An Actor Who Has Lived For 10,000 Years [EN]: Chapter 259

259 #47 – Following Instinct (2)

The 10,000 years I’ve lived.

Throughout that long time, I was given a different life every 10 years.

Lives I couldn’t choose.

What age I would enter, what kind of job the person had, what kind of environment they were in.

I opened my eyes without knowing any of that.

Having entered one person’s world like that, I quickly adapted to that life.

As if I had always lived that way.

Living in that body like that, and then realizing I was being punished to live 10,000 years as usual.

I tried even harder to adapt to that body and survive in the world.

I thought I had to be faithful to whatever life was given to me.

Even though I was a soul that would live in that body for 10 years, which could be long or short.

Nevertheless, I did my best in that body.

I adapted to the job faster than anyone else, and I always tried and tried to be the best.

Of course, there were days when I couldn’t do that while living as Jin Hee-sung.

The day I found out that I was living 10 years while being punished for 10,000 years.

At that time, I lived well as usual.

Feeling disillusioned with the reincarnation itself of 10,000 years, and feeling that the last moment was approaching.

There were days when I struggled with pain and helplessness and tried to give up on life.

At the time, that shaky spirit rather helped me play a cruel role in Hollywood.

Except for that time, when I lived ‘sober,’ I acted without any sense of incongruity.

And I struggled to achieve all the small and big goals of that person, that life.

The day I first woke up in the body of ‘Jin Hee-sung.’

Even then, I didn’t reject the job of being an actor.

Not even for a moment.

This body is full of desire for acting.

I had a lot of practice and a love for acting, but I struggled to get out of the dark days as soon as possible because I had camera shyness.

After that, I ran and ran towards the goals I had as an actor.

“But… not anymore.”

I glared at the wine glass in front of me, swirling it around.

The story I shared with Choi Seo-bin over drinks.

That one word he threw at me was like a stone falling into my heart.

One stone made the calm lake of my heart shake greatly.

And it made me think of things I had never thought of before.

As if I had been hit very hard on the back of the head.

To me, ‘goals’ could be said to be life itself.

I didn’t think that the small happiness and joy I felt in life happened by chance.

I thought all those things came to me by achieving my goals.

So I couldn’t help but be obsessed with goals.

There was no simple act or behavior.

The things that happened to me, the actions I took, were just means and methods to run towards that goal.

But Choi Seo-bin’s one word.

‘Live as you feel. Forget about what you want to do, your dreams, your goals, and live as you please.’

His one word suddenly made me think about my goals.

And it was a word that proved my long life of 10,000 years.

I was shocked by Choi Seo-bin’s words, and after that, I pondered and pondered about his story.

“…Bitter.”

After taking a sip of wine, I nodded.

“Okay, I’m going to forget about goals now and just live doing everything I want to do.”

The moment I made up my mind, a smile spread across my face.

“I couldn’t live like that for 10,000 years, so shouldn’t I live like that at least once in Jin Hee-sung’s body?”

Choi Seo-bin’s sincere advice was a great comfort to me.

Although Choi Seo-bin’s advice was limited to the job of ‘actor.’

I didn’t want to confine his story to the frame of ‘actor.’

As soon as I threw away the burden of goals, it felt like the cells inside me started to wriggle one by one.

What I’m drawn to right now.

What I want to do.

What I want to see.

I was thrilled to think that I would do all of that as I pleased, without worrying about connecting it to goals.

I stared at the wine left in the glass and put the wine glass down.

And I jumped up and headed to the dressing room.

I immediately grabbed my coat.

“The first thing I want to do after breaking the mold… I should go out and walk first.”

As soon as I put on my clothes, I opened the door and left the house.

My heart was beating fast, and my face was tense and stiff, proportional to it.

I wondered where I should go.

Before making a decision, I just wanted to walk this road where the sun was setting.

After becoming an actor and gradually becoming famous, when the sun was still in the sky.

I couldn’t go out alone.

I always went out for filming or with my manager, Kim.

I couldn’t even imagine going to a crowded place alone.

When I became a little famous, I went to the movie theater or a crowded street.

At the time, people’s attention and interest were focused on me, so Kim had to come out in the end.

That was natural.

If I felt unpleasant or uncomfortable with that, I wouldn’t be able to live in the entertainment industry.

After that, I had to accept that I couldn’t walk around outside comfortably alone.

But today, I wanted to go out for all those reasons.

The throbbing headache was still bothering me.

At this moment when the belief that I thought was right for 10,000 years was changing,

I couldn’t sit at home in frustration.

I just wanted to move aimlessly wherever my feet took me.

I don’t know where that is.

***

The Han River, which reflected the sunlight dazzlingly.

When that light was gradually fading.

Song Yu-na took a sip of coffee while sitting on the terrace overlooking the Han River.

“The sun is already setting.”

She sighed as she looked at the setting sun.

At that time.

Beep beep.

She received a call from her manager.

Song Yu-na hurriedly answered the phone as if she had been waiting for the call.

“Oh, oppa [older brother/male friend].”

-Yu-na, can you talk?

“Yeah, tell me.”

-I sent you the script that I saw at the company a few days ago. Check it out.

“Ah….”

Song Yu-na let out a sigh as if she wasn’t waiting for those words.

Choi noticed the sound and quickly continued.

-If you need any other scripts, I’ll send them right away. The one you saw last time….

Song Yu-na cut off Choi’s words before he could finish.

“No, oppa.”

-Huh?

“Isn’t there anything else besides that?”

-Another script?

She sighed, feeling frustrated that Choi couldn’t understand her intentions right away.

“…No, you know what I asked you.”

-Besides the script, what else did you ask me….

Choi trailed off, wondering.

“Didn’t someone say that someone was retiring?”

In the end, she asked him what she was curious about.

She spoke indirectly as if it wasn’t Jin Hee-sung.

Choi smiled faintly at her words and replied.

-Ah, Hee-sung?

“Yeah. We’re in the same company, so I need to know the stories of the actors in the company. Someone asked me, but I can’t be like a fool and not know anything.”

-There’s been no news since he said he was retiring.

“Really?”

-Yeah, I think he just told the company, and the company is naturally trying to persuade Hee-sung….

“He didn’t come to the company?”

-I was at the company today, but I didn’t see him.

“What is he doing somewhere….”

Choi thought Song Yu-na’s complaint was directed at him and replied in a flustered voice as if making excuses.

-I… I was working at the company.

“Ah… no, not you, oppa. Anyway, I understand.”

-Then what about the script?

“I’ll contact you again. Hang up first.”

As soon as she hung up, Song Yu-na turned her cell phone over on the table.

“Jin Hee-sung, what the hell are you doing? What’s with the sudden retirement?”

Then she bit her lip and distorted her face.

Her head was full of thoughts about Jin Hee-sung.

She picked up the cell phone that had been turned over and stared blankly at it.

“I told him to contact me when he came to Korea, but I haven’t heard from him yet….”

She clenched her teeth as she thought of Jin Hee-sung.

Even though she expressed her feelings like that in LA.

She didn’t get the answer she wanted from him.

Frustrated, she pressed Jin Hee-sung’s contact information.

But she stopped her finger in the air without pressing the last call button.

“I’m really not going to call you first now. Never… until you come!”

Song Yu-na turned the hand that was about to press the call button.

She took a sip of the cold coffee in front of her and got up from her seat.

She opened the terrace door and entered the living room, leaning back on the sofa.

“But if he’s suddenly retiring, could something be wrong?”

Even after changing places, she was full of thoughts about Jin Hee-sung.

“Yeah, he didn’t look good in the US at that time, and Kim was worried that Hee-sung seemed sick….”

When she thought that Jin Hee-sung’s decision to retire might be a red light for his health,

Song Yu-na picked up her cell phone again without hesitation.

“I’m contacting you because I’m worried as a colleague.”

And soon her finger was pointing at Jin Hee-sung.

The signal rang several times beyond the cell phone.

-The customer cannot answer the phone….

Only the voice guidance came out.

She couldn’t hear the voice of Jin Hee-sung, whom she was worried about.

“What, why aren’t you answering the phone when I call like this?”

The worried heart disappeared in an instant.

Soon, she frowned and pouted her lower lip.

Then, she started sending angry texts to Jin Hee-sung.

-Why don’t you call and why don’t you answer the phone? You said you’d contact me when you came to Korea.

The text message was sent in an instant, and Song Yu-na waited for a reply, tapping her fingernails.

But there was no reply.

She tapped her cell phone again in less than a minute.

-What’s with the retirement? Why are you suddenly retiring?

Several more minutes passed like that.

Jin Hee-sung was still not replying to her texts, let alone reading them.

Seeing that the ‘1’ indicating that it was not read did not disappear, she threw her cell phone on the sofa.

“I’m really frustrated. Why is Jin Hee-sung doing this to me?”

Song Yu-na got up from her seat in frustration.

She calmed her excited heart with deep breaths and looked at the time.

“Should I go to Jin Hee-sung’s house right now?”

But she shook her head.

“No. Am I going again?”

She clenched her fists and leaned back on the sofa.

“Okay, I’m never going this time. I can’t go again because it’s embarrassing.”

She turned on the TV to distract herself from all the thoughts towards Jin Hee-sung.

Unlike her gaze fixed on the TV, her nerves were directed towards Jin Hee-sung.

“Does he even have feelings for me?”

Even when a funny scene came out on the entertainment program, Song Yu-na’s expression was cold.

She only frowned and bit her lip.

At that time.

Ding-dong-

The sound of the doorbell ringing in her house where she lived alone.

Song Yu-na was startled and flinched.

“What, who is it suddenly at this hour….”

She instinctively turned the TV sound to mute.

It was as if she was trying to pretend that no one was home.

Holding her cell phone tightly in her hand, she crept up to the intercom.

“I didn’t order any food, and Choi didn’t say he was coming either.”

Holding her breath, she looked at the person who rang the doorbell through the intercom and covered her mouth.

“What, it’s Jin Hee-sung….”

The man in the screen was looking around with his hat pulled down.

The face looking at the camera was unmistakably Jin Hee-sung.

Even if he wrapped his neck with a coat and covered his mask with a hat, he couldn’t fool Song Yu-na’s eyes.

“He didn’t contact me, so why is he at my house….”

She hurriedly stood in front of the TV and smoothed her disheveled hair.

Then she pressed the call button on the intercom and carefully opened her mouth.

“Who… is it?”

A familiar voice came to Song Yu-na’s question.

-It’s me, Jin Hee-sung.