself, let out a cold laugh. It was a lament directed at his foolish and pathetic self. After a long while of uttering futile jeers, he ran a hand over his face and stood up.

“Ha.”

Despite the dizziness, he moved his feet. First, he needed to clean up this filthy appearance somehow. Then, fill his stomach, groom himself so as not to offend her eyes…

And after that?

‘Goodbye, let’s end our ill-fated relationship like this.’ And then he would go to the North, and she would go somewhere unknown, living a life where their sleeves would never brush again? [An idiom meaning they would never cross paths.]

‘Could I endure that life?’

No way. A dry laugh escaped through his teeth.

‘But if that’s what you want, I must obey. Because I’m the one who foolishly ruined everything, I have to take responsibility for it.’

Even if that’s the path that kills me, there’s no other way.

His steps faltered as he stumbled towards the bathroom. A gloomy feeling flowed from Dihart, who stood blankly. The despair pooling at his feet threatened to drag him down like hell.

It was then. Bang, bang, someone knocked on the door and shouted from outside.

“Duke, are you alright?”

At first, he thought it was Illay. But listening again, it was a more annoying and familiar voice.

“…Claude.”

He muffled a groan, burying his face in his hands. The knocking on the door grew more violent. He didn’t want to see anyone but Sebelia right now.

“Duke…nim!” [An honorific suffix in Korean, showing respect.]

It was when Claude’s voice rose again.

“What are you doing now?”

“Ah, Sir Illay. My apologies. I received news that I urgently needed to deliver to the Duke.”

Illay, who always had bad timing, appeared out of nowhere and stopped Claude. Dihart dropped his hands from his face and turned his empty gaze towards the door. The sound of bickering could be heard through the crack in the door.

“Mr. Appenz, if you have urgent news, you should come to me, not the Duke’s office. It’s troublesome if you keep treating the Duke like a friend.”

“Friend, that’s not what I meant.”

“Is that so? Then you don’t need to knock on the door anymore. Now, let’s hear what you were going to say.”

A thought flashed through Dihart’s mind as he listened to the sound of Claude being dragged away.

Claude had abandoned his past name and the ill-fated relationship that came with it, staying by his side as Carl Appenz. After settling his ill-fated relationship, he had become a new person and decided to build a new relationship with him.

Of course, unlike Sebelia, he had been forced to abandon the name Claude Inverness, but in any case, his situation was similar to Sebelia’s.

“Ill-fated relationship…”

Dihart thought that the ‘ill-fated relationship’ that Sebelia wanted to settle meant the painful past. The years as the youngest daughter of the Weden family, becoming his wife, and eventually ending up as a traitor to Inverness. That much of a wrong relationship.

Settling that was ultimately the same as clearing the past. Then… after settling the ill-fated relationship between Sebelia Weden and Dihart Inverness, wouldn’t all that’s left be the relationship between ‘Bella’ and him?

‘I can’t hope that Claude will stay by my side as Carl Appenz, but at least to you, who has abandoned the past and found a new life, can’t I… become a new relationship?’

He wouldn’t settle the ridiculous relationship of a mad duke who chased after someone else, thinking she was a dead duchess, and a terminally ill patient who was caught up in it by accident, would he?

It was a near-impossible logic, but it was the only lifeline for Dihart. It was his shameless wish, relying on a corner of Sebelia’s heart that was never completely cruel to him.

“Even that’s fine.”

His true feelings flowed from his mouth as he stared blankly at the floor. Even that was fine. In fact, it was more than enough.

“If there’s even that, even a small excuse…”

He couldn’t dare to hope that she would love him. He had no intention of blocking the path of her who decided to live a new life as Bella.

He just hoped that after settling that ill-fated relationship as she wished, she wouldn’t see him only as a terrible ex-husband.

‘Maybe I can see you from afar sometimes. It’s okay even if you don’t leave a small relationship and completely abandon me. Because then we’ll be nothing to each other.’

Because I, who am nothing to you, will no longer be the husband who despised you and drove you into pain. So, it’s okay to make eye contact a few times, right?

She would send him a nod and pass by, and he would also bow slightly and go his way again. If he could only see her like that, at least the day when Hillend Hall would burn down with him again would not come.

‘Ah, I really hope so.’

She was kind enough to give him a chance to apologize, so she would probably leave a small relationship alone. She would leave a breathing hole so that he, who had lost all ties with her, would not go crazy and die.

“That alone is enough.”

He felt a tightness in his chest. He grabbed a sliver of dizzying hope and plunged his head straight into the cold water.

“Hoo.”

Dihart, who raised his dripping face, glared at himself in the mirror. His red eyes, rough skin, and sunken cheeks were unsightly. He unconsciously tried to bite his lip but stopped.

‘If I want to leave even a small relationship, I have to give a good impression from now on.’

Dihart stared at himself in the mirror with cold, calm eyes and hardened his lips.

He recalled what her tastes were when she was at Hillend Hall. She didn’t really enjoy luxury, and she didn’t have a particular style she preferred. But there was one thing that could give a hint of her taste.

A cross necklace with a blue jewel. The necklace, which he had prepared as a birthday gift, didn’t suit him at all, but it must have looked good in her eyes.

‘Neat and ascetic… is that what she likes?’

Dihart’s golden eyes held a meaningful light. A certain determination was engraved on his face as he picked up a towel and wiped off the water.

* * *

“It’s taking a long time.”

The clock was already pointing to noon. Sebelia turned her head to glance at the courtyard and then turned her head back.

“Is it because of the servants…”

The first floor, which had been noisy for a while after Dihart left, had become quiet. She heard that they had been summoned because Dihart had handed over his schedule to Lady Licia, but she didn’t know what had happened.

‘He seems to have put off work while avoiding me, so I can’t help it.’

It seemed that Dihart would not be able to come back before evening. Sebelia thought it was a good thing that she had gone to the post office and sent a reply to Denisa without waiting for him.

‘Should I organize what I want to say in advance?’

Sebelia took out a blank piece of paper and wrote down the topics of conversation she would have with Dihart one by one. The words written in chronological order, starting from their first meeting, were the resentments she had harbored and the truths she had not been able to tell Dihart.

“Hmm.”

Sebelia’s eyes shone blue as she looked down at the list. In fact, unlike Dihart’s guess, she did not want to completely end her relationship with Dihart. She simply wanted to ‘organize’ how the two people’s ill-fated relationship had been formed.

She had decided to accept both her memories of Weden and her life in Inverness. She realized that the past is something to be accepted and acknowledged, not something to be thrown away, as she had clashed with Dihart several times.

In that context, Sebelia’s words to settle the ill-fated relationship were not ‘Let’s not pretend to know each other anymore’ but closer to ‘Let’s talk together about what wrong choices we made in the past that led us to this.’

Of course, Dihart would not know that.

‘It’s no use just hurting him.’

She had predicted that her resentment would be resolved if she simply shook Dihart and watched him suffer, but that was just a simplistic thought. What Sebelia felt as she watched him collapse and faint was not pleasure but emptiness, and a deeper sadness than that.

“From the beginning, we needed a conversation.”

If they had had time to listen to each other’s stories and the opportunity to understand each other’s positions, things might have been a little different. Sebelia sighed and put down her pen.

So, for the sake of the future, she had to calmly organize the past by revealing the misunderstandings and unspoken truths that had accumulated in the meantime. Only after fully accepting the past could she dream of the next day.

Waiting for Dihart with such a calm mind, Sebelia soon greeted Dihart, who had finished his work at a crazy speed and returned.

“What… what are you wearing now?”

“Don’t you like it?”

Dihart, who had stolen the ceremonial robe that the only high priest in Supredy had been carefully keeping, drooped his eyebrows gloomily.